So, it's apparently my birthday...

Today, I'm 22. I feel old. Especially since I just realized all that I've lived through so far. Some of which I'm ashamed to have witnessed...

* Both Timothy Dalton and Pierce Brosnan's James Bond careers
* The Spice Girls
* New Kids On The Block (y'know, before Donnie Wahlberg turned cool and starred in "Saw")
* The entire Jay and Silent Bob series
* The cancellation, 16-year hiatus, and reboot of "Doctor Who" (I think I managed to live through all of Sylvester McCoy's tenure, which makes me feel REALLY old)
* N*Sync
* Hanson
* The life and death of the Super Nintendo, Game Boy, Sega Genesis, Nintendo 64, Nintendo Gamecube, Sega Saturn, Playstation 1, original XBox, Sega Dreamcast, Atari Lynx, Game Gear, etcetera, etcetera...
* For that matter, the massive popularity, popularity slump, and dissolution of Sega, and the unforeseen passing of Sonic The Hedgehog into Nintendo's hands
* The Simpsons (INCLUDING the Tracey Ullman shorts!)
* The career of Chris Farley
* Two cancellations of "Family Guy"
* Beanie Babies
* Virtual pets
* Pokemon
* Power Rangers

The most disturbing fact is that I suffered through all of the NINETIES, and made it out alive. My word.

"The Addams Family" - greatest video game ever?

Did you ever have a video game that you became so addicted to that no matter how many years passed since you first played it, you just couldn't let it go? I have one. "The Addams Family" for Genesis. And I say the Genesis one specifically, because the other versions of the same game just don't compare. (More on those later.)

I'm not sure how I got into this game - it probably caught my eye during a trip to Giant Eagle, as I remember renting it a ton. I've never actually *liked* the Addams Family movies or TV shows, but the vast, easy to explore world and the curiosity of where the next secret area may be hiding kept me endlessly entertained. I even remember writing a little storybook about it in first grade. (Wonder if I still have that somewhere, lame as it was...)

That's not to say that this was the only game I became mindlessly addicted to... but the other ones lost my interest after a while.* (I don't see myself playing "Forsaken" again anytime soon... but you know, on the other hand, that sounds tempting - I haven't played that in years!) I kept playing "The Addams Family" both on the Genesis itself and, eventually, on a Genesis emulator. Now, fifteen years later, I'm still finding stuff tucked away in there that I never knew about. And because the game *is* so vast and the levels are so varied, I never get tired of seeing them.

(* I should stop for a moment here, because I just remembered another extremely addictive game that I still play - "Toejam & Earl: Panic On Funkotron." The original "TJ&E" sucked in my opinion, but the sequel is one of the absolute best platformers for the Genesis. Shame no one ever seems to know about it.)

Being such a big fan of the game, I've been eager to try out the non-Genesis versions. The Game Boy and NES versions (both retitled "Pugsley's Scavenger Hunt" for some reason - and having no relation to the SNES game of that title) are both atrocious. the NES version especially. The graphics and music are extremely minimal, and several areas have been removed. The SNES version, on the other hand, is worth a look. It easily tops the Genesis version in terms of both graphics and music, using the system's capabilities to give the game a dark, moody, echoey atmosphere compared to the brighter Sega version; but of course, there are trade-offs. The gameplay is more frustrating, particularly the more difficult Wacky Scientist boss and the almost inevitable constant slamming of Gomez's head off the ceiling spikes in the freezer. I also don't find the Crypt levels as attractive on the SNES either; the backgrounds on the Genesis were more colorful and interesting compared to the blander, red-tinted backgrounds here. (On a final note, the game was also released for the Amiga, but I never played that version. From what I've seen, though, it's graphically bland and slow.)

Without cheats, I've gotten my completion time down to around 46 minutes; I'd be curious to see what other people have done, because I'm sure you could easily bounce from enemy to enemy and be done with an area in seconds if you had the practice. I find this to be the most efficient route to take, on the Genesis at least (since the harder SNES Wacky Scientist can be frustrating with only a couple hearts):

• When starting at the Addams Residence, go immediately through the door into the Hall of Stairs.
• Before doing *anything* else, go through the secret door on the bottom left of the Hall of Stairs, and navigate your way to The 1-Up Room. (It's the upper door in The Cloak Room.) You'll score about 25 1-Ups at once, which makes the game incredibly easy. Then, go back to the Hall of Stairs and start the journey proper...
  
