Why Sonic sucks now - an observation.

(Also known as "Le Horrible Destin d'Sonique le Hedgehog.")


Something occurred to me last night.

I think I've actually realized a reason Sonic the Hedgehog lost popularity - and the answer isn't just "Uh, 'cause every Sega console post-Genesis was garbage." Basically, it all comes down to the fact that people just can't cope with change - and this change was specifically brought about by the unavoidable switch to 3D. No matter the difficulty of any level in a standard 2D Sonic game, the strategy was always dead simple: always head to the right and you'll get out.

While some very rare occasions changed this (Scrap Brain 3 in "Sonic 1" requires you to exit upwards, but given that you're presented with about seven springs in a row, if you can't figure that out, you don't deserve to be playing the game in the first place), the exit has ALWAYS been located at the rightmost point of the level. Some levels were linear and kept pushing you in the right direction, but in levels that made you go to the left or up or down, your first instinct was always to get to a place where you could go right again. There weren't even secret exits off the beaten path - there was *one* signpost (or boss), and it was always at the far right of the area.

But when did this simplistic design all start to go downhill? "Sonic 3D Blast." The comfortable, 2D view of the right side of Sonic was replaced by an awkward 3/4 view (ooh, Graphic Design term!), and the exit was SOMEWHERE in this polygonal, blocky area... but where exactly it was wasn't at all clear, because *it wasn't to the right*. Not only that, but most exits weren't even exits - most just took you elsewhere in the level, thus rendering our handy, lone signpost obsolete. Oh, and you couldn't just happily prance your little blue self through these exits - you went through when you were *allowed* to go through. Unless you made buddies with a bunch of little annoying birds, the exit was useless.

It shouldn't come as a surprise that the most popular Sonic games nowadays aren't fancy 3D ones where Sonic turns into a werewolf (oh, I'm sorry, "werehog"), or those dark, emo Shadow the Hedgehog things... they're games like "Sonic Advance" and "Sonic Rush". Why? Because *those* are the types of games we're used to! Sonic runs in a straight line and the exit is at the far right! They throw as many gimmicks in there as possible (one of the "Sonic Advance" games has a level made of musical instruments that play when you touch them, for instance), but no matter how many gimmicks they throw in, the exit is at the far right. You can *never* say that you're permanently lost, because you know how to get out before you even see the level!

OK, case in point - the one Sonic level that the most people claim to get lost in is Sandopolis 2, in "Sonic and Knuckles." It's dark, it's vast, it's frustrating - and there's incredibly irritating ghosts. And what part of that level do people complain about the most? The section where you have to jump from one sand slide to the other. People don't know what to do. But look closely, because the answer is obvious: the slide you start out on takes you nowhere, because it's taking you *to the left*. The slide that actually advances you in the level takes you *to the right*. Don't slide back and forth for ten minutes and get frustrated (which happens) - get on the one that's going to the right! You should know by now that no matter what obstacles lie beyond the end of that slide, the exit will be obvious at some point if you just keep going in that direction. It's not going to change - even the upside down level (Death Egg 2), despite often making you go to the left, ends to the right.

So in a nutshell, a reason so many post-"Sonic and Knuckles" games are just considered crap on ice are because they frustrate us, all because they break one very simple convention. We want to go right, not 160 degrees to the left, over a building, through a loop, 75 degrees right, over a tree, etcetera, etcetera. Keep Sonic's blue ass out of view and keep him facing sideways!

That's my two cents.

(D/L) The Rutles - a few tracks to download...

I got a request to post some of the trickier tracks to find from my DIY Rutles compilation, so here they are in one ZIP...

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=8OQZ6HQZ

* Cheese And Onions (Nasty live on SNL, 1977)
* Fallen Arch Angel ('Let It Rot' outtake, according to the "Last Tea Party Tapes" bootleg)
* I Must Be In Love (Dirk McQuickly live, 2000 - I forgot to add this to the tracklist, but I thought someone might want it)
* Shangri-La (single edit)
* The Rutles Movie Medley

Unfortunately, I only had these (except "Cheese and Onions") in MP3 quality, but they sound alright. I ripped C&O from the SNL Second Season boxed set.

The Compleat Rutles - the boxed set that wasn't (revised)

In the vein of the DIY Spinal Tap compilation I posted about a while back, I thought I'd share the tracklist for another DIY compilation... incidentally, also centered around a nonexistent band. :-)


To celebrate the 30th anniversary of the classic TV movie "The Rutles: All You Need Is Cash," the fictional story of England's OTHER legendary foursome, I was going to put together a boxed set called 'The Compleat Rutles,' compiling each and every existing track I could find, arranged in 'chronological order' based on information taken directly from their fictional backstory. I had just intended to circulate it as a trade-only thing, but unfortunately, people a little too close to the Neil Innes camp (Neil wrote all of the material, and sang much of it as well) caught wind of it and demanded that I stop working on it. So, before the 30th anniversary year ends in a couple weeks, I thought I'd release the tracklist for anyone interested in putting together their own copy. The first information after the track title is the fictional recording information about the track; the second information (if necessary) is real-life info about what exactly the track is so you can find it for yourself. So here we go...

DISC ONE: 1960-1964
------------------------
01) GOOSE STEP MAMA (the Silver Rutles demo sessions, 1960 / from "The Rutles" soundtrack)
02) GOOSE STEP MAMA (take 1 from the Decca audition, 1962 / from the "Sweet Rutle Tracks" bootleg)
03) NOW SHE'S LEFT YOU (take 1 from the Decca audition, 1962 / from the "Sweet Rutle Tracks" bootleg)
04) NOW SHE'S LEFT YOU (take 1, 1996 remix / from "Archaeology")
05) NUMBER ONE (take 1, 1962 / from the "Sweet Rutle Tracks" bootleg)
06) NUMBER ONE (take 2, 1962 / from the "Sweet Rutle Tracks" bootleg)
07) NUMBER ONE (released as a single, 1962 / from "The Rutles" soundtrack)
08) BABY LET ME BE (take 2, 1963 / from the "Sweet Rutle Tracks" bootleg)
09) BABY LET ME BE (take 3, 1963 / from the "Sweet Rutle Tracks" bootleg)
10) BABY LET ME BE ("Twist and Rut" EP, 1963 / from "The Rutles" soundtrack)
11) BLUE SUEDE SCHUBERT (take 1, 1963 / from the "Sweet Rutle Tracks" bootleg)
12) HOLD MY HAND INTRO (from the BBC TV's "Rutland Sound", 1963 / from the LP version of "The Rutles" soundtrack)
13) WITH A GIRL LIKE YOU (Royal Variety Performance, 1963 / from the TV film)
14) HOLD MY HAND ("Meet The Rutles", 1963 / from "The Rutles" soundtrack)
15) BLUE SUEDE SCHUBERT ("Meet The Rutles", 1963 / from "The Rutles" soundtrack)
16) BABY S'IL VOUS PLAIT (take 1, 1964 / from the Japanese version of "Archaeology")
17) HOLD MY HAND (live on Ed Sullivan, 1964 / from the TV film)
18) I MUST BE IN LOVE (take 3, 1964 / from the "Sweet Rutle Tracks" bootleg)
19) BETWEEN US (take 1, 1964 / from the "Sweet Rutle Tracks" bootleg)
20) BETWEEN US (take 2, 1964 / from the "Sweet Rutle Tracks" bootleg)

