The "Whoomp!" Project - tracks needed!! (updated)

I'm trying to finish a project I've been working on for quite a long time.... just a little throwback to my childhood. I'd like to create a 2-CD set of all of the singles (there were quite a few) released of "Whoomp! There It Is". Go ahead, laugh. :-P

However, I need some tracks that are especially hard to find. Here's the potential tracklist, as well as what I have and still need:

UPDATE (11/3) - Expanded the tracklist, but I have all the new tracks.

DISC ONE
01) Whoomp! There It Is [Original Club Version] - have. This is the uncensored version of the original mix, and is EXTREMELY rare. I found it on a 12" single.
02) Whoomp! There It Is [Magic City Version] - have
03) Whoomp! There It Is [Dirty Acapella] - have
04) Whoomp! There It Is [Radio Edit] - have
05) Whoomp! There It Is [Clean Club Mix] - have
06) Whoomp! There It Is [House Mix] - have
07) Whoomp! There It Is [Clean Acapella] - have
08) Whoomp! There It Is [Instrumental] - have
09) Whoomp! There It Is [WPGC Remix] - have
10) Whoomp! There It Is [KPWR Remix] - have
11) Whoomp! There It Is [Suburban Remix #1] - have
12) Whoomp! There It Is [Suburban Remix #2] - have
13) Whoomp! There It Is [Shake Your Booty European Remix] - DON'T HAVE! This is only on the European "Whoomp: The Remixes" single, which is very, very expensive to buy online. I was hoping someone would already own it.
14) Whoomp! Si Lo Es [Original Mix] - have
15) Whoomp! Si Lo Es [Montuno Mix] - have
16) Whoomp! Si Lo Es [Abanero Mix] - have

DISC TWO

01) Whoomp! Si Lo Es [La Descarga Vocal Mix] - have
02) Whoomp! Si Lo Es [La Descarga Mix] - have
03) Whoomp! There It Is XXX Version [Pimpin' Mix] - have; I debated over including this cash-in by 'Pimp Team' (who AREN'T Tag Team - the vocalist is female, and the lyrics are replaced with a LeWanda Page-ish monologue), but the Tag Team version is obviously sampled.
04) Whoomp! There It Is XXX Version [Pimpinest Mix]
05) Whoomp! There It Is XXX Version [Pimpin' Beats and Pieces]
06) Whoomp! There It Is XXX Version [Pimpamental]
07) Whoomp! There It Is XXX Version [Pimpapella]
08) Addams Family Whoomp [Master Mix] - have
09) Addams Family Whoomp [TV Mix From Master] - DON'T HAVE!
10) Addams Family Whoomp [Extended Mix] - have
11) Addams Family Whoomp [Techno Mix With Guitar] - have
12) Addams Family Whoomp! [TV Mix From Techno] - DON'T HAVE!
13) Addams Family Whoomp! [Extended Techno Mix] - have
14) Whoomp! There It Went [Mickey's Radio Mix] - have
15) Whoomp! There It Went [Instrumental Mix] - have

Okay, I have all but THREE SONGS - if anyone can help me out, lemme know!

A Bee Gees Halloween 2006

Here's a true gem which, sadly, seems impossible to find online nowadays... which is why I needed to share it here! :-)

While I did my best to one-up the bootleg "A Bee Gees Christmas" (my version can be found in one of my first-ever posts on this blog), I had no need to revamp "A Bee Gees Halloween" - a Gibb fan named Visionmixer already took on that task, and did a brilliant job of it! Unlike the original Christmas CD, the Halloween disc was done as a continuous megamix of appropriate Bee Gees tracks. Unfortunately, the final product, created by an anonymous fan, was a bit rough on the editing side. (Having also heard the absolute mess that was the original Christmas CD, this isn't surprising!) Luckily however, five years later, the mysterious Visionmixer released their own version, smoothing out the rough cuts and adding a wonderfully effective layer of creepy sound effects and movie clips.

Sadly, this new version ("A Bee Gees Halloween 2006") doesn't seem to have gotten around to very many people; in fact, the only site I know of that contained the album is now dead, currently serving as a placeholder for some porn outfit. That's why, to usher in October 2009, I'm posting the album here for everyone's enjoyment!

