Saturday, November 8, 2008

This isn't Saturday Night Live! - a look back at November 15, 1980

Anyone who knows me knows I'm a huge Saturday Night Live enthusiast, and I take pride in being somewhat of an SNL historian. More specifically, I'm known to turn my attention towards a period of the show that most people aren't familiar with - the 1980-81 season, which NBC deemed such a failure that they refused to re-air any episodes from it. But, we are soon coming up on the 28th anniversary of the 1980 season premiere... a night when millions of viewers tuned in at 11:30 PM to see that their favorite show, which over the past five years offered a weekly dose of comedians such as Gilda Radner and John Belushi as well as legendary characters like the Coneheads, was no longer the "Saturday Night Live" they knew. In fact, they were greeted by a group of complete strangers, none of which had been in the cast before.

From 1975 to 1980, the public became familiar with this group of individuals who would forever change the face of comedy.

(clockwise from lower left) - Chevy Chase, Jane Curtin, Bill Murray, John Belushi, Gilda Radner, Dan Aykroyd, and Garrett Morris.

However, in 1980, producer Lorne Michaels and his cast decided that the show had run its course. NBC was determined not to let it die, so they recruited inexperienced producer Jean Doumanian, who in turn selected a fresh cast of six new individuals:

Like it or not, your old friends have been replaced by (from left) Denny Dillon, Charles Rocket, Ann Risley, Joe Piscopo, Gail Matthius, and Gilbert Gottfried. Yes, I said Gilbert Gottfried. God help us all.

To soften the impact of an almost totally unrecognizable show, Jean enlisted the help of frequent SNL host Elliott Gould, who arrived to Rockefeller Center, unaware that all writers and cast members had been replaced. On top of his unfamiliar surroundings, the press had already started viciously cutting into the new version of SNL, damning Jean and her new talents for having the audacity to call their brand new, inexperienced show "Saturday Night Live." However, the public had yet to form their opinion; and their chance came on the night of November 15, 1980, when the audience for NBC's smash hit late night show tuned in in anticipation of what the sixth season would have to offer. Let's take a look at this episode piece by piece...

From the opening second of this episode, a fan of Seventies SNL is in for a shock. Right in front of their face is a familiar host alongside a cast of six unknown actors. The opening sketch of this episode is said to have brought feelings of isolation among SNL fans, as one by one, each player introduces themselves, and tells which old SNL cast members they are supposedly similar to. In retrospect, this was a bold and extremely risky move, as from that point on, the audience would actually *expect* the cast members to act like the old gang. (Unfortunately, as the season continued, these comparisons turned out to be false; for example, Ann Risley compared herself to Gilda Radner, yet carried a completely different sense of humor and personality.) The sketch carries an air of innocence about it, as Elliott wakes up to find himself in bed with the entire cast, who take turns childishly asking questions about the old show and NBC in general. The five cast members in view suddenly realize that one of their own is missing, and overturn the blanket to reveal a lifeless Denny Dillon, who springs to life and yells the first "Live from New York..." of the season.

From this point until Weekend Update, it is clear that within forty-five minutes, the writers were trying to recapture all of the edginess and raunchiness of the first five years. Thus, the viewers are presented a long string of sex-related sketches - Elliott Gould shares his childhood underwear with the audience, Jimmy Carter (Joe Piscopo) laments over his lack of a sex life, Ann Risley is musically berated for "living in sin," Gail Matthius humorously demonstrates how to give yourself a breast examination, and a clever short film by "Grease" director Randal Kleiser depicts two shoes having sex on a beach. The only real rest the audience is given is in the form of the first 'What's It All About?' sketch, which presents a public access talk show hosted by an old Jewish couple, Pinky and Leo Waxman (Denny Dillon and Gilbert Gottfried). It is worth noting that these characters, with their New York accents and love of Barbra Streisand, were an extremely obvious inspiration on Mike Myers' Coffee Talk sketches.