DISC TWO: 1964-1967
--------------------------
01) I MUST BE IN LOVE (single, 1964 / from "The Rutles" soundtrack)
02) I MUST BE IN LOVE (raw mime track for "Rutland Night Out" TV show, 1964 / from the Japanese CD of the Idle/Innes "Rutland Weekend Songbook" album)
03) I MUST BE IN LOVE (live with mime track for "Rutland Night Out", 1964 / from the Idle/Innes "Rutland Weekend Songbook" album)
04) WITH A GIRL LIKE YOU ("A Hard Day's Rut", 1964 / from "The Rutles" soundtrack)
05) BETWEEN US ("A Hard Day's Rut", 1964 / from "The Rutles" soundtrack)
06) LIVING IN HOPE (take 2, 1964 / from the "Sweet Rutle Tracks" bootleg)
07) LIVING IN HOPE ("Rutles For Sale", 1964 / from "The Rutles" soundtrack)
08) IT'S LOOKING GOOD (take 1, 1965 stereo mix / from the Japanese "Archaeology")
09) IT'S LOOKING GOOD (take 1, 1982 mono mix / from the "Sweet Rutle Tracks" bootleg)
10) OUCH! (single, 1965 / from "The Rutles" soundtrack)
11) IT'S LOOKING GOOD (live at Che Stadium, 1965 / from the TV film)
12) SONG O' THE CONTINUITY ANNOUNCERS (Dirk on BBC TV's "Not Also, But Only", 1965 / from the "Rutland Weekend Songbook" album)
13) IT'S LOOKING GOOD ("Rutle Soul", 1965 / from "The Rutles" soundtrack)
14) PLENTY OF TIME (take 1, 1966 / from the "Sweet Rutle Tracks" bootleg)
15) TESTING ONE-TWO (1966 Christmas EP / from "Rutland Weekend Songbook")
16) DOUBLEBACK ALLEY (take 2, 1967 / from the "Sweet Rutle Tracks" bootleg)
17) DOUBLEBACK ALLEY (single, 1967 / from "The Rutles" soundtrack)
18) GOOD TIMES ROLL (take 1, 1967 / from the "Sweet Rutle Tracks" bootleg)
19) GOOD TIMES ROLL (remake attempt, 1967 / "The Children Of Rock 'N' Roll" from the "Rutland Weekend Songbook" album)
20) GOOD TIMES ROLL ("Sgt. Rutter's Only Darts Club Band", 1967 / from "The Rutles" soundtrack)
21) NEVERTHELESS ("Sgt. Rutter's Only Darts Club Band", 1967 / from "The Rutles" soundtrack)

DISC THREE: 1967-1969
----------------------------
01) LOVE LIFE (take 1, 1967 / from the "Sweet Rutle Tracks" bootleg)
02) LOVE LIFE (take 2, 1967 / from the "Sweet Rutle Tracks" bootleg)
03) LOVE LIFE (live on the "Our World" telecast, 1967 / from the TV film)
04) LOVE LIFE (single, 1967 / from "The Rutles" soundtrack)
05) PIGGY IN THE MIDDLE (take 6, 1967 / from the "Sweet Rutle Tracks" bootleg)
06) PIGGY IN THE MIDDLE (single, 1967 / from "The Rutles" soundtrack)
07) MY LITTLE UKELELE (1967 Christmas EP / from the Japanese "Archaeology")
08) CHEESE AND ONIONS (take 4 - film mix, 1968 / from the TV film)
09) WE'VE ARRIVED (take 1, 1968 / from the "Sweet Rutle Tracks" bootleg)
10) WE'VE ARRIVED (take 2, 1968 / from the "Sweet Rutle Tracks" bootleg)
11) WE'VE ARRIVED (take 1, 1996 remix / from "Archaeology")
12) WE'VE ARRIVED (take 2, 1996 remix / from "Archaeology")
13) ANOTHER DAY ("The Shite Album", 1968 / from "The Rutles" soundtrack)
14) CHEESE AND ONIONS ("Yellow Submarine Sandwich", 1969 / from "The Rutles" soundtrack)
15) FALLEN ARCH ANGEL (from the "Get Up And Go" sessions, 1969 / from the "Rutland Weekend Television" TV show)
16) GET UP AND GO (take 236, 1969 / from the "Sweet Rutle Tracks" bootleg)
17) GET UP AND GO (take 237, 1969 / from the "Sweet Rutle Tracks" bootleg)
18) GET UP AND GO (live on the Rutle Corps rooftop, 1969 / from the TV film)
19) TODAY IS OUR WEDDING DAY (Dirk home demo, 1969 / from the TV film)
20) GET UP AND GO (single, 1969 / from "The Rutles" soundtrack)
21) LET'S BE NATURAL ("Shabby Road", 1969 / from "The Rutles" soundtrack)
22) LULLABY (Nasty home demo, 1969 / from the Japanese "Archaeology")