You can grab it here...
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=XZRYK26C

As Visionmixer released the album as one long MP3, here's a handy tracklist for your reference:
01) Creepy Intro [samples from the fan club record "The Rescue Of Bonnie Prince Wally"]
02) Haunted House
03) Moonlight Madness
04) Spirits Having Flown
05) E.S.P. [mashed with "Sweet Song Of Summer"]
06) One O'Clock In The Morning [a remix of "Castles In The Air"]
07) Christian Incantation [a remix containing elements of "Every Christian Lion Hearted Man Will Show You" and "Lion In Winter"]
08) I Held A Party
09) Ghost Train
10) Party With No Name
11) Eaten Alive
12) Giving Up The Ghost
13) The Boogieman [a remix of "Boogie Child"]
14) Tragedy
15) You Wear A Disguise [a remix of "Jive Talkin'", with a bit of "You Win Again"]
16) Dead In The Night [a remix of "Paper Mache, Cabbages and Kings"]
17) Christmas Eve Or Halloween
18) Possession

Please note... there are some very minor digital glitches in here, but nothing that should spoil your enjoyment. Given the extreme rarity of this version (especially since Visionmixer seems to have disappeared from the 'Net), a flawless copy is likely impossible to find.

Enjoy! Oh, and if you're burning this to a CD, lemme know - I'll dig out the cover artwork I made and post it here.

Liberating America #1 - The word "fuck".

From this day forward, I will make it known to the world (well, no, this country specifically, as we are the home of the FCC) that there are NO BAD WORDS, just BAD INTENTIONS. I strongly believe that Kevin Smith was right on this matter.

I can say "fuck" right now, and not mean it in a bad way. I just said it as a generic syllable. Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck. Are you offended?

WHY are you offended? I just made a sound. I might make this sound unintentionally, not even meaning it as a word, and you might raise hell over it. That sound I made resembled "fuck," and although I did not mean it as the word "fuck," it sent off a series of tiny explosions in your brain.

Fuckity fuckleberry. How can THAT be "bad"? I'm not even using it in a context. I'm using that syllable as a source of utter nonsense.

When someone reprimands me for using the word "fuck" (which has happened dozens of times in my life, including this evening, wherein I used it during a college class consisting of what I thought were reasonable First Amendment-respecting human beings), it makes me increasingly angry at how the country of "freedom" is also the country that has most heavily abused non-political censorship. If I said "fuck" in England, chances are a whole lot less people would bat an eyebrow.

The FCC allegedly - ALLEGEDLY - has a rule allowing a late-night to early-morning timeframe during which "fuck" can be used on TV in a non-sexual connotation. That means that I should be able to go on Conan O'Brien, use the word "fuck" as a mere expression or enhancement of a statement, and get off clean, right? That won't happen. That will never, ever happen.

I would like to say that this post was not, at least consciously, a response to a recent slip by an unfortunate comedienne whose name I will not repeat, as I feel it has already been abused enough by the media. Though the public's reaction to the incident angered me greatly (having a personal connection to a previous comedian's much-discussed usage of the word on that particular show, it hit extremely close to home), it is merely another case of harmless language being controlled unnecessarily. Why the controversy? It didn't violate the FCC's alleged rule.

So, I urge everyone... don't let off-the-wall rules allow this country to remain equivalent to a domineering parent. The word "fuck" is harmless unless you MAKE it harmful. If you say "I'm gonna fuck you whether you like it or not", that's crossing the line. You just made it harmful. But "I had a bad fuckin' day" is not harmful. That is merely using the word to enhance the badness of the day. Hardly a statement worth causing a riot over.

And no, neither was "I fuckin' love you for that." Just thought I should mention.

A few words about Richard Wright...

You know, when Richard Wright passed away last September, I don't think I reacted particularly strongly; I think I felt "Oh, Pink Floyd's disappearing on us" (as we lost Syd a few years ago... though some would argue that we lost Syd 40 years ago), and "Oh, I wonder what Roger Waters thinks about this" - referring of course to Roger's longtime dislike of Rick.

As time has passed, I've come to realize that what I've heard people say is true - Richard Wright really was the soul of Pink Floyd. He wasn't just the "silent keyboardist" that I took him to be; the more I examine their music, the more I realize that Richard's contributions are incredibly valuable.

