The most tantalizing FAKE Beatleg ever...

Since I first bought the book, I've found the back cover of John Winn's "Beatlegmania Vol. 3" quite fascinating. It depicts a scan from a 1981 bootleg catalog, detailing the bootlegger's latest release, entitled "The Black Album of Lost Tracks." This is a two-LP set, with what seems to be an utterly impossible tracklist.

You know I love phony Beatles tracks, so I thought I'd reproduce the track descriptions here, and discuss each of them in an attempt to reveal the truth about each... The quotes are taken directly from the ad. The guy really tries to play up tracks to make the package seem legit.

SIDE ONE

1) When I Come To Town (Abbey Road outtake - John & Paul, good mono) - As far as I am aware, this was a bootlegger's false title for Ringo's "Early 1970", as this phrase does appear in the lyrics. I've also heard this as a title for George's ATMP-era demo "Nowhere To Go", which includes the phrase 'when everybody comes to town'. Neither of these songs involve John OR Paul. And we'll get back to "Early 1970" later...

2) I Should Like To Live Up A Tree (Abbey Road outtake - Ringo, good stereo) - Frequent visitors to this blog should recognize this one. The Ringo notation is correct, as this was either a journalist or bootlegger's mistaken title for "Octopus's Garden." I *guess*, given that OP outtakes exist, this is technically possible. (And of course, long after this ad was printed, the folks at Junk Headz slapped it onto a "Get Back"-era John improv with appropriate lyrics, so it could be used either way.)

3) Colliding Circles (Sgt Pepper outtake - John, excellent stereo) - Really? Getting into these ones quick, aren't we? This was a song title fabricated by a fan named Martin Lewis to pad out an early Seventies article in the New Musical Express about the Beatles' supposed unreleased tracks. (Fans would eventually create their own visions of this track however; R. Stevie Moore released a single under this title, and the Beatles bootleg "Relativity Cadenza Vol. 2" contains an outfake of this title, created using trippy Beatle and Rutle samples.)

4) India (Sgt Pepper outtake - George, good mono) - While John would eventually write a song of this title after leaving the Beatles, George didn't.

5) Not Guilty (White Album outtake - original Beatles version, George, excellent mono) - *GASP* Oh my God, a song that actually exists!

6) Sgt. Pepper Medley ("five unfinished cuts from Pepper put together - a fantastic compilation", excellent stereo) - Man, all these supposed lost Pepper tracks. As far as anyone is aware, the only 'lost' Sgt Pepper tracks are "Anything" and "Carnival Of Light"; the other three rejects ("Strawberry Fields", "Penny Lane", and "Northern Song") appeared elsewhere. Besides, what are these alleged unfinished cuts, anyway?? And in excellent stereo?! Damn.

SIDE TWO

1) Oh My Love (Abbey Road outtake - original Beatles version, "classic John & Paul", excellent stereo) - The supposed Beatles version of this is actually performed by a band called the Wackers. So, I guess this scammer could've slapped that one on here, as it was fairly common on vinyl bootlegs.

2) Zero Is Just Another Even Number, or Sgt. Pepper's Dream ("Paul sings lead on this really great Pepper outtake; far better than most cuts on Pepper, this should have been a single", excellent stereo) - Wow, a song supposedly better than most of Sgt. Pepper? Then... why wouldn't they release it? This is actually the first time I've seen "Zero" described as a) a Paul track, as it's usually credited to George, and b) a Sgt. Pepper outtake, rather than an Abbey Road/Hot As Sun track. At least he tried to be original.

3) Annie ("Another top-notch Pepper outtake, could have been a No. 1 single, features John, Paul & George", excellent stereo) - The supposed 'Sgt. Pepper' outtake given this title on old bootlegs is actually "Sun In Her Hand" by a group called Blond. Apparently, there is a Paul song by this title somewhere in the Get Back sessions, but it's nothing more than a brief improv.

4) Step Inside Love (White Album outtake, Paul, good stereo) - Yep, this exists. However, this was likely an educated guess on the scammer's part, as I don't believe this recording was brought to light until the Nineties. There *was* a 1967 demo of "Step Inside Love" circulating on vinyl at this time, but it was atrociously poor mono. But hey, who's to put it past a scammer to embellish?