DISC FOUR: 1969-2007
---------------------------
01) MAJOR HAPPY'S UP AND COMING ONCE UPON A GOOD TIME BAND (the Rutles' unreleased 1969 album / "Archaeology")
02) RENDEZVOUS (the Rutles' unreleased 1969 album / "Archaeology")
03) QUESTIONNAIRE (the Rutles' unreleased 1969 album / "Archaeology")
04) LONELY-PHOBIA (the Rutles' unreleased 1969 album / "Archaeology")
05) HEY MISTER! (the Rutles' unreleased 1969 album / "Archaeology")
06) EASY LISTENING (the Rutles' unreleased 1969 album / "Archaeology")
07) THE KNICKER ELASTIC KING (the Rutles' unreleased 1969 album / "Archaeology")
08) I LOVE YOU (the Rutles' unreleased 1969 album / "Archaeology")
09) EINE KLEINE MIDDLE KLASSE MUSIK (the Rutles' unreleased 1969 album / "Archaeology")
10) JOE PUBLIC (the Rutles' unreleased 1969 album / "Archaeology")
11) CHEESE AND ONIONS (Nasty live on SNL, 1977 / "Saturday Night Live: The Complete Second Season" DVD set - the same episode also includes "Shangri-La", but it's the original Neil Innes version, as the Rutleized version was still years away)
12) UNFINISHED WORDS (unreleased Nasty track from c. 1978, completed in 1996 / "Archaeology")
13) GING GANG GOOLIE (Dirk and Stig single a-side, 1978 - this is actually real. The tracks have been bootlegged a few times; I recommend looking for the boot "Sgt. Rutter's Only Darts Club Band", where they appeared in great quality.)
14) MR. SHEENE (Dirk and Stig single b-side, 1978)
15) THE RUTLES MOVIE MEDLEY (single, 1982 / this one seems to pop up on Peer-to-Peer, but I'll post it on here if anyone needs it)
16) UNDER MY SKIN ("Archaeology" outtake, 1996 / from the 2007 reissue of "Archaeology")
17) SHANGRI-LA (edit from "Shangri-La" single, 1996)
18) SHANGRI-LA ("Archaeology", 1996)
19) DON'T KNOW WHY ("Archaeology", 1996)
20) BACK IN '64 ("Archaeology", 1996)
21) RUT-A-LOT (from the 2007 reissue of "Archaeology")

Phew! Hell of a lot of output for a Beatles parody! :-D

Late night rambles #1

It's 2:01 AM, and I'm not particularly tired, and I don't particularly want to try and force myself to sleep, so I thought the best thing to do would be to just spew out whatever random thoughts might occur to me. :-)

* I'm listening to "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" for probably the 550th time in my life, this time because it happened to be on my iTunes... two things occurred to me. One, that this would make great music to accompany some sort of large-scale police bust of a psychopath in a movie; and two, that it's already been done. (I was momentarily unaware that I pretty much pictured the ending to the late Eighties "Silence Of The Lambs" prequel, "Manhunter." There's a big scene where the crazy guy roughs up a blind girl to the accompaniment of "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" while the cops surround his house.)

* Anyone who hated Chumbawamba because of "Tubthumping" could potentially find more fodder for their hatred - they covered "The Chicken Dance." And I don't mean that I was on Limewire and found a mislabeled cover version claiming to be by Chumbawamba; I mean, they actually covered it. I don't know why. Of course, since they're English, it wasn't "The Chicken Dance," it was "The Birdy Song." Either way, I want to see a group of aging anarchists flap their arms and shimmy! Speaking of Chumbawamba... I wasn't aware until recently that, after their stint as 'one hit wonders' in America (I still hate calling them that, it's so cruel), they came back a couple years later and tried to have another go with "She's Got All The Friends That Money Can Buy," another song in the "Tubthumping"/"Amnesia" mold. It did nothing. It was the equivalent of Tag Team's "U Go Girl" - same formula, unimpressed audience. (In the opinion of this particular Chumbawamba obsessive, its source album, "WYSIWYG," wasn't that great to begin with. It's cliche to say it, especially in the US, but "Tubthumper" did just happen to be one of their best albums.)

* I've heard it said that you have to be gay to appreciate Abba. If you think that, fuck you. You know why? "Take A Chance On Me." Great song. Besides, Anna-Frid (the brunette) was hot. I know, most people like Agnetha, the blonde; but Anna-Frid has that classic Seventies hot English girl look. Which is odd, because she's Swedish. Come to think of it, the brunette in Ace Of Base was pretty good looking too. What ever happened to Ace Of Base anyway? I mean, I couldn't stomach most of their songs, but still... they fell off the American map pretty fast. They did have one song that I really do like, though - "The Juvenile", originally written as "The Goldeneye." (Guess which movie it was written for! Didja didja?!) Buuut, it was on an album that came out long after "The Sign" did, so no one heard it.

* Are film companies stupid? I mean, seriously... they're supposedly deadset against movie piracy, obviously equating piracy with some guy sneaking a Digicam into a theater. However, they also distribute screener DVD's, with brand new films in crystal clear quality. It's unreasonable to think that not *one* of these screeners will fall into the hands of an everyman with access to either P2P or BitTorrent. They do. Sure, I mean, they've tried copy-protected screeners (I believe one of the recent Bonds came on a self-destructing disc... "Die Another Day", I believe?), but that seems to be very rare. Just a thought... I just don't understand how the entertainment industry works sometimes. Like, for example, Weird Al's "Straight Outta Lynwood." Hell was raised because his previous album "Poodle Hat" leaked a couple days in advance by some hooligans, but then "SOL" came out as a promo at LEAST a month before the commercial release. Most of us at weirdalforum at it long before it hit stores. (Don't get uppity at me, I bought the damn thing the day it came out, too.) My point of this whole long paragraph? STOP PROMO COPIES! YOU'LL PREVENT LEAKS! That applies to both the movie and music industries! If you don't put it out half a year in advance, no one can steal it!

* That's right, I never finished reviewing the Jay and Silent Bob series... I should, I'm long done with them. I dunno when I'll get around to it, but I'll say this - "Clerks II" really stands up well on its own, or just as a sequel to one film; but when you watch the Askewniverse series in order, it's such a huge anticlimactic ending. But I really enjoy it on its own. Kind of like "Smile" within the rest of the Beach Boys canon... on its own, it's a masterpiece. But in between the rest of their albums, it sticks out like a sore thumb.

* Why do people associate the Bee Gees with "Stayin' Alive" and ONLY "Stayin' Alive"? That always bugged the crap out of me. I mean, as a group and as solo artists, they've churned out fifty albums, and have composed over a thousand songs... and people only remember them for a song in a raunchy movie that wasn't even on any of their albums?! It also bugs the crap out of me that they're only remembered as "that disco group", when their disco period was short lived. (All of their truly 'disco' output falls between 1975 and 1979. Not a big chunk of a career that lasted from 1958 to what, 2001?)