Just some of Richard's greatest hits...

* "A Saucerful Of Secrets" (Ummagumma version) - It may just be that this was one of the albums I owned in grade school, but I feel this particular live version of "Saucerful" to be the definite rendition. The second section ('Syncopated Pandemonium') still drops my jaw to this day, with Nick's rigid drum loop matched by the unearthly roars of Dave's guitar. My true attraction to this track, however, is when Rick's Farfisa organ takes over for the final two sections ('Storm Signal' and 'Celestial Voices'). The latter in particular chills me to this day.

* "Summer '68" - One of the most overlooked songs in Floyd's catalog, this song rests in the middle of the 'Atom Heart Mother' LP. The piano part is pleasant enough but damn, when those horns kick in, you need to crank your speakers up.

* "Breathe" - Richard's contribution to this track seems to be quite ignored, but in fact gave the song a distinctive flavor. Try to play the chords in this song. Notice how strange and jazzy some of them are? Rick came up with those. In the "Making of Dark Side..." DVD, he plays the chords as they were before originally written before he suggested replacements, and the song just doesn't have that same class to it.

* "Us and Them" - While the wartime lyrics are definitely Roger's, the melody is a Rick creation. This song began as an instrumental titled "The Violent Sequence," and was intended for the score of the Italian film 'Zabriskie Point.' However, director Michelangelo Antonioni disliked the track (his same feeling towards most of Floyd's score), so it drifted into obscurity as part of a long instrumental that Floyd slipped into their live shows. Until, of course, the group started putting together their new suite, temporarily titled "Eclipse," which saw Richard dusting off his unloved instrumental for use as the basis of a mood-shifting topical tune.

* "The Great Gig In The Sky" - Obviously, discussion of Rick's contributions to 'Dark Side of the Moon' aren't complete without a mention of this one. A late addition to the suite formerly known as "Eclipse," this song's slot was previously filled by discordant instrumentals and religiously themed sound collages. However, perfection was not achieved until Richard reworked the "Breathe"/"Any Colour You Like" melody into this ultimate musical expression of death, perfectly complimented by the improvised wails of Clare Torry. Love it or hate it (and believe me, I know people that *hate* this song), you'll never forget it.

* "Sysyphus" - Yes, I do realize that the second disc of 'Ummagumma' isn't the most pleasant Pink Floyd product in the world, being a disconnected collection of experimental tracks. However, Richard's "Sysyphus" suite is worth a listen, as its cool mixed-bag nature overcomes its flaws. A fantastic, thundering riff; a pleasant little piano section; interesting synthesizer work; and even a really weird avant-garde bit with weird chipmunk voices. (Not quite as bizarre as Roger's "Several Species of Small Furry Animals..." however!) The live version was even more interesting, as much of it consisted of that thundering riff, starting out weakly, played solo by Rick, and steadily growing to colossal strength.

* "Love Scene No. 4" - A pleasant counterpart to "The Violent Sequence," this is another track from the Zabriskie Point sessions, recorded as musical accompaniment to a scene about, if I'm not mistaken, hippies having sex in the desert. Yeah, it's one of those weird Sixties movies. Anyways, the track was unused, but appeared on the expanded edition of the soundtrack CD. This is mood music at its best - a seven minute slow jazz piece performed solo by Richard on piano. (An unreleased mix adds vibes on top of his performance, spoiling it quite a bit.)

* "See Saw" - Most of the attention paid to side 2 of 'A Saucerful of Secrets' goes to the title track and Syd's insane musical farewell, "Jugband Blues." However, I feel that more attention should be paid to Richard's track, sandwiched between those two. Originally titled "The Most Boring Song I've Ever Heard Bar Two" (no, Richard doesn't seem to have revealed the other two), this simple song of two childhood playmates is rendered just plain creepy by the musical arrangement, especially Rick's wispy organ notes.

I know, somebody was probably expecting me to gush over the musical merits of "It Would Be So Nice"... but, to be honest, no. Just absolutely, positively no. Give me the b-side (Roger's incredibly creepy "Julia Dream" - SSSYYYYYDDD!), and allow me to pass on the a-side with the explanation that even geniuses can make horrible, horrible mistakes. :-P

The 90's - land of a million one hit wonders! (UPDATED 10/13)

I've noticed something about a lot of my favorite songs from the Nineties... the artists faded away shortly after the song I liked. This happened nearly every time. But... they were such great songs!