5) Oh Darling ("incredible 8 minute version") - The eight-minute reel of Paul playing with vocal effects is far from "incredible", so I doubt he meant that one... there may actually be an eight-minute version from the Get Back sessions, though. As a matter of fact, it may have even been edited down for the Anthology 3 version. Don't quote me on that, though.

6) Strawberry Fields Forever ("longer, different version", excellent stereo) - Don't know what to say about this one; there are different versions of SFF, and they are in excellent stereo. I dunno about 'longer' though. I suppose this could be one of the slow, rambling, Mellotron-based takes that ended in little jams.

SIDE THREE

1) Circles & Circles (Sgt Pepper outtake, George with John, "features some fabulous guitar", excellent mono) - Bullshit. The closest to this title would be the White Album-era demo "Circles", which is George and only George, and features organ and only organ.

2) John's Dream (White Album outtake, features Yoko Ono & George on sitar, excellent mono) - Could be a bullshit title, though apparently there is a poor quality outfake claiming to be from the White Album era called "The Dream". I haven't heard this, so I don't know if there are any elements resembling a sitar or Yoko. The only genuine White Album outtake featuring John, George and Yoko (but no sitar) is, of course, "What's The New Mary Jane."

3) Not Unknown (Sgt Pepper outtake, George, "with really strange organ, similar to It's All Too Much", excellent stereo) - If this boot existed, I'd bet any money that this track would be "Only A Northern Song." Not only is that a Sgt Pepper-era George song that features organ and a cacophony of sounds different from, but just as noisy as, "It's All Too Much", but it's working title was the similar "Not Known." A track in no way fitting the scammer's description has also surfaced on Beatlegs, this time being a mislabeled copy of Blond's "There's A Man Standing In The Corner."

4) Heavenly Smiles (Lady Madonna sessions, George, "same far-out organ as on Not Unknown, sounds like bagpipes, this is a really fantastic cut, one of GH's best", excellent stereo) - Now, you know if he plays it up THAT much, it must be a bullshit title. Bingo. Although... "sounds like bagpipes" does fit a George song from the Lady Madonna sessions - but that's "The Inner Light."

5) Four Nights In Moscow (Abbey Road outtake, all, excellent mono) - Kindly consult my compilation entitled "Hot As Sun". Thank you. :-P (Yes, this is "Early 1970" again, and that doesn't feature 'all'; I believe only George had a cameo on that track.)

6) Proud As You Are (Revolver outtake, "Paul ballad, very good", excellent mono) - IT'S JUST FOR YOU! Uh, I'm assuming this was meant to be something different than *that*. This was a title from the Hot As Sun article which, through misinformed '70s Beatle books such as "All Together Now," ended up as part of other eras. Junk Headz (and me) seem to be the first to actually assign a song to this title... but obviously, it's far from being a very good ballad!

7) Here Come The Sun King ("the original, longer version", excellent stereo) - There is indeed an "original, longer version" of Sun King, but it certainly wouldn't be in stereo. John recorded a lengthy, repetitive instrumental version during the Get Back sessions, which later appeared on vinyl boots such as "Return to Abbey Road."

8) Sun Kings ("continuation, mindblowing", excellent stereo) - Your guess is as good as mine.

SIDE 4

1) Rocking Saturday Night (Paul, "from unreleased 1969 Beatles 'Rock & Roll' album", excellent stereo) - Do I even have to mention that neither this song or that album ever existed?

2) Shake, Rattle and Roll ("longer than movie version, from 'Rock & Roll'", excellent stereo) - While the Beatles did cover this in 1969 (and indeed, a longer copy exists than the hackjob on Anthology 3, not that that album would have any effect 15 years prior), this supposed unreleased album still doesn't exist.

3) Yer Blues ("longer, different version", excellent stereo) - Oh hell, it's probably the damn Rock and Roll Circus one.

4) Honey Pie (alternate take, excellent stereo) - A number of vinyl boots did indeed have a supposed 'alternate take' of Honey Pie. It was fake, being nothing more than a fan's bastardization/overdubbing of the album version.

5) Jubilee (original Beatles version of Junk, good mono) - I dunno, was the Esher demo circulating by 1981? If so, then yeah, I'll give 'em this one.

