TheLazenby's Mess of Miscellanea

An unofficial Spinal Tap discography...

2011-03-27T16:27:00.000-07:00

This is something I've been working on for a few years now - an attempt to fill out Spinal Tap's entire discography, using titles that not only suit the mentality of the band, but whatever style they adopted at the time.

Of course, this is nothing more than my own vision of these albums, but I thought someone might find it interesting. :-)

(Though, credit where it's due - titles marked with '*' stem from Bernard Anderson's site 'Maximum Tap'.)

===============================================

SPINAL TAP SINGS "(LISTEN TO THE) FLOWER PEOPLE" AND OTHER FAVORITES
(Megaphone, 1967)

SIDE ONE
1) (Listen To The) Flower People
2) Break Like The Wind
3) Green Leaves / Our Hideaway*
4) Red Robin*
5) A Good Different Thing*
6) Rainy Day Sun [removed from line-up]
7) (Again With The) Flower People

SIDE TWO
1) Have A Nice Death
2) Gimme Some Money [added to US version]
3) Cups and Cakes [added to US version]

WE ARE ALL FLOWER PEOPLE
(Megaphone, 1968)

SIDE ONE
1) We Are All Flower People
2) Get Me Away From The Ground
3) An Astounding Aerial Escapade
4) To Fly
5) Cloud Cover Light (Prepare for Takeoff)

SIDE TWO
1) I Am Flight
2) Aerially Dynamic
3) Red Skies At Noon
4) Cloud Cover Dense (Prepare for Collision)
5) The Incredible Flight of Icarus P. Anybody

THE INCREDIBLE FLIGHT OF ICARUS P. ANYBODY
(budget album - Megaphone, 1969)

SIDE ONE
1) Get Me Away From The Ground
2) An Astounding Aerial Escapade
3) To Fly
4) Cloud Cover Light (Prepare for Takeoff)

SIDE TWO
1) I Am Flight
2) Aerially Dynamic
3) Red Skies At Noon
4) Cloud Cover Dense (Prepare for Collision)
5) The Incredible Flight of Icarus P. Anybody

SILENT BUT DEADLY
(live - Megaphone, 1969)

SIDE ONE
1) Short 'n' Sweet

SIDE TWO
1) Breakfast of Evil
2) Silent But Deadly

BRAINHAMMER
(Megaphone #NLA184, 1970)

SIDE ONE
1) Big Bottom
2) Springtime
3) Lie Back and Take It
4) Swallow My Love
5) Brainhammer

SIDE TWO
1) Shackle 'n' Stone
2) Child of Squatney
3) Hey Buddha [instrumental]
4) Death Warrior
5) Stonehenge [original version]

[There is a 1970 interview with Nigel in which he mentions 'Stonehenge,' so it's certainly possible that an early version could've existed at this time.]

NERVE DAMAGE
(Megaphone, 1971)

SIDE ONE
1) Nerve Damage
2) A Sting in the Tail
3) Pity No Prisoner
4) Glandlocked
5) Flaming Red Taxi

SIDE TWO
1) Plant the Demon Seed
2) Fear of a Black Strap
3) Miss Scarlet [also known as "Cluedo-sex"]
4) Calm Lydia (Can't Catch Me)
5) Snake Shake Boogie [instrumental]

BLOOD TO LET
(Megaphone, 1972)

SIDE ONE
1) Blood To Let
2) Brain Drain*
3) Feel the Flesh
4) Razor Blade Love
5) Sally She-Devil

SIDE TWO
1) Ring Around the Ribcage
2) Swinging Blade (Cut Me Down To Size Again)
3) Handshake with Hades
4) Crimsonfinger
5) The Eve of the Day

INTRAVENUS DE MILO
(Megaphone #DST2891, 1974)

SIDE ONE
1) Tonight I'm Gonna Rock You Tonight
2) Intravenus de Milo
3) Saliva of the Fittest
4) Women Are A Piece Of Cake
5) My Axe Collection

SIDE TWO
1) Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare
2) Nice 'n' Stinky
3) Eye of the Snake
4) Hell's Children
5) Tease Me, Squeeze Me

THE SUN NEVER SWEATS
(Megaphone #DS201, 1975)

SIDE ONE
1) Mighty Ouroboros (Prologue)
2) Daze Of Knights Of Old
3) The Princess and the Unicorn
4) The Garden of Mists
5) The Obelisk
6) The Sun Never Sweats

SIDE TWO
1) Devil Take the Hindmost
2) Nocturnal Mission [instrumental]
3) Stonehenge
4) Mighty Ouroboros (Epilogue)

JAP HABIT
(live - Megaphone, 1975)

[UK VERSION:]
SIDE ONE
1) Tonight I'm Gonna Rock You Tonight
2) Intravenus de Milo
3) Saliva of the Fittest
4) Swallow My Love
5) Big Bottom

SIDE TWO
1) Gimme Some Money
2) (Listen To The) Flower People
3) Break Like The Wind
4) We Are All Flower People
5) The Incredible Flight of Icarus P. Anybody

SIDE THREE
1) Brainhammer
2) Lie Back and Take It
3) Nerve Damage
4) Blood To Let
5) Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare

SIDE FOUR
1) Band Intros
2) Nice 'n' Stinky
3) Silent But Deadly
4) Heavy Duty

SIDE FIVE
1) Daze Of Knights Of Old
2) The Sun Never Sweats
3) Devil Take The Hindmost
4) Nocturnal Mission [instrumental]
5) Stonehenge

SIDE SIX (ENCORES)
1) Rockin' Robin
2) Short 'n' Sweet

[US VERSION:]
SIDE ONE
1) Tonight I'm Gonna Rock You Tonight
2) Intravenus de Milo
3) Swallow My Love
4) Big Bottom
5) (Listen To The) Flower People

SIDE TWO
1) Break Like The Wind
2) The Incredible Flight of Icarus P. Anybody
3) Brainhammer
4) Blood To Let
5) Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare

SIDE THREE
1) Daze Of Knights Of Old
2) The Sun Never Sweats
3) Devil Take The Hindmost
4) Nocturnal Mission [instrumental]
5) Stonehenge

SIDE FOUR
1) Band Intros
2) Nice 'n' Stinky
3) Heavy Duty
4) Short 'n' Sweet [edit]

BENT FOR THE RENT
(Megaphone, 1976)

SIDE ONE
1) When A Man Looks Like A Woman
2) High Heels, Hot Wheels
3) Heavy Duty
4) Cardiff Cutie Cruisin' ['Cleveland Cutie Cruisin'' on US pressing]
5) Bent For The Rent

SIDE TWO
1) Stinkin' Up The Great Outdoors
2) Panties and Lipstick
3) Leather Lucy
4) High School Ball
5) Stay Out of Angela

TAP DANCING
(Megaphone, 1976)

SIDE ONE
1) Tap Dancing
2) Big Bottom
3) Heavy Duty
4) High Heels, Hot Wheels
5) Stonehenge

SIDE TWO
1) Tap Dancing [reprise]
2) Break Like The Wind
3) (Listen To The) Flower People
4) Short 'n' Sweet

[All tracks are disco-flavored remakes, save the new title track.]

ROCK AND ROLL CREATION
(Megaphone #NLA1249, 1977)

SIDE ONE
1) Rock and Roll Creation Suite
* a) When There Was Darkness
* b) Rock and Roll Creation
* c) The Answer Is Clear

SIDE TWO
1) Young, Smug and Famous
2) Death On A Stick
3) Cock a Doodle
4) Dusty Devils (In Dirty Drawers)
5) Silence the Rock, Suffer the Roll

SHARK SANDWICH
(Polymer #D18892, 1980)

SIDE ONE
1) Shark Sandwich
2) No Place Like Nowhere
3) Throb Detector
4) Devil In A Hairpiece
5) Ride the Pink Stallion

SIDE TWO
1) Sex Farm
2) Scratch 'n' Sniff
3) Feel Me Up, Feel Me Down
4) The Wetter The Better
5) No One's Watching (But The Moon)
+ 'Satan's Salacious Sandwich' [unlisted, instrumental reprise of title track]

SMELL THE GLOVE
(Polymer, 1982)

SIDE ONE
1) Hell Hole
2) Chrome Plated Mistress
3) Greasin' the Beast
4) Tooth In Nail 'n' Wound In Plaster
5) Blistered Sisters

SIDE TWO
1) Smell the Glove
2) Red Hot Breezes (Satan's Sneezes)
3) Penetrating Eyes
4) Hell Hath No Heartburn

HEAVY METAL MEMORIES
(compilation - Metalhouse #D404, 1983)

SIDE ONE
1) Hell Hole
2) Sex Farm
3) Stonehenge [1975 version - single edit]
4) The Incredible Flight of Icarus P. Anybody
5) Blood To Let

SIDE TWO
1) Big Bottom [1982 synth version]
2) Brainhammer
3) Silent But Deadly [single edit]
4) Bent For The Rent
5) Tonight I'm Gonna Rock You Tonight

SIDE THREE
1) Break Like The Wind
2) Cups And Cakes
3) Rainy Day Sun
4) (Listen To The) Flower People
5) Heavy Duty

SIDE FOUR
1) The Sun Never Sweats
2) (Again With The) Flower People
3) Nice 'n' Stinky [live]
4) Rock and Roll Creation [single edit]
5) Gimme Some Money

===============================================

Of course, Tap's later three albums (the 'This Is Spinal Tap' soundtrack, Break Like The Wind, and Back From The Dead) are still available, thus not requiring discussion.

Summer wistfulness....

2011-01-18T00:32:00.000-08:00

You know what I just realized is a nice feeling?

Spending time on a blazing hot summer day in an icy cold, perfectly air conditioned store. And I mean, a big store, like a Wal-Mart, where the chilly air is complemented by the chatter of a dozen televisions and the beeping of price scanners.

Even if you don't buy something, who cares? It's pleasant.

:-)

"This Is My Mall" - a movie idea...

2010-10-15T19:05:00.000-07:00

Okay, I've had essentially the same dream *twice* now, so I felt like I should write it down as a sort of movie treatment, altered a bit to give it a plot. It was an intriguing dream, and vivid enough that I remember both versions well.

So, here is my movie treatment, which I call "This Is My Mall."

==============================================

"THIS IS MY MALL"
A rough idea by Steven Worek

A college-aged boy named Michael finally gets his license, and eventually, his own junker of a car. To celebrate his newfound freedom, he drives a car full of his friends to the nearby city where he used to live, so that he can revisit the places that defined his childhood. One of these places is the Kenton Peaks Mall.

Upon arriving at the Kenton Peaks Mall, Michael and his friends make a horrific discovery - the mall still stands, but is long closed. Standing amidst fancy office complexes and apartment buildings, its once majestic exterior is dirty and broken, and the police-taped two-level parking lot has collapsed, leaving a treacherous cave where the underground parking and lower entrance once were.

Depressed, Michael begins obsessively researching Kenton Peaks Mall, finding articles that reveal its unsafe structure, untested ground, and slow commercial death. However, upon posting about the mall on a number of forums, he learns that the citizens of Kenton miss the mall dearly, because like Michael, their childhood developed within its walls. Michael locates contact information for the property owners, but finds that they lack the money to restore the mall to glory. Michael announces to the population of Kenton that he wants to collect money to help the owners pay for its proper renovation and reopening.

Eventually, Michael is able to raise a hundred thousand dollars from friends of the mall, but it is nowhere near enough. Making a televised plea, he asks the city government for aid, and receives two million dollars, promising to reshape the once weak mall into a bustling center of commerce. The owners agree to rebuild the mall, and Michael is given control over its attractions.

Time passes, and the mall is renovated into a grand complex, with each storefront successfully filled. The grand opening arrives, and shoppers pack the complex from wall to wall. Within a year, however, Michael finds that his mall is dying once more; the shoppers find the renovations to be untrustworthy and unsafe. Complaints that the two-level parking lot seems to be crumbling into pieces onto cars below, and that the mall's floors seem flimsy and unsteady, lead to widespread paranoia about its safety. By the mall's one-year anniversary, most of its stores are closed.

Michael desperately scrambles to lure shoppers back, but he is unsuccessful. One of the property owners tells Michael he has something to show him, and they go for a drive. In the nearby town of Halliwell, on a rarely used back road snaking through the hills above the town's major road, which is lined for miles with successful restaurants and shopping centers, Michael discovers a pathetic, rusted metal building. The owner unlocks the door and takes him inside, where he finds a former mall, rotted, overgrown with plants, and disgusting. The owner tells him that this used to be called Knight's Ridge Mall, and that before the main road in town gained its wealth of successful businesses, this is where everyone came to shop and eat. In 1980, after nearby developments began to draw people away, the owner's company desperately tried to bring back its fading crowd, but found that there was nothing they could put in that the main road's developments couldn't top. One day, they gave up, and closed the doors for good. Leaving Knight's Ridge Mall, the owner tells Michael that nothing in business lasts forever... sometimes things are successful, sometimes they're just meant to fail. Kenton Peaks failed once, and it was destined to fail again.

By its final days of operation, the corridors of Kenton Peaks begin looking dilapidated. Michael attempts to call the owners again and again, first attempting to get a broken escalator repaired, and then repairing a railing that seems to be breaking away from the second floor walkway. The owners never answer his calls. Eventually, a safety inspector arrives to tell Michael that the mall has to be closed by the end of the week.

Word about its unsafe environment has spread throughout the entire town and its neighbors, and on the final gloomy day, Michael is left standing alone in the atrium of his mall, sadly staring at the empty displays, countless metal gates, and powerless neon signs. Late in the day, as a storm builds outside, Michael's friends arrive with other friends in tow, and the group all vows to stay in the mall until the last second.

The storm becomes serious, however, quickly growing into the worst storm Kenton has had in years. Numerous locations of the city are flooded, and the mall loses its power. One of Michael's friends tells him that the upper parking lot is running thick with water, and in a panic, Michael rushes to the lower entrance, where the underground parking has a foot of water that is desperately trying to break through the door. The walls of the parking area are crumbling, and as Michael watches, a cement barrier floats into the glass door, smashing it, and flooding the lower floor with water. Michael tells everyone to stay upstairs, and breaks open the boards now covering the former food court. Everyone takes a seat, and Michael tells them that the parking lot is collapsing, so the only option they have is to stay safe in there, and that he'll go out for help when the rain stops.

For a few moments, the frightened group of friends and remaining employees sits in silence, while Michael and a couple others retrieve flashlights from each of the closed restaurants. Faint metallic groans are heard echoing though the empty corridors. The group looks around, and the groans become louder. All of a sudden, as Michael and his two friends rejoin the group with a box of flashlights, the mall shifts, and the group drops several feet. Below, the flow of water into the bottom floor becomes even stronger, and soon, the group is looking over the banister at a muddy, putrid lake.

One of Michael's friends panics and vomits, and staggers to the restroom close to the food court. Michael follows him, holding a flashlight. When the friend turns a corner to reach the stalls, Michael suddenly grabs him and pulls him back - the floor inside the restroom has collapsed, and the friend nearly falls down a twenty foot, pitch black hole into the restroom below. The friend instead dashes towards a remaining trashcan, and when he is done, they rejoin the group in the food court, who are now sitting desperately still. Another friend tells Michael that they just heard the entire food court creak, so they're afraid to move. Someone suggests that maybe they should all sit near the banister, so that if the food court begins to collapse, they can jump into the now-deep water below. Carefully and slowly, everyone edges over.

Time passes quietly, as everyone stares at the growing lake below, and their possible future destination. To keep everyone in high spirits, Michael starts telling stories about what the mall was like when he was a child. He points to now-submerged locations from his youth - a former toy store, a former music store, a former pet store. He tells them that he wanted the same types of stores that he remembered, so that a new generation could discover the joy he found there.

Not long after Michael's stories end, the front half of the food court suddenly shifts and angles downward, sliding everyone quickly towards the railing. He tells them to back up towards the still-stable restaurants, and when they get there, to disperse evenly across them and stay *completely* still. He is going to get help no matter what, and grabbing a hold of an unsuspecting friend, moves towards the upper entrance of the mall.

Upon reaching the entrance, the two discover that they now have several feet of wet, weak ground in front of the door to contend with. Michael has his friend help him in dragging a bench to the door, and lifting it over their heads, they begin to ram the asphalt barricade. Breaking through a couple feet, the two discover a very unstable but possibly usable tunnel to the surface through which water is pouring. The two struggle up through the slippery tunnel, bursting upward through a torrential waterfall at the end in order to reach the surface. The pair swim over to one of the flooded office complexes and bang on the door. A terrified office worker, trapped on an upper floor, opens a window. Michael screams that if anyone in the building has a cell phone, to please call for help, because everyone else is trapped in the mall. Before too long, workers with rafts arrive to dig a clearer path to the upper entrance, and retrieve those trapped in the food court as water rushes into the upper floor.

In the waiting area of an emergency room, looking stunned, Michael stares at a television. Local news is covering "Chaos at Kenton Peaks Mall", reporting that all individuals made it out and are in stable condition at Eastern Kenton Hospital, but showing a horrible sight - the mall is now nothing but rubble, with large chunks washing out into the city. The reporter states that caretaker Michael was in no state to be interviewed, and that the property owners could not be reached. The city is calling for the arrests of the owners, as this is the second time one of their malls became dangerous due to a lack of proper construction and maintenance - the previous incident concerned Knight's Ridge Mall in nearby Halliwell, which was closed in *2000* after a lifetime of severe neglect and unsafe conditions. Michael hears a nearby elderly man tell someone that he hated Knight's Ridge Mall when he lived in Halliwell - you needed a goddamn tetanus shot just to go into their filthy grocery store. An old woman tells the man that when Kenton Peaks was open years ago, she couldn't even go between floors - the same handicapped elevator was broken for fifteen years. The old man laughs and tells her that he supposes nothing is meant to last forever. Michael is seen looking over at them, and then slowly turns his head back to look at his feet. Slow fade to black.

Fifty-seven James Bond films - and then some?! (updated Oct 10)

2010-09-19T20:40:00.000-07:00

I thought I would try something absolutely crazy, and compile the most complete Bond film chronology *ever*. This is divided into four parts - authorized usage of Bond, unauthorized adaptations of Bond (that still use his name), spinoffs and related films, and notable copycats (obvious ripoffs, like '070' and '777'.) Hold your breath, it's about to get crazy.

[UPDATE - Oct 10 - Added to almost every section. This list keeps on growing...]

========================

I. Authorized Usage of James Bond

10/1954 - CASINO ROYALE
starring Barry Nelson
Origin: United States
TV adaptation, featuring an Americanized Bond.

10/1962 - DR. NO
starring Sean Connery
Origin: England
First EON production.

10/1963 - FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE
starring Sean Connery
Origin: England

09/1964 - GOLDFINGER
starring Sean Connery
Origin: England

12/1965 - THUNDERBALL
starring Sean Connery
Origin: England

12/1966 - CASINO ROYALE
starring David Niven, Terence Cooper and Peter Sellers
Origin: England
Not an EON production, and not considered part of the series.

06/1967 - YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE
starring Sean Connery
Origin: England

12/1969 - ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE
starring George Lazenby
Origin: England

12/1971 - DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER
starring Sean Connery
Origin: England

06/1973 - LIVE AND LET DIE
starring Roger Moore
Origin: England

12/1974 - THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN
starring Roger Moore
Origin: England

07/1977 - THE SPY WHO LOVED ME
starring Roger Moore
Origin: England

06/1979 - MOONRAKER
starring Roger Moore
Origin: England

06/1981 - FOR YOUR EYES ONLY
starring Roger Moore
Origin: England

06/1983 - OCTOPUSSY
starring Roger Moore
Origin: England

10/1983 - NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN
starring Sean Connery
Origin: England
Not an EON production, and not considered part of the series.

05/1985 - A VIEW TO A KILL
starring Roger Moore
Origin: England

06/1987 - THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS
starring Timothy Dalton
Origin: England

06/1989 - LICENCE TO KILL
starring Timothy Dalton
Origin: England

11/1995 - GOLDENEYE
starring Pierce Brosnan
Origin: England

12/1997 - TOMORROW NEVER DIES
starring Pierce Brosnan
Origin: England

11/1999 - THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH
starring Pierce Brosnan
Origin: England

11/2002 - DIE ANOTHER DAY
starring Pierce Brosnan
Origin: England

11/2006 - CASINO ROYALE
starring Daniel Craig
Origin: England

10/2008 - QUANTUM OF SOLACE
starring Daniel Craig
Origin: England

========================

II: Unauthorized Adaptations of James Bond

10/1965 - THE AMAZING DOCTOR G
[aka TWO MAFIOSI AGAINST GOLDGINGER]
(DUE MAFIOSI CONTRO GOLDGINGER)
featuring George Hilton
Origins: Spain / Italy
Bond has a small role, and is killed.

05/1966 - 07 CON EL 2 DELANTE (AGENTE: JAMIE BONET) [trans?]
starring Casto Sendra Barrufet [aka Cassen]
Origin: Spain

07/1966 - FUNNY 007
(YOCHEOL BOKTONG 007)
starring Shi-Ja Cheon
Origin: South Korea

??/1966 - JAMES BATMAN
starring Rodolfo Quizon [aka Dolphy]
Origin: Philippines
Dolphy would star in a number of other Bond spoofs as well, but not as James Bond himself.

??/1966 - GOLDEN BOY
(ALTIN COCUK)
starring Goksel Arsoy
Origin: Turkey

??/1966 - LAW OF THE GUNS
(SILAHLARIN KANUNU)
starring Yilmaz Guney
Origin: Turkey

??/1966 - SEVEN JAMES BONDS
(PITONG JAMES BONDS)
starring Mariano Contreras (aka Pugo), Lopito, Ben Cosca (aka Bentot), Perfecto Pinon (aka Tugak), Pugak, Cachupoy, and Apeng Daldal
Origin: Philippines

??/1967 - GOLDEN BOY IN BEIRUT
(ALTIN COCUK BEYRUT'TA)
starring Goksel Arsoy
Origin: Turkey

??/1967 - ORTA SARK YANIYOR [trans?]
starring Goksel Arsoy
Origin: Turkey
The third "Golden Boy" film.

??/1970 - THE SPY WITH THE GOLDEN GUN
(ALTIN TABANCALI ADAM)
starring Murat Soydan
Origin: Turkey
Interestingly enough, the similarly-titled "The Man With The Golden Gun" was also released in Turkey as "Altin Tabancali Adam."

??/1970 - CEHENNEMDE SENLIK VAR [trans?]
starring Yilmaz Koksal
Origin: Turkey

??/1971 - JAMES BOND 777
starring Krishna Ghattamaneni
Origin: India

??/1977 - AGENT VINOD
starring Mahendra Sandhu
Origin: India
The name 'James Bond' is never used, but unlike other foreign knock-offs whose characters merely mimic Bond, the intended identity of this character is obvious. Incidentally, the 2011 film of the same title has no connection to this one.

03/1977 - THE DRAGON LIVES AGAIN
[aka THE DEADLY HANDS OF KUNG-FU]
(LE SAN JIAO WEN ZHEN DI YU MEN)
featuring Alexander Grand
Origin: Hong Kong
Though the film does not center around James Bond, he appears prominently, alongside a number of other familiar characters.

04/1983 - THE RETURN OF THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E.
featuring George Lazenby
Origin: United States
Lazenby's Bond (referred to as "J.B.") has a cameo appearance.

??/1984 - JAMES BOND 999
starring Suman
Origin: India
No copy of this film appears to be in public circulation.

??/1985 - BOND 303
starring Jeetendra
Origin: India

??/1987 - THE MAHJONG INCIDENT
[aka THE GREEN JADE MAHJONGG]
featuring Ron D. Cohen
Origin: China
Bond makes a brief cameo.