After the first musical performance (by Kid Creole and the Coconuts, a comical group consisting of men dressed as witch doctors and three scantily clad women), Don Pardo introduces the first installment of Weekend Update hosted by Charles Rocket. Right away, Charles displays a very apparent air of professionalism that was notably absent in the previous versions hosted by Chevy Chase and Bill Murray, as if to erase the self-comparison he made to them in the opening sketch. The reaction of the audience is interesting to pay attention to, because they seem as if they are extremely put off that someone new is reading their fake news. Charlie is greeted with no applause whatsoever, and his humor is met with only scattered laughter. After a handful of jokes, the action moves to the White House, where Piscopo gets to perform his second political sketch of the evening as failed presidential candidate John Anderson. Field reporter Gail Matthius describes the ongoing events as Anderson wanders in a state of confusion around the White House gate, unaware that he lost the election. The piece isn't an enormous laugh riot by any standards, but is very charming, compared to the sleazy Carter sketch from earlier in the evening. However, with this sketch, it seems apparent that Gail was destined to become the next Laraine Newman, a factor that remained throughout the rest of the season.

After this comes the first of Charlie's pre-filmed man-on-the-street Rocket Report segments, and one of the more memorable. Destined to learn information about John Lennon's upcoming "Double Fantasy" album, Charlie is seen rummaging through the trash behind the Dakota building, and harassing a crew of New York garbage men. Through this outlandish piece, Charlie is distinguished from those before him once again, as he shows that he is not afraid to be outrageous and unique, something that would greatly strengthen his presence on SNL. We then return to Update for an awkward Gottfried commentary on how he can prove that Ronald Reagan is already dead; a confusing concept, but pulled off humorously, if not somewhat forced. (For example, Gottfried shows a picture of a man with his hand on Reagan, because the man is trying to "hold him up.")

At this point, roughly 50 minutes through the show, the cleverness that was lacking in the first half starts to show. Following Update is "At One With...", a talk show hosted by Elliott Gould that studies the taboo aspects of humanity. Gould's guests are Joe Piscopo and Charles Rocket, two members of a gay army brigade that is stationed at Fort Dix. (A great pun, yes, but the audience's groans are louder than anything else this season!) We then see "Heart to Heart," one of the short films created for the show by Mitchell Kriegman. In it, Kriegman expresses to his lover his worries about how she 'just doesn't seem like the same woman anymore.' With each change of the camera angle, the woman is played by a different actress. The effect is very funny, and contains a cleverness missing from many of the other films shown this season. This is followed by 'Nose Wrestling', a bizarre sketch which depicts exactly what you would think - two men wrestling with their noses. Unexpected, silly, and almost worthy of Monty Python.

Next, Gail's Vickie the Valley Girl character makes her debut as she shares a romantic date with an older man (Gould). Right from the start, the audience gets to see all of her usual mannerisms - flipping her hair, smoking, and saying phrases such as "fer shure" and "not too cool." The character seems to be in an undeveloped state, however, and would become a fuller portrayal as the season wore on. At this point, Vickie has very little substance to her, and uses the same mannerisms to an almost "broken record" effect, something that Gail would quickly improve upon.

Following this is the highlight of the evening, and, in my opinion, one of the most brilliant yet underlooked sketches in SNL's history - "The Accordion Killer," a thriller spoof in which Charlie plays a demented killer who drives women to death by squeezing out "Lady Of Spain" on his accordion. The sketch is executed beautifully (with the Accordion Killer being defeated in a very hilarious way - bagpipes!), and elicts a larger audience response than anything else in the episode. As the show winds down, we see two short pieces: the music video for "Gidget Goes to Hell" by the Suburban Lawns, and Denny Dillon as a music enthusiast relating the joys of playing records too fast. Both are typical one-joke bits, but are worth a chuckle upon first viewing.

Overall, not a terrible first episode, though it could have been better. The show seemed to rely a little too heavily on sexual innuendo, but nothing that didn't bring a laugh from the audience. Charlie's Weekend Update segment had a rough start, but he would make it his own after a few episodes, winning over the audience with his almost Dennis Miller-type persona. Undoubtedly, Charlie was the star of the evening, with a number of his sketches (the religious telegram, the gay brigade, the Rocket Report, and the Accordion Killer) being outrageously funny.

However, it is sad to say that despite (the retitled) "Saturday Night Live '80" having a generally funny start, it was already doomed. The press refused to give this new bunch a chance, completely obliterating the episode with every line of their reviews. Despite it being rather tame compared to some of the Seventies material (such as Buck Henry's recurring child molester character), they scorned the show for being overly crude and sophomoric. They claimed the cast was unfunny and unworthy of air time, obviously not noticing the generally positive audience reactions during the episode.

