How many Bond films, exactly...?

Oh, there's always a debate over how many Bond films there are. Usually one of the following...

• There are 22, up to Quantum of Solace. The unofficial ones don't count.
• There are 25 up to QOS, including the old Casino Royale's, and Never Say Never Again.
• There are 24 up to QOS, because the 1954 Casino Royale is too short to be a full movie.

Well, guess what? Wrong... wrong.... wrong. There are at least *thirty six*.

As far as I have been able to determine, THIS is the complete James Bond filmography:

1. "Casino Royale" (1954), starring Barry Nelson
2. "Dr. No" (1962), starring Sean Connery
3. "From Russia With Love" (1963), starring Sean Connery
4. "Goldfinger" (1964), starring Sean Connery
5. "Thunderball" (1965), starring Sean Connery
6. "Two Mafiosi Against Goldginger" (Italian - 1965), starring George Hilton [Hilton's 007 is only a small role, and not the focus of the film]
7. "Operation Kid Brother" (Italian - 1967), starring Neil Connery [spinoff - 007 is killed and replaced; co-stars EON castmembers]
8. "Casino Royale" (1967), starring David Niven, etc.
9. "You Only Live Twice" (1967), starring Sean Connery
10. "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" (1969), starring George Lazenby
11. "James Bond 777" (Indian - 1971), starring Ghattamaneni Krishna
12. "Diamonds Are Forever" (1971), starring Sean Connery
13. "Live and Let Die" (1973), starring Roger Moore
14. "The Man With The Golden Gun" (1974), starring Roger Moore
15. "From Hong Kong With Love" (French - 1975), starring Les Charlots, a French pop group [spinoff - 007 is killed and replaced; co-stars EON castmembers]
16. "The Spy Who Loved Me" (1977), starring Roger Moore
17. "The Dragon Lives Again" (Chinese - 1977), starring Alexander Grand
18. "Moonraker" (1979), starring Roger Moore
19. "For Your Eyes Only" (1981), starring Roger Moore
20. "Octopussy" (1983), starring Roger Moore
21. "Never Say Never Again" (1983), starring Sean Connery
22. "Our Man From Bond Street" (Japanese - 1984), starring Jean Mersant [Bond is the villain; also stars Richard Kiel!]
23. "A View To A Kill" (1985), starring Roger Moore
24. "Bond 303" (Indian - 1986), starring Jeetendra
25. "The Mahjong Incident" (Chinese - 1987), starring Ron D. Cohen [Cohen's 007 is only a small role, and not the focus of the film]
26. "The Living Daylights" (1987), starring Timothy Dalton
27. "Licence To Kill" (1989), starring Timothy Dalton
28. "Mr. Bond" (Indian - 1992), starring Akshay Kumar
29. "From Beijing With Love" (Chinese - 1994), starring Stephen Chiau
30. "GoldenEye" (1995), starring Pierce Brosnan
31. "Tomorrow Never Dies" (1997), starring Pierce Brosnan
32. "The World Is Not Enough" (1999), starring Pierce Brosnan
33. "Jak Ukrast Dagmaru" [translation unknown] (Polish - 2001), starring Jaroslav Sypal
34. "Die Another Day" (2002), starring Pierce Brosnan
35. "Casino Royale" (2006), starring Daniel Craig
36. "Quantum Of Solace" (2008), starring Daniel Craig

Now, this is by no means a complete list, as I'm certain there are others floating around.

But what few realize is that Bond is an international character; as with any well-known franchise ("Turkish Star Wars", anyone?), foreign countries are bound to interpret the character in ways best suited for their population. God only knows what EON thinks of these - try finding the DVD cover for "Jak Ukrast Dagmaru". The number '007' appears dozens of times. And "From Beijing With Love," an extremely bloody Chinese interpretation starring "Kung Fu Hustle" star Stephen Chiau; not only does the cover refer to the character as 007, but the Bond theme appears in the movie!

While you're likely to NEVER see a mention of these in a Bond book (you're lucky to see the non-EON flicks; and frankly, I hate when a book skips 'the other three'), they still exist. I've collected a few, and while some are just terrible ("Operation Kid Brother" managed to piss off Sean Connery AND become an episode of MST3K), others (like "Mr. Bond," a Bollywood musical with a jaw-dropping villain that slaughters babies) are worthwhile for the curiosity value.

If anyone knows of one missing from my list, lemme know...