04/1992 - MR. BOND
starring Akshay Kumar
Origin: India

10/1994 - FROM BEIJING WITH LOVE
[aka MADE IN CHINA 007]
(GUOCHAN LING LING QI)
starring Stephen Chiau
Origin: Hong Kong

10/2001 - STEALING DAGMAR
(JAK UKRAST DAGMARU)
starring Jaroslav Sypal
Origin: Czech Republic

========================

III: Bond Without Bond - Spinoffs and Related Films

03/1964 - HOT ENOUGH FOR JUNE
[aka AGENT 8 3/4]
starring Dirk Bogarde
Origin: England
Concerns the agent who replaces now-deceased James Bond.

07/1966 - KALEIDOSCOPE
starring Warren Beatty
Origin: England
A Bond-less, unauthorized adaptation of Fleming's Casino Royale.

09/1966 - KISS THE GIRLS AND MAKE THEM DIE
[aka IF ALL THE WOMEN IN THE WORLD]
(SE TUTTE LE DONNE DEL MONDO)
starring Mike Connors
Origin: Italy
This is primarily a spoof of Sixties spy films, but earns a spot on this list, as it was largely adapted into "Moonraker."

??/1966 - VALLAVAN ORUVAN [trans?]
starring Jaishankar
Origin: India
Not a Bond film, but rather, a plagiarism of "Dr. No" and "From Russia With Love" with a Bond-like character. (Other portions of the film rip off the French spy film "Banque a Bankok pour OSS 117.")

??/1966 - MONEY-COLLECTING AGENT 007
(EISPRAKTOR 007)
starring Nikos Stavridis
Origin: Greece
Outside of the title, the connection to Bond is unknown; the character himself doesn't seem to appear.

04/1967 - OPERATION KID BROTHER
[aka OPERATION DOUBLE 007 and OK CONNERY]
starring Neil Connery
Origin: Italy
Centers around Bond's look-alike brother. Bernard Lee, Lois Maxwell, Adolfo Celi, and Daniela Bianchi also appear.

03/1968 - BONDITIS
starring Gerd Baltus
Origins: Switzerland / West Germany
Concerns a man who merely thinks he is James Bond.

12/1975 - FROM HONG KONG WITH LOVE
(BONS BAISERS DE HONG KONG)
starring Les Charlots [musical group]
Origin: France
Bond is actually killed during the gunbarrel sequence; Bernard Lee and Lois Maxwell recruit a group called Les Charlots in his place. Clifton James also appears.

06/1981 - THE CANNONBALL RUN
featuring Roger Moore
Origin: United States
Obviously not a Bond film, but Roger Moore appears as a man who believes himself to be Roger Moore's Bond.

09/1981 - SHUT UP WHEN YOU SPEAK!
(TAIS-TOI QUAND TU PARLES!)
starring Aldo Maccione
Origins: France / Italy
Concerns a man named Giacomo (Italian for 'James') who dreams he is James Bond.

01/1984 - OUR MAN FROM BOND STREET
(ZUIJIA PAIDANG ZHI NUHUANG MILING)
featuring Jean Mersant
Origin: Hong Kong
Part of the "Aces Go Places" (or "Mad Mission") series. The villain is a jewel thief who poses as James Bond. Oddjob (not played by Harold Sakata) appears, as does Richard Kiel.

========================

IV: Bond Without Bond - Notable Copycats

AGENT 007 1/2

??/1966 - 007 1/2 NO CARNAVAL [trans?]
starring Larry Carr
Origin: Brazil

AGENT 707

03/1965 - DRAGNET
(LAMBAT)
starring Bernard Bonnin
Origin: Philippines
Despite the title, this has no relation to the American TV series.

09/1965 - KARATE SA KARATE [trans?]
starring Bernard Bonnin
Origin: Philippines

BOB FLEMING, AGENT 077

04/1965 - SECRET AGENT FIREBALL
[aka 077: CHALLENGE TO KILLERS and THE SPY KILLERS]
(LE SPIE UCCIDONO A BEIRUT)
starring Richard Harrison
Origins: Italy / France

??/1966 - KILLERS ARE CHALLENGED
[aka MISSION CASABLANCA]
(A 077, SFIDA AI KILLERS)
starring Richard Harrison
Origins: Italy / France

BOND CALLAGHAN

10/1966 - OPERATION COUNTERSPY
(ASSO DI PICCHE OPERAZIONE CONTROSPIONAGGIO)
starring George Ardisson
Origins: Italy / Spain / France

COPLAN, AGENT 777 [aka AGENT FX 18]

03/1964 - KILL SECRET AGENT 777 - STOP
[aka AGENT SECRET FX 18]
(UCCIDETE AGENTE SEGRETO 777 - STOP)
starring Ken Clark
Origins: France / Italy / Spain
First released in France, with the character referred to as 'FX 18'. The Italian edition rebranded him '777', to make the Bond connection more obvious. The next Coplan movie would not be renamed to cash in on Bond.

10/1965 - AGENTE 777 MISSIONE SUMMERGAME
[aka COPLAN FX 18 CASSE TOUT]
starring Richard Wyler
Origins: France / Italy
The third Coplan film. One unidentified country seems to have taken the renaming scheme one step further by calling the character '077'. (Incidentally, none of the future Coplan productions would be altered anywhere to reflect the '777' number.)

CHARLES DUFF, AGENT 070
[aka DAN COOPER]

??/1965 - ONE TANGO FROM RUSSIA
(UN TANGO DALLA RUSSIA)
starring Dan Christian
Origin: Italy
The character is known as Charles Duff.

??/1966 - THUNDERBAY MISSIONE GRASSHOPPER
starring Dan Christian
Origins: Hong Kong / Italy
For reasons unknown, 070 has been renamed Dan Cooper.

DICK MALLOY, AGENT 077

08/1965 - MISSION BLOODY MARY
(AGENTE 077 MISSIONE BLOODY MARY)
starring Ken Clark
Origins: Italy / Spain / France

09/1965 - FROM THE ORIENT WITH FURY
[aka FURY IN ISTANBUL]
(AGENTE 077 DALL'ORIENTE CON FURORE)
starring Ken Clark
Origins: Italy / Spain / France

08/1966 - SPECIAL MISSION LADY CHAPLIN
(MISSIONE SPECIALE LADY CHAPLIN)
starring Ken Clark
Origins: Italy / Spain / France
Co-stars Daniela Bianchi.

DR. BARDIN, SECRET AGENT 777

11/1965 - SECRET AGENT 777
(AGENTE SEGRETO 777 - OPERAZIONE MISTERO)
starring Mark Damon
Origins: Italy
Followed by "A Ticket To Die" (see below), which seemingly focuses on a different 777.

GEORGE FARRELL, AGENT 077

10/1965 - ESPIONAGE IN LISBON
(MISION LISBOA)
starring Brett Halsey
Origins: Spain / Italy / France

JAMES BONDAT

??/1970 - JAMES BONDAT
starring Augusto Valdez Pangan (aka Chiquito)
Origin: Philippines
Like Dolphy, Chiquito would star in many other Bond spoofs, though not which such a close character name.

JAMES TONT

??/1965 - JAMES TONT: OPERATION U.N.O.
starring Lando Buzzanca
Origin: Italy

??/1965 - JAMES TONT: OPERATION D.U.E.
[aka OPERATION GOLDSINGER and THE WACKY WORLD OF JAMES TONT]
starring Lando Buzzanca
Origin: Italy

LEWIS JORDAN, SECRET AGENT 777

??/1967 - A TICKET TO DIE
(AGENTE SEGRETO 777 - INVITO AD UCCIDERE)
starring Tiziano Cortini
Origin: Italy
Follows "Secret Agent 777," though this is apparently a different character.

MIKE MURPHY, AGENT 077 [aka MARC MATO, LEMMY LOGAN and ROBBY LOGAN]

08/1965 - ESPIONAGE IN TANGIERS
(MARC MATO, AGENTE S. 077)
starring Luis Davila
Origins: Spain / Italy
It is often said that George Lazenby has a small role in the 92-minute cut of this film; this seems to be untrue.

08/1966 - YPOTRON - FINAL COUNTDOWN
(AGENTE LOGAN - MISSIONE YPOTRON)
starring Luis Davila
Origins: Spain / Italy
Agent 077's name was changed here for reasons unknown - different editions called him Lemmy Logan or Robby Logan, except in West Germany, where he was still referred to as Mike Murphy.

SECRET AGENT 077

??/1968 - GOLDEN EYES SECRET AGENT 077
starring Mumtaz Askari
Origin: India

========================

Phew! If anyone has something to add, let me know...

This post contains beaver.

2010-09-04T20:48:00.000-07:00

Bucky Beaver, that is.

Get in touch with your inner Jan.

Please identify this PBS kids show!!

2010-07-27T00:00:00.001-07:00

This is driving me crazy. Someone must know this.

I specifically remember a PBS show... I believe it aired on Sundays... about a guy with a beard who, I *think*, lived on a farm. He had a dog named Blue, who was a puppet. I can't remember anything else about the show, except that there was an episode where Blue got sick, and the guy carried him to the vet. On the way home, he sang a song about how many miles from home they were.

I can't find a damned thing about whatever this show was, and it's making me bonkers. Someone must know.

EDIT - The guy's name *may* have been Jack. I'm not 100% sure though, that just popped into my head. I think the guy used his real name for his character, and his name may have even been in the title of the show.

Girl, you know it's confusing.

2010-07-02T13:27:00.000-07:00

See, this is why I got frustrated and gave up on trying to put together my multi-disc completists edition of "Girl You Know It's True" (which that single disc I put on here a while back was meant to be a preview of).... seems like every single version I find has different variations of the songs!

Here's a round-up of what I've found so far. Anyone think they have one I'm missing?

===============================================

ALL OR NOTHING - the German (and elsewhere) version

GENERAL
* Original tracklist; contains "Can't You Feel My Love", "Boy In The Tree", "Money", "Dance With A Devil", "Is It Love", and "Ma Baker."
* "Girl I'm Gonna Miss You" appears in its original form.
* "Baby Don't Forget My Number" appears in its original form: similar to the single version, through with the chorus like that of the US album version, rather than the single version's hip-hop chorus.

GERMAN LP
* "All Or Nothing" ends with a few seconds of German chatter.
* "All Or Nothing" is 3:23.
* "Girl I'm Gonna Miss You" appears in its original form.
* "Girl You Know It's True" is 3:58 - most likely the heavily edited 'N.Y. Subway Extended Mix' that appeared on the "Greatest Hits" CD.
* "Hush" is included.

GERMAN CD
* "Girl You Know It's True" is the 8:49 'Super Club Mix'.
* "Too Much Monkey Business (Maxi Mix)" is included as a bonus track after "Hush."

SPANISH/MEXICAN LP
* "Girl You Know It's True" is the 4:12 US album version.
* "Hush" is missing.
* "All Or Nothing" is allegedly 3:44.

ALL OR NOTHING / 2x2 - the English versions

GENERAL
* "All Or Nothing" is missing its German chatter.
* "Hush" is missing.
* "Girl You Know It's True" is the 8:08 uncut 'N.Y. Subway Extended Mix.'

"ALL OR NOTHING" - CD
* "Too Much Monkey Business (Maxi Mix)" is included as a bonus track after GYNIT.

"2x2" - 2-LP SET
* Packages the complete English version of 'All Or Nothing' with 'All Or Nothing: The US Remix Album.' The 8:08 'N.Y. Subway Extended Mix' of GYNIT appears twice.

"2x2" - CD
* The first 'N.Y. Subway Extended Mix' of GYNIT has been removed, as this version is a single disc.
* The standard version of "All Or Nothing" is missing.
* "Too Much Monkey Business (Maxi Mix)" does not appear.

GIRL YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE - the American version

GENERAL
* Several of the tracks (listed above) from the German LP are gone. "More Than You'll Ever Know", "Blame It On The Rain", "Take It As It Comes" and "It's Your Thing" appear.
* Both the 4:12 album version and an edited 6:27 'N.Y. Subway Extended Mix' of GYKIT are included.
* "All Or Nothing" is missing its German chatter.
* "Baby Don't Forget My Number" is mostly a new version, with the chorus of the German album version. (Except on an unknown numbered pressing - see below.)

EARLY CD PRESSING
* "Baby Don't Forget My Number" is a strange remix lasting 6:28. As this version doesn't really have the structure of a proper song, and resembles the remixes on the maxi single, it was likely included by mistake.
* "More Than You'll Ever Know" appears in its original 4:00 length.
* "Take It As It Comes" appears in its original 3:41 length.
* The original form of "Girl I'm Gonna Miss You" from the German LP is used.

RECORD CLUB / MATRIX "-3" CD PRESSINGS
* "Baby Don't Forget My Number" appears in its proper US album form.
* "More Than You'll Ever Know" has been extended to 4:32.
* "Take It As It Comes" has been extended to 4:15.

MATRIX "-4" CD PRESSING
As above, except:
* "Girl I'm Gonna Miss You" has been remixed; the beat has been changed slightly, and the new length is 4:24.

===============================================

Well, there's *nine* variations! Any more?

(Also, credit where it's due - information about the US versions was sourced from here:
http://www.crapfromthepast.com/millivanilli/firstlp.htm)

(D/L) Those 'other' Pokemon versions, part 2

2010-05-31T23:37:00.000-07:00

Oh, what the heck. I have time to post the rest of them.

Here's the second pack of PokePirates:

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=Q3W56MFD

BlueSea

ChaosBlack

DarkCry

Telefang: Speed Version [This game was the basis for Pokemon Jade. Unfortunately, a ROM of Jade itself doesn't seem to exist.]

Lugia's Ocean [Sort of. The actual Lugia's Ocean doesn't seem to have appeared as a ROM. What did, however, was an earlier version of this hack titled Blue Dream, which I have included.]

ShinyGold

Alright, that's all I have in terms of the phony 'Version' carts... and again, I must insist, support the official Nintendo games. They're a lot better than this crap.

(D/L) Those 'other' Pokemon versions, part 1

2010-05-31T22:04:00.000-07:00

I see it now - you're a Pokemon fan. You've followed the series since grade school. You made sure to keep up with all the different variations... Gold, Silver, Emerald, etcetera. But then you searched for Pokemon stuff on sites like eBay and iOffer and realized that there are OTHER VERSIONS out there you never even heard of! You need to buy them as soon as possible!

Yeah, don't bother.

I've noticed recently, even though eBay no longer permits these unauthorized "Versions," more permissive sites like iOffer have dozens of sellers trying to pawn bootleg Pokemon carts off to unsuspecting buyers. People should've caught onto the telltale signs - cheap cover art (seriously, you should see the back cover blurbs on these things), dull-looking cartridges, inconsistent fonts, and oh yeah, the fact that Nintendo never promoted them. But they still sell. And they shouldn't.

So, I've searched the Internet far and wide to bring you ROMs of the most common pirate "Versions." You can play them for free and see what you would've wasted your money on, instead of putting money in a scammer's pocket.

Here's the first pack:
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=H3ZHW362

Arcoiris [Rainbow]
CrystalShards
Diamond [Telefang: Power Version]
Frigo Returns
Naranja [Orange]
Perla
Quartz

The second batch will come tomorrow. In the meantime, go out and buy REAL Nintendo versions! They're a hell of a lot more entertaining and/or playable.

The most tantalizing FAKE Beatleg ever...

2010-05-28T22:53:00.000-07:00

Since I first bought the book, I've found the back cover of John Winn's "Beatlegmania Vol. 3" quite fascinating. It depicts a scan from a 1981 bootleg catalog, detailing the bootlegger's latest release, entitled "The Black Album of Lost Tracks." This is a two-LP set, with what seems to be an utterly impossible tracklist.

You know I love phony Beatles tracks, so I thought I'd reproduce the track descriptions here, and discuss each of them in an attempt to reveal the truth about each... The quotes are taken directly from the ad. The guy really tries to play up tracks to make the package seem legit.

SIDE ONE

1) When I Come To Town (Abbey Road outtake - John & Paul, good mono) - As far as I am aware, this was a bootlegger's false title for Ringo's "Early 1970", as this phrase does appear in the lyrics. I've also heard this as a title for George's ATMP-era demo "Nowhere To Go", which includes the phrase 'when everybody comes to town'. Neither of these songs involve John OR Paul. And we'll get back to "Early 1970" later...

2) I Should Like To Live Up A Tree (Abbey Road outtake - Ringo, good stereo) - Frequent visitors to this blog should recognize this one. The Ringo notation is correct, as this was either a journalist or bootlegger's mistaken title for "Octopus's Garden." I *guess*, given that OP outtakes exist, this is technically possible. (And of course, long after this ad was printed, the folks at Junk Headz slapped it onto a "Get Back"-era John improv with appropriate lyrics, so it could be used either way.)

3) Colliding Circles (Sgt Pepper outtake - John, excellent stereo) - Really? Getting into these ones quick, aren't we? This was a song title fabricated by a fan named Martin Lewis to pad out an early Seventies article in the New Musical Express about the Beatles' supposed unreleased tracks. (Fans would eventually create their own visions of this track however; R. Stevie Moore released a single under this title, and the Beatles bootleg "Relativity Cadenza Vol. 2" contains an outfake of this title, created using trippy Beatle and Rutle samples.)

4) India (Sgt Pepper outtake - George, good mono) - While John would eventually write a song of this title after leaving the Beatles, George didn't.

5) Not Guilty (White Album outtake - original Beatles version, George, excellent mono) - *GASP* Oh my God, a song that actually exists!

6) Sgt. Pepper Medley ("five unfinished cuts from Pepper put together - a fantastic compilation", excellent stereo) - Man, all these supposed lost Pepper tracks. As far as anyone is aware, the only 'lost' Sgt Pepper tracks are "Anything" and "Carnival Of Light"; the other three rejects ("Strawberry Fields", "Penny Lane", and "Northern Song") appeared elsewhere. Besides, what are these alleged unfinished cuts, anyway?? And in excellent stereo?! Damn.

SIDE TWO

1) Oh My Love (Abbey Road outtake - original Beatles version, "classic John & Paul", excellent stereo) - The supposed Beatles version of this is actually performed by a band called the Wackers. So, I guess this scammer could've slapped that one on here, as it was fairly common on vinyl bootlegs.

2) Zero Is Just Another Even Number, or Sgt. Pepper's Dream ("Paul sings lead on this really great Pepper outtake; far better than most cuts on Pepper, this should have been a single", excellent stereo) - Wow, a song supposedly better than most of Sgt. Pepper? Then... why wouldn't they release it? This is actually the first time I've seen "Zero" described as a) a Paul track, as it's usually credited to George, and b) a Sgt. Pepper outtake, rather than an Abbey Road/Hot As Sun track. At least he tried to be original.

3) Annie ("Another top-notch Pepper outtake, could have been a No. 1 single, features John, Paul & George", excellent stereo) - The supposed 'Sgt. Pepper' outtake given this title on old bootlegs is actually "Sun In Her Hand" by a group called Blond. Apparently, there is a Paul song by this title somewhere in the Get Back sessions, but it's nothing more than a brief improv.

4) Step Inside Love (White Album outtake, Paul, good stereo) - Yep, this exists. However, this was likely an educated guess on the scammer's part, as I don't believe this recording was brought to light until the Nineties. There *was* a 1967 demo of "Step Inside Love" circulating on vinyl at this time, but it was atrociously poor mono. But hey, who's to put it past a scammer to embellish?

5) Oh Darling ("incredible 8 minute version") - The eight-minute reel of Paul playing with vocal effects is far from "incredible", so I doubt he meant that one... there may actually be an eight-minute version from the Get Back sessions, though. As a matter of fact, it may have even been edited down for the Anthology 3 version. Don't quote me on that, though.

6) Strawberry Fields Forever ("longer, different version", excellent stereo) - Don't know what to say about this one; there are different versions of SFF, and they are in excellent stereo. I dunno about 'longer' though. I suppose this could be one of the slow, rambling, Mellotron-based takes that ended in little jams.

SIDE THREE

1) Circles & Circles (Sgt Pepper outtake, George with John, "features some fabulous guitar", excellent mono) - Bullshit. The closest to this title would be the White Album-era demo "Circles", which is George and only George, and features organ and only organ.

2) John's Dream (White Album outtake, features Yoko Ono & George on sitar, excellent mono) - Could be a bullshit title, though apparently there is a poor quality outfake claiming to be from the White Album era called "The Dream". I haven't heard this, so I don't know if there are any elements resembling a sitar or Yoko. The only genuine White Album outtake featuring John, George and Yoko (but no sitar) is, of course, "What's The New Mary Jane."

3) Not Unknown (Sgt Pepper outtake, George, "with really strange organ, similar to It's All Too Much", excellent stereo) - If this boot existed, I'd bet any money that this track would be "Only A Northern Song." Not only is that a Sgt Pepper-era George song that features organ and a cacophony of sounds different from, but just as noisy as, "It's All Too Much", but it's working title was the similar "Not Known." A track in no way fitting the scammer's description has also surfaced on Beatlegs, this time being a mislabeled copy of Blond's "There's A Man Standing In The Corner."

4) Heavenly Smiles (Lady Madonna sessions, George, "same far-out organ as on Not Unknown, sounds like bagpipes, this is a really fantastic cut, one of GH's best", excellent stereo) - Now, you know if he plays it up THAT much, it must be a bullshit title. Bingo. Although... "sounds like bagpipes" does fit a George song from the Lady Madonna sessions - but that's "The Inner Light."

5) Four Nights In Moscow (Abbey Road outtake, all, excellent mono) - Kindly consult my compilation entitled "Hot As Sun". Thank you. :-P (Yes, this is "Early 1970" again, and that doesn't feature 'all'; I believe only George had a cameo on that track.)

6) Proud As You Are (Revolver outtake, "Paul ballad, very good", excellent mono) - IT'S JUST FOR YOU! Uh, I'm assuming this was meant to be something different than *that*. This was a title from the Hot As Sun article which, through misinformed '70s Beatle books such as "All Together Now," ended up as part of other eras. Junk Headz (and me) seem to be the first to actually assign a song to this title... but obviously, it's far from being a very good ballad!

7) Here Come The Sun King ("the original, longer version", excellent stereo) - There is indeed an "original, longer version" of Sun King, but it certainly wouldn't be in stereo. John recorded a lengthy, repetitive instrumental version during the Get Back sessions, which later appeared on vinyl boots such as "Return to Abbey Road."

8) Sun Kings ("continuation, mindblowing", excellent stereo) - Your guess is as good as mine.

SIDE 4

1) Rocking Saturday Night (Paul, "from unreleased 1969 Beatles 'Rock & Roll' album", excellent stereo) - Do I even have to mention that neither this song or that album ever existed?

2) Shake, Rattle and Roll ("longer than movie version, from 'Rock & Roll'", excellent stereo) - While the Beatles did cover this in 1969 (and indeed, a longer copy exists than the hackjob on Anthology 3, not that that album would have any effect 15 years prior), this supposed unreleased album still doesn't exist.

3) Yer Blues ("longer, different version", excellent stereo) - Oh hell, it's probably the damn Rock and Roll Circus one.

4) Honey Pie (alternate take, excellent stereo) - A number of vinyl boots did indeed have a supposed 'alternate take' of Honey Pie. It was fake, being nothing more than a fan's bastardization/overdubbing of the album version.

5) Jubilee (original Beatles version of Junk, good mono) - I dunno, was the Esher demo circulating by 1981? If so, then yeah, I'll give 'em this one.

6) I'd Have You Anytime (original Beatles version, excellent stereo) - The Beatles never attempted this All Things Must Pass track as far as anyone knows; not even during the Get Back sessions, where songs like Hear Me Lord and Isn't It A Pity debuted.

7) Sgt. Pepper Jam ("outtake of theme", excellent stereo) - Not unless he skipped about 28 years into the future and got ahold of the multitracks; because while an instrumental jam version of Sgt. Pepper is possible to mix NOW, it wasn't in 1981.