It would not help that with the very next episode, those enthusiastic bursts of laughter would quickly disappear; because when the new cast returned to the air with host Malcolm McDowell, they would find themselves facing a much different reaction: dead silence from the cold opening to the goodnights. Suffice to say, despite what the first week's studio audience thought, America was not willing to welcome the new SNL with open arms; and word had gotten around. Only two episodes into the season, it seemed that "Saturday Night Live" was doomed.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Shock! Horror! Sesame Street!

I admit it, I was a pretty impressionable kid. I was totally weirded out by things that were too sudden or unexplained. So when I found this little tidbit on an IMDB forum, I suddenly felt better about myself! People were discussing scenes from "Sesame Street" that used to scare them, and these were the more interesting ones... (If I have anything to interject, it'll be in parentheses. Much like this very statement.) Remember any of these?

#1 - Everyone seems to have been terrified by this short bit about the letter "I". It was a little video of a giant steel "I" being made in a steel mill, accompanied by some scary music. (I think I remember this, but would have to see it again to be sure. I heard the music on some Sesame Street fansite, and it seemed to bring it back a little.)

#2 - Kermit the Frog putting big, chattery teeth in his mouth and trying to talk.

#3 - The lost letter L. (I remember this - there was a lady who yelled stuff like, "I lost my L!!" and then another lady showed up and sung a song about it. Not sure what bugged people about the skit, though.)

#4 - "The Word Is No." (Hallelujah!)

#5 - 'Mysterious Theatre' with Vincent Twice, Vincent Twice. (They had a good point... that was pretty bizarre.)

#6 - Bert is exploring a pyramid, and finds a giant statue that resembles Ernie. The Ernie statue has this deep, echoey voice that apparently creeped people out. (I can *kind of* see how it would creep out a kid, but come on, all the statue does is sing "Rubber Duckie"...)

#7 - The Two-Headed Monster. (Why?! That thing was great - one head used to argue with the other head!)

#8 - An opera-singing orange. (Don't remember this; when I try to think about it, I keep getting it confused with Cecille, the orange clay ball.)

#9 - The baker who came out with a stack of pies, and then fell down the stairs. (This was before my time, I think.)

#10 - Humpty Dumpty. Oh God, not Humpty friggin' Dumpty. That thing was freakish; squinty eyes, and a big grinning mouth that didn't move when he talked. I think I'm going to cry now...

#11 - Bert's unibrow.

#12 - Smokey Robinson singing "You Really Got A Hold On Me" while being literally groped by a giant letter U. (Hallelujah again... even to this day, I can't listen to that song without picturing that! I remember buying "The Beatles Anthology 1" as a kid, and hearing their version; I was particularly unsettled that they would sing that, because the tortured memory of Smokey's tryst with the U was still fresh!)

#13 - "Do The Rubber Duck." This is another one that really struck a chord with me when I read about it... why was the room swaying back and forth? Why?!

I have to add one to this melting pot - "We All Sing With The Same Voice." It was the little music video where all these kids on a playground were singing, and they all sounded exactly the same. Weirded me out! (Man, I gots to see that one again...)

Looking back on "Myst".

Here's an old chestnut I found on my long-ignored MySpace page (I stopped updating that around 2007, when I moved elsewhere); after finishing all of the Myst games, I decided to share my thoughts on them.

While I was a huge Cyan Worlds fan at the time, admittedly, their recent decision to keep "Uru Live" dead (despite the false promise of a forthcoming relaunch, as "Myst Online Restoration Project") has HUGELY diminished my respect for them. And I mean, HUGELY. Like, MASSIVELY, GARGANTUANLY. That's not a word. Anyway, here's something I typed back when I actually had the heart to support Rand Miller's bad decisions.

=====================================

* Myst (1993) - Yes, I know it's a classic, but come on; if you go through all the trouble of finding the pages, you help out the bad guys and lose the game. But hey, the graphics were innovative for back then (and this thing was designed for 386 computers... I still don't know how that worked, considering it has video components, but hey...) and it's still fun to wander around in. "RealMyst" should've made this game obsolete, but I'll get to that in a bit... [8/10]

* Riven (1997) - The game that really turned me on to the series. I fondly recall long hours of playing this in the elementary school library. (Those tram things that took you from island to island were really impressive back then.) There's still enough tucked away in this game to keep it interesting even to this day; come on, someone else reading this must know about the "click spots" :-). [9/10]