* For "Doctor Who" fans... did you ever notice how all the best black and white stories are the ones that were burnt? I'm not being snide or anything, I'm serious - look at the missing Patrick Troughton stories alone. "The Macra Terror," "The Faceless Ones," "The Power Of The Daleks," and the repeatedly-mentioned "Fury From The Deep" are all missing. And all are absolutely awesome, if reconstructions tell us anything. (Which, given the accuracy of Loose Cannon's output, they should.) But look at the Troughton stories that still exist - "The Dominators," "The Ice Warriors" (okay, so it's kind of missing), "The Krotons"... weird, trippy garbage. "The Krotons" is like the Doctor Who story they wrote on acid. Even William Hartnell, who has more surviving episodes, is without his supposed best stories - "The Daleks' Master Plan" for instance. A twelve (or thirteen, depending on what you count) episode epic that was pure awesomeness. I mean, what other story ended with characters running through a forest, aging to death?! We might never see that scene in moving form. Thanks a lot, the BBC's Pamela Nash.

* Did anyone actually *own* a Sega CD? I know one person that actually did, but it seems to have been extremely unpopular. Shame... I mean, it did have "Sonic CD" for it... which, admittedly, I haven't played much of, but come on, it has the "Sonic Boom" song!

Okay, my laptop battery is running out... I should go. :-)

Frank Zappa - a genius beyond music.

I most likely won't do this often, but for once, I'd like to make a post where someone *else* has the floor. In this case, it's Frank Zappa.

While Frank's music is an acquired taste that not everyone "gets", one thing that can't be denied is how obviously intelligent the man was. This is a great interview I just found, which is still relevant today... Frank gives us a runthrough of his knowledge about topics such as nuclear warfare and AIDS.



I also find this one particularly interesting... this is a very different sort of interview, done by the Today Show in 1993 with a bearded, terminally ill Frank. The rather professional-looking interviewer seems completely fascinated by him. :-)

For RHPS fans - Magenta wallpaper!

This is an idea I've had floating around in my head for a while, and over the last day or so put together on the PC. I decided to pay tribute to everyone's favorite domestic by creating a homemade wallpaper to share with my fellow RHPS fans. :-)

You can get it here....
http://steveworek.deviantart.com/art/Love-Magenta-104422404

Click "Download" on the left side to view the entire 1400x900 image. It's formatted for widescreen monitors, but I'll gladly take requests for a standard-screen version. Comments are appreciated!

Reviewing the Askewniverse (part 4 of 7)

Alright, here we go again; while I haven't had time to review everything, I have continued my trek through the lives of Jay and Bob, so I'll be posting multiple reviews in the coming days. For this one, I had to jump back a little bit, and pick up from where my previous review left off...


For my next stop through the wonderful world of Kevin Smith, I revisited what will undoubtedly remain the most controversial film of his career: "Dogma," a religious satire that not only led to protest groups (one of which was attended by a not particularly incognito Kevin Smith), but also an avalanche of hate mail directed to the View Askew offices. Was it worth all that? Well... it is a movie with a rubber poop monster.

Personally, "Dogma" isn't one of my favorite Askew movies; not because I find its messages to be offensive (in fact, I agree with pretty much everything it has to say), but because I think this film marked the beginning of the Askewniverse's downward slide into juvenile humor that snowballed (no pun intended) throughout the "Clerks" cartoon and climaxed with "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back." Fortunately, however, the juvenile humor such as the aforementioned poop monster is actually nicely balanced by a hearty dose of very intelligent humor - so intelligent, in fact, that the film may actually require two or three viewings before its elaborate religious explanations are fully comprehended. More than anything, it is safe to say that Kevin obviously did his homework, providing an understandably controversial yet perfectly reasonable view of Christianity. For example, take the story of Jesus's unspoken siblings. Smith offers us the very plausible theory that Jesus could very well have had siblings, because Mary and Joseph were married - and though Mary was a virgin at the time of Christ's conception, it would be silly to think that a marriage would go on to span entire decades without procreation. More close-minded viewers would surely dismiss that theory because it hasn't been spoken by the Church; but for those daring enough to dive below the rose-tinted surface of religious education, it is certainly worth pondering.

In terms of actors, "Dogma" expands the View Askew family with several notable names - primarly, the brilliant Alan Rickman, Chris Rock, and Salma Hayek. (While I regrettably haven't seen Alan in another film, his strong performance in this film has certainly inspired me to look deeper into his career. From what I've heard, I understand that "Die Hard" should be my next stop?) Another welcome addition, and one that has since made a return appearance in Kevin's work (appearing as a teacher in "Jersey Girl"), was the briefly-seen but nonetheless surprising Betty Aberlin. Being a Pittsburgh native, seeing Betty outside of her usual environment of the Neighborhood of Make Believe is always humorous, because my lifetime of watching the Cardigan Sweatered One has conditioned me to view the former Lady Aberlin a bit narrow-mindedly; but her two appearances so far have been pleasant, so I hope she comes back in the future. (Besides, where else can you see the characteristically mellow Betty as a drunken nun?!) Last but not least, "Dogma" marked the Askewniverse debut of controversial recording star and "You Can't Do That On Television" cast alumnus, Alanis Morissette. Nowadays, the preferred theatrical depiction of God seems to be that of Morgan Freeman, whose commanding presence was the centerpiece of both "Bruce Almighty" and its sequel; but the Alanis version still remains a hilarious alternative. Certainly everyone would love to be greeted in the afterlife by a silent pixie that randomly stands on her head, right? :-)

Praise aside, however, I have to turn this review ugly for a moment, and critique the performance of Linda Fiorentino. Not only did Fiorentino prove to be a bruise on the back of the production, choosing to quarrel with Kevin over his methods, her performance lacks so much of the energy that the film required. The best way I can describe it is like this - while the rest of the lively characters like Jay and Silent Bob are enthusiastically caught up in the midst of an outrageous, fast-paced comedy, Linda always seems supremely disinterested in her surroundings, and has the behavior and appearance of someone desperately in need of sleep. (Want me to take this further? Okay - while appearing in the film, Jason Mewes was still in the middle of his decade-long narcotic addiction; and during filming, repeatedly fell asleep. However, even he was able to convey an incredibly stronger performance than Linda.) While I hate to just flat out demolish an actor's performance, I just can't stress how miscast the character of Bethany was. During Janeane Garofalo's brief appearance at the start of the film, one can't help but think how much better Janeane would have been in Linda's role. Janeane's real-life personality perfectly embodies what Bethany was meant to represent, so I truly think that this was an major missed opportunity on Kevin's part.