8) All Things Must Pass ("This is NOT the more common version which was a Let It Be film outtake; rather, this is the original Beatles version cut from Abbey Rd.", excellent stereo) - Another lucky guess. As Anthology 3 showed, there was an Abbey Road-era version of this song, but I don't believe anyone knew about it in 1981.

Now, the guy claims to be selling 40 copies of this at $35 apiece. Not too bad. But he claims that the flyer is being sent out to 200 people, so we'd better move fast. This means that he either took people's money silently and just didn't send them anything, or told every person who wanted a copy that they were sold out.

Incidentally, the ad includes another album - a three LP set called "Sessions from Beatles Underground", featuring 12-15 minute session excerpts focusing on "Mean Mr. Mustard", "I Am The Walrus", "Revolution", "Hey Jude", "Mary Jane", and "Blackbird". While such an album would be possible now, there's no way in Hell he could've pulled such an album off in 1981.

(D/L) Girl, you know it's EPIC.

2010-05-06T20:19:00.001-07:00

Seems like every now and then, as a promotional item for a CD, a group will put out an extra little song or remix that *won't* actually appear on the CD, but serves as a bit of a stylistic teaser. So, as a non-album teaser for my upcoming 2-disc Milli Vanilli anniversary collection, "Our Lips Are Sealed," I present a track that some might love, while some might scream at the sheer thought of.

A sixteen-minute version of "Girl You Know It's True." I know, you just can't WAIT to dig in. It's like the "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" of manufactured German pop!

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ACTQ7MWK

Basically, I was listening to the CD single of GYKIT, which had a handful of remixes. I quickly realized that the remixes were pretty much identical - exact same beat loop, same verses and choruses scrambled around with little done in terms of mixing, a couple unique stretches here and there. But so much of the single just seemed like a waste, because you were hearing identical material five times over. I decided to throw away the repetitiveness, and cram everything worthwhile into one long version.

Using the eight-minute Super Club Mix as a base (it's essentially an extended mix of the familiar album version, including a verse that was spliced out everywhere else), I used the lengthy breakdown in the middle as a launching point, throwing in unique bits of the NY Subway, G-Spot Beats, and Prime Cuts mixes. The totally random sampled nature of the new sections meant that with a little bit of volume tweaking, I could cut back and forth between the remixes and the transitions would be damn near unnoticeable.

Enjoy.... I guess! :-)

(Look at them, tryin' to be Michael 'n' shit.)

(D/L) "HOT AS SUN" is here at last!!

2010-04-22T21:16:00.001-07:00

[NOTE - From now on, all download posts will begin with "D/L", so folks can find them more easily when looking through the archives! Kai, thx.]

My longtime project, reconstructing the fabled lost Beatles album "Hot As Sun", is complete at last.

Sides A and B are the "Hot As Sun" LP, as described in Rolling Stone's fabricated 1969 article. Sides C and D are the "Hot As Sun Rejects," a number of extra tracks first introduced on the Japanese reconstruction, 'Hot As Sun: Special Bogus Edition'. Nearly every track has been remixed by me in some way - some just slightly, others drastically, even when it came to constructing a brand new take out of numerous fragments.

Now you can enjoy my project once and for all. :-)

SIDE A: www.megaupload.com/?d=9Y3O3ZWV
Track 3 replacement: www.megaupload.com/?d=LB3GT23O

01) Maxwell's Silver Hammer - a brand new take, pieced together from the better portions of numerous "Get Back" era attempts.
02) Don't Let Me Down - an alternate take, combined with a speed-adjusted intro from another take.
03) Hot As Sun - The "Get Back" era performance and the "McCartney" LP version in one happy bundle. (The 'replacement' URL above is the correct version of this track; the original version knocks the second half of the song out of pitch.)
04) Junk - A mono remix and re-edit of the "McCartney" version.
05) Polythene Pam - The lone January 1969 attempt, with all of John's mistakes and pauses seamlessly removed to allow for one complete take.
06) Octopus's Garden - An alternate version, recorded for a George Martin TV special.

SIDE B: www.megaupload.com/?d=61223X8E

07) I Should Like To Live Up A Tree - An unreleased Lennon ditty from the Get Back sessions.
08) Zero Is Just Another Even Number - ...?
09) What's The News Mary Jane - John's unreleased single mix.
10) Dirty Old Man - Better known as 'Mean Mr. Mustard,' of course; this is a Get Back era take, re-edited. (I had to remove the 'Madman' portion, since that song appears much later on the album.)
11) Proud As You Are - Also known as "It's Just For You" or "Song Of Love". A comical Paul improvisation from the Get Back era, with some pauses removed.
12) Watching Rainbows - An unreleased Lennon track, based around the lyrics of "I Am The Walrus" and the riff of "I've Got A Feeling."

SIDE C: www.megaupload.com/?d=52QW46GO

13) My Kind Of Girl - A mono remix of "Oo You" from McCartney. The lyrics of this song are as close to the rumored Beatles cover of Matt Monro's "My Kind Of Girl" as we'll likely ever hear.
14) Suicide - Paul's full-length solo piano performance, kindly provided in the best quality yet by the folks behind the Beatlegs Podcast.
15) You Know My Name - Nothing special, just the Past Masters 2 version. (By this point, the Beatles had already settled on this version as the final product.)
16) Because - A mono remix of the Abbey Road version. Changes are subtle, but effective. The track has a 'mysterious' vibe to it now....
17) Across The Universe - A mono remix of the Past Masters 2/wildlife version, slightly re-arranged to segue into the next track.
18) Lullaby For A Lazy Day - The famous outfake, pitch-shifted to resemble Lennon's voice more closely. Luckily enough, it also matched the key of "Universe", making for a nice medley!

SIDE D: www.megaupload.com/?d=JZCLVJNH

19) Have You Heard The Word? - Another famous outfake, sourced from its only official CD appearance to date, on the Bee Gees' authorized rarities compilation 'Maybe Someone Is Digging Underground.'
20) Madman - A sadly unfinished Lennon rocker from the Get Back sessions. I normalized the volume throughout, and also noted that I edited it in some fashion... though for the life of me, I can't remember where!
21) One After 909 - One of the most entertaining alternate takes, in my opinion; I re-edited it a bit to cover up a handful of goofs and glitches. Shame that John's "CHOO CHOO"s didn't make it into the final version.....
22) Oh! I Had A Dream - A jam with Billy Preston, loosely based around "I Want You (She's So Heavy)". I normalized the volume and edited out a few glitches; but most importantly, I cut two minutes from this repetitive performance.
23) Four Knights In Moscow - The liner notes of the JunkHeadz HAS claimed that this song was unavailable; not true! This rumored Abbey Road outtake title was merely a bootlegger's faux title for Ringo's "Early 1970." I created a mono mix, to fit the rest of the album.

ART: www.megaupload.com/?d=OEMFK1C2
My own homemade front and back covers, as well as an appropriate CD label.

Enjoy!!

How to rescue Parkway Center Mall

2010-04-15T20:44:00.000-07:00

I can honestly say that one of the most depressing places I've ever been, if not the most depressing, was Parkway Center Mall in Greentree, PA, just outside of Pittsburgh.

I originally visited Parkway Center out of curiosity, after hearing a classmate mention its supposedly poor state. It may have been that this was my first real visit to a 'dead mall' (I still have hopes for our poor Northway), but the experience left a major impact on me. That night, I couldn't get this barren yet beautiful building off of my mind; in fact, I returned there twice over the next couple weeks to hang out and think.... just standing around, looking over the bannisters into the dark depths of the former first floor, trying to get a glimpse of the upper floor, formulating ideas of what this lonely mall *could* be.

Each time I went back, I became more and more certain that it could be rescued from an almost assurable demise.

From what I gather, Parkway Center was once a booming mall, and a primary shopping location for the area... until Robinson Town Centre developed a few miles away. The fact that Robinson came to have their own mall - this time owned by the Simon corporation and not an independent owner - spelled doom for Parkway Center. Not to mention, the token 'big restaurant' of Parkway was Chi Chi's, a chain that died following a hepatitis scare at the Beaver Valley Mall location. Over the course of the 2000's, stores and customers drifted away from Parkway, and the once enormous three-story mall was dwindled down to a single story. The other levels are now inaccessible to the public, and the remaining level has lost a shocking number of stores in the couple years alone.

Well, despite its current condition, Parkway Center Mall has won my sympathy, and I would like to propose changes that could very well save it from extinction during the next few years. Let's begin...

Decorate. Compared to the flashy Robinson Mall, Parkway Center is *very* drab. Grey walls, dull carpeting (yes, a carpeted mall - very rare!), and not much too look at. Hang banners! Take an idea from Northway Mall, and convert an unused area into a gallery of photos taken during the mall's heyday! Let the people of Greentree reminisce!
Holidays. As far as I am aware, Parkway doesn't do the Easter Bunny/Santa Claus thing anymore. And why not? They already have a prime location for this: the former fountain on the first floor, which has been boarded over. Section off that area of the first floor to keep people contained (as there is nothing remaining on that floor), and have Santa or the Bunny sit atop where the fountain was.
Advertising. People of Pittsburgh, how often do you see an ad for Parkway Center or any of its remaining stores? NEVER. A great series of ads could really bring in a crowd. Perhaps commercials could even be created, and aired on local channels to keep the cost down.
Special Events. Why let the first and third floors go to waste? The yearly record convention could relocate from the Greentree Radisson to Parkway Center. Not only would they have more room (the Radisson's event room is fairly cramped during the convention), but the visitors to the convention would be tempted to shop upstairs.
Auntie Anne's. There's an empty pretzel stand in a prime location - not far from the indoor K-Mart (which brings in most of the mall's business), and right in front of the arcade. Auntie Anne's Pretzels are a mall staple, and one that is a very obvious exclusion from Parkway.
The Exchange. There doesn't seem to be an Exchange in Greentree. Why not put one in the mall? From what I've read online, longtime PCM shoppers still mourn the loss of National Record Mart. Not only would the Exchange be giving them a new record store, but this is an *extremely* popular chain.
A new Mexican restaurant. When Chi Chi's closed, the third floor died. But the empty location is still there... the only problem is, nearby Robinson has a Qdoba, a Don Pablo's (yay!), a Chipotle, and at least a couple other Mexican restaurants. But they don't have an Emiliano's, do they? What about an El Campesino? There are plenty of other Mexican restaurants that could move into the former site of Chi Chi's.
Open Giant Eagle to the first floor. I stole this from another site, but I thought it was a great idea. Giant Eagle is located on the bottom floor, but is only accessible from the outside. Create an entrance into the mall. People will be drawn out of Giant Eagle into the mall proper, and stores will be able to thrive down there again.
Fun and games. Instead of a tiny little arcade, why not knock down a wall and create a *huge* arcade? There is a storefront full of unused arcade games (likely left over from the large arcade on the first floor) that could be put to good use, and there are also dead games sitting upstairs. If word got out that Parkway opened a massive arcade, kids would flock there. This could be VERY beneficial to both my hypothetical Auntie Anne's, and the Phantom of the Attic comic store.

Well, that's my two cents on the subject. I would definitely be willing to speak to someone in charge of the mall about my ideas, because I would love to help improve it wherever I can.

How many Bond films, exactly...?

2010-04-05T12:47:00.000-07:00

Oh, there's always a debate over how many Bond films there are. Usually one of the following...

There are 22, up to Quantum of Solace. The unofficial ones don't count.
There are 25 up to QOS, including the old Casino Royale's, and Never Say Never Again.
There are 24 up to QOS, because the 1954 Casino Royale is too short to be a full movie.

Well, guess what? Wrong... wrong.... wrong. There are at least *thirty six*.

As far as I have been able to determine, THIS is the complete James Bond filmography:

"Casino Royale" (1954), starring Barry Nelson
"Dr. No" (1962), starring Sean Connery
"From Russia With Love" (1963), starring Sean Connery
"Goldfinger" (1964), starring Sean Connery
"Thunderball" (1965), starring Sean Connery
"Two Mafiosi Against Goldginger" (Italian - 1965), starring George Hilton [Hilton's 007 is only a small role, and not the focus of the film]
"Operation Kid Brother" (Italian - 1967), starring Neil Connery [spinoff - 007 is killed and replaced; co-stars EON castmembers]
"Casino Royale" (1967), starring David Niven, etc.
"You Only Live Twice" (1967), starring Sean Connery
"On Her Majesty's Secret Service" (1969), starring George Lazenby
"James Bond 777" (Indian - 1971), starring Ghattamaneni Krishna
"Diamonds Are Forever" (1971), starring Sean Connery
"Live and Let Die" (1973), starring Roger Moore
"The Man With The Golden Gun" (1974), starring Roger Moore
"From Hong Kong With Love" (French - 1975), starring Les Charlots, a French pop group [spinoff - 007 is killed and replaced; co-stars EON castmembers]
"The Spy Who Loved Me" (1977), starring Roger Moore
"The Dragon Lives Again" (Chinese - 1977), starring Alexander Grand
"Moonraker" (1979), starring Roger Moore
"For Your Eyes Only" (1981), starring Roger Moore
"Octopussy" (1983), starring Roger Moore
"Never Say Never Again" (1983), starring Sean Connery
"Our Man From Bond Street" (Japanese - 1984), starring Jean Mersant [Bond is the villain; also stars Richard Kiel!]
"A View To A Kill" (1985), starring Roger Moore
"Bond 303" (Indian - 1986), starring Jeetendra
"The Mahjong Incident" (Chinese - 1987), starring Ron D. Cohen [Cohen's 007 is only a small role, and not the focus of the film]
"The Living Daylights" (1987), starring Timothy Dalton
"Licence To Kill" (1989), starring Timothy Dalton
"Mr. Bond" (Indian - 1992), starring Akshay Kumar
"From Beijing With Love" (Chinese - 1994), starring Stephen Chiau
"GoldenEye" (1995), starring Pierce Brosnan
"Tomorrow Never Dies" (1997), starring Pierce Brosnan
"The World Is Not Enough" (1999), starring Pierce Brosnan
"Jak Ukrast Dagmaru" [translation unknown] (Polish - 2001), starring Jaroslav Sypal
"Die Another Day" (2002), starring Pierce Brosnan
"Casino Royale" (2006), starring Daniel Craig
"Quantum Of Solace" (2008), starring Daniel Craig

Now, this is by no means a complete list, as I'm certain there are others floating around.

But what few realize is that Bond is an international character; as with any well-known franchise ("Turkish Star Wars", anyone?), foreign countries are bound to interpret the character in ways best suited for their population. God only knows what EON thinks of these - try finding the DVD cover for "Jak Ukrast Dagmaru". The number '007' appears dozens of times. And "From Beijing With Love," an extremely bloody Chinese interpretation starring "Kung Fu Hustle" star Stephen Chiau; not only does the cover refer to the character as 007, but the Bond theme appears in the movie!

While you're likely to NEVER see a mention of these in a Bond book (you're lucky to see the non-EON flicks; and frankly, I hate when a book skips 'the other three'), they still exist. I've collected a few, and while some are just terrible ("Operation Kid Brother" managed to piss off Sean Connery AND become an episode of MST3K), others (like "Mr. Bond," a Bollywood musical with a jaw-dropping villain that slaughters babies) are worthwhile for the curiosity value.

If anyone knows of one missing from my list, lemme know...

"Inside Spinal Tap" - the discography

2010-03-18T14:29:00.001-07:00

Thought I would share this as a follow-up to my recent Tap post, and since the books are hard to find nowadays...

The first attempt at compiling a Spinal Tap discography was in Peter Occhiogrosso's 1984 book "Inside Spinal Tap." While precious and few song titles were given, it was still an interesting and well-thought-out overview of their output, including singles. The 1992 edition of the book (updated to include coverage of "Break Like The Wind") featured a complete rewrite of the discography, replacing the descriptions of the releases with critical reviews.

Since both versions make for fun reading, I thought I would transcribe both of them here. Enjoy!

====================================

[The notation "E1" refers to the original 1984 edition, while "E2" refers to the revised 1992 edition. I removed references to other areas of the book. My own personal notes, wherever an error should exist in Occhiogrosso's text, are marked with "SW".]

"Gimme Some Money" b/w "Cups and Cakes" (Abbey, 1965)
E1: 'Their first single, released under the name of the Thamesmen.'

"(Listen To The) Flower People" b/w "Rainy Day Sun" (Megaphone, 1967)
E1: 'First single as Spinal Tap, with Ronnie Pudding on bass.'

SPINAL TAP (Megaphone, 1967)
E1: 'Released in the U.S. as SPINAL TAP SINGS "(LISTEN TO THE) FLOWER PEOPLE" AND OTHER FAVORITES. First LP.'
E2: 'Clear, crisp, scintillating, the first fresh breath of a new dawn sweeping over the sludgy, self-satisfied rooftops of rock 'n' roll. Or was it a new, gritty realism putting the lie to the prettified homogeneity of early-Sixties "Bobbie" rock? Who cares? We know vintage gold when we smell it. What's really amazing is how well this stuff has aged. Our advice: Buy a few cases and lay them down in the cellar for your grandkids. Standouts include the mellow title track and the wryly portentous "Have a Nice Death," featuring a killer drum solo from "Stumpy" Pepys. A+'
SW: One of the big inconsistencies in both editions of the book is the identity of Tap's drummer at this point. It was *not* John "Stumpy" Pepys as Occhiogrosso seemed to believe, but rather, Eric "Stumpy Joe" Childs. (Pepys was the blond, geeky drummer seen in "Gimme Some Money.")

"(Again With The) Flower People" b/w "Break With The Wind [sic!]" (Megaphone, 1968)
E1: 'Derek Smalls replaces Pudding on bass.'
SW: As you might've guessed, 'With' should be 'Like'. The song title's appearance in the Heavy Metal Memories commercial confirms that this was always the case.

WE ARE ALL FLOWER PEOPLE (Megaphone, 1968)
E2: 'When a flower begins to fade, it gives off a faintly sickly smell, and much the same could be said for Tap's attempt to cash in on their surprisingly successful debut LP. If that one was premier cru Bordeaux, this was pure red ink. A few of the songs were molded around a questionable proto-concept: the story of a lad who, like ill-fated Icarus, decided that he would put on wings and fly - except that he would be a kind of human airliner and sell seats on himself to pay for the project. Needless to say, the boys were "heavy into acid" at the time. When sales proved as disappointing as the concept, the LP was retitled THE INCREDIBLE FLIGHT OF ICARUS P. ANYBODY and reissued minus the title track. The new title, however, proved eerily prophetic as far as chart position was concerned. C-'

THE INCREDIBLE FLIGHT OF ICARUS P. ANYBODY (Megaphone, 1968)
E1: 'Sort of a preconcept album-concept album. It was, in fact, a retitled version of the poorly selling WE ARE ALL FLOWER PEOPLE, minus the title track.'
SW: All other sources of Tap lore give the release date as 1969.

SILENT BUT DEADLY (Megaphone, 1969)
E1: 'Recorded live at the Electric Zoo, Whimpton. Although the legendary two-hour Tufnel/St. Hubbins guitar solo on "Short 'n' Easy" was included only in severely edited form, bootlegs of the entire thing are known to exist. (Our lips, however, are sealed.)'
SW: Though the song's title would even re-appear as "Short 'n' Easy" in the recent 'Official Compendium' book, Tap more often called this song "Short and Sweet", seen in both the 1992 edition and the lyrics of the song.
E2: 'Tap are, needless to say, the pre-eminent live band, as this LP, recorded at the Electric Zoo, Whimpton, conclusively hints. I say "hints" because, due to the classic shortsightedness of the button-down nerds at Megaphone, the meta-legendary two-hour Tufnel-St. Hubbins twin guitar solo on "Short and Sweet" was chopped to a niggardly 18:37. Fortunately, some bootlegs exist (see below), and despite poor sound quality, are worth ferreting out. Humorous highlight: the snap-crackle-pop sound effects during Nigel's spoken intro to "Breakfast of Evil." B+'

BRAINHAMMER (Megaphone, 1970)
E1: 'Incorrected listed as 1973 on the sound-track LP from the "rockumentary" THIS IS SPINAL TAP. This and the next couple of LPs are described by Nigel as being stylistically pre-glam rock, whatever that means.'
E2: 'Here the band has clearly hit their lumbering stride full tilt, moving with the lean, mean aplomb of a brontosaurus in fighting trim. "Big Bottom," one of their earliest evergreens, brilliantly foreshadows Queen's later lesser ode to the bum cheek, "Fat-Bottomed Girls." Allegations of sexism miss the point - as Derek once explained, the song doesn't demean women but merely a part of their anatomy. Also delectable for the sheer brute force of their execution are "Lie Back and Take It" and the sultry "Swallow My Love." A'

"Big Bottom" (Megaphone, 1970)
E1: 'From the Brainhammer LP this track brilliantly foreshadows Queen's later, lesser "Fat-Bottomed Girls."'

NERVE DAMAGE (Megaphone, 1971)

BLOOD TO LET (Megaphone, 1972)

INTRAVENUS DE MILO (Megaphone, 1974)
E2: 'Alas, a certain, how shall I say, sameness has set in during this period of the band's meteoric rise to the middle of the pack. Apart from a hard-rockin "Tonight I'm Gonna Rock You Tonight" and the devilishly witty deconstruction of Social Darwinism, "Saliva of the Fittest" on Intravenus, not much of substance has survived from this three-year musical backwater. But hey, they're entitled. B-'

"Tonight I'm Gonna Rock You Tonight" (Megaphone, 1974)
E1: 'After a two-year recording hiatus, Tap came back with the Intravenus LP and this single, which, for them, was relatively successful.'

THE SUN NEVER SWEATS (Megaphone, 1975)
E1: 'Tap's first full-blown concept LP, based on a somewhat skewed vision of the British Empire as a world-uniting force.'
E2: 'Ponderous is the word for this late-blooming concept album that only a Taphead could love, padded as it is with creaky period pieces ("Daze of Knights of Old") and too-precious Donovan knock-offs ("The Princess and the Unicorn," "The Obelisk"). Riding the rising tide of British chauvinism implied in the title, Tap end up sounding, in the words of the overwrought title song, like "the hardest concrete" that "never quite sets." But when Tap stumble, at least they stumble big. Their nostalgic orgy of Britannophilia, which also brought us the deathless mytho-historico-romance "Stonehenge," is further proof that this fine band's reach sometimes exceeded its gasp. "Even the biggest elephant never forgets," David sings; in sooth, prithee forget this one, lads. C'

"Stonehenge" (Megaphone, 1975)
E1: 'Although never officially released as a single from The Sun..., its popularity on AOR radio in the midst of conceptmania and British historophilia resulted in overpressing of DJ and promotional copies in several different lengths, of which the shortest and most palatable was collected on TIST (4:36).'

JAP HABIT (Megaphone, 1975)
E1: 'Tap's second live outing, this three-LP set recorded in the Far East was notable for being released in England with two pounds of gimmick packaging. The American version was cut to two disc sans the packaging. What with two albums and a single in one year, this was clearly a busy if unprofitable time for Tap.'
E2: 'Triple-live barnburner that shouts a loud banzai! in the face of anyone who had lost faith in Tap's ability to soldier through the dreariest of times. Other bands may have already been cranking out double and triple live LP's in Far Eastern venues, but Tap's is somehow, well, longer and louder than most. Former session drummer Peter "James" Bond provides a welcome (if short-lived) steadiness to the ever-turbulent percussion chair, and Ross MacLochness churns out some monster (no pun intended) keyboard riffs on the breakneck "Devil Take the Hindmost" and the dreamy instrumental "Nocturnal Mission." But "Nice 'n' Stinky" proved to be the sleeping time-bomb that would explode into unexpected mega-hitdom two years later in the US. B+'

BENT FOR THE RENT (Megaphone, 1976)
E1: 'Although it yielded the nearly classic "Heavy Duty," this LP marked an all-time low in record sales for the bandwagon-hungry band, and the beginning of the end of their contract with Megaphone. The details of that exchange of legal fusillades are will documented in the author's end-of-an-era tome Suit Countersuit (q.v.), and needs no further comment here.'
E2: 'With the exception of the memorably anthemic "Heavy Duty" ("No page in history, baby - that I don't need/I just want to make some eardrums bleed"), this tardy entry in the glitter-rock sweepstakes is best forgotten. Ask yourself if you really want to hear Tap perform titles like the ill-conceived glam-soul pastiche "When a Man Looks Like a Woman," or the New York Dolls/Mitch Ryder homage, "High Heels, Hot Wheels." Nor did the LP go very far toward paying David, Nigel, and Derek's respective rents, for that matter. C-'

[SW: In both books, TAP DANCING goes unmentioned, which raises a curious point later on.]