* RealMyst (2000) - Ah yes, the game that's friggin' hard to find!! RealMyst, a remake of the original Myst with full movement (as opposed to clicking) was released as sort of a teaser to the engine they were designing for "Uru"... and was on store shelves for like, a day. Which is a shame, because even though it's rehashing a seven year old game, it's still gorgeous, and lot more enjoyable than the original. (The Channelwood Age seems a lot easier, for one thing.) So I highly recommend getting it somehow... it's not the easiest thing to find on eBay, so hey, BitTorrent it. No one will know, and I won't tell! [10/10]

* Myst III: Exile (2001) - For a while, this was the end of the saga for me, because this was the last one my old computer would run. But even though it was slow, it was still friggin' worth it!! Brad Dourif is the greatest villain ever, because he's just so sarcastic ("Is it over HERE? Is it over THERE?") even though his 'change of heart' at the end is just a teeny bit sappy. But hey, this game has the most impressive Myst age ever (the one that pretty much ends in a big long roller coaster ride), so it's hard to nitpick. Loved it. [10/10]

* Uru: Ages Beyond Myst (2003) - OK, I've finally finished this one, and upon final evaluation, I like it a lot more now than I did at the start. I admit that I made a stupid mistake towards the end and had to start over (I misread a strategy guide, and ended up permanently blocking my own path), but otherwise, there are enough nice places (like the garden with the fireflies in it) to make the game easy on the eyes... and also, you're left curious about where you'll go next. [7/10]

* Uru: To D'ni (2004) - Not much to this one (in fact, you can get it for free), but it's still a decent game. Most of it centers around the city of Ae'gura, which you only got a couple sneak peeks of in the first "Uru". The visuals are fantastic, especially in the vast city. The 'find the markers' part is a little irritating (a lot of times, my little detector thing kept going off and I had no idea where the hell it was finding one) but if you like scavenger hunts, you won't mind. The final marker, which is unfairly located over a cliff and unless you're really clever requires a suicide jump, is just plain stupid though. But apparently, there is still stuff to do after you've completed the game which, I noticed, ends in the place where Myst V begins. Apparently there's a big long easter egg hunt (how "Riven"esque) that you can go on, if you so choose. [6/10]

* Uru: The Path Of The Shell (2004) - I HATE IT! I HATE IT! IT'S HORRIBLE! MAKE IT STOP! OK, so as opposed to a ton of interesting locations, this game only has TWO Ages, one of which you have to link in and out of about 350 times. Oh, did I mention you have to swim (slowly) across this seemingly impossibly large lake about 20 times, and there's a part where you have to sit there and watch the game, and do nothing, for 14 minutes? (The other ones were exaggerations, but this time, I'm serious... you have to sit for 14 minutes. Shit) Luckily, I got "The Complete Chronicles" boxed set, so I got the other two decent Uru games... I feel bad for anyone who bought this piece of garbage separately. [1/10] I have a heart... 0 is too unfair.

* Myst IV: Revelation, aka "There's Never Any Trouble Here In Bubble Land" (2004) - Not counting "The Path Of The Shell," which was an add-on to a spinoff, this is where the Myst series went sour. The visuals are nice enough, and that little girl ain't a bad actress, but... what the HELL is up with the last 1/3 of the game? You have to look for your "spirit guide" (which is a tornado/flame/waterspout with big cartoony eyes) and go to the "dream age", where you meet the 'pure' form of your spirit guide, who is for some reason voiced by Peter Gabriel. The Dream Age, and especially the trip to it, are basically the video game equivalents of bad acid. I don't think I'll be returning to this one any time soon. [first part - 9/10, from 'bubble land' onwards - 3/10]

* Myst V: End Of Ages (2005) - Okay... this is my second time around for this game, because the first time, I returned it because I quickly tired of the extreme slowdowns. But I bought it again, actually took the time to experiment with the settings, and it worked fine. So how did it rate? Not very well, for a few reasons. First and foremost, I *really* didn't like the whole "3D face-mapped characters" thing. One of the charms of Myst was that you actually interacted with real people. (I know, Uru had this too, but like I said, I don't count that in the Myst series.) Also, there were no "oooh, I'm gonna ride on something and it's gonna be really fun!" parts. I mean, nothing can beat the 'roller coaster' part of Myst 3, but come on... every Myst game, even "Path Of The Shell" had something you could ride on. This game didn't have that - just a dinky little cart that took you a short distance at one point. Pfft. I should point out though, something I noticed - if you choose one of the bad endings, you get to return to Myst Island, which is all dilapidated. Scary that the real thing is starting to look like what that old parody "Pyst" predicted it would look like... [5/10]