Before wrapping up, I would like to say that, besides touching on a number of my own religious views, "Dogma" has a deeper personal significance for me - despite being set in Wisconsin and New Jersey, the film was actually shot in Pittsburgh. I still get a smile upon entering the downtown area and seeing the Mooby's headquarters - in actuality, the USX Steel Building. (The interior of the building was not the Steel Building, however - Matt Damon's massacre actually occurred somewhere at Carnegie-Mellon University.) The extravagant restaurant that the Metatron whisks the cast to later on in the film is the Grand Concourse, a train station-turned-restaurant located at Station Square; and the Wisconsin airport where Betty Aberlin makes her cameo is in fact the Pittsburgh International Airport. While I'm not aware of the exact locations, Cardinal Glick's church and the Mooby's restaurant were also located in the Pittsburgh area. I've been told that a CVS Pharmacy currently stands on the former site of Mooby's.

To wrap up, I'm actually a bit undecided about how exactly I feel about "Dogma." It has its ups and downs; and while the downs are strong enough to cause irreparable harm to the movie, it still manages to be entertaining and very well-written. While it's not a movie that everyone could stomach (as was proven in graphic detail at the time of its release), those with an open mind will find a lot to admire about "Dogma," because it gives viewers with more controversial opinions the privilege of being able to connect with a movie that not only unashamedly breaks free of religious norms, but also offers an understanding hand to those who may have been looked down upon for their supposedly abnormal beliefs. On the other hand though, anyone who doesn't want to think that deeply about a comedic film can always sit back and laugh at a movie about Jay and Silent Bob saving the world.

I tried to write a Scooby Doo movie?!

I just found this on my external hard drive... apparently during the period of my ashamedly strong appreciation for the two "Scooby Doo" movies, I tried to write one myself. I only wrote one scene, which I haven't taken the time to read through before posting this, so... if it's terrible, don't blame me for stuff I did years ago. :-P

(Oh, and mind the odd formatting - that was the result of copying something from MS Word onto Blogger!)

======================================

PRE-TITLE SEQUENCE:

THE UPPER COOLSVILLE MALL, EVENING

From blackness, the screen fills with gleaming moonlight. The camera pans down from it, through a mass of stars and dim shades of blue. Thunder and lightning cracks...several deafening, quick bolts of lightning form a diamond WB logo. Leaving the sky, we pan down into a very high shot of a smoky city, late into the evening. Skyscrapers and lights stretch out as far as the eye can see. The camera moves further and further down through the sky, with fog first forming the title, then the credits, while music builds. It floats down and down until it rests in the endless, empty parking lot of an enormous shopping mall. Fast typewriter clicks track a caption as it moves across the screen:

THE LOCATION: THE UPPER COOLSVILLE MALL.

The camera leaves the caption behind as it drifts towards the magnificent glass entrance, which has yellow police tape stretched across it. The camera tears through the tape, and the doors slide to either side. The music suddenly quiets to a low, eerie tone. We are now inside the mall - the main body of the mall is dark and threatening, but each individual store is brightly lit with surreal, neon lights. Another typewritten caption darts across the screen.

THE TIME: 10:30 P.M.

As eerie music builds, a faint jingling noise echoes across the large, open area. A final caption appears.

THE CASE: THE MYSTERY OF THE GHOSTLY MONEY GRABBER.

We drift up the defunct escalators, and float around the second floor catwalk. The jingling noise gets closer... We pass empty store after empty store, several of which have police barriers in front of their entrances. Suddenly, out of nowhere, the jingling noise is right behind the camera. We swing around... it's Scooby-Doo! The eerie music suddenly changes to a happy, orchestral rendition of the familiar "Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?" melody. He stands on all fours, darting his glance back and forth, and he's panting heavily. From a distant spot in the mall comes a familiar shout.

SHAGGY (Matthew Lillard)

Scooby-Doo! Where are you?!

SCOOBY (voice of Neil Fanning)

Ri'm right rheeerrre!

CUT TO: Shaggy, semi-closeup, yelling to the upper floor with his hands around cupped around his mouth.

SHAGGY
Like, we gotta find the other guys! I keep seeing weird stuff zippin' around here, man!

CUT TO: Scooby, who salutes him.

SCOOBY
Ri rhear rou roud and crear!

He looks determined as he sniffs quickly in all directions, then takes off running.

CUT TO: Shaggy, who suspiciously watches Scooby run across the upper level. Suddenly, a black shadow passes him with a "WHOOSH!" He's startled, and starts to back off - falling right over the railing into a large pond in the center of the mall. He attempts to surface, but struggles.

SHAGGY
Tell them, like now there's a monster after me!

CUT TO: Scooby, who's huffing and puffing as he bolts along the catwalk.

SCOOBY
Ron't rorry, Raggy! Ri'm ron their trail!

CUT TO: Shaggy in the fountain.

SHAGGY
And it was big, and black, and scary!

CUT TO: Scooby, still running.

SCOOBY
Rall right, ri'm ralmost there!

CUT TO: Shaggy in the fountain.

SHAGGY
And it like totally made this creepy "whoosh" sound!

CUT TO: Scooby, who skids to a halt. He looks angry.

SCOOBY
Ri raid, Ri'm ralmost there!

He takes off again.

CUT TO: Shaggy, who's splashing around more than usual.

SHAGGY
Like thanks, Scoob! And tell them to find me a rope or something!

Something taps him on the shoulder three times with a "tink, tink, tink" sound, then holds a rope in front of his face.

SHAGGY [suddenly calm]

Hey, thanks man!

Shaggy turns around, and his calm expression turns to extreme fright.

SHAGGY
Like, catch you later man, I'm going window shopping!

Shaggy leaps into the air, and darts off with to the accompaniment of the classic Scooby cartoon running sound: "Bappita-bappita-bappita-ZOOM!"

CUT TO: The interior of a small, brightly lit, pink clothing store with police barricades blocking the entrance. Round, stocked clothing racks are scattered throughout, and along one wall is a row of tall mirrors. In front of them, Daphne stares at herself curiously, holding against herself a neon purple skirt on a hanger. The clothes on a circular rack start to swing back and forth. A hand from within pushes the clothes aside, and a woman with black glasses and dark, shoulder-length hair crawls out.

VELMA (Linda Cardellini) [enthusiastically]
Daphne, look! I think I... [suddenly low, monotone] what are you doing?

Daphne doesn't take her eyes from the mirror, as she begins to pose with the skirt.