ROCK AND ROLL CREATION (Megaphone, 1977)
E1: 'An air of mystery surrounds this otherwise unremarkable album. Release dates vary, depending on whom you ask. For instance, the TIST sound-track compilation (which if you recall, erred on the Brainhammer date) lists this as 1977; yet the band's own discography (compiled, it's true, by latecomers at Polymer Records) places it between Blood To Let and Intravenus de Milo. Go figure. We favor the later date, as the notion of a vengeful Megaphone releasing these rather forgettable tracks, post-departure, rings true to us. The title track did garner modest airplay in England, but since the nation was in the throes of the Punk Explosion at the time, it was all but lost in the shuffle (or pogo, if you must). No loss, really, after all.'
SW: It's accepted that 1977 is indeed the release date for this album.
E2: 'Score one for the bean-counters. Tap may even have got the idea for the infamous SMELL THE GLOVE cover when their former label "rubbed their noses in it" by releasing this shoddy collection of rejected tracks after the band's much publicized lawsuit against Megaphone. Was it gratuitous irony on Megaphone's part to include an especially off-key version of the band's rarely performed punk excursion, "Young, Smug and Famous"? We won't dignify the bastards by giving this one a rating.'

"Nice 'n' Stinky" (Megaphone, 1977)
E1: 'Ironies within ironies, or in their end is their beginning. In one last apparent attempt to wring a few droplets of lucre from the desiccating fortunes of poor Spinal Tap, Megaphone released a "specially edited" version of this cut from the two-year-old, triple-live Jap Habit, based on a small underground buzz in Great Britain. Perhaps all they really wanted to do was rub Tap's noses in it, who knows? But fate made a last minute U-turn, the track became an unprecedented surprise hit in America, and the Band that Refused to Die sprang back to life.'

IT'S A SMALLS WORLD (Unreleased eight-track "super demo," c. 1978)
E1: 'Although never released - and probably with good reason - this solo work of Derek Smalls's, which arrived during the same period of "suspended animation" that gave birth to the [following] LP, must be noted here for completeness's sake. Derek's comments on the recording shed probably as much light as ever will be shed upon this darkest of dark Spinal Tap hours. Let's move on.'

NIGEL TUFNEL'S CLAM CARAVAN (Plutarch, 1979)
E1: 'After what is politely referred to in the industry as "Le debacle Megaphone," the band retreated to Nigel's castle in Scotland, reportedly to ponder their future and pursue solo projects, of which this was the only one to see the light of day. Tufnel himself has been famously reticent on this LP - at least until recently. As it turns out, his memory is not much more revealing than the mists of myth and rumor.'
E2: 'Ah, yes, the solo albums, product of Tap's banishment from Megaphone and their near-legendary sojourn in Nigel's Scottish castle. To be perfectly honest, the infelicitously mistitled CLAM CARAVAN (the label should've read "Calm") is right up there with such fish-out-of-water efforts as Bill Wyman's A STONE ALONE and Ross MacLochness's DOESN'T ANYBODY HERE SPEAK ENGLISH? Just as MacLochness's solo LP sprang from his experience of missionary work in Namibia, Nigel's exotic sound-trip to the North African desert seems to emerge from some dark, arid patch of his troubled psyche. If this is any indication of the sheer torpor of Tap's collective dark night of the soul, it's probably just as well that Derek's solo opus, IT'S A SMALLS WORLD, never saw the flourescent light of record stores. C-'

SHARK SANDWICH (Polymer, 1980)
E1: 'Without missing a beat (a rarity for them), Spinal Tap picked up a new drummer, Mick Shrimpton, from an ex-Eurovision Song Contest house band. Replacing Peter ("James") Bond (a victim of spontaneous onstage combustion during the "Isle of Lucy" Jazz & Blues Festival) with Mick, Tap signed a new contract with Polymer Records (a Polydor subsidiary), and released this LP, as well as their first new single in over four years.'
E2: 'Having languished a significant three years in the tomb-like limbo of contractual lawsuits and solo meanderings, Tap are luminously resurrected here with a new label, a new direction, and (natch) a new drummer. A joyously nihilistic "No Place Like Nowhere" and their late-disco hit "Throb Detector" lead the way. But the sheer suggestive brilliance of "Sex Farm" presages their eventual ascension into Heavy Metal Heaven. Who needs the self-serving "Wild Man" posturings of today's trendy Iron John set when we can hear Tap singing about real men swinging real pitchforks? You'd have to go clear back to Breughel for an equally heady brew of hardworking everyman earthiness and primal barnyard lust. We can almost see the steam rising off the cow chips on this one. A+'

"Sex Farm" (Polymer, 1980)
E1: 'Not nearly as controversial as the earlier "Big Bottom," standards of permissiveness having inevitably relented a bit, this still caused enough of a ripple to reestablish Tap among the more offensively obvious of heavy metal misogynist bands. And why not?'

SMELL THE GLOVE (Polymer, 1982)
E1: 'The album that relaunched Tap as an American touring-band phenomenon. Oddly, all their press material of this period referred to Smell as the band's seventeenth album, though even if you count the Smalls nonrelease, you still come up with only sixteen. Which has led some observers (not to mention record collectors) to scour their memories and not a few cutout bins in search of that missing seventeenth. In all, the fuss over that nearly buried the controversy about the suppressed "sexist" cover.'
SW: The 'missing seventeenth' is TAP DANCING.
E2: 'They may have come out of the depths, but their reminiscences of that tedious time still burn on in the thundering "Hell Hole." Yet the band seem curiously ambivalent: are they glad to be out of a place where "the rats are peeling," or are they even more nauseated by the high life they've regained, however briefly ("The sauna's drafty, the pool's too hot/The kitchen stinks of boiling snails")? You figure it out. As for the notoriously suppressed cover and lurid title track, gimme a break! Tap as misogynists? Smell this, buddy! B+'
SW: This has been the only mention of a title track for this LP; even the discography in the back of the 'Official Compendium' fails to mention this. A discography very similar to the one in that book appears on the semi-official SpinalTapFan.com, and does include the title track, but this was added after I pointed out its mention in the 1992 edition of "Inside."

HEAVY METAL MEMORIES
E1: 'Pictures of this album's cover exist - one can be glimpsed on the inner sleeve of TIST, in fact - but the record itself appears to be strangely nonexistent. Rumored to have been a compilation album of some of Tap's earlier "glories," it may have been released by Megaphone during the band's well-known recording hiatus. Or it may simply be a pirate recording. Unfortunately, even the members of ST don't quite remember the facts surrounding this elusive platter, now merely another page in rock history's palimpsest. So be it.'
SW: This is odd, especially given that the faux TV commercial for this was produced shortly before this book. Apparently someone didn't tell Occhiogrosso about that! (No mention is made at all in the second edition.) Anyway, the accepted info on this LP was that it was a 1983 release on Metalhouse records, containing all of Tap's classics.

THIS IS SPINAL TAP - THE SOUNDTRACK (Polymer, 1984)
E2: 'More of a greatest hits package - albeit with many of their later tunes given new live treatments - than a bold step forward. Still, the LP does have one unassailable advantage over most of the others reviewed here: IT'S STILL IN PRINT! A-'
SW: The 'new live treatments' statement is hard to decipher, given that these are studio recordings; but fans agree that the modern sound of some tracks such as "Big Bottom" show that they must be re-recordings, and not the versions originally heard on their source albums.

BREAK LIKE THE WIND (Dead Faith/MCA, 1992)
E2: 'Tap's first new LP in a decade presents both the ultimate enigma and the ultimate challenge to their credibility. Daringly interlarding hot new tracks in the band's reborn molten metal style ("Bitch School," "Cash on Delivery") with classic period pieces ("The Sun Never Sweats," "Clam Caravan," "All the Way Home"), BLTW offers a uniquely valuable panorama of the band's development. But it also begs the question, Have Tap Sold Out? Squeaky clean production values, all-star guest soloists like Jeff Beck, Steve Lukather, Dweezil Cappa, and Cher(!), flawless engineering, and socially relevant issues raging from ecology ("Stinking Up the Great Outdoors") to euthanasia ("Track 13") - are these the qualities we've come to expect from England's Loudest Band? The real payoff just may be "Rainy Day Sun," a deliriously psychedelic foreshadowing of Kinks/Small Faces/Beatles modalities that was the original B-side of "Flower People." The story is that the 1967 tune was yanked by the band after "I Am the Walrus" and "Itchycoo Park" came out, so as "not to cause confusion in the marketplace," and was never included on its debut LP. How fitting that Tap's one legitimate chance to be ahead of its time ended up as an obscure collector's item until 25 years after its time! Overall, I'm strongly ambivalent about this one, but I'll give it the benefit of the doubt; as with the previous LP, you can actually buy it in stores. A'

====================================

[In addition, the 1992 printing added an additional section containing reviews of five Tap bootlegs, as follows.]

AUDIBLE DEATH (Gaswind, 1969)
'Sounds like someone had a small cassette recorder in about the 50th row of the Electric Zoo the same day Silent But Deadly was recorded. Audio quality is zilch, and the constant sound of someone choking on what must have been incredible bad dope is distracting, but it's worth a shot, if only for the justly famous two-hour "Short and Sweet."'

LIVE AT BUDOKKAN (Japtap, 1975)
'In case you didn't get enough to feed your JAP HABIT, this Budokkan's for you. Stellar acoustics, although some overheated fan keeps screaming Bonzai! in the middle of Nigel's guitar solos. A mixed blessing, but more blessed than mixed.'

GOT THAMESMEN ON TAP (Merseybleat, ND)
'If our ears don't lie, this is historic stuff, with Ronnie Pudding and a pre-gardening accident "Stumpy" Pepys in top form. Early hits and a cool smattering of cover versions, purportedly taped in an underground club in Rotterdam. On the other hand, it may just be an incredible simulation, which pretty much amounts to the same thing.'

IT'S A DUB WORLD (Skaface, 1979?)
'The bass tracks only to Derek's never-released solo LP, somehow pirated from the studio where he was working at the time. Lets the imagination run wild.'

OPENFACED MAKO (Hammerhead, 1980)
'A collection of outtakes from the SHARK SANDWICH sessions, replete with some very revealing in-studio banter (near-fistfights would be more like it!). A real must, especially for the never-released, XXX-rated version of "Sex Farm." Naughty, naughty.'

====================================

Just a note about "Smell The Glove" being the seventeenth album... excluding the solo albums, and the retitled version of WAAFP, this is still possible - at least in terms of what the Tap mythos dictated by this point:

Spinal Tap Sings "(Listen To The) Flower People" and Other Favorites (1967)
We Are All Flower People (1968) / The Incredible Flight Of Icarus P. Anybody (1969)
Silent But Deadly (1969)
Brainhammer (1970)
Nerve Damage (1971)
Blood To Let (1972)
Intravenus de Milo (1974)
The Sun Never Sweats (1975)
Jap Habit (1975)
Bent For The Rent (1976)
Tap Dancing (1976)
Rock and Roll Creation (1977)
Flak Packet (unreleased album not mentioned in IST, date unknown)
Lusty Lorry (unreleased album not mentioned in IST, date unknown)
Here's More Tap (unreleased album not mentioned in IST, date unknown)
Shark Sandwich (1980)
Smell The Glove (1982)

After all, why count Derek's unreleased album if Tap's unreleased albums (all likely from the Megaphone era) are ignored? However, a possible snag appeared later on, as the late-90's Spinal Tap CD-Rom added another unreleased album to the canon: an apparent soundtrack to a movie called "SEXX!" It could be, though, that this project occurred between 1984 and 1992.

Confusingly, Tap claim on their Joe Franklin Show appearance that the "Spinal Tap" soundtrack, not "Smell The Glove", is their seventeenth album. This would leave the count as such:

Spinal Tap Sings "(Listen To The) Flower People" and Other Favorites (1967)
We Are All Flower People (1968) / The Incredible Flight Of Icarus P. Anybody (1969)
Silent But Deadly (1969)
Brainhammer (1970)
Nerve Damage (1971)
Blood To Let (1972)
Intravenus de Milo (1974)
The Sun Never Sweats (1975)
Jap Habit (1975)
Bent For The Rent (1976)
Tap Dancing (1976)
Rock and Roll Creation (1977)
Nigel Tufnel's Clam Caravan (Nigel, 1979)
Shark Sandwich (1980)
Smell The Glove (1982)
Heavy Metal Memories (1983)
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

OR, if one didn't want to count Nigel's solo album, they could accept "Icarus P. Anybody" as its own separate album, also bringing the soundtrack to seventeen.

Take your pick.

Spinal Tap's "Jap Habit" - a real album!!

2010-03-11T12:05:00.000-08:00

Yes, you heard me correctly.

The rarest item produced in relation to "This Is Spinal Tap" was the band's supposed 1975 live album, "Jap Habit". Only a handful exist (intended only for select members of the cast and crew), but the recipients received both the UK and US variations described in the band's back story - and yes, the 'UK' package was just as legend described it, with three LP's, a paper kimono, and samples of tuna sushi.

I learned about this when contacting record collectors in and around the Pittsburgh area in search of the "Break Like The Wind" picture disc. One collector (no, their name will not be revealed here) loved Spinal Tap, and had built up an enormous collection of material related to the band - including a battered "Jap Habit" set, which he purchased for a very high amount from a friend whose father worked on "This Is Spinal Tap." I mentioned that, at the time, I was working on a discography of Tap's fictional back catalogue, and he said that he was willing to let me listen to both versions of the album and take notes, so long as I didn't record it in some way. I said that was fine.

A week or so later, my parents dropped me off at a small apartment not far from the South Side; thankfully, the treasure trove of Tap in front of me made it worthwhile, because his apartment was small, disgusting, and had a ridiculously strong pot smell no matter where you went. But, nitpicking aside, I was able to take notes. So without further ado, allow me to describe the contents of "Jap Habit".

First, the UK version. Housed in the black cardboard box (think something like the LP box of "All Things Must Pass" but a little thicker) were three genuine albums, as follows. And if you're wondering, no, the sushi samples were no longer intact. :-P (The package still reeked of them, though, so I'm guessing that it was years before the father got around to throwing them away.)

I wanted to be as thorough as possible, since this was a one-off opportunity, so I transcribed the banter as well. Enjoy!

SIDE ONE

Tonight I'm Gonna Rock You Tonight
David St. Hubbins: "We're going to kick things off with another little number from the album before this last one, called 'Intravenus De Morphine'..."
Intravenus de Milo [yes, a song by this title!]
Saliva Of The Fittest
Swallow My Love
David St. Hubbins: "Here's a tune for all the ladies in the house, so feel free to shower the stage with knickers and aphrodesiacs..."
Big Bottom

SIDE TWO

David St. Hubbins: "Let's take a bit of a nostalgia trip, shall we?"
Gimme Some Money
(Listen To The) Flower People
Break Like The Wind
David St. Hubbins: "Feel free to sing along with this one. It's called 'We Are All Flower People.'"
We Are All Flower People
The Incredible Flight Of Icarus P. Anybody

SIDE THREE

Brainhammer
Lie Back And Take It
Nerve Damage
Blood To Let
David St. Hubbins: "Are you ready for another visit from the Goddess Intravenus?"
Rock and Roll Nightmare [I'm assuming that this song was meant to be from 'Intravenus de Milo', though no official discography describes it as such.]

SIDE FOUR

Band Intros
David St. Hubbins: "Anyone here want to help us stink up the Budokkan?"
Nice 'N' Stinky
Silent But Deadly
David St. Hubbins: "We'd like to give you a taste of the album we're working on at the moment, so to get you jumping in anticipation, here's a little heavy duty rock 'n' roll featuring Mr. Nigel Tufnel, MBE on lead guitar..."
Heavy Duty [featuring a lengthy Nigel solo]
David St. Hubbins: "Nigel Tufnel, ladies and gentlemen!"

SIDE FIVE

David St. Hubbins: "This is a little suite of songs from our new album, called 'The Sun Never Sweats'.... it's an educational piece about Britannia. I hope you enjoy it."
Daze Of Knights Of Old
The Sun Never Sweats
Devil Take The Hindmost
Nocturnal Mission [an instrumental, with pounding drums - resembled something from a movie score]
Stonehenge
David St. Hubbins: "Thank you, Japan! Hope to see you again soon!"

SIDE SIX

Rockin' Robin
Short 'N' Sweet [long version, around 15 minutes]
David St. Hubbins: "We love you all! Good night and may the Devil bless all of you!"

From this tracklist, you can see where the titles in Tap's scanty official discography (seen in the back of the "TIST: Official Companion" book originated from; those were the songs that were actually written. (It makes one sad to think that we could've gotten these instead of remakes of familiar songs on "Back From The Dead". Oh well... perhaps a future album?)

Now, onto the "US version". This one had the same front and back covers as were pasted onto the UK box, but this time, the album had no goodies, and was housed in a simple gatefold sleeve.

SIDE ONE

Tonight I'm Gonna Rock You Tonight
David: 'Intravenus de Morphine' banter
Intravenus de Milo
Swallow My Love
Big Bottom
David: 'nostalgia trip' banter
(Listen To The) Flower People

SIDE TWO

Break Like The Wind
The Incredible Flight of Icarus P. Anybody
Brainhammer
Blood To Let
David: 'Goddess Intravenus' banter
Rock 'N' Roll Nightmare

SIDE THREE

David: 'educational piece' banter
Daze Of Knights Of Old
The Sun Never Sweats
Devil Take The Hindmost
Nocturnal Mission
Stonehenge [followed by 30 seconds of applause, rather than the farewell from the UK version]

SIDE FOUR [Essentially, this version creates a fake 'encore' by combining material from the fourth UK side with an edited "Short 'N' Sweet".]

Band Intros
David: 'stink up the Budokkan' banter [edited rather awkwardly onto the end of the band intros]
Nice 'N' Stinky
Heavy Duty
Short 'N' Sweet [edited down to seven minutes]
David: 'thank you Japan' banter [originally from UK side five - replaces the 'Devil blessing' that originally ended the album]

One thing I couldn't determine from listening to these was whether or not it was an actual live performance, though I'm sure that I was just hearing overdubbed applause. (If Tap actually held a concert where they played a wealth of material otherwise unavailable on their legitimate albums, *someone* in attendance would have either recorded it or spoken about it. The 1984 concert held to promote the movie, wherein they played "Rockin' Robin", is circulating amongst fans.)

I just can't stress enough how wonderful it would be to have an official CD release of this finally, especially if the guys don't plan on making a true follow-up to "Back From The Dead".

Time will tell, I suppose.

Incidentally, if any other 'back catalogue' albums are found to exist, please let me know! (I've heard rumblings about "Smell The Glove", but given the confusion between that and the soundtrack LP because of their similar covers, it's possible that someone was just mistaken.)

(D/L) Beach Boys - "Merry Christmas From The Beach Boys"

2010-03-04T21:46:00.000-08:00

Prepare yourself for one of the worst Christmas albums to ever exist. (And no, that's not the real cover; it was a vinyl boot of this album, retitled "Merry Christmas from the Califonia [sic!] Legends" to conceal the artist.)

Between "California Feeling" and "Winds Of Change", Mike and Al decided to put together a Christmas album at Maharishi International University. The result? Five Beach Boys recordings re-done with terrible seasonal lyrics (words cannot describe how poor the lyrics of "Santa's On His Way" are), three tracks that have nothing to do with Christmas whatsoever, an old Christmas-related b-side, and a handful of new season-appropriate compositions of varying merit. Not surprisingly, this mess of an album was never released.

But, hey, we're here for unreleased Beach Boys material, and someone asked to hear this utterly awful LP, so here it is - and I even added bonus tracks from the sessions, including a painfully hoarse Dennis pushing a toy drive! (Thank God they didn't redo "Hey Little Tomboy", Christmas style...) Enjoy, suckers! :-)

Get it here in 320 Kbps:

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=XB3VA4LO

The original album:

01) Christmas Time Is Here Again [rewrite of "Peggy Sue"]

02) Child Of Winter [1974 B-side]

03) Winter Symphony

04) Michael Row The Boat Ashore

05) Seasons In The Sun ['20/20' outtake - and it has no purpose here]

06) Morning Christmas [aka "Holy Evening", from Dennis' 'Bambu' sessions]

07) Christmas Day [not the song from the 1964 Christmas LP]

08) Go And Get That Girl

09) Santa's On His Way [rewrite of "HELP Is On The Way"]

10) (I Saw Santa) Rockin 'Round The Christmas Tree [apparently a rewrite of an unreleased track called "Hey There Momma"?]

11) Xmas Carol Medley

Bonus tracks:

* Bells Of Christmas [rewrite of "Belles Of Paris"]

* I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

* Kona Christmas [aka "Melekalikimaka", rewritten as "Kona Coast"]

* Santa's Got An Airplane [rewrite of "Loop De Loop"]

* Toy Drive Commercial 1 ('Crystal Ship') [rewrite of "Little Saint Nick"]

* Toy Drive Commercial 2 (Dennis message)

(D/L) Beach Boys - "New Album"

2010-02-28T21:37:00.000-08:00

"Hey, little tomboy! Climb into my van, I've got things that you can't tell your mom...." :-P

The Beach Boys disc known as the "New Album," despite its generic title (more on that in a second), is a lot of things - the proposed followup to "15 Big Ones", the first step on the road to the "M.I.U. Album", and a mystery, because no one knows what the title actually was. Brian may have just been telling an interviewer that the Beach Boys had a 'new album' on the way. Either way, the title stuck - as you can see from the picture, a bootleg edition with this title appeared in place of a commercial release.

Like "Adult Child", several of these tracks would disappear entirely, a couple would be revamped for later albums, and the three "Sunflower" outtakes that the Boys would just not let die ("Games Two Can Play", "HELP Is On The Way", and "When Girls Get Together") make their first post-Landlocked appearances. Making its first of several appearances is "Hey Little Tomboy" - and the version I found when reconstructing this album is truly bizarre, featuring not only the scrapped sexist chatter, but the pervy Beach Boys snorting like pigs! Your guess is as good as mine... (Thankfully, the 'snorts' may be a bootlegger's addition somewhere down the line, and not part of a genuine mix.)

The album's available here in 320 kbps:

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=CHALCVIF

The tracks:

01) My Diane [rough mix]

02) Marilyn Rovell

03) Hey Little Tomboy ['pig' mix - fake??]

04) Ruby Baby

05) You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling

06) Sherry She Needs Me

07) Come Go With Me [original version - different from MIU]

08) Mony Mony

09) On Broadway [repeated on 'Adult Child']

10) Sea Cruise

11) HELP Is On The Way [repeat from 'Landlocked']

12) Games Two Can Play [repeat from 'Sun Flower']

13) When Girls Get Together [repeat from 'Landlocked']

Enjoy!

(D/L) Beach Boys - "Adult Child"

2010-02-27T19:02:00.000-08:00

A cigarette butt when you throw it in the water goes FSSHT.