BONUS REVIEW: * Pyst (1994?) - Now that I brought this up, I should review it! "Pyst" was a spoof put out by the long-bankrupt Parroty Interactive to show what Myst Island would look like after millions of players trekked through it. I found this after a multi-year search, in a used computer game store. Seven dollars was too much. It's not a game - merely a slideshow. Each slide has spots you can click on to 'interact' and see various destroyed aspects of Myst Island. Pretty lame, and not very entertaining after the first run through. (John Goodman's theme song is pretty funny, though.) They started making a sequel, "Driven", but the company went kerplunk. You can still find the demo of that one though, if you manage to find one of Parroty's post-"Pyst" CD-Roms. [3/10]

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Kiddie Shows (or, Unleashing Your Inner Barney)

I'm sure many of you have been in this situation - you have a day off of school, or maybe it's just a lazy Saturday morning and you have nothing to do. You're flipping through the channels... you don't really have a preference for what you want to see, you just need *something.* Your mind is just completely numb from sleep (or, hopefully this isn't the case, something illegal) and you're just craving some sort of mental stimulation. You suddenly receive a greeting from a man in a sweater informing you that it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. It's a horrible show, yet it's so colorful and there's puppets and singing and a castle and... you can't look away! This guy in the sweater and his way-too-friendly mailman are dragging you in! You're so ashamed of yourself, because you're enjoying a kiddie show and you're not acting your age... or are you?

Yes, friend. You're allowed to sit back and enjoy "Mr. Rogers," because it's completely normal.

Over the past couple years, I've watched as shows I once loved sank into a pit of hellishness from which they may never return - The Simpsons, Saturday Night Live, Family Guy, Doctor Who. All of them went down the toilet. So, I've stopped relying on the television for entertainment, and more on the computer; more specifically, YouTube. Once I figured out that people were endlessly uploading old, long-dead TV shows onto that site, a simple source of Internet enlightenment turned into a bad habit. I started endlessly searching for shows I remembered from various points in my life... oh, how there were so many I cherished. Shining Time Station, Carmen Sandiego, Sesame Street, Mr. Rogers, KidSongs, Ghostwriter; all of which brought many a smile to my prepubescent face. It was upon resampling these shows on YouTube that I came to a realization, and one that I'm certainly not ashamed to admit - compared to the other crap on TV these days, kids' shows are just more entertaining!

Perhaps it's the desire to relive my childhood, or perhaps it's the giddy joy that comes from seeing a favorite "Ghostwriter" episode again after twelve years. But there's just something fascinating about watching them all these years later. I doubt that many people realize it, but kids' shows really do have another level of comedy intended just for the older viewers; there are plenty of jokes in shows like "Sesame Street" that went waaaay over my head when I was seven. They did a parody of "Rocky Horror" for example - what seven year old kid would get that? And what kid would pick up on a naughty joke on "Bill Nye the Science Guy"? However, that's not to say that the maturity of these shows didn't extend beyond the comedy as well; I was surprised recently to see that an episode of "Shining Time Station," which everyone remembers as that kiddie show with Thomas the Tank Engine on it, dealt with a teenage boy who had emotional and behavioral problems due to his abusive upbringing. Pretty deep stuff, and probably something that the younger set paid no attention to, as long as the puppets in the jukebox sang "This Old Man" right afterwards.

But it's nice to know I'm not alone in this newfound pleasure. There is a band called the Dead Hensons that performs songs from Sesame Street and the Muppet Show to crowds filled entirely with adults, and yet the audience members know every word. I've also heard from plenty of people who fondly remember "KidSongs," and tuned in every week to see Billy and Ruby Biggle sing another popular song in their rather... uh... *unique* fashion. (Not to mention, I've figured out that I definitely wasn't the only one who had a childhood crush on Alexandra! Man, did that girl make my Sundays worthwhile!) And finally, there are the people who will gladly pay anywhere from $300 to $3000 on eBay for a full set of "Bill Nye" episodes. Hell, if I could afford it, I would too; that man taught me about the troposphere for goodness sakes.

Admittedly, it's become increasingly difficult to figure out why these shows still have the ability to appeal to the older crowds, because they're all so different; but I've come to the theory that even though on the outside we may appear to crave the sex and blood and bullets of prime time TV, some part of us needs an escape from all of that. Some part of us needs to watch something with singing and dancing and pretty colors that makes us happy. Some part of us needs to memorize the "Carmen Sandiego" theme again, and cheer every time our favorite Gumshoe scores a point.