DAPHNE (Sarah Michelle Gellar)
Can you believe this? It's thirty percent off! I'm sorry, what?

Velma rolls her eyes.

VELMA
I think I found a clue, if you'd be so willing to...Daphne?

DAPHNE

Well, it's not a ring, but it's fuzzy...

Scooby skids to a halt in front of the store.

SCOOBY
Raphne! Relma! Rhere's a ronster rin rheere!

The two girls run to his aid; Daphne tightly clutches the skirt.

DAPHNE
A monster?

SCOOBY
Reah! Raggy raid ri'ts rig...

He makes a "this big" gesture with his arms, and growls.

SCOOBY
Rand ri'ts brack and srary!

He runs off, throws a black dress over himself, then jumps to his hind legs in front of the girls, and growls loudly with his claws pointed at them.

Shaggy slips and slides to a halt in front of the store - he's out of breath, and soaked, making a "squish" sound with every movement.

SHAGGY

There's like a monster after me!! It's big...

He makes a "this big" gesture with his arms, and growls.

SHAGGY
And it's black and scary!

He looks ready to do something, but looks around for a second, and sees Scooby in the dress.

SHAGGY
Take my word for it.

VELMA

I think this calls for a huddle! Where's Fred?

DAPHNE

Oh, he decided that in honor of our anniversary, he'd try to find me a nice present. [smiling] That was so sweet of him, wasn't it?

They don't notice a huge, black monster slowly rising over the railing behind Shaggy.

VELMA
Typical, just typical. Scooby and Shaggy - are you two brave enough to look for Fred?

Shaggy looks her right in the eyes with a mortified stare.

SHAGGY
Like, something tells me we won't have to!

The girls scream, Shaggy yells "Zoinks!", and Scooby whines in fear. The monster grins, and spits Fred out onto the floor in front of them. He gets to his feet, and brushes himself off like nothing's happened. He tries to act extremely tough to Daphne, as usual.

FRED (Freddie Prinze, Jr.)

Yeah, I'm just uh...I'm just concerned, because something in that thing was totally grabbing my butt. I felt that action was a threat to our relationship, and I was trying to get away from it before I had to resort to unnecessary violence. [to the monster] So, you keep your hands off!

The monster rushes forward, and shoves him out of the way. The gang scatters. Daphne stashes the skirt in one of the dressing rooms, Velma takes off to the bottom floor, Shaggy and Scooby stare in horror, and Fred starts to unbend a clothes hanger.

Velma, meanwhile, crawls along the floor as she tries to follow the wet trail that Shaggy left behind. She stops suddenly, and studies the floor.

VELMA [to herself]
It splits in two!

She looks up to the second floor.

VELMA

Shaggy! Scooby! Come down here!

SHAGGY
Like, no way! You're where that monster was, and like believe me, you're not friendly when you're possessed!

SCOOBY
Runh-ruh!

VELMA
No, I need help figuring out where this water goes!

SHAGGY

Like, should we trust her, Scoob?

SCOOBY
Ruhhh, roh-kay.

They cautiously move down to the lower floor.

SHAGGY
Hold on one second! Look me straight in the eyes!

She does so, with a completely confused look on her face.

SHAGGY
Like, she checks out, Scoob! No creepy glowy demon eyes!

Scooby wipes his brow.

SCOOBY
Phew!

VELMA

It appears that the water trail splits here. How did you get up to us?

SHAGGY
I took the stairs, because I like knew that thing was behind me, and it was in the pond too, but it wasn't wet, so like it was seriously floating or something!

Velma looks at him, dumbstruck.

VELMA
Jinkies, you're logical when you're frightened!

SHAGGY
Like, no, my drawers are filled with cold water, and I want to get out of here before my hide like totally freezes over!

The viewers haven't noticed, but Scooby has wandered off, and shouts from the entrance to a store.

SCOOBY

A crue! A crue!

Shaggy and Velma rush over, and Scooby points.

VELMA

Three of the barricades have been knocked down, and whatever did it had to've been enormous! I can't put together, though, why a monster would need to be in a travel safety store.

Something suddenly clicks in Shaggy's mind.

SHAGGY

Like, I got it! When he came up behind me, he was holding a rope, and like I'll bet they sell them in there!

VELMA
Exactly! I think we better investigate this store a little further...

Slide transition to the top floor, where Daphne and Fred are trying to fight off the monster. They're now both wielding unbent clothes hangers.

FRED

You're dealing with the wrong guy, thief - they call me the hottest jouster in Coolsville!

He jabs it at the monster, but it tries to float away in a hurry, and crashes into the cash register. The register falls to the floor with a crash, and money scatters everywhere. As it moves down to gather the money, Daphne jumps over the counter, and onto its back. She harnesses her arms over the side of the counter, to keep it from floating up again. Something inside the monster makes a forced, grinding noise.

Meanwhile, the other three run into the store. Velma puts her arm out in front of Shaggy and Scooby so they don't distract the monster.

FRED
And now, we're gonna find out who you really are!

He jabs the hanger into the monster's black skin, and tears a wide slit into it. A woman tumbles out, trying to shield her face with her hands.

EVERYONE

Mrs. Manning!

MRS. MANNING (Ellen DeGeneres)

Yeah, it's me, what are you gonna do about it?

DAPHNE
Calling the cops, and telling them we caught the crook, that's what! Keep her down, gang!

The other three pile on top of her.

MRS. MANNING [under the pile]
Hey, watch it, Rogers. Whoa, no dog rear-ends in my face, alright?

Several police cars pull up outside around the Mystery Machine, and a number of police troopers storm into the mall, run up the escalators, and take their positions in the entrance to the store.

VELMA
It's alright, she can't hurt you.

POLICE OFFICER (Colin Quinn)

It's Mrs. Manning, that sweet little old lady that runs the candy store downstairs! Why'd you do it?

MRS. MANNING
Oh, my store wasn't pulling in enough money. A nickel for a gumball here, a quarter for some Twizzlers there, I was going broke! So I figured I'd hide in the plants in the middle of the pond until the security guys locked up for the night...

VELMA
...and that's when she became the Ghostly Money Grabber. Just in case anyone got suspicious and tried to come back into the mall, she'd fly out and scare them away.

FRED [sounding very authoritarian]

She was able to fly by using a cleverly concealed interwebbing of miniature fans.

SHAGGY

And like, she stole those, too! After she snuck up behind me in the pond, Velma, Scoob, and me followed the water trail to the front of the travel supplies store...

VELMA
...and in the travel supplies store, the racks of travel-sized fans and batteries were wiped clean.