• 1) The Big Tree - First heart. (Incidentally, the bird boss doesn't crap at you in the SNES version... dammit Nintendo!)
• 2) The Games Room - Save Pugsley from the Wacky Scientist. Remember, there's a hidden shortcut above the door at the end of the first level.
  
• 3) The Conservatory - In the first level, press the switch so you can get into the walled-off door. In the next area, when you see a door on a platform above you, use the bird to jump up there. You can get the second heart from the Centipedes.
• 4) The Crypt - After the heart, make your way through the Monster Garden and keep progressing through the Conservatory levels. You'll be in the Graveyard shortly - follow it to the Crypt and save Wednesday from the Ghastly Goblin.
• 5) Portrait Gallery / The Library - Fairly easy; four hearts should be enough. Save Fester from the Witch.
• 6) The Kitchen / The Freezer - Go to the left upon entering the Kitchen; you'll find the freezer through the Pantry. You'll find the last heart guarded by the Snowman.
• 7) The Kitchen / Granny's Stove - Now for the most frustrating part of the game. This is to the right in the kitchen; you'll need to find a switch to gain entry to the interior of Granny's stove. The areas inside are vast, but here's a very helpful tip - there's a secret tunnel above the exit to The Oven that will allow you skip several levels. You need to jump in from the ramp. (If you can't seem to get in, go back and hit the switch - it may be blocked.) At the end, you'll save Granny from the Fire Dragon.
  
• 8) The Music Room - Now, you can go through the middle door in the Hall, because Lurch unblocks the path beyond once all family members are safe. Move forward into the last set of levels.
• 9) The Chain Room / The Catacombs / Addams Vault - Navigating your way through the final areas shouldn't be hard; just make sure, in the chain areas, to avoid going down into the Pirahna Tank. At the very end, you'll face the Nasty Judge and free Morticia.

Alright, well, I'm off to look for cheat-free speed-runs. I need some pointers...

(Images from dotsis.com and coolrom.com.)

Rest in peace, "Late Night"

It's 1:58 AM, and eighteen minutes ago, "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" ended its sixteen season run. As a constant staple of my 'past my bedtime' viewing for the past decade, I can honestly say that it will be missed. Yes, Conan is just moving to "The Tonight Show" in June, but it just won't be the same as seeing Conan and the Max Weinberg Seven in that tiny New York studio each night after Jay Leno.

"The Tonight Show" is the big time - the one that people who don't want to stay up *too* late watch. So what will Conan have to leave behind? He already announced that the Masturbating Bear is being retired, which isn't a loss... but I somehow feel that the charm and spontaneity of "Late Night" is not going to make the trip to Burbank. "The Tonight Show" is too classy for its host to take a random audience member on a tour of the building, and steal snacks from the cafeteria for the rest of the audience. You won't see the host, during a writer's strike, take a cameraman through a crawlspace in the studio just to see what's in there, then let the audience dare him into eating a five year old sandwich. At least, I truly don't think you will.

I believe that, despite Conan being its second host, "Late Night" died tonight. Tuning in on March 2nd to see "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon" is going to be like a longtime "Saturday Night Live" viewer watching the season premiere in November 1980. It's supposedly the same show that we know and love, but the familiar faces are gone, and the new ones are paltry replacements. Mark my words; everything that made "Late Night with Conan" a classic will be giggled and mugged away by Jimmy Fallon.

So until June, I'll be waiting anxiously for Conan to return to my TV screen, with hopes that he'll transplant everything that endeared his audience to him into "The Tonight Show"; but I can also assure that from now on, my TV will no longer be tuned to NBC at 12:35 AM. Without seeing a single episode of the new "Late Night," I already know it just won't be worth it.

I dream of Jigsaw.... THANKS, MOM.

Yeah, it finally happened. I finally got the sign that I've seen the "Saw" franchise too much. I had a dream about it.

I was in some warehouse full of traps... I wasn't actually in any of the traps, but other people were. Yes, the creepy man himself was there (somehow *not* dead - I assume my dream took place before Saw 3) and... selling DVD's of his own movie series. Yeah, I didn't get that either. Anyway, the dream ended with me asking Jigsaw if I could have a "Saw" themed birthday party. Man, that'd be sweet... I could just be all like, "I wanna play a game." And weird people out.

But anyway, I'm placing the blame for this bizarre dream all on my mom, without whom I never would have seen those movies to begin with.

A "Sgt. Pepper" addendum

Just thought I'd mention this as a follow-up to my previous post....