So here's my goal... to make a list of 50 great one hit wonders from the Nineties. Perhaps I'll find 'em all and post them here in ZIPs when the list is done, for anyone who wants to reminisce. For now, I'm jotting down all the ones I can think of, in the hopes that someone could add to this list. :-)

UPDATED: We finally hit fifty! No help from anyone else, mind you...

Here's what I have so far.

001) The Proclaimers - "(I'm Gonna Be) 500 Miles"

002) Chumbawamba - "Tubthumping"
* other notables: "Amnesia", "She's Got All The Friends That Money Can Buy"

003) Stakka Bo - "Here We Go"

004) Tag Team - "Whoomp! There It Is"

005) Lucas - "Lucas With The Lid Off"

006) 4 P.M. - "Sukiyaki"

007) Nicki French - "Total Eclipse Of The Heart"

008) Kris Kross - "Jump"

009) Stereo MC's - "Connected"

010) Crystal Waters - "100% Pure Love"

011) Los Del Rio - "Macarena"

012) The Rembrandts - "I'll Be There For You"

013) Sir Mix-A-Lot - "Baby Got Back"
* other notables: "Put 'Em On The Glass"

014) Scatman John - "I'm The Scatman"

015) Smart-E's - "Sesame's Treet"

016) Rednex - "Cotton Eyed Joe"

017) 20 Fingers with Gillette - "Short Dick Man" [aka "Short Short Man"]

018) Adina Howard - "Freak Like Me"

019) Snow - "Informer"
* other notables: "Girl I've Been Hurt"

020) Right Said Fred - "I'm Too Sexy"
* other notables: "Don't Talk, Just Kiss"

021) Spin Doctors - "Two Princes"
* other notables: "Little Miss Can't Be Wrong"

022) Billy Ray Cyrus - "Achy Breaky Heart"

023) Gerardo - "Rico Suave"

024) Marcy Playground - "Sex and Candy"

025) Semisonic - "Closing Time"

026) Hanson - "MMMBop"
* other notables: "Where's The Love", "Man From Milwaukee"

027) Deee-Lite - "Groove Is In The Heart"

028) Big Mountain - "Baby I Love Your Way"

029) Wreckx-n-Effect - "Rump Shaker"

030) OMC - "How Bizarre"

031) Inner Circle - "Bad Boys"
* other notables: "Sweat (A-La-La-La-La-Long)"

032) The Rentals - "Friends Of P"

033) 4 Non Blondes - "What's Up"

034) Luscious Jackson - "Naked Eye"

035) B*witched - "C'est La Vie"

036) Deep Blue Something - "Breakfast At Tiffany's"

037) Del Amitri - "Roll To Me"

038) Joan Osborne - "One Of Us"

039) Green Jello - "Three Little Pigs"

040) Harvey Danger - "Flagpole Sitta"

041) Eagle Eye Cherry - "Save Tonight"

042) The Ben Folds Five - "Brick"

043) Natalie Imbruglia - "Torn"

044) Lisa Loeb - "Stay (I Missed You)"

045) Squirrel Nut Zippers - "Hell"

046) Baz Luhrmann - "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)"

047) Vanilla Ice - "Ice Ice Baby"

* other notables: None, really, but I'll give credit to his stupid 'comeback' song about "rolling up the hootie-mack". Just for its usage of the phrase "roll up the hootie mack."

048) Shampoo - "Trouble"

* I have no idea how I forgot this! I actually owned this awful song!

049) Lou Bega - "Mambo No. 5"

050) DiVinyls - "I Touch Myself"

HONORABLE MENTION: The Four Seasons - "December 1963 (Oh What A Night) [Dance Version]"
* Not strictly a one-hit wonder, as they had more than their share of hits in their prime; but this was a mere one-off hit during their brief Nineties comeback.

Well, that's fifty, finally!!

(Incidentally - notice how many of these were either a) used by Weird Al in either a parody or a polka, or b) parodied on Bill Nye The Science Guy...)

Retro Corner: You're Not Supposed To Be Here

Still shakin it, 13 years later...