Another lost Beach Boys project helmed by Brian Wilson.... but be warned, this ain't a "Smile".

"Adult Child" (a name that supposedly came from Dr. Landy) was set for release as a follow-up to "The Beach Boys Love You." Unfortunately (and you can decide if the 'un' is necessary), it fell afoul of critiques from the other Beach Boys - like "Smile," it was mainly a Brian Wilson product; and not necessarily their styles of music, particularly the big band tracks. So in the end, it wound up on the steadily growing pile of scrapped Beach Boys albums, with several of its tracks being doomed for good.

I'm not sure where this version came from - there are several floating around, including a so-called "Millennium Edition" in which the bootleggers took an artistic license in butchering the tracks. (You think that sounds bad, you should hear their "Smile"!) This is the original, untouched album however.

You can get it here, as 320Kbps MP3's:

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=BA8J2NQ8

The tracks:

01) Life Is For The Living

02) Hey Little Tomboy [yes, the Beach Boys really did wedge this onto four unused album line-ups before the final "MIU"!]

03) Deep Purple

04) H.E.L.P. Is On The Way

05) It's Over Now

06) Everybody Wants To Live

07) Shortenin' Bread [not the "L.A." version - and boy, is this one bad.]

08) Lines

09) On Broadway

10) Games Two Can Play

11) It's Trying To Say

12) Still I Dream Of It

This was the last request I had - any others?

(D/L) Beach Boys - "California Feeling" and "Winds Of Change"

2010-02-27T12:49:00.000-08:00

Another homemade two-fer containing two of my reconstructed albums...

These are the two prototypical tracklists for what would become the "M.I.U. Album" - the first being "California Feeling", which contains primarily alternate mixes; and "Winds of Change," essentially the "M.I.U. Album" mixes with the "California Feeling" track order (though it seems that 'Hey Little Tomboy' was still the raunchier version at this point - and two tracks were replaced by this time). Since most if not all of the material was remixed after the "California Feeling" stage, I reconstructed this version of the album using rough acetates where available. Accordingly, "Winds of Change" contains mostly the album mixes, sourced from the official M.I.U./L.A. twofer and placed into their original order.

Incidentally, these reconstructions would not have been possible without the help of hart325, who posted the very rare boot "Winds Of Change: The M.I.U. Outtakes" on Demonoid for me. Thank you!

Grab them here as 320Kbps MP3's:
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=WIJWE1JJ

The tracklists:

CALIFORNIA FEELING
01) Match Point Of Our Love [rough mix]
02) Pitter Patter [rough "storm" mix]
03) Sweet Sunday Kinda Love [rough mix]
04) Belles Of Paris [rough mix]
05) Winds Of Change [rough mix]
06) My Diane [rough mix]
07) She's Got Rhythm [rough mix]
08) Our Team [sourced from the GV box]
09) Hey Little Tomboy [rough mix]
10) Kona Coast [album version - no rough mix available]
11) Wontcha Come Out Tonight [rough mix]
12) How's About A Little Bit Of Your Sweet Lovin' [with tweaked ending - the bootleg copies end very suddenly, so I toyed with the last drum beat to mask this]

WINDS OF CHANGE
(MIU album mixes unless noted)
01) Match Point Of Our Love
02) Pitter Patter
03) Sweet Sunday Kinda Love
04) Belles Of Paris
05) Winds Of Change
06) My Diane
07) She's Got Rhythm
08) Peggy Sue
09) Hey Little Tomboy [rough mix, re-EQ'ed to match surrounding tracks]
10) Kona Coast
11) Wontcha Come Out Tonight
12) Come Go With Me

My next post will be "Adult Child".

(D/L) Beach Boys - "Beachago"

2010-02-25T22:56:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry about the delay... I had a personal tragedy recently.

This is a recording from the Beachago tour of 1975 - the only recording I've been able to find of this tour. It is known that a Beachago album was meant to be released, but never appeared; unfortunately, no soundboards meant for the proposed album have emerged, and this lone audience recording is the only means of filling this particular gap in the Beach Boys' discography.

Originally posted online at the blog Yes, I Do Like Worms, this contains most of the Beach Boys' set from the June 14th show at Madison Square Garden, lacking a bit of the encore. (For the sake of completeness, I did try to find the Chicago set, but could find nothing.) Still, for an audience recording, it's very listenable; I was tempted to trim out the gaps in the cassette, but I left them intact to preserve the time-capsule feel.

Grab it here:
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=QNL897GG

01) Sloop John B
02) Do It Again
03) Help Me Rhonda
04) In My Room
05) The Trader
06) Sail On Sailor
07) California
08) Surfer Girl
09) Heroes and Villains
10) Backing Band Intros
11) Little Deuce Coupe
12) Catch A Wave
13) Wouldn't It Be Nice
14) I Get Around
15) Good Vibrations
16) You Are So Beautiful - with Bobby Lamm
17) Barbara Ann
18) Surfin' USA
19) God Only Knows - with Chicago
20) Wishing You Were Here - with Chicago
21) Darlin' - with Chicago

If anyone has another recording from this tour, or songs that are missing here, please let me know!

(D/L) 'Heroes and Villains' - as Brian intended (sort of)

2010-02-19T22:36:00.000-08:00

One of Brian Wilson's original concepts for "Smile," and one which seems to have been completely unrealized, was that 'Heroes and Villains' should be an epic Americana suite that consisted of not only of its namesake but also a number of other songs, including 'I'm In Great Shape' and 'Barnyard'.

As far as I've been able to determine, no fan has attempted to flesh out this concept, so I thought I would try it out. As a base, I used the longest and most cohesive version of 'Heroes and Villains' out there - the 10-minute version from the Odeon label "Smile" boot, which essentially joins 'Part 1' of the unreleased single version (the 'Cantina' version from the GV boxed set, but with a different ending) with 'Part 2' (which comprises most of the 'Sections' track on the boxed set, here given an ending verse). I replaced the material up to the start of 'in the cantina...' with most of the 45 version, so that the first sections should mirror the length and arrangement of Brian's 2004 remake.

From there, it was a matter of putting the extra songs where they seemed to fit best. Inspired by a comment on a Beach Boys forum I saw a couple years ago, I used the so-called "Heroes and Villains Intro" (as it was titled on the Boys' 30th anniversary box, though it's quite obviously the first section of "Mrs. O'Leary's Cow") as a comedic chase sequence after the Cantina verse. As a few "Smile" fan mixes have done, I combined "I'm In Great Shape" (just the piano demo, as the orchestrated version didn't fit) with the bizarre snoring/groaning section. The hardest addition, though, was "Barnyard", which I moved around a couple times until I realized it worked best as a lead-in to the slow "Dit-dit-dit, heroes and villains" chant just before the last verse.

So, here it is - my twelve minute edit of "Heroes and Villains", incorporating the "Fire" intro, "I'm In Great Shape", and "Barnyard". Enjoy!
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=RL8NYCQS

Credit where it's due...

"Good Vibrations: Thirty Years of the Beach Boys" - the 45 version of Heroes & Villains
"Smile" (Odeon version) - most of Heroes & Villains (originally from "Good Vibrations" box), plus demo of I'm In Great Shape (originally from "Endless Harmony") and long fade-out ending of Barnyard
"Smile" (Purple Chick version) - Barnyard vocal/instrumental mashup
"Smile" (Ryan Guidry version) - the Mrs. O'Leary's Cow intro
"Smile" (Olivio Frut version) - inspiration for I'm In Great Shape placement

The Rocky Horror game you never saw

2010-02-19T17:35:00.001-08:00

Computer games, the couple that have been made on the subject, haven't been particularly kind to Rocky Horror. What version of Rocky the "Rocky Interactive Horror Show" was supposed to be based on, I have no idea. (The characters, and the castle, are VERY vague resemblances to those of the movie - and this was a game made with Richard O'Brien's involvement. I assume it was based on a stage version?) But, in 2000, I tried to make the situation even worse.

At the time, folks were still making variations of "ZZT", an INCREDIBLY cheap-looking DOS game that used ASCII characters for graphics - the protagonist being an ASCII smiley face. The game had a built-in 'world editor' that allowed you to design your own ZZT environments. I decided to create "The Rocky Horror ZZT Show". And God, was it terrible. (I could use the excuse that I was only thirteen and dumb, but I won't waste my time.)

Here are a few screen captures - you can click to enlarge them.

"Crappy" was a pretty decent description.

The foyer.... check out the size of that elevator. Walking into the grandfather clock took you into a couple pages of misinformation-filled text about the movie.

The ballroom. The "green door" text was a desperate attempt to get people to check out locations in the proper order of the movie - but honestly, I'm so thankful I didn't let other people see this back when I actually thought it was *good*. :-P

This drawing. The biggest insult to Frank ever made by a fan, ever.

The lab, accessed (of course) through the elevator. As you might've guessed, all the little smiley faces represent Transylvanians...

With complete disregard for proper chronology, viewing the monitor in the lab during what was meant to be Rocky's creation shows you wonderful artistic interpretations of the bedroom scenes.

Frank and Rocky's bedroom. Frank (the dark blue smiley) tells you to get out.

Skipping forward a little bit (everything takes about five minutes total to go through, as it really isn't much of a game), this is the Rocky/Janet reveal.

Dinner scene. To progress, you have to go visit Columbia. I apologize to Nell for what's coming.

Not only is THIS meant to be Columbia (yes, I considered putting a red dot in her shirt rip), but she talks like a cross between Nurse Ansalong (who appears elsewhere in the game, for no reason) and a four year old. Want me to make this even more painful? I was gonna have a mini game that you played on Columbia's Nintendo. It was called "Destroyer 2: The Destruction of Denton!" I couldn't get it to work properly.

Hell with "Planet Schmanet Janet" - here's "Walk Like An Egyptian"!

Statues. Obviously, Brad was hideously mangled before being Medusa'd. This is as far as I got.

There's a little bit more to see, but honestly.... you don't want to. You really, really don't want to. I mean, if I had the ability, I'd make a first person Rocky game where you could navigate a sweet 3D castle, but I can't. For now at least.

(D/L) Beach Boys - "Sun Flower" and "Add Some Music"

2010-02-18T20:06:00.000-08:00

I wanted to post this one on the heels of "Reverberation"...

This is a twofer I made of "Sun Flower" (the original track list - yes, the space is correct!) and "Add Some Music", the middle step between Sunflower's space-endowed and final incarnations. I pieced both together from other sources; and looking at these line-ups, you can definitely see where the contents of "Landlocked" originated.

Especially of note are "Walkin'" and "Back Home" - due credit belongs to the disc 'Get The Boot, Vol. 1', where these unfinished tracks (oddly penciled in for inclusion on the original "Sun Flower") made their first appearances. To keep the flow of the album, I trimmed and faded these two tracks, as they both ended abruptly. Also, "Sun Flower" boasts a different version of Bruce's 'Tears In The Morning' than the final album.

This is, alas, nothing more than a 'for completists only' album - not only do identical tracks get repeated across the two line-ups, but save for the three unique tracks on "Sun Flower", anyone with the commercial "Sunflower" and the "Landlocked" boot would have heard these. (I actually used the same "Landlocked" boot that I posted here recently as a source.) Nonetheless, these do fill a pesky gap after "Reverberation," allowing us to examine every step of the "Sunflower" album's evolution.

The ZIP containing both albums can be downloaded here...

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=BYNLYSA9

The tracks:

SUN FLOWER

01) Slip On Through

02) Walkin'

03) Forever

04) Games Two Can Play

05) Add Some Music to Your Day

06) When Girls Get Together
07) Our Sweet Love

08) Tears In The Morning [alternate version]

09) Back Home

10) Fallin' In Love

11) I Just Got My Pay

12) Carnival

13) Susie Cincinnati

14) Good Time

ADD SOME MUSIC

01) Susie Cincinnati - repeat from above

02) Good Time - repeat from above; yes, unfortunately, those burning these on the same disc will hear two songs twice in a row, in identical forms.

03) Our Sweet Love - repeat from above

04) Tears In The Morning

05) When Girls Get Together - repeat from above

06) Slip On Through - repeat from above

07) Add Some Music To Your Day - repeat from above

08) Take A Load Off Your Feet

09) This Whole World

10) I Just Got My Pay - repeat from above

11) At My Window

12) Fallin' In Love - repeat from above

Well, enjoy, I suppose. :-)

(D/L) Beach Boys - "Landlocked"

2010-02-16T21:00:00.000-08:00

Alright, here's the first request filled!

This is the 1970 unreleased album "Landlocked", which was essentially "Sunflower II" - it consists almost entirely of rejects from the various versions of that album. Some Beach Boys experts don't believe that this was intended for release, but rather, was just a private compilation of material the boys wanted to reuse on future releases. It is also believed that the "Landlocked" title was never official, and that its being attached to this compilation was just a fan misconception somewhere down the line.

Here it is, as 320Kbps MP3's ripped from the 'Dumb Angel Rarities' series:
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=TLC7ZYMN

01) Loop De Loop (Flip Flop Flyin' In An Airplane)
02) Susie Cincinnati
03) San Miguel
04) H.E.L.P. Is On The Way
05) Take A Load Off Your Feet
06) Carnival
07) I Just Got My Pay
08) Good Time
09) Big Sur
10) Fallin' In Love
11) When Girls Get Together
12) Lookin' At Tomorrow (A Welfare Song)

Those who have seen this tracklist before might be wondering... where's track 13, "Til I Die"? (Bootlegs either have a rough mix that's missing vocals, or a lengthy track combining the rough mix with the "Endless Harmony" soundtrack mix.) The simple answer, according to the booklet of this particular edition, was that it was never actually on this album. Hearing its unfinished state, it's likely that a bootlegger wrongly tacked it in at some point, and like the "Landlocked" title, it stuck.

Coming up next: the "Beachago" live album!

(D/L) Beach Boys - "Reverberation" or "The Fading Rock Group Revival"

2010-02-10T13:51:00.001-08:00

Most of the Beach Boys' unreleased albums have been tossed out to the rarity collectors dozens of times - "Smile", "Landlocked", "Adult Child", material that may or may not have been on "Lei'd In Hawaii", and even a couple takes on "Remember The Zoo", which never existed outside of a fan hoax.

But as far as I know, there are no bootleg representations of "Reverberation", also known as "The Last Capitol Album", also known as (thanks to Bruce Johnston) "The Fading Rock Group Revival". So here's mine!

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=3UV5Y3QN

Compiled in 1969, this mixed-bag LP combined rarities with new material that would eventually appear on "Sunflower" the next year. Essentially, its purpose was to fulfill the Beach Boys' contract with Capitol, though it would eventually be replaced with the "Live In London" album. The likely reason for the lack of bootleg coverage is because almost every track was released in some official form, while the others are very common in the collector's circuit. Still, as the missing link between "20/20" and "Sunflower," it's an interesting listen.

The tracks, and their sources:

01) Cotton Fields
single version, from "Good Vibrations: 30 Years of the Beach Boys"

02) Loop De Loop
03) San Miguel
from "Landlocked"

04) Deirdre
05) Forever
from "Sunflower"

06) The Lord's Prayer
from the original CD pressing of "Christmas Album"

07) Break Away
08) Celebrate The News
from the "Friends" and "20/20" twofer CD

09) All I Wanna Do
10) Got To Know The Woman
from "Sunflower"

Enjoy!

I'll try to post more Beach Boys goodies soon... how 'bout a twofer of "Sun Flower" (the original version) and "Add Some Music"?

"Ghost Hunters"... can it be saved, or should we play TAPS?

2009-12-17T19:59:00.001-08:00

Despite being the major trigger in the 'ghost hunting show' craze, it has become very apparent to me, having watched the show from the beginning, that the fifth season of "Ghost Hunters" has paled greatly in comparison to recent episodes of copycat shows like "Ghost Adventures" and relative newcomer "Ghost Lab".

First though, before I get into what's wrong, I do need to commend the show for the problems that *have* been fixed over time:

1) Psychics and demonologists. As TAPS doesn't normally believe in psychics, I'm not sure why they were on the first couple seasons; but their presence can really bring the credibility of a show down. Look at "Paranormal State."

2) The ridiculous subliminal crap in the first couple seasons. No, TAPS isn't really to blame for this; they've said in the past that they can't control Sci-Fi's editing. And being that Sci-Fi like to drown out TAPS's audio with horror movie music, I'll place the blame for this failed experiment on them.

3) Overabundance of drama instead of ghost hunting. This really, really spoiled the first couple seasons - the Willard Library episode especially. While I do realize that there were personality conflicts going on at the time, it just didn't seem appropriate to spend so much time focused on them.

Now, here's my list of suggestions as to how this show could be saved from its current plight. These are based on my own personal observations - if you have anything else to add (or argue), please do.

1) STOP THE SPINOFFS. "Ghost Hunters Academy" was a disaster, and I can actually say that I have never seen anyone that *didn't* agree with this opinion. (I checked. Good God, I checked.) Besides the fact that the college kids recruited for this show were incredibly hard to watch, they brought out the worst in Steve and Tango. It's unsettling to see the guys that have been the comic relief for the last few seasons of "Ghost Hunters" get so pissed off all the time, to the point where they just seem mean.

2) Whatever happened to investigating private homes? The most memorable episodes of seasons past were in the houses of ghost-troubled families. When's the last time we saw anything to match the torso sitting in the rocking chair, or the vibrating attic?

3) Stop with the "we can see it, but no one else can" stuff. This really made the last episode (the Hindenburg crash site) difficult to watch. I'm not bashing TAPS here, because I'm willing to believe that they DID see something; but I think this also ties in with the need for smaller, more private locations. When something is spotted a quarter mile across an aircraft hangar, we're not gonna see it, because their night vision cameras just aren't that powerful. Anything outside of a 20 foot range is blackness to us. In closer quarters, we'd see stuff all the time - the shadow in the bar a couple weeks ago was great proof of that. The Sci-Fi (I'm sorry, SYFY) cameramen also need to stop shooting directly at someone when they point and say "Look over there!" If they're looking at something, friggin' point the camera at it, not at Grant! If they were less focused on filming the living people and more on the possibility of a dead one, we might've actually seen the face Grant saw in that underground prison. (Actually, no, that's a bad example, because it was a completely unexpected incident; if the camera was already pointing at that hole before Grant looked there, it would've seemed staged. And James Randi worshippers would've been pleased that their holy leader blessed them with such wonderful evidence that ghosts don't exist.)

4) I could be wrong about this, so excuse my theorizing here... but I get the distinct feeling that SYFY is telling Kris what to wear in order to "sexy" the show up. I personally like Kris, and I would feel terrible if this were true.

Now, I like "Ghost Adventures" and "Ghost Lab" just as much as I like "Ghost Hunters", but they DID come around much later, and I'm willing to stay loyal to TAPS come what may. I would hate to see the popularity of another network's copycat idea drag down the show that originally sparked everyone's interest, all over problems that are easy to fix.

My biggest fear is that, since they've spent the last five of their twenty years in TAPS in a much larger public eye than before, Jason and Grant are getting tired of the constant "You faked this / you're a bunch of liars" bullshit. I mean, for example, people are just NOT WILLING to let the jacket pull from the Halloween episode go. Would YOU get excited over finding something new if you knew that no one was going to believe you, time after time after time? Probably not. (Remind me to post my "TAPS wouldn't fake evidence, and here's why" list. Not that the thicker people of the Internet would pay attention to reason.)

While I do know that there is a sixth season in the works, I'd hate to see Jason and Grant leave one day and let Steve and Tango take over. As much as I like Steve and Tango (and they've been missed over the past few episodes where they were away doing GHA), it wouldn't be Ghost Hunters without the two guys that started everything.

That's my two cents.

Crazy Dream Theater - BATHROOMS! BATHROOMS EVERYWHERE!

2009-11-26T21:53:00.000-08:00

============================================
WARNING: The post you are about to read is *NOT* for the
easily nauseated. I'm serious. You're walking into some
seriously sick territory here. Please take caution before
reading further.
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Note - If you came here to read about the Bee Gees' albums, let me link you to the three sections of that post so you don't have to scroll through what I discuss below to find them.
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
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You still wanna give it a chance? Alright, suit yourself.

I realized something. A recurring element of my dreams is, oddly enough, public restrooms. And usually not pleasant ones. Dirty, nasty, vile public restrooms. Maybe because I've actually *seen* my share of dirty, nasty, vile public restrooms. Remember Michael Jackson's story about the bathroom in prison that had "doo doo and feces" everywhere? I've been in places like that. God, I have been in places like that.

Just to show what I mean about them being a recurring element of my dreams, here's a few of the past mental washrooms I've visited:

A bathroom on the bottom floor of some sort of high school, with a very, very strange set-up - no stalls, just a big room with a vast network of pipes, attached to which were rows of toilets facing each other. Now, if that's not weird enough, the toilets were elevated a few feet off the ground.
A bathroom in what I assume was a [department store I won't name]... this one haunted me for days. Very dark and badly lit room; the middle of the three toilets was broken and spraying water out of the stall; oh yes, and there was SHIT EVERYWHERE. I could go into so much detail, because this one is indelibly burned into my mind. I won't. Oddly enough, shortly after this in real life, I encountered a bathroom in [department store I won't name] that was in close competition with this imaginary one.
This one's from years ago... see, when I was younger, I used to be sort of afraid of fans. I had a dream that my family was in a furniture store or something, and upstairs, they had one of those little single-toilet bathrooms where you have to lock the door. 'Cept this one had an odd trait about it - an enormous grate on the wall, behind which was a vast fan/air conditioning system of some kind, in some sort of lit, tiled hallway. There's a giant fan you have to pass not long into the second half of "Portal" that reminds me of this.
Some sort of extremely creepy, dark, red lit restroom (this one's popped up a couple times - once it was in a museum, another time it was in a locker room?) with a similar affliction of human produce as the second one I mentioned above. No, I don't want a psychologist telling me why I have dreams about shitty public restrooms. I already know that's strange.
Multiple restrooms where the stalls didn't exactly offer privacy - either multiple toilets were in one stall (I'VE ACTUALLY SEEN THIS IN A REAL-LIFE SCHOOL!), or there was a side panel missing, and people passing by the stall on that side could see you.

OK, so onto the strangeness of last night's dream. No, shit isn't involved.

I was in a vast library of some sort, with a few floors. On the top floor, there was an alcove off to the left with bathrooms. 'Cept instead of a water fountain (which you would expect to be in such an area), there was a urinal, right out in the open. And there weren't just two bathrooms (or three, 'cause some places have a handicapped-only one or a "family room" - okay, or four, if they have one specifically for children, which I've seen a couple times also), there were many.

To the right, upon entering this little side area, were two doors - "Men" and "Bathroom". Being a curious type, I chose "Bathroom". I walked into a tiled restroom that was MUCH larger than it could have possibly been on the outside. (A TARDIS restroom, if you will.) There were a dozen stalls, and a lot of people (both genders) in here. Even stranger, there were a hell of a lot of hand dryers all over the wall. Sort of. Some worked properly, some dispensed soap, some sprayed water. After visiting this bizarre room, I went in the "Men" door, and found it a lot more normal.

The more I explored this alcove (it branched off into hallways on either side), the more restrooms I found. One had a Super Mario Bros. theme... and no visible toilets, just a lot of pipes and mushrooms. (Maybe you were meant to use the pipes? Knowing my dreams, probably.) After this, I don't remember what else happened. Sorry...

The moral of this all? Public bathrooms weird me the fuck out.

God, I feel like I need to take a shower now. A long shower. Uh, but not in a public shower.

The Bee Gees' albums... how many? (part 3)

2009-11-24T07:25:00.000-08:00

Once more into the trench....