I went to Borders yesterday seeing if I could get "Sgt. Pepper" on DVD for cheap. I couldn't find the musicals section, so I used their computer. When you select a movie on there, it brings up a paragraph summarizing the movie. Here's what got me - their 'summary' of THIS particular movie was basically, in quite a few more words, "This movie sucks, don't buy this. We're not even gonna describe the plot. It sucks that badly."

Geez people! Let it go!

"Sgt. Pepper" - the little musical that should've

Last night I finally stopped trying to resist the urge to dig out my worn, ancient VHS of "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band." (I'd like to upgrade to DVD someday - I heard the picture quality is vastly superior to the VHS versions.) I've lost count of how many times I've seen this movie, but unlike the rest of human civilization, I actually enjoy it. A lot. I can't necessarily explain why but... it's just such a great movie! I mean, it has the Bee Gees! Steve Martin! Peter Frampton! Singing robots! Disco Beatles! How can you go wrong?!

Well...

* There's no dialogue. Well, very little, at least - and all of it comes from George Burns. His narration pops up when you don't need it, and is nowhere to be found when you expect it. (Did you also notice that he tends to repeat himself in the same sentence? He'll say something once, then say it over again, slightly reworded.)

* There's characters named Billy Shears, Dr. Maxwell Edison, Strawberry Fields, Mr. Kite, Mr. Mustard, Lucy (lead singer of The Diamonds), the Hendersons... but hey, "Across The Universe" did it and no one complained, did they?

* Some scenes seem like particularly poor rehearsal footage - "Maxwell's Silver Hammer" especially. I'm assuming they didn't redo it because Steve Martin was only available briefly, but come on... that whole scene's one blooper after another!

* Despite the music being helmed by the Beatles' own George Martin, the arrangements stray quite a bit from the originals. "She's Leaving Home" is sung by robots.

But the hell with all the usual gripes, why is it GOOD?

* The new arrangements actually aren't that bad... "She's Leaving Home" isn't even entirely awful. Hell, I love the 10-minute disco version of "She's So Heavy"; shame it wasn't on the soundtrack like that.

* It's funny! The Bee Gees were known for their sense of humor, and it shows. Just a shame they didn't find the public's reaction to this movie particular funny...

* Billy Preston does the best version of "Get Back", ever. (I don't even care about the usual "why does Sgt. Pepper become a black guy?" gripe - it's not supposed to be the actual person, it's supposed to be the weather vane!)

* Just when you think they can't pack in more random celebrities... AEROSMITH!

* The ending is brilliant - the "Sgt. Pepper" LP cover reenacted with then-current celebrities. And tons of them. (But not including, as popular belief has it, Messrs. McCartney and Harrison.)

* Craterface from "Grease" is in it! Yeah, I know that doesn't make the movie better, but I just noticed that yesterday and was totally surprised. (He's one of the dancers in "Maxwell's Silver Hammer".)

* Peter Frampton! In a movie! No, he's not the greatest actor in the world, but how many times do you see Peter Frampton in a movie? "Almost Famous" is his only other acting credit, to my knowledge.

* It's better than the movies the Beatles were actually in... I mean, come on. "Magical Mystery Tour" was terrible. What the hell was that about? They're on a bus and then they're drunk and then... there's a stripper? Then they're in tuxedos? Huh. Not for me.

* The opening of the movie is just bad-ass. It opens in World War I (complete with period-friendly Paramount logo), and shows the progression of Sgt. Pepper's Band over several decades, with an appropriate rearrangement of the song to match. Then, when we get up to date, the new Sgt. Pepper's Band rocks the house!

* Steve Martin is in it being his regular goofy self. I know that's not so special nowadays, but back then, seeing Steve in a movie was rare. (Y'know, before he was making movies whose main joke was the word "hamburger.")

* It completely sums up rock music at that time. Frampton, the Bee Gees, funk, disco, Aerosmith, Earth Wind and Fire, Alice Cooper... all in one awkward bundle! Just a shame that... you know, the soundtrack album ended up being dumped in a landfill. *sigh*

Seriously, though, give "Sgt. Pepper" a chance. ESPECIALLY if you liked "Across The Universe." Like most things turn out to be (except the 1994 season of SNL), it's nowhere near as bad as legend would have it.

Apologies for my sudden disappearance...

I just noticed that my most recent post was on January 5th. The answer for my disappearance is simple - school happened. School has taken up a vast majority of my time.

But don't worry... I'll find time to post something cool soon...