So go ahead, relive your childhood. Go on YouTube and look for that "Sesame Street" song you remember, or your favorite video that Mr. McFeely delivered. Let yourself be seven again, and take pride in it; because you're not the only grown-up visitor to Hooper's Store.

"Ghost Hunters" - what do you think?

Thanks to my mom's interest in the paranormal, I recently started watching the Sci-Fi Channel series "Ghost Hunters." Basically, it's a reality show in which a camera crew follows a group of professional ghost hunters from Rhode Island called the Atlantic Paranormal Society (their website is here: http://www.the-atlantic-paranormal-society.com/) as they investigate reports of paranormal activity throughout the country. They generally set out to debunk any claims they receive, and often find logical or scientific explanations for the stories they're told. However, every once in a while, they manage to capture video or audio that they find to be totally unexplainable, such as a clear disembodied voice or footage of a full-bodied apparition.

I've tried talking about this show to a couple people; one dismissed it as fakery (though the show claims to be 100% legitimate), and another immediately said there was no such thing as ghosts and refused to watch it. (Sounds like a chicken to me...) I personally think that it is in fact legit, because they don't *always* find something amazing; several episodes have included locations that came up empty, and at least one saw an inhabitant of a supposedly haunted hotel attempt to fool the TAPS crew (and fail) by tampering with their camera. But when they do find something big, I'm not afraid to admit that it's scary as hell. :-)

I do, however. find some of the show's 'scare tactics' to be cheesy - the 'on this episode' and 'on the next episode' previews are usually heavily manipulated, cutting and pasting footage and dialogue in order to lead one to believe that something absolutely outrageous happens; and the second season especially made totally unnecessary use of "The Ring"-type subliminal images and sounds that popped up whenever a scene started to get quiet. But those two complaints aside, what we see does appear to be real, and does shed a horrific light on what could possibly be sharing this planet with us.

What do you think? Do you think that the show is staged for entertainment value, or do you think that the ghosts that they sometimes see and hear (and then present to us) are legitimate?

Globetrotting with "Whose Line"!

Surely, everyone is familiar with the ABC/ABC Family version of "Whose Line Is It Anyway." Hearing that title immediately makes most people think of Wayne Brady, Colin Mochrie, and Ryan Stiles. But that certainly hasn't been the *only* version of that show... and some of them get *awfully* weird. But first, let's re-familiarize ourselves with the "Whose Line" we know and love.

"WHOSE LINE" IN ENGLAND
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSJPr8aYN_w

"WHOSE LINE" IN AMERICA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTxkxG3DF4k
* Actually, despite the different filming locations, the English and American versions are in fact one continuous show. The final 'English' season is almost completely identical to the ABC show; ABC merely replaced Clive Anderson with Drew Carey.

Okay... now it's going to get freaky.

"WHOSE LINE" IN GERMANY ("Frei Schnauze")
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3XdzT30y9s
* Notice that they're playing one of our games - "Helping Hands."

"WHOSE LINE" IN THE NETHERLANDS ("De Lama's")
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvtHIHRnopw
* Seems like they start out with "World's Worst", the topic being the World's Worst Music Video.

"WHOSE LINE" IN ISRAEL ("Shel Mi Hashura Hazot")
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKldsFJNhPM
* According to one of the comments, they're apparently playing "World's Worst", "Props", and "If You Know What I Mean," all borrowed from the original WLIIA.

"WHOSE LINE" IN TURKEY ("Aninda Goruntu Show")
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Efwq5iOGgQE
* No idea what they're playing.

"WHOSE LINE" IN LITHUANIA ("Pagauk Kampa")
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avh98tUNeuU
* Be warned... this is like the fever-dream/mindfuck version of "Helping Hands"! And holy shit, is the keyboardist scary - he sure as hell ain't no Laura Hall!

"WHOSE LINE" IN HUNGARY ("Beugro")
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwY9RiQBzcw
* Another game borrowed directly from the original; they're playing (the game) "Whose Line?".

The 007 Conspiracy: a controversial theory.