Okay, I'm not really sure if "Retro Corner" is going to be a recurring post category; if it is, it's basically going to be "old things I typed that some people might find interesting, about stuff that's old."

So, here, uh... here's something for all you old gamers - a guide to all the secret messages in "Duke Nukem 3D", and all the official add-on episodes! This should be everything; unfortunately, though an official add-on, "Duke!Zone 2" has no secret messages. At all. Not in the episodes, at least; I once considered scouring the massive load of user maps included on the disc, and did find some messages... but of course, trying to look through ALL those levels would be far too unwieldy a task.

(Note that times have changed since the DOS days, and so have graphic capabilities. Versions of Duke 3D circulating around the 'Net today have revised graphics, which means that darkness is rendered rather differently than in 1996. Originally, with the Night Vision Goggles, secret messages on dark walls would show up green - an advantage lost on modern-day versions. So, be sure to set your port of choice to a 'classic' graphics mode in order to see the messages clearly.)

=========================================

EPISODE 1: L.A. MELTDOWN

E1M1: Hollywood Holocaust

• 867-5309 - Above a urinal in the bathroom.
• STRYKER METRONET.COM - Inside the rightmost bathroom stall. This was Allen H. Blum's email address at the time; however, there is no "@" symbol in the Duke Nukem font.

E1M3: Death Row

• BEHIND THE BABE - In the jail cell with the babe and the bed (with a secret tunnel behind it) is a small cavern. Duck inside, and turn on your goggles. (This is a clue to an area later in the level, where a girly poster conceals the path to the exit, Shawshank Redemption-style.)

E1M4: Toxic Dump

• HOW DID YOU GET HERE? - Above the starting point are three platforms. The rightmost platform has a secret door on it; the secret message is inside.

E1M5: The Abyss

• GO WITH THE FLOW - Below the starting point is a locked gate, and right inside the gate is a small, dark cul-de-sac. Inside there, this message can be seen with goggles.
• YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE - This message from the Levelord can be seen by finding your way to the volcano, and using the jetpack to get into the tunnel where the shrinker.
• S U Y T - Deep inside the volcano is a secret cave with a dancing girl in it. Look very closely at the right wall inside the cave. (Incidentally, this stands for "Show Us Your Tits"... unfortunately, she won't!)
• DOPEFISH LIVES - On the way to the boss is a long chasm in which you have to jump across pillars. Near the start of the chasm, use the jetpack to float down to the lava. This message (a reference to Apogee's mascot) is at the base of one of the pillars. Incidentally, the N64 version has an alternate message in this area - WOTS YOUR BEEF SPECCY. I found an explanation for this once... some in-joke, but I don't remember exactly what the deal was.
  

EPISODE 2: LUNAR APOCALYPSE

E2M1: Spaceport

• U.S.S. FRAMERATE - Use DNCLIP to go through the window at the start. This message is on the opposite side of the spaceship.

E2M2: Incubator

• 1138 - In the large room near the starting point is a bank of computers with a secret room behind it. In the secret room is a monitor, which holds this message, a reference to the movie "THX 1138."
• 1138 - This number appears again in the bright hallway immediately past the large room, under the large EDF logo.

E2M3: Warp Factor

• BLUM BED CO. - This reference Allen H. Blum is on the back of the bed (closest to the monitors) in the Really Ready Room.

E2M7: Lunar Reactor

• BITE ME - Stand on the toilet in the leftmost bathroom stall, and turn right. The message should be right in front of your face.

E2M8: Dark Side

• JUMP INTO THE MONOLITH - In the room with the monolith (which teleports you to the exit room) is a small box. This message is on the back of it, and is visible with the night-vision goggles.
  

EPISODE 3: SHRAPNEL CITY

E3M1: Raw Meat

• PUSH HER BUTTON - At the end of the first hallway inside the sushi restaurant (pass the girlie poster, which this message is describing), behind the vase, is this message. The goggles needed to view it are right behind the vase.
• PUSH ME - This message, also seen with the goggles, can be seen in the small cabinet in the floating bar.
• NO ONE SHOULD BE HERE - In the room with the exit, DNCLIP through the crack, and walk through the fake Bank Roll. This message from the Levelord is seen where the ATMs should be.