============================

ROBIN GIBB SOLO

[?] MY OWN WORK (1969)
Ah, here's one that most fans probably haven't heard about; the only mention I've ever seen was on Joseph Brennan's Gibb Songs site, where information is scattered. In a nutshell, this was apparently an album Robin was working on not long before "Robin's Reign", and in a 1969 interview, he revealed the 11-song tracklist. The entire thing was scrapped (none of it appeared on "Robin's Reign"), and most of the songs have yet to even make it to a bootleg. Perhaps this never got past a rough plan, and the material wasn't actually recorded??

[1] ROBIN'S REIGN (1970)
This came out instead. As Robin was no longer a member of the Bee Gees, this was the direct competition to Barry and Maurice's "Cucumber Castle" LP.

[?] SING SLOWLY SISTERS (1970)
After the relative success of "Robin's Reign" (and the official disintegration of the Bee Gees), Robin recorded this lushly orchestrated, downbeat album - another entry into the lost 'solo trilogy' of 1970. A tracklist was allegedly decided upon, but like the other brothers' recordings from this time period, this was scrapped when the group decided to reform for "2 Years On."

[2] HOW OLD ARE YOU? (1983)
[3] SECRET AGENT (1984)
[4] WALLS HAVE EYES (1985)
Three released solo albums. Sort of. While "Secret Agent" was indeed Robin alone, "How Old Are You" is much closer to being a Robin and Maurice LP (to the point of Maurice even providing lead vocals in places), and "Walls Have Eyes" includes both Maurice and Barry.

[5] MAGNET (2003)
Robin's solo projects went totally quiet during the remainder of the Bee Gees' time as a threesome; this emerged after the group's final disintegration. Unfortunately, instead of a strict pop album, Robin decided to make this one hip-hop. Robin, a middle-aged white Englishman, sings songs about getting freaky in the shower and sipping Cris. Why, God, why??

[?] LIVE (2005)
Another entry into the Bee Gees' live album canon.... as painful as it is. Even above "Magnet," this is truly the weakest Gibb-related release ever, displaying both Robin's complete massacre of Bee Gees tunes (including those written by and tailored for Barry), and an absolutely unprofessional mix that renders this disc bootleg quality.

[6] MY FAVORITE CHRISTMAS CAROLS (2006)
But that's forgiven, because this album is absolutely fantastic! :-) Strangely, the complete album was only released in Germany; some countries removed Robin's composition "Mother of Love", while only Germany included the very out-of-place tracks "Christmas Eve or Halloween" (a Bee Gees recording from 1968) and "Ellan Vannin".

[7?] 50 ST. CATHERINE'S DRIVE (2010?)
Whether this will be released is still unknown. A finished version of the album was filed with the US copyright office in 2008, though Robin is said to have revised the tracklist since then. Something to look forward to in the future I suppose.

============================

MAURICE GIBB SOLO

[?] (UNTITLED SYNTHESIZER ALBUM) (1969?)
A collaboration with Ringo Starr. According to the Gibbs' official biography, for a couple years, Maurice and Ringo were planning an avant garde album of bizarre Moog tracks. The only known title from this project is "Modulating Maurice," which featured Maurice saying random phrases over Ringo's instrumental backing. (Despite popular belief, this track has never been bootlegged; this song title was given to an unrelated Bee Gees instrumental.) I actually seem to remember hearing that the tapes for this album no longer exist, but don't take my word on that.

[?] SING A RUDE SONG (1969)
This one is a toughie, as it's not *technically* a Maurice album. While he was pushed as one of the stars of this London musical, he is only audible on three songs, though he is featured on the cover (shades of "Saturday Night Fever"), and produced the entire album. If this can be counted, this would actually be Maurice's only released work to date.

[?] THE LONER (1970)
Maurice's entry into the unreleased 1970 trilogy. In a perfect world, this fantastic album will emerge on a long-overdue compilation of Maurice's recordings (why one wasn't released after his passing, I don't know), but again, time will tell. Sadly, bootleg versions are poor quality; but the original Japanese boot (which thankfully is presented without the extreme sound reduction used on the later edition) is still essential listening.

[??] STRINGS AND THINGS (1981)
An album of synthesizer-based instrumentals, which doesn't seem to have ever been finished, as only a few song titles and one actual track (which may or may not be the title track) have emerged. Judging from that one song alone, this could have been an impressive disc.

[?] A BREED APART (1984)
One of Maurice's film scores. This soundtrack LP, available as a bootleg, was originally set for release in 1984 alongside the film. However, the film was delayed until 1986, and failed to make a splash upon release. The proposed soundtrack was scrapped.

[??] THE SUPERNATURALS (1985)
Though this was a finished work (another film score, to be precise), I'm putting it in the 'two question marks' category, as a release may have never actually been planned. Though Maurice's score appeared in some copies of the film (and Maurice actually has an on-screen cameo), the common version replaces his score with that of another composer. Thus, while it's possible that a soundtrack LP by Maurice could have been considered very early on, it most likely never went beyond the consideration phase. The reason it's even worth including here is that bootleggers actually took it upon themselves to release a CD of Maurice's score, obviously recorded directly from the film, in a deceptively legitimate-looking cover.

============================

ANDY GIBB
While Andy was not technically a Bee Gee, as he did not appear on any of their released material, he is still a Brother Gibb, and as such, his work is often included alongside that of the other three in discographies.

[?] (UNTITLED ALBUM) (1975)
While his older brothers were enjoying the start of their disco heyday, Andy was in Australia, trying to launch a career. He did manage to release one single there ("Words and Music"), which could have possibly been the title track of this album. Unfortunately, though this seems to have been completed, nothing else has emerged of this project.

[1] FLOWING RIVERS (1977)
[2] SHADOW DANCING (1978)
[3] AFTER DARK (1980)
Andy's brief output, cut short by his alarming use of drugs. By 1980, his ability to perform had deteriorated in such a way that Barry had to step in, with the result that "After Dark" is really an uncredited collaboration between the two - even including Barry on vocals (doing his best Andy impression) when Andy's cocaine-worn abilities were not sufficient.

[?] IT'S MY NEIGHBORHOOD (aka MAN ON FIRE) (1988)
Throughout the Eighties, Andy announced several times that he was planning a comeback album. This seems to be the most successful attempt, as it was actually given a title (which sources are unsure about - Gibb Songs calls it "It's My Neighborhood", while the official biography of the Bee Gees claims that that title was later changed to "Man On Fire.") A handful of songs are known to exist, and it seemed that Andy might've been onto something here, finally... until his death of heart disease before its completion.

============================

Well, that's everything... let's see what we have.

BEE GEES
* 22 officially released studio albums
* 2 unauthorized (but still commercially available) studio albums
* 1 unreleased (but complete) official studio album
* 1 unreleased album not intended for public ears
* 2 officially released live albums
* 1 unauthorized (but still commercially available) live album
* 3 soundtracks with notable Bee Gees involvement
* 1 soundtrack with little Bee Gees involvement, but several older Gibb compositions (some of which aren't performed by the group themselves)
* 1 soundtrack with a couple new Bee Gees tracks, as well as other new Gibb compositions performed by different artists

BARRY
* 4 officially released demo albums
* 1 sort-of officially released demo album
* 2 officially released full-fledged studio albums (I'll put "Hawks" in here too)
* 1 unreleased (but complete) official studio album
* 1 unreleased album that was technically revised and released

ROBIN
* 6 officially released studio album
* 1 officially released live album
* 1 possibly forthcoming studio album
* 1 unreleased (but complete) official solo album
* 1 unreleased solo album that may not actually exist

MAURICE
* 1 officially released stage cast album, with other artists
* 2 unreleased (but complete) official solo albums (I'm putting "A Breed Apart" in here)
* 1 unreleased and probably unfinished solo album
* 1 unreleased and probably unfinished collaboration with Ringo Starr
* 1 unreleased soundtrack probably not planned for release

ANDY
* 3 officially released albums
* 1 unreleased (but complete) official solo album
* 1 unreleased and unfinished solo album

It wouldn't really be fair to tally these up, as it's impossible to say what should be included in the tally. One thing to remember, however, is that despite the general distinction between group and solo albums, the group actually tends to lump solo works (sometimes, but not always, including Andy's) together with group recordings - solo tracks have appeared on official Bee Gees compilations, for example, and the upcoming "Mythology" box even includes a disc of Andy material. So it's fair to say that most of not all of the above albums can be considered 'Bee Gees albums', even if they're not strictly such.

Total, the four brothers at least stamped their headlining names on an astounding *64* albums, but again, this is a very, very broad look at their wide body of recordings.

Incidentally, as a note for collectors, very few of these (despite the wealth of unreleased projects) are totally unavailable - much of the rare material is available in bootleg form somewhere. These are the items you shouldn't hold your breath for, because you won't find 'em:

BEE GEES - third Australian album [in its entirety - "If I Needed Someone" and "Another Tear Falls" have never emerged into the collector's circuit]
BARRY - "Guilty Pleasures Demos" [entire tracks - the bootleg CD contains the truncated versions!]
ROBIN - "My Own Work"
ROBIN - "50 St. Catherine's Drive" [what exists of it now, at least]
MAURICE - untitled synthesizer album with Ringo
MAURICE - "Strings and Things"
ANDY - untitled Australian album
ANDY - "It's My Neighborhood" (or "Man On Fire")

The Bee Gees' albums... how many? (part 2)

2009-11-23T21:25:00.000-08:00

Okay, homework's done with, so where were we? Ah, that's right, I stopped after "Staying Alive". Alright, so it's the early Eighties, and the Bee Gees aren't making any music together....

...Well, actually, they are. Though it obviously won't count towards our number of group albums, Robin's solo album "Walls Have Eyes" was really a joint project between all three brothers, and indeed, his brothers are clearly heard on tracks like 'Toys'. But, nevermind that, because the boys officially reformed shortly after.

[17] E.S.P. (1987)
[18] ONE (1989)
[19] HIGH CIVILISATION (1991)
Three more studio albums added to their catalog. This era is notable, as it marked the loss of brother Andy - something discussed forthright on the "One" album.

[??] THE BUNBURY TAILS (1992)
And we hit a snag here. The Bunburys were a cartoon helmed by Bee Gees compatriot David English, with some input from Barry. I don't believe that I've actually seen this credited as a Bee Gees album anywhere, though a number of the tracks on this soundtrack were either performed by the group or written by the group for other artists. (Sadly, this obscure album is the only official home of No Hat Moon's performance of Barry's stunning "Seasons".) So, our choice is either to toss it in the "Melody" pile, since four of the Gibbs' six contributions are by other artists; or to put it in the "Staying Alive" pile, since the songs were all written for this soundtrack. I'll choose the latter. (Now, don't make me explain those piles, because I'll just end up confusing myself. Just slap this alongside the other various artists LP's mentioned and let's move on before someone's brain aches...)

[20] SIZE ISN'T EVERYTHING (1993)
[21] STILL WATERS (1997)
Two more studio albums. Incidentally, 1995 was meant to include the release of "Love Songs," a compilation for which the group recorded a handful of new tracks; this never emerged (and no, this wasn't the recent compilation of that title), and the new tracks appeared elsewhere.

[?] ONE NIGHT ONLY (1998)
Again, as with "Here At Last", this is a live album. But man, I almost feel bad having to relegate it to "miscellaneous" status, because it's so damn important - it marked a major tour in the Bee Gees' careers, and was accompanied by a video. But, I suppose it just all comes down to being the truncated soundtrack to a video, shorn of six songs in order to fit on a single disc.

[22] THIS IS WHERE I CAME IN (2001)
One last studio album for the trio... at this point, the boys were recording tracks separately ("White Album" style I suppose), and their growing conflicts would continue to boil, even beyond Maurice's death in 2003.

However, as of late 2009, Robin and Barry have reformed (as the Bee Gees), so there's always the possibility of a 23rd album.........

[?] AUSTRALIAN TOUR 1989 (2009)
Thought I should throw this last minute addition onto the pile. This commercially released two-disc set of the "One For All" tour was released without the brothers' permission, due to some copyright loophole in Australia that allows the unauthorized release of live recordings 20 years after recording takes place. This still seems fairly unknown by fans, but time will tell if the brothers give it any official notice.

============================

Alright, that covers the Bee Gees as a group.... now things get really ugly.

BARRY GIBB SOLO

[?] THE KID'S NO GOOD (1970)
See, here's why the solo projects get so ugly - because many of them were never released (or necessarily finished), so it's impossible to determine which should count and which shouldn't, since they obviously didn't inspire a release, no matter their state of completion. (More on that later.) This particular album, recorded during the Bee Gees' 1970 split, was finished. This was Barry's entry into a trio of solo albums that would be worked on, and scrapped, during that time period.

[1] GUILTY DEMOS (1979 / 2006)
[2] HEARTBREAKER DEMOS (1982 / 2006)
[3] EYES THAT SEE IN THE DARK DEMOS (1983 / 2006)
And then here's another issue. Alright, so, during the Bee Gees' post-Fever lull, Barry enjoyed writing entire albums for artists; and for each, he would record a private version of the entire album as a guideline for the respective artist. All of these were released on iTunes a couple years ago. So, after years of bootleg copies, they have entered the realm of released recordings - the only confusion lies in how to number them. Either they should be numbered according to recording chronology in relation to Barry's other albums, or they should be numbered based on their 2006 release. I'll leave that decision up to readers.

[4] NOW VOYAGER (1984)
The first Barry album to actually reach the market - well, Barry by himself, as he featured heavily on the artists' final versions of his demo recordings. This was accompanied by a short film showcasing the album's music.

[5] EATEN ALIVE DEMOS (1985 / 2006)
One more demo album, this time for Diana Ross. Unlike the others, this was never bootlegged; and the iTunes version is lacking the title track, the rights for which lay in the hands of its co-author, Michael Jackson.

[?] MOONLIGHT MADNESS (1986)
An unreleased album. I'm less apt to count this one, because much of the material would be recycled a couple years later on a similar LP. (Incidentally, this album is also sometimes referred to as "My Eternal Love.")

[6] HAWKS (1988)
And this is what became of "Moonlight Madness." That scrapped album was revamped as this movie soundtrack, all of which is performed by Barry, save "Chain Reaction" by Diana Ross (which was also a Gibb composition).

Well, that's all of Barry's solo albums, really.... except this little bit of confusion:

[?] GUILTY PLEASURES DEMOS (2005)
For the sequel to his 1979 project with Barbra Streisand, Barry wrote another album's worth of songs, and recorded an album's worth of demos (save "Don't Throw It All Away" and "Letting Go", which were previously released). So we can at least toss this in the 'unreleased' pile... or can we? Well, yes and no. Barry DID release these tracks, but not in any concrete form; their only appearance was in the 'Radio' stream on Barry's site, and there, they were intentionally faded in and out so that fans only heard two-minute-or-so chunks of them. Unless we see a full release someday (which may not occur, as Barry's iTunes days seem to be over), I won't count this.

============================

Off to bed I go... as soon as I can, I'll wrap this up. Robin's releases are fairly straightforward, Andy's have some interesting points, and as for Maurice... well, we'll see when I get there. His discography is a bit of a disaster.

The Bee Gees albums.... how many?? (part 1)

2009-11-23T17:42:00.000-08:00

Next year, the Bee Gees will be celebrating their 50th anniversary. (Some of you are going "Holy shit, Stayin' Alive came out 50 years ago?") Since their foundation in 1960 (which doesn't seem right, as I believe they started recording demos in 1958 - but this isn't my place to judge), they've recorded.... well, a lot of albums, both as a group and as solo artists.

But it's time to look back and think... just how many albums did these three talented brothers churn out, anyway? The Bee Gees' discography is complicated, because no one has a set opinion on what exactly constitutes their catalog. Does Andy's music count? Does "Saturday Night Fever" count, even though it's not strictly a Bee Gees album? What about the unreleased albums? The Australian albums? The unauthorized third Australian album? But wait, weren't there FOUR Australian albums?

Alright, let's sort this out. Albums with numbers are certainly counted; albums with one question should be counted, but most likely aren't officially counted by the Bee Gees; albums with two question marks are more confusing.

============================

THE BEE GEES AS A GROUP

[1] THE BEE GEES SING AND PLAY 14 BARRY GIBB SONGS (1965 - Australia only)
The first album, plain and simple, even though it was technically comprised mainly of previously released singles.

[2] SPICKS AND SPECKS (1966 - Australia only)
The second album. Also known as "Monday's Rain."

[??] (THIRD AUSTRALIAN ALBUM?) (1966)
An entire album exists of outtakes from around the time of the "Spicks and Specks" album sessions. Much of this material (save two tracks, which haven't even been bootlegged) appeared on the 'Inception/Nostalgia' collection. However, given the fact that some of these tracks are merely sloppy in-studio piss takes of other artists' songs, it's unlikely that this was intended for release, despite rumors otherwise. Why this even exists as a record is unknown.

[3] BEE GEES' FIRST (1967)
Whoa, wait... it certainly isn't! Well, it was the Bee Gees' first international album, and since they were unknown outside of Australia at this point, no one else would have been aware in the slightest that they had two local albums there. Calling this "Bee Gees' Third" would've been silly.

[?] TURN AROUND, LOOK AT US (1967 - Australia only)
This one's tough, as the Bee Gees seem to ignore it completely, especially since they didn't authorize it to begin with. After the boys had moved back to England, their Australian label released *this* as their third album, despite it containing absolutely no new material - just more as-yet-uncompiled singles and some repeats from "Sing and Play". The status of this rare LP depends on who you ask, really.

[4] HORIZONTAL (1968)
The Bee Gees' second international album.

[5] IDEA (1968)
The Bee Gees' third international album.

[6] ODESSA (1969)
The Bee Gees' fourth international album, and last with all three brothers for a little while. (Note that this was later split into two separate LP's - "Sound Of Love" and "Marley Purt Drive".)

[?] INCEPTION / NOSTALGIA (1970)
A very bizarre release. This 2-LP set of unique material (all Australian outtakes, some of which originally appeared on the mysterious unreleased 1966 LP) was released on Polydor without the consent of the group... but only in Germany and France. The brothers didn't even know about it until they found it in a Swiss record store after the fact. Even still, it is entirely fresh material... but then, the fact that they didn't consent to it probably bumps it from their catalog.

[7] CUCUMBER CASTLE (1970)
Credited as "The Bee Gees", though it isn't really... Robin Gibb was off on his own at this point, leaving Barry and Maurice to create both this album and an accompanying TV movie featuring its music.

[8] 2 YEARS ON (1970)
The group's 'reunion album', featuring the return of Robin.

[??] MELODY (1971)
A soundtrack album, which features one new Bee Gees track (a remake of "In The Morning" from Inception/Nostalgia), a couple older tracks, and some orchestral covers of Bee Gees tunes. Half of the album is completely unrelated to the group. Not quite the caliber of their contributions to "Saturday Night Fever", because their actual work on this soundtrack is limited to one track. If it wasn't for the Bee Gees' official biography "Tales Of The Brothers Gibb" claiming that people commonly mistake this obscure soundtrack for a Bee Gees' album, it wouldn't even be worth a mention.

[9] TRAFALGAR (1971)
[10] TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN (1972)
[11] LIFE IN A TIN CAN (1973)
Standard releases, nothing of note to mention.

[?] A KICK IN THE HEAD IS WORTH EIGHT IN THE PANTS (1973)
And then we hit this one. This LP, which was actually completed and sequenced into a reasonable track order, was recorded as the follow-up to the dull "Life In A Tin Can", but cancelled when group manager Robert Stigwood decided it was 'not worthy of them.' (Being far superior to "Tin Can" in many fans' eyes, Stigwood may have made a mistake.) It may be safe to say that the group doesn't consider a scrapped album, especially one that they have openly dismissed as poor material (....Christ, guys! It has "Castles In The Air", a wonderful song!!), as part of their catalog. The only thing that may change this is if Rhino finally continues their reissue series, and puts this album out once and for all. Time will tell.

[12] MR. NATURAL (1974)
[13] MAIN COURSE (1975)
[14] CHILDREN OF THE WORLD (1976)
More standard studio albums, nothing of note.

[?] HERE AT LAST... LIVE (1977)
This one's tricky. While it is technically part of their standard stream of releases, the group apparently doesn't consider it one of their primary releases, due to it being a live album. We'll leave this one up in the air.

[?] SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER (1977)
Okay... let's look at the facts here. a) The four songs that start this album were intended for the Bee Gees' next studio album, and not a movie. b) More of that studio album was recorded, and not used here. c) Much of the material on this soundtrack is not related to the Bee Gees. d) In spite of this, the Bee Gees are on the front cover, and were given top billing for the film's score. In the grand scheme of things, the Bee Gees are probably given an unfair amount of credit for what is just a various artists soundtrack. Hell, two of their songs are just pulled from older albums. But, the cold hard fact is, to the group's chagrin, this is the album most associated with them. I honestly don't know.

[?] SGT. PEPPER'S LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND (1978)
Yes, the Bee Gees have disowned both this album and the film, refusing to include Robin's hit version of "Oh! Darling" on any of their authorized compilations. However, the group's contribution to this soundtrack is MUCH larger than that of "Saturday Night Fever," with at least one of the brothers appearing on half (or more) of the songs in the two LP set. It is, like SNF, technically a various artists album however, so it's silly to give the Bee Gees full credit, especially when they really, really don't want credit for this.

[15] SPIRITS HAVING FLOWN (1979)
[16] LIVING EYES (1981)
Nothing confusing here, either - just two more studio albums.

[?] STAYING ALIVE (1983)
The soundtrack to the "Saturday Night Fever" sequel. Like its predecessor, the Bee Gees are often given top billing for this soundtrack, despite half of it being by other artists. (This one's only a single LP, so the Bee Gees' five new songs, plus a drastically edited version of "Stayin' Alive", comprise a full half.) It's actually not even certain that these is true Bee Gees music, as Barry is the only member detectable - at this point, Robin and Maurice were actually off working on their own projects, and may not be on these tracks at all. Who knows? Toss this one in the "various artists" pile with SNF, Melody and Pepper.

Alright, so we're to the Bee Gees' Eighties split... and I need to do homework! :-P More to come...

The stoner sensibility, revealed!

2009-11-12T20:19:00.000-08:00

This was too good to pass up writing a note about it.

A while ago, I was researching via Google to see just how widespread pot use is today. I found an article on Jezebel.com called "35 Celebrities Who Smoke Pot." One passage in particular caught my attention:

"In the summer of 2005, the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) hosted a smoke-in to promote the legalization of marijuana. Celebrities that participated: Willie Nelson, Woody Harrelson (obvs), Bette Midler, Santana, Chicago, David Crosby and Graham Nash, Rod Stewart, The New Jefferson Starship, Tony Orlando, Ringo Starr, Tommy Chong, Snoop Dogg, and Robert Downey Jr."

This passage includes a link to the source for the supposed news, a site called Friends of Cannabis. Following this link, I found that they obviously took this story very seriously:

"WASHINGTON - The American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) will sponsor a smoke-in to promote the group's campaign to legalize marijuana. The weekend event, called the Great American Pot Luck Festival, will be held at Daytona International Speedway in Florida, July 8-10. Sponsors include Grecian Formula, Cialis, Fixodent, Beano, Depends, and Correctol with Stool Softener. AARP's chief executive officer, William Novelli, held a press conference in the group's Washington, D.C., office yesterday to publicize the event. Wearing a T-shirt that read "We Smoke and We Vote," Novelli told reporters, "People who think the AARP is a haven for old windbags that sit around comparing HMOs or discussing their bowel movements are in for a surprise."

Now, look at this carefully. The sponsors alone should give away the ruse. But oh no, good old Friends of Cannabis obviously saw this article online and jumped at the possibility that the world was finally coming around to their beloved druggy haze.

And where did they most likely see this article?

The Spoof, an Onion-type website specializing in parody news articles. You can read the original article here.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not writing this note as a slam against anyone; I'm merely writing it to point out a funny situation. But damn, it definitely says something, dunnit? :-P

(D/L) 'Whoomp' uncensored - by request!