With the release of "Quantum of Solace" mere weeks away, I thought I would post something I put a lot of thought into a while back. OK, so with "Casino Royale", it should be obvious that they've officially confirmed that James Bond is NOT always the same person, as Daniel Craig's Bond became agent 007 in only 2006. They've hinted at this concept in the past (Lazenby referred to Connery's Bond as 'the other fella'), but never until CR blatantly confirmed it.

The concept of 'James Bond' as a codename actually originated in the unofficial 1967 version of "Casino Royale", in which we learned that the original WWII-era James Bond had since retired and the service has been giving agents his name. Though technically a non-canonical movie, it does explain the inconsistencies throughout the official films. What has never been explained, however, is why (even in the official movies) the character of Felix Leiter is always so different; the recent movies in particular, as well as the unofficial "Never Say Never Again", made it more confusing by suddenly making the character black. It can only be assumed that 'Felix Leiter' is a codename as well.

But how many James Bonds are there, exactly? As far as we've seen, at least seven. Let's look closer.

==========================

JAMES BOND HIMSELF (David Niven)
Organization: MI-5

Casino Royale (1967)

* Romantically linked to Mata Hari, with whom he produced a daughter named Mata Bond.
* Honored after retirement by Her Majesty's Secret Service, who began assigning his name and number to new agents.
* Decided to live a life of celibacy after Mata Hari's execution (which he unwillingly participated in).
* Knighted by Her Majesty the Queen.
* Had an American nephew named Jimmy Bond who was also recruited by the British secret service (probably for name value alone), and who later proved treacherous as he would become a SMERSH operative under the pseudonym Dr. Noah.
* Disliked one of his namesakes (likely Sean Connery's Bond), upon whom he wished death. He was sickened by his namesake's ever-rampant libido, especially in the light of the fact that this other "James Bond" usually killed who he slept with.
* Killed in an explosion at Casino Royale, sometime during either 1966 or 1967. The culprit behind the explosion was in fact Sir James's own nephew Jimmy, who was also killed in the blast.
Note - Historically speaking, a tryst with Mata Hari would've been impossible, especially given Mata Bond's young age in the mid 1960's. This inconsistency has never been explained.


FIRST KNOWN NAMESAKE (Sean Connery)
Organization: MI-6

Dr. No (1962)
From Russia With Love (1963)
Goldfinger (1964)
Thunderball (1965)
You Only Live Twice (1967)
Diamonds Are Forever (1971)
Never Say Never Again (1983)

* Apparently joined the service sometime prior to 1962, as he is already an experienced agent by the time of "Dr. No".
* Took a vacation in 1969, and for reasons unknown, apparently did not return to the service until 1971.
* Disappeared from the limelight in 1971, but returned to the service sometime prior to 1983. It was during this time that his superiors considered him to be in a bad physical condition, and temporarily relieved him from his duties so that he would be able to undergo physical rehabiliation. (However, it is notable that his 'superiors' in 1983 are obviously not the same superiors of the Roger Moore Bond, nor does this Secret Service appear to be stationed in the same building as MI-6. A tenuous theory would be that Connery's Bond now works for MI-5, as seen in 1967's Casino Royale. The appearance of this locale doesn't match the Royale building either, but a change in location or unseen remodeling of the MI-5 building is a possibility.)
* Announced his retirement from the service in 1983, and apparently never returned.


SECOND KNOWN NAMESAKE (Terence Cooper)
Organization: MI-5

Casino Royale (1967)

* Recruited by Miss Moneypenny's daughter, under the orders of Sir James Bond.
* Real last name was Cooper; first name unknown.
* Trained to resist women, thanks to a number of recent sex scandals involving British secret agents.
* Was never able to perform a mission, because in the short time between his recruitment and his apparent death, he was being held captive by SMERSH's Dr. Noah.
* Apparently not killed in the explosion at Casino Royale. What happened to him instead, however, is not known.


THIRD KNOWN NAMESAKE (Peter Sellers)
Organization: MI-5

Casino Royale (1967)

* Recruited by Vesper Lynd, under the orders of Sir James Bond.
* Real identity was Evelyn Tremble, a published author and known baccarat expert.
* Assigned to bankrupt Le Chiffre (Orson Welles) at baccarat. He was given the guise of James Bond, because his true name would have been recognized by Le Chiffre.
* Underwent mental torture after failing to surrender his baccarat winnings to Le Chiffre.
* Shot to death by Vesper Lynd, who was in fact a traitor secretly working for SMERSH.