6) I'd Have You Anytime (original Beatles version, excellent stereo) - The Beatles never attempted this All Things Must Pass track as far as anyone knows; not even during the Get Back sessions, where songs like Hear Me Lord and Isn't It A Pity debuted.

7) Sgt. Pepper Jam ("outtake of theme", excellent stereo) - Not unless he skipped about 28 years into the future and got ahold of the multitracks; because while an instrumental jam version of Sgt. Pepper is possible to mix NOW, it wasn't in 1981.

8) All Things Must Pass ("This is NOT the more common version which was a Let It Be film outtake; rather, this is the original Beatles version cut from Abbey Rd.", excellent stereo) - Another lucky guess. As Anthology 3 showed, there was an Abbey Road-era version of this song, but I don't believe anyone knew about it in 1981.

Now, the guy claims to be selling 40 copies of this at $35 apiece. Not too bad. But he claims that the flyer is being sent out to 200 people, so we'd better move fast. This means that he either took people's money silently and just didn't send them anything, or told every person who wanted a copy that they were sold out.

Incidentally, the ad includes another album - a three LP set called "Sessions from Beatles Underground", featuring 12-15 minute session excerpts focusing on "Mean Mr. Mustard", "I Am The Walrus", "Revolution", "Hey Jude", "Mary Jane", and "Blackbird". While such an album would be possible now, there's no way in Hell he could've pulled such an album off in 1981.

The Bee Gees albums.... how many?? (part 1)

Next year, the Bee Gees will be celebrating their 50th anniversary. (Some of you are going "Holy shit, Stayin' Alive came out 50 years ago?") Since their foundation in 1960 (which doesn't seem right, as I believe they started recording demos in 1958 - but this isn't my place to judge), they've recorded.... well, a lot of albums, both as a group and as solo artists.

But it's time to look back and think... just how many albums did these three talented brothers churn out, anyway? The Bee Gees' discography is complicated, because no one has a set opinion on what exactly constitutes their catalog. Does Andy's music count? Does "Saturday Night Fever" count, even though it's not strictly a Bee Gees album? What about the unreleased albums? The Australian albums? The unauthorized third Australian album? But wait, weren't there FOUR Australian albums?

Alright, let's sort this out. Albums with numbers are certainly counted; albums with one question should be counted, but most likely aren't officially counted by the Bee Gees; albums with two question marks are more confusing.

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THE BEE GEES AS A GROUP

[1] THE BEE GEES SING AND PLAY 14 BARRY GIBB SONGS (1965 - Australia only)
The first album, plain and simple, even though it was technically comprised mainly of previously released singles.

[2] SPICKS AND SPECKS (1966 - Australia only)
The second album. Also known as "Monday's Rain."

[??] (THIRD AUSTRALIAN ALBUM?) (1966)
An entire album exists of outtakes from around the time of the "Spicks and Specks" album sessions. Much of this material (save two tracks, which haven't even been bootlegged) appeared on the 'Inception/Nostalgia' collection. However, given the fact that some of these tracks are merely sloppy in-studio piss takes of other artists' songs, it's unlikely that this was intended for release, despite rumors otherwise. Why this even exists as a record is unknown.

[3] BEE GEES' FIRST (1967)
Whoa, wait... it certainly isn't! Well, it was the Bee Gees' first international album, and since they were unknown outside of Australia at this point, no one else would have been aware in the slightest that they had two local albums there. Calling this "Bee Gees' Third" would've been silly.

[?] TURN AROUND, LOOK AT US (1967 - Australia only)
This one's tough, as the Bee Gees seem to ignore it completely, especially since they didn't authorize it to begin with. After the boys had moved back to England, their Australian label released *this* as their third album, despite it containing absolutely no new material - just more as-yet-uncompiled singles and some repeats from "Sing and Play". The status of this rare LP depends on who you ask, really.

[4] HORIZONTAL (1968)
The Bee Gees' second international album.

[5] IDEA (1968)
The Bee Gees' third international album.

[6] ODESSA (1969)
The Bee Gees' fourth international album, and last with all three brothers for a little while. (Note that this was later split into two separate LP's - "Sound Of Love" and "Marley Purt Drive".)