2009-11-12T08:57:00.000-08:00

I'd like to fulfill Mark's request here... this is the "Original Club Version" of Whoomp There It Is, sourced from the 12" single. This is the original version, uncensored - NOT the Magic City Version! I honestly don't think this appeared elsewhere, not even on Tag Team's otherwise uncensored album. (That's a great question, how'd that album not get a Parental Advisory sticker??)

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=265L3GGK

I was considering posting the rip-off "XXX Version" single as well, but a) it obviously wasn't made by Tag Team (though their song is sampled), and b) it bares little resemblance to "Whoomp There It Is" anyway.

The "Whoomp!" Project - tracks needed!! (updated)

2009-11-02T09:21:00.000-08:00

I'm trying to finish a project I've been working on for quite a long time.... just a little throwback to my childhood. I'd like to create a 2-CD set of all of the singles (there were quite a few) released of "Whoomp! There It Is". Go ahead, laugh. :-P

However, I need some tracks that are especially hard to find. Here's the potential tracklist, as well as what I have and still need:

UPDATE (11/3) - Expanded the tracklist, but I have all the new tracks.

DISC ONE
01) Whoomp! There It Is [Original Club Version] - have. This is the uncensored version of the original mix, and is EXTREMELY rare. I found it on a 12" single.
02) Whoomp! There It Is [Magic City Version] - have
03) Whoomp! There It Is [Dirty Acapella] - have
04) Whoomp! There It Is [Radio Edit] - have
05) Whoomp! There It Is [Clean Club Mix] - have
06) Whoomp! There It Is [House Mix] - have
07) Whoomp! There It Is [Clean Acapella] - have
08) Whoomp! There It Is [Instrumental] - have
09) Whoomp! There It Is [WPGC Remix] - have
10) Whoomp! There It Is [KPWR Remix] - have
11) Whoomp! There It Is [Suburban Remix #1] - have
12) Whoomp! There It Is [Suburban Remix #2] - have
13) Whoomp! There It Is [Shake Your Booty European Remix] - DON'T HAVE! This is only on the European "Whoomp: The Remixes" single, which is very, very expensive to buy online. I was hoping someone would already own it.
14) Whoomp! Si Lo Es [Original Mix] - have
15) Whoomp! Si Lo Es [Montuno Mix] - have
16) Whoomp! Si Lo Es [Abanero Mix] - have

DISC TWO

01) Whoomp! Si Lo Es [La Descarga Vocal Mix] - have
02) Whoomp! Si Lo Es [La Descarga Mix] - have
03) Whoomp! There It Is XXX Version [Pimpin' Mix] - have; I debated over including this cash-in by 'Pimp Team' (who AREN'T Tag Team - the vocalist is female, and the lyrics are replaced with a LeWanda Page-ish monologue), but the Tag Team version is obviously sampled.
04) Whoomp! There It Is XXX Version [Pimpinest Mix]
05) Whoomp! There It Is XXX Version [Pimpin' Beats and Pieces]
06) Whoomp! There It Is XXX Version [Pimpamental]
07) Whoomp! There It Is XXX Version [Pimpapella]
08) Addams Family Whoomp [Master Mix] - have
09) Addams Family Whoomp [TV Mix From Master] - DON'T HAVE!
10) Addams Family Whoomp [Extended Mix] - have
11) Addams Family Whoomp [Techno Mix With Guitar] - have
12) Addams Family Whoomp! [TV Mix From Techno] - DON'T HAVE!
13) Addams Family Whoomp! [Extended Techno Mix] - have
14) Whoomp! There It Went [Mickey's Radio Mix] - have
15) Whoomp! There It Went [Instrumental Mix] - have

Okay, I have all but THREE SONGS - if anyone can help me out, lemme know!

(D/L) A Bee Gees Halloween 2006

2009-10-01T21:44:00.000-07:00

Here's a true gem which, sadly, seems impossible to find online nowadays... which is why I needed to share it here! :-)

While I did my best to one-up the bootleg "A Bee Gees Christmas" (my version can be found in one of my first-ever posts on this blog), I had no need to revamp "A Bee Gees Halloween" - a Gibb fan named Visionmixer already took on that task, and did a brilliant job of it! Unlike the original Christmas CD, the Halloween disc was done as a continuous megamix of appropriate Bee Gees tracks. Unfortunately, the final product, created by an anonymous fan, was a bit rough on the editing side. (Having also heard the absolute mess that was the original Christmas CD, this isn't surprising!) Luckily however, five years later, the mysterious Visionmixer released their own version, smoothing out the rough cuts and adding a wonderfully effective layer of creepy sound effects and movie clips.

Sadly, this new version ("A Bee Gees Halloween 2006") doesn't seem to have gotten around to very many people; in fact, the only site I know of that contained the album is now dead, currently serving as a placeholder for some porn outfit. That's why, to usher in October 2009, I'm posting the album here for everyone's enjoyment!

You can grab it here...
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=XZRYK26C

As Visionmixer released the album as one long MP3, here's a handy tracklist for your reference:
01) Creepy Intro [samples from the fan club record "The Rescue Of Bonnie Prince Wally"]
02) Haunted House
03) Moonlight Madness
04) Spirits Having Flown
05) E.S.P. [mashed with "Sweet Song Of Summer"]
06) One O'Clock In The Morning [a remix of "Castles In The Air"]
07) Christian Incantation [a remix containing elements of "Every Christian Lion Hearted Man Will Show You" and "Lion In Winter"]
08) I Held A Party
09) Ghost Train
10) Party With No Name
11) Eaten Alive
12) Giving Up The Ghost
13) The Boogieman [a remix of "Boogie Child"]
14) Tragedy
15) You Wear A Disguise [a remix of "Jive Talkin'", with a bit of "You Win Again"]
16) Dead In The Night [a remix of "Paper Mache, Cabbages and Kings"]
17) Christmas Eve Or Halloween
18) Possession

Please note... there are some very minor digital glitches in here, but nothing that should spoil your enjoyment. Given the extreme rarity of this version (especially since Visionmixer seems to have disappeared from the 'Net), a flawless copy is likely impossible to find.

Enjoy! Oh, and if you're burning this to a CD, lemme know - I'll dig out the cover artwork I made and post it here.

A few words about Richard Wright...

2009-09-24T22:12:00.001-07:00

You know, when Richard Wright passed away last September, I don't think I reacted particularly strongly; I think I felt "Oh, Pink Floyd's disappearing on us" (as we lost Syd a few years ago... though some would argue that we lost Syd 40 years ago), and "Oh, I wonder what Roger Waters thinks about this" - referring of course to Roger's longtime dislike of Rick.

As time has passed, I've come to realize that what I've heard people say is true - Richard Wright really was the soul of Pink Floyd. He wasn't just the "silent keyboardist" that I took him to be; the more I examine their music, the more I realize that Richard's contributions are incredibly valuable.

Just some of Richard's greatest hits...

* "A Saucerful Of Secrets" (Ummagumma version) - It may just be that this was one of the albums I owned in grade school, but I feel this particular live version of "Saucerful" to be the definite rendition. The second section ('Syncopated Pandemonium') still drops my jaw to this day, with Nick's rigid drum loop matched by the unearthly roars of Dave's guitar. My true attraction to this track, however, is when Rick's Farfisa organ takes over for the final two sections ('Storm Signal' and 'Celestial Voices'). The latter in particular chills me to this day.

* "Summer '68" - One of the most overlooked songs in Floyd's catalog, this song rests in the middle of the 'Atom Heart Mother' LP. The piano part is pleasant enough but damn, when those horns kick in, you need to crank your speakers up.

* "Breathe" - Richard's contribution to this track seems to be quite ignored, but in fact gave the song a distinctive flavor. Try to play the chords in this song. Notice how strange and jazzy some of them are? Rick came up with those. In the "Making of Dark Side..." DVD, he plays the chords as they were before originally written before he suggested replacements, and the song just doesn't have that same class to it.

* "Us and Them" - While the wartime lyrics are definitely Roger's, the melody is a Rick creation. This song began as an instrumental titled "The Violent Sequence," and was intended for the score of the Italian film 'Zabriskie Point.' However, director Michelangelo Antonioni disliked the track (his same feeling towards most of Floyd's score), so it drifted into obscurity as part of a long instrumental that Floyd slipped into their live shows. Until, of course, the group started putting together their new suite, temporarily titled "Eclipse," which saw Richard dusting off his unloved instrumental for use as the basis of a mood-shifting topical tune.

* "The Great Gig In The Sky" - Obviously, discussion of Rick's contributions to 'Dark Side of the Moon' aren't complete without a mention of this one. A late addition to the suite formerly known as "Eclipse," this song's slot was previously filled by discordant instrumentals and religiously themed sound collages. However, perfection was not achieved until Richard reworked the "Breathe"/"Any Colour You Like" melody into this ultimate musical expression of death, perfectly complimented by the improvised wails of Clare Torry. Love it or hate it (and believe me, I know people that *hate* this song), you'll never forget it.

* "Sysyphus" - Yes, I do realize that the second disc of 'Ummagumma' isn't the most pleasant Pink Floyd product in the world, being a disconnected collection of experimental tracks. However, Richard's "Sysyphus" suite is worth a listen, as its cool mixed-bag nature overcomes its flaws. A fantastic, thundering riff; a pleasant little piano section; interesting synthesizer work; and even a really weird avant-garde bit with weird chipmunk voices. (Not quite as bizarre as Roger's "Several Species of Small Furry Animals..." however!) The live version was even more interesting, as much of it consisted of that thundering riff, starting out weakly, played solo by Rick, and steadily growing to colossal strength.

* "Love Scene No. 4" - A pleasant counterpart to "The Violent Sequence," this is another track from the Zabriskie Point sessions, recorded as musical accompaniment to a scene about, if I'm not mistaken, hippies having sex in the desert. Yeah, it's one of those weird Sixties movies. Anyways, the track was unused, but appeared on the expanded edition of the soundtrack CD. This is mood music at its best - a seven minute slow jazz piece performed solo by Richard on piano. (An unreleased mix adds vibes on top of his performance, spoiling it quite a bit.)

* "See Saw" - Most of the attention paid to side 2 of 'A Saucerful of Secrets' goes to the title track and Syd's insane musical farewell, "Jugband Blues." However, I feel that more attention should be paid to Richard's track, sandwiched between those two. Originally titled "The Most Boring Song I've Ever Heard Bar Two" (no, Richard doesn't seem to have revealed the other two), this simple song of two childhood playmates is rendered just plain creepy by the musical arrangement, especially Rick's wispy organ notes.

I know, somebody was probably expecting me to gush over the musical merits of "It Would Be So Nice"... but, to be honest, no. Just absolutely, positively no. Give me the b-side (Roger's incredibly creepy "Julia Dream" - SSSYYYYYDDD!), and allow me to pass on the a-side with the explanation that even geniuses can make horrible, horrible mistakes. :-P

The 90's - land of a million one hit wonders! (UPDATED 10/13)

2009-09-01T09:29:00.000-07:00

I've noticed something about a lot of my favorite songs from the Nineties... the artists faded away shortly after the song I liked. This happened nearly every time. But... they were such great songs!

So here's my goal... to make a list of 50 great one hit wonders from the Nineties. Perhaps I'll find 'em all and post them here in ZIPs when the list is done, for anyone who wants to reminisce. For now, I'm jotting down all the ones I can think of, in the hopes that someone could add to this list. :-)

UPDATED: We finally hit fifty! No help from anyone else, mind you...

Here's what I have so far.

001) The Proclaimers - "(I'm Gonna Be) 500 Miles"

002) Chumbawamba - "Tubthumping"
* other notables: "Amnesia", "She's Got All The Friends That Money Can Buy"

003) Stakka Bo - "Here We Go"

004) Tag Team - "Whoomp! There It Is"

005) Lucas - "Lucas With The Lid Off"

006) 4 P.M. - "Sukiyaki"

007) Nicki French - "Total Eclipse Of The Heart"

008) Kris Kross - "Jump"

009) Stereo MC's - "Connected"

010) Crystal Waters - "100% Pure Love"

011) Los Del Rio - "Macarena"

012) The Rembrandts - "I'll Be There For You"

013) Sir Mix-A-Lot - "Baby Got Back"
* other notables: "Put 'Em On The Glass"

014) Scatman John - "I'm The Scatman"

015) Smart-E's - "Sesame's Treet"

016) Rednex - "Cotton Eyed Joe"

017) 20 Fingers with Gillette - "Short Dick Man" [aka "Short Short Man"]

018) Adina Howard - "Freak Like Me"

019) Snow - "Informer"
* other notables: "Girl I've Been Hurt"

020) Right Said Fred - "I'm Too Sexy"
* other notables: "Don't Talk, Just Kiss"

021) Spin Doctors - "Two Princes"
* other notables: "Little Miss Can't Be Wrong"

022) Billy Ray Cyrus - "Achy Breaky Heart"

023) Gerardo - "Rico Suave"

024) Marcy Playground - "Sex and Candy"

025) Semisonic - "Closing Time"

026) Hanson - "MMMBop"
* other notables: "Where's The Love", "Man From Milwaukee"

027) Deee-Lite - "Groove Is In The Heart"

028) Big Mountain - "Baby I Love Your Way"

029) Wreckx-n-Effect - "Rump Shaker"

030) OMC - "How Bizarre"

031) Inner Circle - "Bad Boys"
* other notables: "Sweat (A-La-La-La-La-Long)"

032) The Rentals - "Friends Of P"

033) 4 Non Blondes - "What's Up"

034) Luscious Jackson - "Naked Eye"

035) B*witched - "C'est La Vie"

036) Deep Blue Something - "Breakfast At Tiffany's"

037) Del Amitri - "Roll To Me"

038) Joan Osborne - "One Of Us"

039) Green Jello - "Three Little Pigs"

040) Harvey Danger - "Flagpole Sitta"

041) Eagle Eye Cherry - "Save Tonight"

042) The Ben Folds Five - "Brick"

043) Natalie Imbruglia - "Torn"

044) Lisa Loeb - "Stay (I Missed You)"

045) Squirrel Nut Zippers - "Hell"

046) Baz Luhrmann - "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)"

047) Vanilla Ice - "Ice Ice Baby"

* other notables: None, really, but I'll give credit to his stupid 'comeback' song about "rolling up the hootie-mack". Just for its usage of the phrase "roll up the hootie mack."

048) Shampoo - "Trouble"

* I have no idea how I forgot this! I actually owned this awful song!

049) Lou Bega - "Mambo No. 5"

050) DiVinyls - "I Touch Myself"

HONORABLE MENTION: The Four Seasons - "December 1963 (Oh What A Night) [Dance Version]"
* Not strictly a one-hit wonder, as they had more than their share of hits in their prime; but this was a mere one-off hit during their brief Nineties comeback.

Well, that's fifty, finally!!

(Incidentally - notice how many of these were either a) used by Weird Al in either a parody or a polka, or b) parodied on Bill Nye The Science Guy...)

Retro Corner: You're Not Supposed To Be Here

2009-08-26T12:56:00.000-07:00

Still shakin it, 13 years later...

Okay, I'm not really sure if "Retro Corner" is going to be a recurring post category; if it is, it's basically going to be "old things I typed that some people might find interesting, about stuff that's old."

So, here, uh... here's something for all you old gamers - a guide to all the secret messages in "Duke Nukem 3D", and all the official add-on episodes! This should be everything; unfortunately, though an official add-on, "Duke!Zone 2" has no secret messages. At all. Not in the episodes, at least; I once considered scouring the massive load of user maps included on the disc, and did find some messages... but of course, trying to look through ALL those levels would be far too unwieldy a task.

(Note that times have changed since the DOS days, and so have graphic capabilities. Versions of Duke 3D circulating around the 'Net today have revised graphics, which means that darkness is rendered rather differently than in 1996. Originally, with the Night Vision Goggles, secret messages on dark walls would show up green - an advantage lost on modern-day versions. So, be sure to set your port of choice to a 'classic' graphics mode in order to see the messages clearly.)

=========================================

EPISODE 1: L.A. MELTDOWN

E1M1: Hollywood Holocaust

867-5309 - Above a urinal in the bathroom.
STRYKER METRONET.COM - Inside the rightmost bathroom stall. This was Allen H. Blum's email address at the time; however, there is no "@" symbol in the Duke Nukem font.

E1M3: Death Row

BEHIND THE BABE - In the jail cell with the babe and the bed (with a secret tunnel behind it) is a small cavern. Duck inside, and turn on your goggles. (This is a clue to an area later in the level, where a girly poster conceals the path to the exit, Shawshank Redemption-style.)

E1M4: Toxic Dump

HOW DID YOU GET HERE? - Above the starting point are three platforms. The rightmost platform has a secret door on it; the secret message is inside.

E1M5: The Abyss

GO WITH THE FLOW - Below the starting point is a locked gate, and right inside the gate is a small, dark cul-de-sac. Inside there, this message can be seen with goggles.
YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE - This message from the Levelord can be seen by finding your way to the volcano, and using the jetpack to get into the tunnel where the shrinker.
S U Y T - Deep inside the volcano is a secret cave with a dancing girl in it. Look very closely at the right wall inside the cave. (Incidentally, this stands for "Show Us Your Tits"... unfortunately, she won't!)
DOPEFISH LIVES - On the way to the boss is a long chasm in which you have to jump across pillars. Near the start of the chasm, use the jetpack to float down to the lava. This message (a reference to Apogee's mascot) is at the base of one of the pillars. Incidentally, the N64 version has an alternate message in this area - WOTS YOUR BEEF SPECCY. I found an explanation for this once... some in-joke, but I don't remember exactly what the deal was.

EPISODE 2: LUNAR APOCALYPSE

E2M1: Spaceport

U.S.S. FRAMERATE - Use DNCLIP to go through the window at the start. This message is on the opposite side of the spaceship.

E2M2: Incubator

1138 - In the large room near the starting point is a bank of computers with a secret room behind it. In the secret room is a monitor, which holds this message, a reference to the movie "THX 1138."
1138 - This number appears again in the bright hallway immediately past the large room, under the large EDF logo.

E2M3: Warp Factor

BLUM BED CO. - This reference Allen H. Blum is on the back of the bed (closest to the monitors) in the Really Ready Room.

E2M7: Lunar Reactor

BITE ME - Stand on the toilet in the leftmost bathroom stall, and turn right. The message should be right in front of your face.

E2M8: Dark Side

JUMP INTO THE MONOLITH - In the room with the monolith (which teleports you to the exit room) is a small box. This message is on the back of it, and is visible with the night-vision goggles.

EPISODE 3: SHRAPNEL CITY

E3M1: Raw Meat

PUSH HER BUTTON - At the end of the first hallway inside the sushi restaurant (pass the girlie poster, which this message is describing), behind the vase, is this message. The goggles needed to view it are right behind the vase.
PUSH ME - This message, also seen with the goggles, can be seen in the small cabinet in the floating bar.
NO ONE SHOULD BE HERE - In the room with the exit, DNCLIP through the crack, and walk through the fake Bank Roll. This message from the Levelord is seen where the ATMs should be.

E3M3: Flood Zone

THE CRACK BELOW - In the first open area of the level, is an underwater crack in the mountainside. At some point, a cave should blow open above the crack. This message is inside, and is visible with goggles.
ANAAL OOOTHRIC - To the right of the blue key is a little niche with water and steam. This message (visible with goggles) is inside. Incidentally, this phrase means "dragon's breath", and was taken from the movie "Excalibur".

E3M4: L.A. Rumble

UNDER THE KNIFE - Use your goggles in the dark lobby of the doctor's office.
YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE...EITHER - Use DNCLIP to pass through the window in the final room, and walk around to the air-conditioning fans. This Levelord message is floating in the air above them.

E3M5: Movie Set

PUSH THE REGISTER NOT THE SNACKS - Use your goggles in the lobby of the subway station.
JUMP AT THE EARTH - Enter the small spaceship set, and turn around. Look at the dark wall to the right of the entrance with your goggles. (You may need to step back from the wall - if you're too close, the pixellation of the textures seems to obscure this.)

E3M6: Rabid Transit

TELLTALE FOOTPRINTS - Walk up the stairway covered with babes and explosives, and use your goggles in the cave at the top.

E3M7: Fahrenheit

BREAK THE BOTTLES - Use your goggles on the dark wall in the apartment.

E3M8: Hotel Hell

BEHIND THE FOUNTAIN - Use your goggles on the dark corner wall at the end of the second floor hallway.
CHECK THE VINTAGE - Walk to the end of the secret tunnel above the second floor aquarium, and use your goggles on the wall to the right of the opening that allows you to jump down into the aquarium.
DUKE WAS HERE 2017 - This message is inside the dilapidated bathroom stall, accessible from the swimming pool. However, the two rows of text were accidentally squished into one, so what's left of this message is an unreadable blob near the ceiling, which can be fixed with Build.

EPISODE 4: THE BIRTH [Atomic Edition add-on]

E4M1: It's Impossible

ARE YOU SMALL OR ARE YOU CHEATING? - In the kitchen is a small, watery tunnel. Use DNCLIP to follow this tunnel around to the other side of the wall, where this message is hidden.
LOOKING FOR SECRETS? - Type DNSHOWMAP, then look at the map. Outside of the level are two small, inaccessible squares that are side by side. Use DNCLIP to get into them. This message from a mysterious individual named DUV is on a wall in the square that holds the weathergirl graphics.
C'MON, QUIT CHEATING - This other message from DUV is in the square next door, which holds the "Mission" text.

E4M3: Shop-N-Bag

RUN YOUR ASS OFF - Use DNCLIP to get into the crawlspace on the left wall, immediately before the crushers that block the path to the exit button.

E4M5: Pigsty

OPEN J. DREDD - To the right of the blue key is a small, dark alleyway. This message (a clue to the whereabouts of the secret exit) is inside, on the left wall.
FISH - Go through the red key door, and look closely at the inside of the left arm of the couch. This word can be seen - a reference to the classic detective show, "Fish".
B MILLER - On the other arm of the couch is this message, a reference to the classic cop comedy "Barney Miller."

E4M10: The Queen

TAG IS COOL - Again, you'll need to type DNSHOWMAP and examine the map closely. Quite a bit away from the main level is a small, square room that holds Randall Pitchford's signature. Make your way there with DNCLIP. On a wall inside this room is the final message of the Atomic Edition.

VACATION DUKEMATCH [Duke Caribbean add-on]

3: Cruise Ship

SO...COME HERE OFTEN? - Take the elevator up to the little second floor balcony. Above the Wavemistress logo is an inaccessible platform with a large white tower and a small transmitter. Use DNCLIP to climb up there, and look at the back of the tower.
CHEAT OFTEN? - The right exit from the swimming pool deck takes you down a ramp, where there is a Conchinator and a "Cha-Cha's Galore" poster. Above and to the right of this is another platform with a white tower and small transmitters. Use DNCLIP to go up there - this message is on the tower.

LIFE'S A BEACH [Duke Caribbean add-on]

2: Market Melee

AKNOT! WOT? - After escaping from the jail cell, go around and behind the Duke Nukem bus. There is a small striped barrier that blocks your path. DNCLIP through it, and continue past the wooden cart to find this message.
BADABOOM - Across from the store with the ice machine in front of it is a small alley with a huge, recessed "Cha Cha's Galore" poster. Enter the small store here, and press the identical poster within. The large poster now opens, revealing a secret area. Inside, go past the Restricted Area signs, to find an open area with a boat. To your right is a gate to the ocean. DNCLIP through this gate, and turn around; the message is floating in mid-air.

4: The Wavemistress

SO...COME HERE OFTEN? - See 'Cruise Ship'.
CHEAT OFTEN? - See 'Cruise Ship'.