E3M3: Flood Zone

• THE CRACK BELOW - In the first open area of the level, is an underwater crack in the mountainside. At some point, a cave should blow open above the crack. This message is inside, and is visible with goggles.
• ANAAL OOOTHRIC - To the right of the blue key is a little niche with water and steam. This message (visible with goggles) is inside. Incidentally, this phrase means "dragon's breath", and was taken from the movie "Excalibur".

E3M4: L.A. Rumble

• UNDER THE KNIFE - Use your goggles in the dark lobby of the doctor's office.
• YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE...EITHER - Use DNCLIP to pass through the window in the final room, and walk around to the air-conditioning fans. This Levelord message is floating in the air above them.

E3M5: Movie Set

• PUSH THE REGISTER NOT THE SNACKS - Use your goggles in the lobby of the subway station.
• JUMP AT THE EARTH - Enter the small spaceship set, and turn around. Look at the dark wall to the right of the entrance with your goggles. (You may need to step back from the wall - if you're too close, the pixellation of the textures seems to obscure this.)

E3M6: Rabid Transit

• TELLTALE FOOTPRINTS - Walk up the stairway covered with babes and explosives, and use your goggles in the cave at the top.

E3M7: Fahrenheit

• BREAK THE BOTTLES - Use your goggles on the dark wall in the apartment.

E3M8: Hotel Hell

• BEHIND THE FOUNTAIN - Use your goggles on the dark corner wall at the end of the second floor hallway.
• CHECK THE VINTAGE - Walk to the end of the secret tunnel above the second floor aquarium, and use your goggles on the wall to the right of the opening that allows you to jump down into the aquarium.
• DUKE WAS HERE 2017 - This message is inside the dilapidated bathroom stall, accessible from the swimming pool. However, the two rows of text were accidentally squished into one, so what's left of this message is an unreadable blob near the ceiling, which can be fixed with Build.
  

EPISODE 4: THE BIRTH [Atomic Edition add-on]

E4M1: It's Impossible

• ARE YOU SMALL OR ARE YOU CHEATING? - In the kitchen is a small, watery tunnel. Use DNCLIP to follow this tunnel around to the other side of the wall, where this message is hidden.
• LOOKING FOR SECRETS? - Type DNSHOWMAP, then look at the map. Outside of the level are two small, inaccessible squares that are side by side. Use DNCLIP to get into them. This message from a mysterious individual named DUV is on a wall in the square that holds the weathergirl graphics.
• C'MON, QUIT CHEATING - This other message from DUV is in the square next door, which holds the "Mission" text.

E4M3: Shop-N-Bag

• RUN YOUR ASS OFF - Use DNCLIP to get into the crawlspace on the left wall, immediately before the crushers that block the path to the exit button.

E4M5: Pigsty

• OPEN J. DREDD - To the right of the blue key is a small, dark alleyway. This message (a clue to the whereabouts of the secret exit) is inside, on the left wall.
• FISH - Go through the red key door, and look closely at the inside of the left arm of the couch. This word can be seen - a reference to the classic detective show, "Fish".
• B MILLER - On the other arm of the couch is this message, a reference to the classic cop comedy "Barney Miller."

E4M10: The Queen

• TAG IS COOL - Again, you'll need to type DNSHOWMAP and examine the map closely. Quite a bit away from the main level is a small, square room that holds Randall Pitchford's signature. Make your way there with DNCLIP. On a wall inside this room is the final message of the Atomic Edition.
  

VACATION DUKEMATCH [Duke Caribbean add-on]

3: Cruise Ship

• SO...COME HERE OFTEN? - Take the elevator up to the little second floor balcony. Above the Wavemistress logo is an inaccessible platform with a large white tower and a small transmitter. Use DNCLIP to climb up there, and look at the back of the tower.
• CHEAT OFTEN? - The right exit from the swimming pool deck takes you down a ramp, where there is a Conchinator and a "Cha-Cha's Galore" poster. Above and to the right of this is another platform with a white tower and small transmitters. Use DNCLIP to go up there - this message is on the tower.
  