[?] INCEPTION / NOSTALGIA (1970)
A very bizarre release. This 2-LP set of unique material (all Australian outtakes, some of which originally appeared on the mysterious unreleased 1966 LP) was released on Polydor without the consent of the group... but only in Germany and France. The brothers didn't even know about it until they found it in a Swiss record store after the fact. Even still, it is entirely fresh material... but then, the fact that they didn't consent to it probably bumps it from their catalog.

[7] CUCUMBER CASTLE (1970)
Credited as "The Bee Gees", though it isn't really... Robin Gibb was off on his own at this point, leaving Barry and Maurice to create both this album and an accompanying TV movie featuring its music.

[8] 2 YEARS ON (1970)
The group's 'reunion album', featuring the return of Robin.

[??] MELODY (1971)
A soundtrack album, which features one new Bee Gees track (a remake of "In The Morning" from Inception/Nostalgia), a couple older tracks, and some orchestral covers of Bee Gees tunes. Half of the album is completely unrelated to the group. Not quite the caliber of their contributions to "Saturday Night Fever", because their actual work on this soundtrack is limited to one track. If it wasn't for the Bee Gees' official biography "Tales Of The Brothers Gibb" claiming that people commonly mistake this obscure soundtrack for a Bee Gees' album, it wouldn't even be worth a mention.

[9] TRAFALGAR (1971)
[10] TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN (1972)
[11] LIFE IN A TIN CAN (1973)
Standard releases, nothing of note to mention.

[?] A KICK IN THE HEAD IS WORTH EIGHT IN THE PANTS (1973)
And then we hit this one. This LP, which was actually completed and sequenced into a reasonable track order, was recorded as the follow-up to the dull "Life In A Tin Can", but cancelled when group manager Robert Stigwood decided it was 'not worthy of them.' (Being far superior to "Tin Can" in many fans' eyes, Stigwood may have made a mistake.) It may be safe to say that the group doesn't consider a scrapped album, especially one that they have openly dismissed as poor material (....Christ, guys! It has "Castles In The Air", a wonderful song!!), as part of their catalog. The only thing that may change this is if Rhino finally continues their reissue series, and puts this album out once and for all. Time will tell.

[12] MR. NATURAL (1974)
[13] MAIN COURSE (1975)
[14] CHILDREN OF THE WORLD (1976)
More standard studio albums, nothing of note.

[?] HERE AT LAST... LIVE (1977)
This one's tricky. While it is technically part of their standard stream of releases, the group apparently doesn't consider it one of their primary releases, due to it being a live album. We'll leave this one up in the air.

[?] SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER (1977)
Okay... let's look at the facts here. a) The four songs that start this album were intended for the Bee Gees' next studio album, and not a movie. b) More of that studio album was recorded, and not used here. c) Much of the material on this soundtrack is not related to the Bee Gees. d) In spite of this, the Bee Gees are on the front cover, and were given top billing for the film's score. In the grand scheme of things, the Bee Gees are probably given an unfair amount of credit for what is just a various artists soundtrack. Hell, two of their songs are just pulled from older albums. But, the cold hard fact is, to the group's chagrin, this is the album most associated with them. I honestly don't know.

[?] SGT. PEPPER'S LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND (1978)
Yes, the Bee Gees have disowned both this album and the film, refusing to include Robin's hit version of "Oh! Darling" on any of their authorized compilations. However, the group's contribution to this soundtrack is MUCH larger than that of "Saturday Night Fever," with at least one of the brothers appearing on half (or more) of the songs in the two LP set. It is, like SNF, technically a various artists album however, so it's silly to give the Bee Gees full credit, especially when they really, really don't want credit for this.

[15] SPIRITS HAVING FLOWN (1979)
[16] LIVING EYES (1981)
Nothing confusing here, either - just two more studio albums.

[?] STAYING ALIVE (1983)
The soundtrack to the "Saturday Night Fever" sequel. Like its predecessor, the Bee Gees are often given top billing for this soundtrack, despite half of it being by other artists. (This one's only a single LP, so the Bee Gees' five new songs, plus a drastically edited version of "Stayin' Alive", comprise a full half.) It's actually not even certain that these is true Bee Gees music, as Barry is the only member detectable - at this point, Robin and Maurice were actually off working on their own projects, and may not be on these tracks at all. Who knows? Toss this one in the "various artists" pile with SNF, Melody and Pepper.