[I should point out here that "Casino Royale" also sees the original Bond's nephew Jimmy (Woody Allen) working for the English secret service, but this appears to be his own name and not a given codename. Furthermore, the characters of Vesper (Ursula Andress), Mata (Joanna Pettet), Moneypenny (Barbara Bouchet), and the Detainer (Daliah Lavi) are all given the codename of 'James Bond 007'. This is, however, merely for the purpose of confusing the SMERSH organization; and unlike Cooper and Tremble, none of these characters actually act as a namesake for Bond.]


FOURTH KNOWN NAMESAKE (George Lazenby / Roger Moore / Timothy Dalton)
Organization: MI-6

George Lazenby:
On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969)

Roger Moore:
Live And Let Die (1973)
The Man With The Golden Gun (1974)
The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)
Moonraker (1979)
For Your Eyes Only (1981)
Octopussy (1983)
A View To A Kill (1985)

Timothy Dalton:
The Living Daylights (1987)
Licence To Kill (1989)

* Referred to the Connery Bond as "the other fellow," and served in 1969 while that Bond was on vacation
* Fell in love with Tracy di Vicenzo, who was murdered at the hands of Irma Bunt. The depression caused by this event plagued him for many years.
* Turned against the service twice. His first conflict with the service occurred when he was removed from the assignment to locate Ernst Stavro Blofeld and told he was not permitted to continue his search. The second occurrance of disloyalty dealt with the service's refusal to allow proper retribution against the individual who maimed Felix Leiter and murdered Felix's wife. On this second occasion, Bond's insistence on avenging Felix led to the removal of his licence to kill, which was reinstated shortly after.
Note - There is no easy way to explain the sudden age jump between Roger Moore and Timothy Dalton, assuming that "A View to a Kill" and "The Living Daylights" actually took place in 1985 and 1987. However, Moore and Dalton are obviously the same Bond, as the death of Tracy is mentioned in reference to both of them, and they are both good friends with David Hedison's Felix Leiter.


FIFTH KNOWN NAMESAKE (Pierce Brosnan)
Organization: MI-6

GoldenEye (1995)
Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)
The World Is Not Enough (1999)
Die Another Day (2002)

* Earliest known mission was in 1987, during which crooked agent Alex Trevelyan (006) faked his own death.
* Born sometime during the 1960's.
* Assassinated Colonel Moon in the early 21st century, and because of this spent a year of torture in a Korean prison, abandoned by his superiors. (Given the possible reference to Bond's lack of knowledge of 9/11 in "Die Another Day", it is assumed that Bond's prison sentence occurred from 2001 to 2002.)


SIXTH KNOWN NAMESAKE (Daniel Craig)
Organization: MI-6

Casino Royale (2006)
Quantum Of Solace (2008)
[as yet untitled] (2010)
[as yet untitled] (2012?)

* Received his double-O status in 2006.
* Had a chip injected into his arm for tracking purposes.
* Bankrupted Le Chiffre (no known relation to Bond's other enemies of that name) at poker. After failing to turn over his winnings to Le Chiffre, he was brutally tortured, and had to be hospitalized due to the testicular injuries he received during the torture process.
* Took an extended leave after his first mission to build a romantic relationship with Vesper Lynd, whose relationship to Evelyn Tremble's assassin of that name is unknown. Like her 1967 namesake, Vesper also turned out to be working for the other side. Out of the grief she felt for having betrayed Bond, she successfully committed suicide despite Bond's rescue attempt.

==========================

Now, if you're a hardcore Bond fan, you might be asking yourself... what about Barry Nelson, who starred in the first-ever Bond movie, the 1954 version of "Casino Royale"?

Simply put, this one (an American secret agent, working for an organization called Combined Intelligence) doesn't seem to have any relation to the string of English secret agents described above. Combined Intelligence did, however, work alongside the Her Majesty's Secret Service, partnering this James with an English agent named Clarence Leiter. Of course, in all later films (and indeed in the novels that spawned them), the situation is reversed - James Bond is the English agent, while Leiter, who from "Dr. No" onwards kept his literary first name of Felix, is working for the American CIA.

Though it is unique among the non-English Bond films, as it is now recognized as being part of the series, trying to fit the Americanized "Casino Royale" into the ongoing Bond canon is about as sensical as, say, finding an explanation for the Indian-made "James Bond 777" or the Chinese-made "From Beijing With Love." They're all just too far removed from the English James Bonds to be related story-wise.