DAPHNE
In order for the fans to make her float, she made the costume out of taped-together garbage bags so there would be no excess weight; so when I jumped on her, the system inside couldn't handle anymore, so she couldn't move.

VELMA

And to top it off, she was planning to hit this store next - when the cash register fell, the drawer came open with no difficulty.

She pulls the key out of her pocket.

VELMA
Mrs. Manning unlocked the register as soon as the security guards left, threw the key in the clothes rack, and quickly got into her costume when she heard us arrive.

POLICE OFFICER
That's all we need to hear, gang. Cathy Manning, you're under arrest for the robbery of the Upper Coolsville Mall.

They slap her hands into cuffs, and start to drag her away.

MRS. MANNING

Well, I could've gotten away with it if it wasn't for those meddling kids and that dog!

SHAGGY

Like, it's all in a night's work for us!

The gang cheers.

DAPHNE [to Fred]

Say, "Hottest Jouster in Coolsville," I seem to remember you hitting the ground pretty quickly last time...

FRED
Promise not to mention that again, and I'll buy you a nice, neon purple anniversary present.

They laugh, and kiss. Velma turns to Shaggy.

VELMA
Well, Shaggy, I've gotta hand it to you, you really pulled through again.

SHAGGY
Like, it was nothing. We weren't afraid, were we, Scoob?

SCOOBY
Rhuh-ruh!

Scooby laughs in his trademark chuckle.

VELMA
Well, while they're out celebrating, I think I'll take you two heroes out for a pizza.

SHAGGY
You hear that, Scoob? We're in for a triple-topped, chocolate-covered, pineapple-smothered, extra-pepperoni taco burger! What do ya say to that, Scoob?

SCOOBY
Scooby-Dooby-Doo!

Reviewing the Askewniverse (part 3 of 7)

In the last edition, I mentioned that in 1995 when "Mallrats" was released, View Askew was only *working towards* perfection. In 1997, though some would disagree, I believe that they achieved it with the emotional roller coaster known as "Chasing Amy."


Out of the six movies in the Askewniverse series (this being the one film that doesn't comfortably fit the banner of 'the Jay and Silent Bob movies'), "Amy" is noteworthy for being the only entry that isn't a straight comedy; rather, it starts as a romantic comedy, and takes a complete turn into drama. Like its five counterparts, though, it's not a film for everyone - but this time, its somewhat limited appeal lies in the fact that it's probably the most sexually intense film ever made that does not actually include a sex scene. In typical Smith fashion, the substance is all in the dialogue. While other directors would have shown the graphic events of Alyssa's sexual past (as the Japanese manga adaptation apparently did, to Joey Lauren Adams' disgust), we only hear about them, in frank, realistic language that most wide-release movies would avoid. In fact, one did - "Mallrats," which was released by Universal Pictures, originally included a scene very similar to the moment in which Alyssa and Banky discuss their oral sex misadventures; but Universal insisted that the scene be removed.

At this point, Kevin's writing ability has become almost an artform; conversations are completely natural, arguments are wrenchingly realistic, and tearjerker moments (such as Ben Affleck's famed speech in the car) inflict the exact emotions that they're intended to. The only real fault of the film, though it doesn't actually cause as much harm to the story as people have claimed, lies in its major turning point - a supposed hardcore lesbian shifts her preference after a night of sex with Holden. Unbelievable, yes, but I actually don't find it as incredibly unbelievable as many people claim - despite the controversy, Alyssa does not just magically become straight, as it is made especially clear that she is a bisexual. Well, bisexual and then some - for those seeking to add more unique Smith terms to their daily lexicon, this movie did for the term 'fingercuffs' what "Clerks" did for 'snowball.'

Interestingly, despite the core cast of Affleck, Adams, and Lee appearing together in the core cast of the previous film, they manage to completely trick the viewer into forgetting that Shannon, Gwen and Brodie ever existed. While this is obviously very much in the same world as "Mallrats" (Banky slept with Brandi Svenning, for instance), these three obviously talented actors don't even show a glimpse of their previous personas. Jason Lee in particular should be commended, as it would have been *extremely* easy to get hooked into Brodie and Banky's equal appreciation for comic books and thus play the same character this time around; but other than that, the two have nothing in common in terms of personality. Jason's performance is actually a highlight of the high-drama confrontation between Banky, Alyssa and Holden towards the end - he is meant to be portraying someone who we are led to believe could be struggling with his sexuality (and, indeed, his homosexuality was to be revealed in a scene cut from "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back"), and his angst is clearly transmitted to the viewer. This scene is in fact one of the reasons I am so willing to call the film an emotional roller coaster, because by this point, we have been grasped by the characters on so many occasions that we can feel what they feel. We can understand Holden's logic in his outlandish idea, yet we can also understand exactly why Alyssa is opposed. That is a level of viewer indulgence that a lot of dramatic films simply do not offer.

All that said, there was only one aspect of the movie that I personally did not care for - Jay and Bob. While their very brief appearance served its purpose (with Kevin stealing the movie via his legendary speech that explained the film's title), it seemed rather awkwardly placed and much too lighthearted after the intense scene at the hockey rink. While it's true that their appearances are characteristically tenuous (I refer you to my review of "Clerks"), this one just seemed totally unnecessary, and left me wondering why the 'chasing Amy' speech couldn't have been reassigned to, for instance, Banky.

To wrap up, there is no doubt in my mind that "Chasing Amy" deserves the accolades it has received. It is Kevin Smith at his most mature, offering a funny, heartfelt, emotional, and brutally honest love story that fearlessly breaks the chains of cliched Hollywood romance in favor of a gripping story that is not afraid to crush the viewer's heart or deliver them a slap in the face. This is also a unique movie to be cherished, because none of Kevin's later films to date have ever dared blend comedy with such high drama. I can only hope that we will be given the opportunity to see this side of his abilities again.

Reviewing the Askewniverse (part 2 of 7)

Directly after "Clerks," I decided to move right into its higher budget followup, "Mallrats." This time around, we're in color and on location; but those aren't the only reasons why "Mallrats" was a landmark movie for Kevin Smith. This movie also introduced cornerstone members of what would become the recurring View Askew family - Ben Affleck, Joey Lauren Adams, and Jason Lee; and on top of that, those two wall-leaning slackers from "Clerks" were now refined into their more familiar personalities.