Alright, so we're to the Bee Gees' Eighties split... and I need to do homework! :-P More to come...

A "Sgt. Pepper" addendum

Just thought I'd mention this as a follow-up to my previous post....

I went to Borders yesterday seeing if I could get "Sgt. Pepper" on DVD for cheap. I couldn't find the musicals section, so I used their computer. When you select a movie on there, it brings up a paragraph summarizing the movie. Here's what got me - their 'summary' of THIS particular movie was basically, in quite a few more words, "This movie sucks, don't buy this. We're not even gonna describe the plot. It sucks that badly."

Geez people! Let it go!

"Sgt. Pepper" - the little musical that should've

Last night I finally stopped trying to resist the urge to dig out my worn, ancient VHS of "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band." (I'd like to upgrade to DVD someday - I heard the picture quality is vastly superior to the VHS versions.) I've lost count of how many times I've seen this movie, but unlike the rest of human civilization, I actually enjoy it. A lot. I can't necessarily explain why but... it's just such a great movie! I mean, it has the Bee Gees! Steve Martin! Peter Frampton! Singing robots! Disco Beatles! How can you go wrong?!

Well...

* There's no dialogue. Well, very little, at least - and all of it comes from George Burns. His narration pops up when you don't need it, and is nowhere to be found when you expect it. (Did you also notice that he tends to repeat himself in the same sentence? He'll say something once, then say it over again, slightly reworded.)

* There's characters named Billy Shears, Dr. Maxwell Edison, Strawberry Fields, Mr. Kite, Mr. Mustard, Lucy (lead singer of The Diamonds), the Hendersons... but hey, "Across The Universe" did it and no one complained, did they?

* Some scenes seem like particularly poor rehearsal footage - "Maxwell's Silver Hammer" especially. I'm assuming they didn't redo it because Steve Martin was only available briefly, but come on... that whole scene's one blooper after another!

* Despite the music being helmed by the Beatles' own George Martin, the arrangements stray quite a bit from the originals. "She's Leaving Home" is sung by robots.

But the hell with all the usual gripes, why is it GOOD?

* The new arrangements actually aren't that bad... "She's Leaving Home" isn't even entirely awful. Hell, I love the 10-minute disco version of "She's So Heavy"; shame it wasn't on the soundtrack like that.

* It's funny! The Bee Gees were known for their sense of humor, and it shows. Just a shame they didn't find the public's reaction to this movie particular funny...

* Billy Preston does the best version of "Get Back", ever. (I don't even care about the usual "why does Sgt. Pepper become a black guy?" gripe - it's not supposed to be the actual person, it's supposed to be the weather vane!)

* Just when you think they can't pack in more random celebrities... AEROSMITH!

* The ending is brilliant - the "Sgt. Pepper" LP cover reenacted with then-current celebrities. And tons of them. (But not including, as popular belief has it, Messrs. McCartney and Harrison.)

* Craterface from "Grease" is in it! Yeah, I know that doesn't make the movie better, but I just noticed that yesterday and was totally surprised. (He's one of the dancers in "Maxwell's Silver Hammer".)

* Peter Frampton! In a movie! No, he's not the greatest actor in the world, but how many times do you see Peter Frampton in a movie? "Almost Famous" is his only other acting credit, to my knowledge.

* It's better than the movies the Beatles were actually in... I mean, come on. "Magical Mystery Tour" was terrible. What the hell was that about? They're on a bus and then they're drunk and then... there's a stripper? Then they're in tuxedos? Huh. Not for me.

* The opening of the movie is just bad-ass. It opens in World War I (complete with period-friendly Paramount logo), and shows the progression of Sgt. Pepper's Band over several decades, with an appropriate rearrangement of the song to match. Then, when we get up to date, the new Sgt. Pepper's Band rocks the house!

* Steve Martin is in it being his regular goofy self. I know that's not so special nowadays, but back then, seeing Steve in a movie was rare. (Y'know, before he was making movies whose main joke was the word "hamburger.")

* It completely sums up rock music at that time. Frampton, the Bee Gees, funk, disco, Aerosmith, Earth Wind and Fire, Alice Cooper... all in one awkward bundle! Just a shame that... you know, the soundtrack album ended up being dumped in a landfill. *sigh*

Seriously, though, give "Sgt. Pepper" a chance. ESPECIALLY if you liked "Across The Universe." Like most things turn out to be (except the 1994 season of SNL), it's nowhere near as bad as legend would have it.