(D/L) A Bee Gees Halloween 2006

Here's a true gem which, sadly, seems impossible to find online nowadays... which is why I needed to share it here! :-)

While I did my best to one-up the bootleg "A Bee Gees Christmas" (my version can be found in one of my first-ever posts on this blog), I had no need to revamp "A Bee Gees Halloween" - a Gibb fan named Visionmixer already took on that task, and did a brilliant job of it! Unlike the original Christmas CD, the Halloween disc was done as a continuous megamix of appropriate Bee Gees tracks. Unfortunately, the final product, created by an anonymous fan, was a bit rough on the editing side. (Having also heard the absolute mess that was the original Christmas CD, this isn't surprising!) Luckily however, five years later, the mysterious Visionmixer released their own version, smoothing out the rough cuts and adding a wonderfully effective layer of creepy sound effects and movie clips.

Sadly, this new version ("A Bee Gees Halloween 2006") doesn't seem to have gotten around to very many people; in fact, the only site I know of that contained the album is now dead, currently serving as a placeholder for some porn outfit. That's why, to usher in October 2009, I'm posting the album here for everyone's enjoyment!

You can grab it here...
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=XZRYK26C

As Visionmixer released the album as one long MP3, here's a handy tracklist for your reference:
01) Creepy Intro [samples from the fan club record "The Rescue Of Bonnie Prince Wally"]
02) Haunted House
03) Moonlight Madness
04) Spirits Having Flown
05) E.S.P. [mashed with "Sweet Song Of Summer"]
06) One O'Clock In The Morning [a remix of "Castles In The Air"]
07) Christian Incantation [a remix containing elements of "Every Christian Lion Hearted Man Will Show You" and "Lion In Winter"]
08) I Held A Party
09) Ghost Train
10) Party With No Name
11) Eaten Alive
12) Giving Up The Ghost
13) The Boogieman [a remix of "Boogie Child"]
14) Tragedy
15) You Wear A Disguise [a remix of "Jive Talkin'", with a bit of "You Win Again"]
16) Dead In The Night [a remix of "Paper Mache, Cabbages and Kings"]
17) Christmas Eve Or Halloween
18) Possession

Please note... there are some very minor digital glitches in here, but nothing that should spoil your enjoyment. Given the extreme rarity of this version (especially since Visionmixer seems to have disappeared from the 'Net), a flawless copy is likely impossible to find.

Enjoy! Oh, and if you're burning this to a CD, lemme know - I'll dig out the cover artwork I made and post it here.

"Nightflight To Venus" - a musical butchery?

I've come to realize over the course of time that mentioning Boney M. in America doesn't mean a whole lot to people. I was originally introduced to them after receiving a CD of megamixes, one of which blended a dozen or so Boney M. tunes, all of which I'd just assumed were hits here at some point... not true, apparently. (They're mainly known here as "whatever band that was that did a disco version of 'Mary's Boy Child'.")

A handful of their biggest hits ("Rasputin", "Painter Man", "Rivers of Babylon") stemmed from the same LP - 1978's "Nightflight To Venus". For years, all I had of this album was a very poor MP3 copy that I found on Usenet at some point, apparently ripped from the CD. It wasn't until I read a review recently, however, that I found my copy to be incomplete - previous editions were quite different.

Browsing through Wikipedia's pages about Boney M.'s albums, I came to realize that they were apparently *very* anal retentive about their material, issuing several different versions of each album. "Nightflight To Venus" was no exception - the original pressing hailed from Germany, where the group had the most popularity; and this now extremely rare version offered the most material. Over the course of the following three pressings, several songs became shorter and shorter, for reasons I'm unaware of. The worst casualty was the album's opening 13-minute medley of "Nightflight To Venus" and "Rasputin", which was eventually chopped down to nearly half its original length by the time of the 4th pressing - unfortunately, the pressing that formed the basis of the CD.

While the hit "Rasputin" mainly lost a handful of small musical passages with no lyrical changes, the title track was shuffled and hacked several times into a mere collection of edits and brief chunks. Based heavily around Cozy Powell's hit "Dance with the Devil", "Nightflight To Venus" was a drum-heavy intro, with a robotic-voiced tour guide describing the listener's flight to Venus aboard the Starship Boney M. Throughout the course of the seven minute track, he pointed out Moon City ("a boomtown if ever there was"), and detailed the process of making Venus inhabitable to humans. Great concept... though unfortunately, Boney M. seemed to disagree, as much of his dialogue was removed by the final pressing.