LIFE'S A BEACH [Duke Caribbean add-on]

2: Market Melee

• AKNOT! WOT? - After escaping from the jail cell, go around and behind the Duke Nukem bus. There is a small striped barrier that blocks your path. DNCLIP through it, and continue past the wooden cart to find this message.
• BADABOOM - Across from the store with the ice machine in front of it is a small alley with a huge, recessed "Cha Cha's Galore" poster. Enter the small store here, and press the identical poster within. The large poster now opens, revealing a secret area. Inside, go past the Restricted Area signs, to find an open area with a boat. To your right is a gate to the ocean. DNCLIP through this gate, and turn around; the message is floating in mid-air.

4: The Wavemistress

• SO...COME HERE OFTEN? - See 'Cruise Ship'.
• CHEAT OFTEN? - See 'Cruise Ship'.

5: Lost Lagoon

• STOP CHEATING - From the start, follow the river. Before long, up and to your left will be a high platform with a statue on it. Type DNKROZ (or any other cheat that gives you the jetpack) and fly up to that platform. The secret message is in plain view. (Oddly, the "O" in STOP is missing... and there's a Mr. Splashy head to greet you as well!) Incidentally, you may want to check this out before you go to far into the level - once the bridge to this platform appears, the message vanishes.
• DESTROY THE ONE THAT DOES NOT STAND THE SUN - Do messages get any more obvious than this?? To the right of the blue door (which leads to the strange maze), there is a cramped cave that you have to crawl through. Keep following it - at one point, Duke mentions that there is a clue nearby. On the wall in front of the sunglasses (i.e., the night-vision goggles) is this message. (The same message is there whether it's day or night, by the way.)

6: Voodoo Caves

• YOU PROBABLY CHEATED - Past the red door, you must walk across a very deep canyon. Jump from the bridge towards the waterfall - you want to land in the little pond at its base. Dive under, and pop up on the other side. This message from "Bliss" is seen, as well as a couple health items.
  

DUKE IT OUT IN D.C. [Duke It Out In D.C. add-on]

3: Nuked Files

• DECEIVE INVEIGLE OBFUSCATE - Next to the metro station at the very end of the level is a pile of sandbags that can't be crossed. DNCLIP past this, and turn right. The message is on a large, black wall.

10: Top Secret

• PUSH BILL - Well, alright, this one's not hidden per se. After getting the blue key, jump down to the conveyor belt and follow it through the opening on the right. Turn into the red-lit room, which has a crack that lets you peek into one of the last rooms of the level. On the wall in the red room is this message. (Incidentally, this is a hint to a secret back towards the start of the level.)
  

NUCLEAR WINTER [Duke Nuclear Winter add-on]

2: Where It All Began

• 867-5309 - See 'Hollywood Holocaust'.
• STRYKER METRONET.COM - See 'Hollywood Holocaust'.

Reviewing Michael Jackson (Part 7)

If anyone's felt alienated by six posts about Michael's obscure Motown releases, you should feel right at home now; because from now on, I'm only covering the REAL Michael Jackson. :-)

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OFF THE WALL

Epic, 1979

1) "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough" - Ahhh, now this what I'm talking about! Only seventeen seconds in, we get an "OOOOOOOOOOO!" This is the Michael Jackson I know! Obviously, it goes without saying that this song became one of Michael's classics, and it's not too hard to see why, with its irresistable calypso-tinged beat and memorable video showing Michael breaking completely free of the constraints of his previous releases by showing off some of the dance moves that would soon take over the world. Incidentally, I should point out this song's length - just over six minutes. Unlike the frustratingly short material that comprised his Motown albums, this song actually has a chance to develop and expand into something fantastic.

2) "Rock With You" - Another major hit, showing the King at his disco best. Though quite mellow in comparison to the previous track, this has the same strong ability to make you get up and move. Feel free to sing along as well, because hell, everyone else does! At this point, Michael's voice has more or less fully developed into what it would remain, and it sounds as smooth and clear as ever, even on the higher notes. And who couldn't love that music video, with MJ dancing in front of lasers and strobe lights? Just great, great stuff. (I also highly recommend tracking down Go Home Productions' mashup "Jacko Under Pressure", which flawlessly combines the vocals of this song with Queen's "Under Pressure"... you'd be amazed how emotional this song can become with a simple change of music.)