While waiting for Zappa's "Lumpy Money"...

I had an idea, since a lot of people seem frustrated by the delay of Frank Zappa's "Lumpy Gravy"/"We're Only In It For The Money" sessions set...

There's a load of material floating around out there - in the meantime, why not make a (slightly belated) "We're Only In It For The Money" 40th anniversary set to tide yourself over? You'll need the as-nature-intended remastered CD and the 1986 bastardized remix, as well as the prototype version of the album and a number of alternate mixes you should be able to find online fairly easily.

(Yes, it's another DIY one. Sorry - all I need is an angry lawyer-wielding Dweezil on my doorstep!)

This is just my suggested tracklist; if anyone has anything to add or wants to suggest an alternative sequence, feel free.

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DISC ONE

The 1967 Prototype Version
1 Lonely Little Girl / Oh No
2 Theme From 'Burnt Weeny Sandwich'
3 Mom And Dad
4 Harry, You're A Beast
5 What's The Ugliest Part Of Your Body?
6 What's The Ugliest Part Of Your Body? (Reprise)
7 Stuff Up The Cracks
8 Take Your Clothes Off When You Dance
9 Mother People
10 The Idiot Bastard Son
11 Who Needs The Peace Corps?

The Original 1968 Album (side 1)
12 Are You Hung Up?
13 Who Needs The Peace Corps?
14 Concentration Moon
15 Mom And Dad
16 Telephone Conversation
17 Bow Tie Daddy
18 Harry, You're A Beast
19 What's The Ugliest Part Of Your Body?
20 Absolutely Free
21 Flower Punk
22 Hot Poop

DISC TWO

The Original 1968 Album (side 2)
1 Nasal Retentive Calliope Music
2 Let's Make The Water Turn Black
3 The Idiot Bastard Son
4 Lonely Little Girl
5 Take Your Clothes Off When You Dance
6 What's The Ugliest Part Of Your Body? (Reprise)
7 Mother People
8 The Chrome-Plated Megaphone Of Destiny

The Bastardized 1986 Remix
9 Are You Hung Up?
10 Who Needs The Peace Corps?
11 Concentration Moon
12 Mom And Dad
13 Telephone Conversation
14 Bow Tie Daddy
15 Harry, You're A Beast
16 What's The Ugliest Part Of Your Body?
17 Absolutely Free
18 Flower Punk
19 Hot Poop
20 Nasal Retentive Calliope Music
21 Let's Make The Water Turn Black
22 The Idiot Bastard Son
23 Lonely Little Girl
24 Take Your Clothes Off When You Dance
25 What's The Ugliest Part Of Your Body? (Reprise)
26 Mother People
27 The Chrome-Plated Megaphone Of Destiny

DISC THREE

Alternate Versions
1 Lonely Little Girl - single version
2 The Idiot Bastard Son - "Mothermania" version
3 Mother People - "Mothermania" version
4 Who Needs The Peace Corps? - alternate RYKO remix
5 Concentration Moon - alternate RYKO remix
6 Mom And Dad - alternate RYKO remix #1
7 Mom And Dad - alternate RYKO remix #2
8 Mom And Dad - alternate RYKO remix #3
9 Bow Tie Daddy - alternate RYKO remix #1
10 Bow Tie Daddy - alternate RYKO remix #2
11 Harry, You're A Beast - alternate RYKO remix
12 What's The Ugliest Part Of Your Body? - alternate RYKO remix
13 Absolutely Free - alternate RYKO remix
14 Flower Punk - alternate RYKO remix #1
15 Flower Punk - alternate RYKO remix #2
16 Nasal Retentive Calliope Music - alternate RYKO remix
17 Let's Make The Water Turn Black - alternate RYKO remix
18 The Idiot Bastard Son - alternate RYKO remix
19 Lonely Little Girl - alternate RYKO remix
20 Take Your Clothes Off When You Dance - alternate RYKO remix
21 What's The Ugliest Part Of Your Body? (Reprise) - alternate RYKO remix
22 Mother People - alternate RYKO remix #1
23 Mother People - alternate RYKO remix #2
24 Mother People - alternate RYKO remix #3