Thankfully, there exists a torrent (link below) that compiles variations from the four pressings of the album into a handy 2-CD set. I took the time recently to compare the four different edits of the title track, detailed below... so if you have one of the later pressings or the commercial CD, you may be surprised at how much you're missing... (Note that the changes are not merely lyrical, as the musical mix varied from pressing to pressing as well.)

=================================================

White text denotes lyrics standard to all pressings.
Pink lyrics were exclusive to the 1st pressing (7:11).
Green lyrics appeared in both the 1st and 2nd (5:53) pressings, but were later removed.
Blue lyrics appeared in the 1st, 2nd and 3rd (4:58) pressings, but were removed for the 4th/CD (4:47) pressing.
Gold lyrics appeared in the 1st, 3rd and 4th/CD pressings, but not the 2nd.
Purple lyrics appeared in the 2nd, 3rd and 4th/CD pressings, but not the 1st.

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard the starship Boney M. for our first passenger flight to Venus.
Ready for countdown.
Ten. (Nightflight to Venus...)
Nine.
Eight.
Seven.
Six. (Nightflight to Venus...)
Five.
Four.
Three.
Two. (Nightflight to Venus...)
One.
Ignition.
Lift-off."

Nightflight to Venus
Way out there in space
Nightflight to Venus
Our new favorite place
Nightflight to Venus
We got the all-clear [OR] All systems are go
Nightflight to Venus
The moment is here [OR] The sky is a-glow
[The verse appears twice in the first pressing only - all other pressings replace the
original latter half with the second half of the otherwise unused second verse.]

(Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!)
[This chant stands alone on pressings 1 and 2, but is mixed under the following
tour guide speech on 3 and 4. Oddly, pressing 2 is missing eight "hey"s.]

Nightflight to Venus!
Nightflight to Venus!
[As the placement of the chant differed, these sung lines appeared before the tour
guide's speech on pressings 1 and 2, but after the speech on 3 and 4.]

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have had a successful take-off on this first nightflight to Venus. Our flying time will be eight hours. You'll be travelling at a speed of 2,183 miles per second - that is, seven and one half million miles per hour. The distance from mother Earth to Venus is 60 million miles at this time."

"To your left, you can see the mountains of the Moon; and right in the center, under a huge plastic bubble, Moon City - a boomtown if ever there was one, because of the huge gold and diamond veins. As for Venus, it took almost ninety years to cool down the planet from its 500 degrees to the current pleasant 75 degrees, and to transform the atmosphere to make it inhabitable for Earth people."

Nightflight to Venus
Way out there in space
Nightflight to Venus
Our new favorite place
Nightflight to Venus
All systems are go
Nightflight to Venus
The sky is a-glow
[This verse went through a few changes - originally, it appeared in full, before losing
its last four lines for pressing 2; pressings 3 and 4 remove this verse completely. As
previously mentioned, the last four lines replaced those of the first verse in pressings 2-4.]

"Captain - unidentified object at eight o'clock. Two million miles away."
"Stand by for emergency maneuver."
"Object coming closer with the speed of light. We have eight more seconds. Object coming closer. We have five more seconds."
"Changing course by 4.6 degrees."
"Order executed."
"That was a close one, ladies and gentlemen. A meteor just passed us on its way to infinity. Well, you can see, even in space, traffic is getting heavier all the time."

"Ladies and gentlemen, in a few minutes, we are going to be landing on Venus. Push the button on your left side. The safety mechanism will do the rest for you. We hope you enjoyed the world's first nightflight to Venus. Have a good time there."

[At this point on all versions, the looped drum beat serves as a transition into "Rasputin,"
eventually accelerating to that song's slightly faster tempo.]

=================================================

Well, that should cover it; incidentally, an extremely truncated 1:30 edit of "Nightflight" (missing ALL vocal sections) was used as an intro for the 12" single of "Rasputin".

As for the torrent mentioned above, it can be downloaded from the Pirate Bay:
http://thepiratebay.org/torrent/3868953/Boney_M._-_Nightflight_To_Venus_Collection_(1978__2CD)

For fans of the album, especially those disappointed by the recent remastered edition (which STILL used the butchered 4th pressing versions), this is essential, first presenting the ultimate cut of the album compiled from several different sources, followed by numerous other variations. Dig that 'marching band trumpets' version of "Rasputin"! :-P