3) "Workin' Day and Night" - The intro to this track is just mind-boggling... lots of little Michael noises bouncing back and forth across the stereo divide. The calypso influence first heard on "Don't Stop" returns here, in accelerated form. This makes for a slightly frantic track, an effect enhanced by rapid-fire horns and Michael's almost staccato vocals. Dancing to this track just leaves one breathless, and with a feeling of satisfaction never before experienced on one of Michael's albums. Don't let the previous two smash-hit tracks draw you away from this one, 'cause it deserves just as much attention.

4) "Get On The Floor" - This is pure disco, through and through, with simple lyrics about dancin' and romancin', a slap bass, swooping strings, and a generous amount of cymbal. Michael gets a chance to rest his voice after the first three tracks, letting us hear his surprisingly unfamiliar lower register every now and then. I do have a big complaint about this one, however - the mix just has far too much reverb! With headphones, it really does sound like this song's being performed in a dark, empty cave. Between that element and the stereotypically tame disco lyrics, this song's glaring flaws spoil it considerably; but underneath them, a listenable song still manages to exist.

5) "Off The Wall" - What's going on in that intro? Is someone laughing, or tickling Barry Gibb? Anyway... this carries on the themes of the previous song, with its 'get out and party' message. The real highpoints of this song come with Michael's wonderful multitracked harmonies frequently heard throughout. Admittedly, after the great dance tracks that started off the album, this one's a little underwhelming as a whole; but Michael's performance(s) really carry what could've been a badly-lacking tune to enjoyable heights.

6) "Girlfriend" - The pace slows down as the second side begins, with Michael delivering, in his clear-as-glass voice, a lovely little song about how he's been foolin' around with a girl who apparently already has a boyfriend. But he sounds so innocent about it! Wrong, yes... but hey, it's Michael Jackson, so he was probably cooler than the other bloke anyway. Besides, it's got more of those great multitrack harmonies, and the "doo d-doo doo doo" chorus is worth a singalong.

7) "She's Out Of My Life" - Beautiful strings bring us into a sweeping emotional ballad, which proves to be the best of Michael's 'heartbreak' songs. Despite the emotion, the melody has noticeable pop quirks that brighten the mood, if you're able to catch them. (Perhaps this is a clever yet subtle reinforcement of the line about not knowing whether to laugh or cry?) But damn... is he crying for real at the end or just a really great actor? Brilliant touch, there. The music video is nice as well, if you can find it; oddly, it was never released on a video or DVD as of yet.

8) "I Can't Help It" - Continuing what seems to be the 'slow side' of the album, this song starts out with a strange intro, heavy on reverb and an almost creepy bass melody. The odd feel never quite rights itself either, resulting in what sounds like a love song from another planet... a mood made even stranger by the awkward, monosyllabic "I - can't - 'ellllp - it!" chorus. All in all, this track is a failed experiment-slash-echoey muddle that spoils any meaning the lyrics may have been meant to convey. An uncharacteristic dip in an otherwise great album.

9) "It's The Falling In Love" - The tempo picks up again with a disco track that, despite its formulaic nature (there's a strong sense of "I think I've heard this song on the radio before"), happens to be very entertaining. Michael contributes to this more than anything else; while the music is inspired cymbal-driven disco worth attention on its own, Michael's trademark wavering voice and unexpected drop in and out of a low note in the phrase 'being in love' are the most ear-catching elements of the track.

10) "Burn This Disco Out" - As one could figure out from the title, the album closes with another uptempo disco track; and while it is a great high-energy song, its similarities to "Don't Stop" and "Rock With You" are a little too noticeable. It manages to rise above this flaw, however, as Michael twists the lyrics into a whole load of fun, tripping down the decending melodies of the verses like a Slinky on stairs, and giving the illusion of multiple vocalists on the choruses by alternating between high falsetto and his very rarely heard deep register. The ending is fantastic as well, as all of his various vocal lines alternate with each other in an exhilarating fashion. A very entertaining finale to a very entertaining record.

This album truly did mark the birth of the King of Pop, and though he still had yet to reach the almighty heights he would firmly grasp with his next two major albums, the signs of growing brilliance are still quite evident throughout this record. While many have likely paid little attention to what lay beyond the first two tracks, the remainder of the album (with the exception of the truly bizarre "I Can't Help It") holds just as much listenability. Not a perfect disc, but damn good nonetheless. (8 / 10)