At the time of its original release, "Mallrats" was a theatrical failure, bringing in very little money during its very brief silver screen life. However, as Kevin started to develop his notorious cult following (the same cult following that currently hounds their hero's online forum on a minute-by-minute basis), the film was given a second chance. Nowadays, people who see "Mallrats" seem strongly divided between loving it and hating it, because it certainly isn't a movie for everyone; it's a comedy that mainly offers exactly what the title promises - a couple twenty-somethings who wander aimlessly through a mall and talk at length about trivial topics such as whether or not Mrs. Fields is considered part of the food court. Personally. I sympathize with the "loving it" group, because circa May of 2008, seeing "Mallrats" on the bus coming home from a school field trip singlehandedly spawned my huge fascination with Kevin's work that obviously continues to this day.

While the movie seems slightly dated by today's standards (it's increasingly difficult to sympathize with a character who gave up his relationship in favor of Sega Genesis), it still manages to seem fresh and identifiable. I'm sure someone watching still knows how it feels to have a friend obsessed with Spiderman, or an ex-girlfriend they just can't let go, or a girlfriend's parent that absolutely despises their existence. Besides that, it's still extremely quotable - hell, you can get Jason Lee's quote about the kid on the escalator on a bumper sticker now. More than anything though, the jokes are still funny, and on the whole, the movie still manages to be entertaining throughout. Well, if not just a tad gratuitous... but on the other hand, throwing in something like a topless fortune teller fits right into the cinema sensibility of the Nineties, doesn't it? :-)

But the fact that it *is* entertaining enough to maintain a loyal fan base all these years later gives it enough worth to sit at a proverbial table alongside Kevin's more successful films. Sure, it's not a perfect movie, but it greatly defined the style that Kevin prefers. A viewing of one of the "Evening With Kevin Smith" films will reveal that this is the style he feels he excels at - a movie where people hang around and talk. Some people might shy away from a movie described as being like that, because it could turn out to be boring; but those that are willing to give his movies a chance usually aren't disappointed. His characters, in this case T.S. and Brodie, are interesting people that we enjoy seeing, because for some of us, they are just like real people. We actually *have* conversations about trivial bullshit like the cookie store at the mall, so we know exactly how they feel. This sense of realism is, I believe, why Kevin excels so often. He injects his movies with just the right amount of realism; some directors, like Judd Apatow, don't have a handle on this, and their productions (like Judd's "Freaks and Geeks" series for example) become SO realistic that they're uncomfortable to watch. Kevin wisely avoids this issue.

Of course though, it's silly to look too deeply into a light comedy, so I should bring this to a close; but before I do, I want to mention Michael Rooker's performance as Brandi's dad - because he's meant to be a miserable son of a bitch, and he PERFECTLY captures what it takes to come off as a miserable son of a bitch. It's just a shame that this character never made a reappearance. (Unless, of course, you count his two second long, silhouetted cameo in "Chasing Amy.")

So all in all, "Mallrats" is rough around the edges, but it's a funny movie that deserves at least one viewing by someone interested in Kevin's work, or at the least, someone who likes Jay and Bob. The Askewniverse series had yet to peak, and although "Mallrats" has its flaws, this is a significant enough step on the way to perfection.

Reviewing the Askewniverse (part 1 of 7)

Today, whilst trying to stay awake as I piece together my 3D Design project, I decided to revisit a couple old friends - Jay and Silent Bob.

While I originally intended to pass a couple hours with a repeat viewing of "Clerks," I thought it would be better to make my way through the whole series once more, and write a review after each stop. This'll be a seven part series... one for each movie, and then a final one (or two, if I decide I can't pile in everything at once) covering the odds and ends such as the cartoon series and the shorts. But, I have a lot of ground to cover, so let's get this underway...


First off, "Clerks" - Kevin Smith's first feature film, from 1994. Though not my favorite of the View Askewniverse series, this film should be a big inspiration for anyone (like myself) working on a low budget independent movie. Although it managed to look surprisingly professional in the end, "Clerks" was strictly a product of the environment it depicts. Kevin Smith actually did work at the Quick Stop, and decided to base his first full-length project around the occupation he knew best. The production was paid for out of his own pocket, which meant he had to go for a cheaper, black and white film stock. This amateur look certainly doesn't do anything to downgrade the visual appearance of the movie; in fact, it fits the setting perfectly. Imagine "Clerks" as a sleek, shiny, full color Hollywood movie (and I don't mean "Clerks 2", that was a whole different entity altogether), and it just doesn't realistically put across the appearance of a small, dingy convenience store. This movie is what nature intended it to be - dark, black and white, and grainy.

As for the acting, the faults of the cast are understandable given the miniscule scale of the production; but at some points, these faults actually become a little distracting. I almost hate to say this, because he was completely inexperienced and basically playing a scripted version of himself, but the weakest link seems to be Jason Mewes - his crucial speech at the end of the movie is marred by a slip-up and a character break. But thankfully, this movie proved to be Jason's only weak performance in a Smith film, as his ability improved quite a bit by "Mallrats." Jay aside, I find Marilyn Ghigliotti (Veronica) rather stilted, with numerous awkward pauses throughout her first scenes. Unfortunately, I haven't seen her in anything else, so I can't comment on whether or not she improved. The acting isn't all bad, however; Jeff Anderson and Brian O'Halloran fall instantly into the characters of Randal and Dante, and have no trouble carrying the movie on their shoulders.

Incidentally, the fact that this was the first appearance of Jay and Silent Bob is interesting, because unlike later movies (such as the aforementioned "Mallrats", where they began their mainstay as Kevin's most important recurring faces), they have almost no purpose whatsoever until the very end. Here, they mainly serve as a reason to cut away from the monotony of the Quick Stop interior; and aren't yet the Jay and Bob we would later grow to love. At this stage, Jay isn't particularly likeable, being overly crass and sarcastic; and Silent Bob is just... there. From what I understand, the changes in their personalities (particularly on Jason's part) in "Mallrats" were due to the fact that the company did not want such unpleasant, drug peddling characters in a big budget movie; and though this was their idea and not necessarily Kevin's, I think it was for the better. I doubt the rougher-edges versions seen in "Clerks" would have become the legendary characters that the revised versions became.

Overall, I think "Clerks" was a great start for Kevin, and a groundbreaking independent movie - every indie filmmaker dreams of making a smash hit and spawning a highly popular series, but Kevin was one of the few to actually accomplish that. Personally, it's not my favorite of his films, as I find it a little dull and slow-moving, but it still holds up as an interesting and very intelligently written movie fourteen years later.