5: Lost Lagoon

STOP CHEATING - From the start, follow the river. Before long, up and to your left will be a high platform with a statue on it. Type DNKROZ (or any other cheat that gives you the jetpack) and fly up to that platform. The secret message is in plain view. (Oddly, the "O" in STOP is missing... and there's a Mr. Splashy head to greet you as well!) Incidentally, you may want to check this out before you go to far into the level - once the bridge to this platform appears, the message vanishes.
DESTROY THE ONE THAT DOES NOT STAND THE SUN - Do messages get any more obvious than this?? To the right of the blue door (which leads to the strange maze), there is a cramped cave that you have to crawl through. Keep following it - at one point, Duke mentions that there is a clue nearby. On the wall in front of the sunglasses (i.e., the night-vision goggles) is this message. (The same message is there whether it's day or night, by the way.)

6: Voodoo Caves

YOU PROBABLY CHEATED - Past the red door, you must walk across a very deep canyon. Jump from the bridge towards the waterfall - you want to land in the little pond at its base. Dive under, and pop up on the other side. This message from "Bliss" is seen, as well as a couple health items.

DUKE IT OUT IN D.C. [Duke It Out In D.C. add-on]

3: Nuked Files

DECEIVE INVEIGLE OBFUSCATE - Next to the metro station at the very end of the level is a pile of sandbags that can't be crossed. DNCLIP past this, and turn right. The message is on a large, black wall.

10: Top Secret

PUSH BILL - Well, alright, this one's not hidden per se. After getting the blue key, jump down to the conveyor belt and follow it through the opening on the right. Turn into the red-lit room, which has a crack that lets you peek into one of the last rooms of the level. On the wall in the red room is this message. (Incidentally, this is a hint to a secret back towards the start of the level.)

NUCLEAR WINTER [Duke Nuclear Winter add-on]

2: Where It All Began

867-5309 - See 'Hollywood Holocaust'.
STRYKER METRONET.COM - See 'Hollywood Holocaust'.

Reviewing Michael Jackson (Part 7)

2009-08-02T22:58:00.000-07:00

If anyone's felt alienated by six posts about Michael's obscure Motown releases, you should feel right at home now; because from now on, I'm only covering the REAL Michael Jackson. :-)

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OFF THE WALL

Epic, 1979

1) "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough" - Ahhh, now this what I'm talking about! Only seventeen seconds in, we get an "OOOOOOOOOOO!" This is the Michael Jackson I know! Obviously, it goes without saying that this song became one of Michael's classics, and it's not too hard to see why, with its irresistable calypso-tinged beat and memorable video showing Michael breaking completely free of the constraints of his previous releases by showing off some of the dance moves that would soon take over the world. Incidentally, I should point out this song's length - just over six minutes. Unlike the frustratingly short material that comprised his Motown albums, this song actually has a chance to develop and expand into something fantastic.

2) "Rock With You" - Another major hit, showing the King at his disco best. Though quite mellow in comparison to the previous track, this has the same strong ability to make you get up and move. Feel free to sing along as well, because hell, everyone else does! At this point, Michael's voice has more or less fully developed into what it would remain, and it sounds as smooth and clear as ever, even on the higher notes. And who couldn't love that music video, with MJ dancing in front of lasers and strobe lights? Just great, great stuff. (I also highly recommend tracking down Go Home Productions' mashup "Jacko Under Pressure", which flawlessly combines the vocals of this song with Queen's "Under Pressure"... you'd be amazed how emotional this song can become with a simple change of music.)

3) "Workin' Day and Night" - The intro to this track is just mind-boggling... lots of little Michael noises bouncing back and forth across the stereo divide. The calypso influence first heard on "Don't Stop" returns here, in accelerated form. This makes for a slightly frantic track, an effect enhanced by rapid-fire horns and Michael's almost staccato vocals. Dancing to this track just leaves one breathless, and with a feeling of satisfaction never before experienced on one of Michael's albums. Don't let the previous two smash-hit tracks draw you away from this one, 'cause it deserves just as much attention.

4) "Get On The Floor" - This is pure disco, through and through, with simple lyrics about dancin' and romancin', a slap bass, swooping strings, and a generous amount of cymbal. Michael gets a chance to rest his voice after the first three tracks, letting us hear his surprisingly unfamiliar lower register every now and then. I do have a big complaint about this one, however - the mix just has far too much reverb! With headphones, it really does sound like this song's being performed in a dark, empty cave. Between that element and the stereotypically tame disco lyrics, this song's glaring flaws spoil it considerably; but underneath them, a listenable song still manages to exist.

5) "Off The Wall" - What's going on in that intro? Is someone laughing, or tickling Barry Gibb? Anyway... this carries on the themes of the previous song, with its 'get out and party' message. The real highpoints of this song come with Michael's wonderful multitracked harmonies frequently heard throughout. Admittedly, after the great dance tracks that started off the album, this one's a little underwhelming as a whole; but Michael's performance(s) really carry what could've been a badly-lacking tune to enjoyable heights.

6) "Girlfriend" - The pace slows down as the second side begins, with Michael delivering, in his clear-as-glass voice, a lovely little song about how he's been foolin' around with a girl who apparently already has a boyfriend. But he sounds so innocent about it! Wrong, yes... but hey, it's Michael Jackson, so he was probably cooler than the other bloke anyway. Besides, it's got more of those great multitrack harmonies, and the "doo d-doo doo doo" chorus is worth a singalong.

7) "She's Out Of My Life" - Beautiful strings bring us into a sweeping emotional ballad, which proves to be the best of Michael's 'heartbreak' songs. Despite the emotion, the melody has noticeable pop quirks that brighten the mood, if you're able to catch them. (Perhaps this is a clever yet subtle reinforcement of the line about not knowing whether to laugh or cry?) But damn... is he crying for real at the end or just a really great actor? Brilliant touch, there. The music video is nice as well, if you can find it; oddly, it was never released on a video or DVD as of yet.

8) "I Can't Help It" - Continuing what seems to be the 'slow side' of the album, this song starts out with a strange intro, heavy on reverb and an almost creepy bass melody. The odd feel never quite rights itself either, resulting in what sounds like a love song from another planet... a mood made even stranger by the awkward, monosyllabic "I - can't - 'ellllp - it!" chorus. All in all, this track is a failed experiment-slash-echoey muddle that spoils any meaning the lyrics may have been meant to convey. An uncharacteristic dip in an otherwise great album.

9) "It's The Falling In Love" - The tempo picks up again with a disco track that, despite its formulaic nature (there's a strong sense of "I think I've heard this song on the radio before"), happens to be very entertaining. Michael contributes to this more than anything else; while the music is inspired cymbal-driven disco worth attention on its own, Michael's trademark wavering voice and unexpected drop in and out of a low note in the phrase 'being in love' are the most ear-catching elements of the track.

10) "Burn This Disco Out" - As one could figure out from the title, the album closes with another uptempo disco track; and while it is a great high-energy song, its similarities to "Don't Stop" and "Rock With You" are a little too noticeable. It manages to rise above this flaw, however, as Michael twists the lyrics into a whole load of fun, tripping down the decending melodies of the verses like a Slinky on stairs, and giving the illusion of multiple vocalists on the choruses by alternating between high falsetto and his very rarely heard deep register. The ending is fantastic as well, as all of his various vocal lines alternate with each other in an exhilarating fashion. A very entertaining finale to a very entertaining record.

This album truly did mark the birth of the King of Pop, and though he still had yet to reach the almighty heights he would firmly grasp with his next two major albums, the signs of growing brilliance are still quite evident throughout this record. While many have likely paid little attention to what lay beyond the first two tracks, the remainder of the album (with the exception of the truly bizarre "I Can't Help It") holds just as much listenability. Not a perfect disc, but damn good nonetheless. (8 / 10)

Reviewing Michael Jackson (Part 6)

2009-08-02T22:43:00.000-07:00

Second of the two albums released by Motown long after the fact... don't worry, the next one'll be the start of the more familiar King of Pop territory! :-)

=============================================

LOOKING BACK TO YESTERDAY

Motown, 1986

Unlike "Farewell My Summer Love," which was supposedly a 'lost album' that Motown found on a batch of previously misplaced tapes, this second and last archival release of mostly fresh material was compiled from a handful of discarded tracks from Michael's first couple albums, as well as unreleased (or notably rare, in one case) Jackson 5 material. On its own, this album is quite rare nowadays, so my source for the tracks was, once again, the "Hello World" compilation.

1) "When I Come Of Age" - Michael's awfully high-pitched here, so this is most likely something from the 'Got To Be There' period; and sadly, it's pretty obvious why this by-the-book song was left aside. The lyrics are pretty bland, with little Michael speculating that someday he'll become an astronaut, giving the same old story about how he and his childhood love will still be together years from now, and repeating the title about 300 times to fill the last minute of the song. Musically though, it's not bad, helped along by a buzzing bass; but outside of the moderately ear-catching accompaniment, it's a fairly weak start.

2) "Teenage Symphony" - 'Music is a universal language that everyone can understand.' Alright, you have me there, keep goin'! This is not a solo Michael track, but rather, a Jackson 5 rarity. The arrangement is strong and thick, with the music nearly punching you in the face. The result is a very grand song, though again, not much in the lyric department. In fact, the brief two-minute length of the song makes it appear as if something is missing, as though a longer and more worthwhile track was truncated with only the intro and the choruses remaining. This could've been so much more, I think.

3) "I Hear A Symphony" - Once again, Michael is given the task of covering one of the classics by the woman who 'discovered him', Diana Ross. (I think Smokey Robinson would dispute that, but this is not place for such an argument.) Surprisingly, the musical accompaniment is not that great, not only having a slight 'karaoke' quality to it, but appearing to be just a *tiny* bit off key from Michael's singing. With his prepubescent pitch, however, Michael delivers the feminine vocals well, adding life to an otherwise unimpressive cover.

4) "Give Me Half A Chance" - While the melody isn't all that great and comes off sounding more than a little confused as it stumbles over itself, this track has a lot of elements that should've made it great, with Michael wailing the lyrics and giving it his all, an echoey choir of harmonizing back-up vocalists, and richly textured orchestration spread throughout a vast (and probably new-to-1986) stereo space... but I have to be honest, the melody really does kill this song. Sometimes it piles up on itself and sounds like different instruments are playing different tunes altogether, or are at least playing in different keys. Just painful, though I give eleven-year-old Michael credit for putting such enthusiasm into it.

5) "Love's Gone Bad" - Motown grasps for filler again and repeats a track, as this originally appeared on the Jackson 5 album "Boogie"... which, just like *this* album, was a scraping-the-barrel cash-in after the group had already left the label. The buzzing guitar intro definitely shows that this isn't one of Michael's solo tracks. Obviously an early J5 track given Michael's youthful voice, this is an awesome song, pounding along with an electrified sizzle and a killer beat that makes you get on your feet whether you want to or not. Okay, so the lyrics aren't the easiest to make out, but it's the raw energy that makes this track ultimately worthwhile. It just doesn't belong on a Michael Jackson album.

6) "Lonely Teardrops" - 'Lonely teardrops, my pillow never driiiiiiies!' Damn, sing it, son! This is another one of those tracks that would normally require someone who has actually lived through a major romantic heartbreak to successfully deliver the lyrics, with Michael once again pleading for his ex-lover to come back; but not surprisingly, he manages to give the words enough meaning and emotion that they come off as completely realistic. Another worthwhile piece of funk that'll have your head bobbing.

7) "You're Good For Me" - Beautiful! This slow-dance-classic-in-the-making gets off to a great start, with a soft vocal from MJ and subtle yet effective harpsichord touches over a lush orchestral bed. Admittedly, this song sounds a little too close to "You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman" to be completely unique, but that doesn't matter - this is a song that you can feel, and once you start swaying to this song you won't be able to quit.

8) "That's What Love Is Made Of" - I kind of expected the lyrics in this to be cheesy, judging by the title... and I was EXACTLY right, 'cause Michael sings about how little girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice, yeah yeah yeah, aaaaallllright. Ugh. It's a shame the lyrics are just so weak and stereotypically early-Jackson 5-ish, because the music is just fantastic; the jaunty beat, buzzing stabs of electric guitar, and a lively and jazzy piano part give a ton of life to this song. In the end, not a complete waste, so long as you ignore the awful lyrics about snakes and snails and puppy dog tails and focus on the music.

9) "I Like You The Way You Are (Don't Change Your Love On Me)" - This song starts out promising, appearing to be a Smokey Robinson-esque plea of love with a fast pace and great call-and-response camaraderie between Michael and his back-up singers (who may or may not be his brothers, depending on what site I look at). However, any time the chorus makes its appearance, the quality of the vocals goes right out the window, as the song turns into a jumble of irritatingly frantic drumming and Michael pushing his voice to hoarse limits in order to match the insanity. I'm not quite sure what they were going for with this one, but whatever it was didn't work - the end result, to be brutally frank, sounds like Motown on cocaine; or at least, a 45 played on 78.

10) "Who's Looking For A Lover" - Could just be the mix (most likely is), but Michael's voice is particularly ear-slicing here. Looking past that (when possible - it hurts, Motown! Damn!), this song comes close to being another example of 'more of the same', but it does get by on its own merits. The dominant drumming is pretty fantastic, and it's also not often that we get to hear Michael sing a song relying so heavily on the upper portions of his vocal range. Yes, he does sound quite strained at times, but it's forgivable because his tone suits the track to a tee. Overall, the song's alright; at the least, the chorus of 'who's looking for... a lov-ERRR?!' will stick in your head for a while.

11) "I Was Made To Love Her" - I must say that I'm a huge fan of the Beach Boys' 1967 take on this Stevie Wonder classic, so Michael has some major competition in my mind! Unfortunately, this reimagining of Stevie's song really doesn't work, with its much-too-slow pace and gospel choir. Both the backing vocalists and musicians sound so utterly bored that Michael's enthusiasm just sounds completely out of place. An absolute snore from start to finish, and that's probably putting it lightly.

12) "If'n I Was God" - Though there are many who would probably insist that Michael *is* God, just play along for a moment! Taking us out of Michael's Motown releases (for real this time), this gentle ballad seems to wrap up this facet of his career in a very appropriate manner, displaying Michael as a peace-loving humanitarian not at all far from the personality for which he would ultimately be known. Great song, and a perfect finale to a very uneven record.

On the whole, "Looking Back To Yesterday" lacks much of the entertainment and replayability value offered in the tracks that comprised "Farewell My Summer Love." Motown was very clearly scraping out the last unused relics of their Michael stash; and when half of the album is actually Jackson 5 material, that says a hell of a lot. Sure, some songs on here are fantastic (like "Love's Gone Bad"), but others ("I Was Made To Love Her" and "I Like You The Way You Are") really should never have seen the light of day. Definitely one for completists only. (5 / 10)

Reviewing Michael Jackson (Part 5)

2009-08-02T22:26:00.000-07:00

I'm going to step out of chronological order for these next two posts, because I wanted to keep all the Motown stuff together. As they would also do with the Jackson 5, Motown waited until Michael left the label and found success elsewhere before compiling his unreleased tracks into two cheap cash-in albums. This was the first......

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FAREWELL MY SUMMER LOVE
Motown, 1973-1975 / 1984

I was a little divided over how I wanted to cover this album, as two very different versions exist - Michael's original Seventies recordings, first compiled on the 2009 compilation "Hello World"; and the 1984 vinyl release, which replaced the intended music with new synthesized accompaniment. Out of fairness for Michael's artistry, I've decided to give most of my attention to the original recordings, as he intended them to be heard in this form. I'll discuss the 1984 remixes later on in this review; but keep in mind that these song-by-song descriptions are suited to the original, untampered recordings *only*.

1) "Don't Let It Get You Down" - Fantastic melody in the horn intro, and a great sudden change to deep bass and funk. Michael has a great handle on how to match the rhythm of his voice to the tambourine-driven groove of the musical backing. There's just so much to recommend about this track, both musically and vocally. Judging from Michael's voice, this may have been from the 'Ben' era, and would've brightened up that album quite a bit... and it starts *this* particular album brilliantly.

2) "You Really Got A Hold On Me" - Being a 'little brother' to Smokey Robinson, it's only natural that Michael should tackle one of Smokey's hits... and after the Beatles' enthusiastic cover, Michael definitely had some competition. Compared to their cover, Michael's is very laid back and relaxed, with Michael leisurely varying his phrasing of the lines. His take on the song is alright, but it just never really takes off, staying with its unfortunate, yawn-worthy 'nightclub act' vibe.

3) "Melodie" - Another soulful love song, but the melody (no pun intended) and arrangement give this song a strangely dark air that only helps to make it more emotionally affecting and highly memorable. This quickly became a favorite of mine among Michael's Motown recordings... it's just fantastic! As with the previous track, Michael's pitch seems to place this in the 'Music & Me' era; that happy medium between his higher and lower tones is a perfect fit here.

4) "Touch The One You Love" - The best way I can possibly describe this song is that it sounds like the mid-Seventies Bee Gees, in the period where they balanced commercially-crafted pop melodies with a hearty dose of black funk. The daringness evident in "Melodie" is gone, however, as this track takes no chances - this is strictly pushing for radio play. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, as it is a fun song; but it also comes dangerously close to the 'corny' line.

5) "Girl You're So Together" - More happy-go-lucky pop, but this is a considerably more successful attempt. The danceable groove the song carries, as well as the sense of fun glimpsed in Michael's singing now and again, completely manage to balance out the silly lyrics about lollipops and honeybees. Lightweight to the extreme, but this Jackson 5-esque burst of sunshine never fails to be entertaining at the least.

6) "Farewell My Summer Love" - This track begins surprisingly with a totally atypical sound effects intro featuring seagulls and softly moving waves, leading nicely into Michael bidding farewell to his 'summer love' who lives in another town. A number of elements mesh together to make this song a beauty to listen to - a bevy of multitracked, harmonizing Michaels and a dramatic piano, alongside the recurring beach sounds. This song could've fallen so easily into "Grease" or Beach Boys territory, at which point it would've been spoiled... but it never does, remaining its own unique, pleasant entity.

7) "Call On Me" - Michael sounds like his 'King Of Pop' self, so I'll assume that this is a "Forever, Michael" outtake. The intro is just strange, letting Michael sing nearly acapella in a sea of echo over a thumping drumbeat and strange, creaking guitar sounds. Thankfully, this gives way to something considerably more attractive - a slow ballad with out-of-the-ordinary, intriguing chord changes and gentle flutes. While the track starts out a little weak, it progressively grows more powerful, nearly reaching a majestic state at its ending.

8) "Here I Am (Come And Take Me)" - Right away, this plodding, minor chord foot-stomper sounds like a Temptations track, which sounds quite interesting.... until it gives way to a "Take me! Take me! Take me!" chorus that, to be frank, is more than a little ridiculous. It may just be the fact that he's sharing centerstage with his back-up vocalists or that the musical arrangement tries painfully to be "quirky"; but this just doesn't sound like it belongs in Michael's catalog at all.

9) "To Make My Father Proud" - Before even listening to the song, I just have to think... who cares if that guy is proud or not? (I know that trashing Joseph Jackson is a bit cliche by now, but hell, he deserves it. He beat up Michael Jackson, for Chrissakes.) Lyrically, this song seems to fall into the category that one would expect - Michael promising his father that he, the 'youngest son', will be a success, even if he doesn't reach 'number one'. This does end on a bittersweet note though, with a beautiful and gentle choral finale. A lovely ending to this fairly short album... so long as you don't read into the lyrics too much.

While this could've been a completely jumbled mess of a song selection, the original mixes, when listened to as a cohesive whole, really do hold together. Given the number of truly weak tracks on Michael's four original albums for Motown, it's a shame that these often-wonderful tunes went unheard for so long... especially in their original, as-nature-intended forms. Pick up a copy of "Hello World" and put this together for yourself; you'll be awfully glad that you did. (7.25 / 10) [I struggled with this one... but "Here I Am" and the poppier tracks really did spoil the pot. Hopefully this is a fair rating nonetheless.]

Alright, but what about the version that hit the market FIRST?

When Motown originally decided to pull these songs out of the vaults in 1984, they foolishly chose not to leave them as-is. They decided that the only way this material would appeal to the Eighties record-buying public would be to replace the often impressive musical backing tracks with horrendously Eighties-sounding synthesized trash. As one would expect, this is a complete bastardization of what *was* a decent set of tracks. Though the new music isn't quite as at odds with Michael's singing as you would expect (they did at least attempt to make the music suit the vocals - although "Touch The One You Love" struggles to achieve this after drowning Mike in a sea of 'doomph'-ing synth tomtoms), it doesn't improve on the material either... and that's an understatement. The potential power of a string-and-brass arrangement just can't be matched by the cold, metallic sounds of a synth or incredibly cheesy electric guitar work - not to mention the all-too-obvious computerized drums. To make matters worse, the resulting product in no way sounds like a Michael Jackson album; in fact, at times ("You Really Got A Hold On Me" is a MAJOR offender here), it almost conveys the illusion of listening to a Tiffany record. Oh, and I should also mention that "Melodie," the absolute highlight of the original mixes for me, is completely stripped of its strength. Ironically, the only track worth hearing in its new form is "To Make My Father Proud"; the rest is just not worth anyone's time. The fact that Motown just put out this album to fool the public and cash in on Michael's "Thriller"-driven success is shameful enough... completely coating his music with synthetic vomit and putting this garbage out without his approval is just unforgivable. (2 / 10)

Reviewing Michael Jackson (Part 4)

2009-08-02T22:19:00.000-07:00

FOREVER, MICHAEL

Motown, 1975

1) "We're Almost There" - Okay, NOW we're starting to get into familiar territory! Michael's voice is nearing it's "Off The Wall" sound, and this track has a funky, horn-driven style to it completely unlike anything heard on the previous albums. After three albums of the same bass-and-chimes instrumentation, this newfound style is a very welcome change. The lyrics seem to have a noticeably more mature tone to them as well. (What Michael and his lover have almost reached is open to interpretation - he sounds awfully persistent for it to be just plain ol' love!) Good start to the LP.

2) "Take Me Back" - Electric guitar and bongos... a perfect way to get the blood of a song flowing! Michael, on the other hand, seems to be struggling - his voice is in a state of transition, and has a whiny quality that gives makes his typically strong voice sound quite weak compared to what we're used to. Lyrically, the song's not a work of genius either; the 'take me back where I belong' chorus is singable at first, but gets repetitive fairly quickly. This song lacks a lot of the power expected from Michael by now, and hopefully it's not a sign of things to come on this album....

3) "One Day In Your Life" - Beautiful intro, with harmonica and piano... but even more pleasant is hearing, for the first time out of all these albums, that immediately recognizable voice that Michael would have for the remainder of his output. It's no wonder that this song became a hit upon its re-release in 1981 (at which point it was the title track of a shamelessly mangled version of this album), because it fits in perfectly with the songs we came to expect from the softer side of his King of Pop persona. Pure beauty from start to finish.

4) "Cinderella Stay Awhile" - Though sounding a fair bit like the music typically heard on the past three albums, this manages to sound fresh as well, adding slight synthesizer touches and vocals straight out of "Rock With You." While too many elements get thrown into the pot by the end, making for disorienting listening (I could do without the singers who seem to yell "POW!" throughout the ending), this soulful fairy tale is memorable and enthusiastic, with hooks that'll stay in your head awhile.

5) "We've Got Forever" - By this point, I need to say that the omnipresent, shrill female singers are really trying to steal this album from under Michael's feet. Ignoring them, however, the skipping beat and synthesizer licks that push this song along are perfectly complimented by Michael harmonizing wonderfully with himself. Great song, with a great drumbeat and effortless perfection on MJ's part. The repetitive ending ends the first half of the album with slick style. (Incidentally - doesn't the vocal melody around 1:21 sound an *awful lot* like "We Are The World"?)

6) "Just A Little Bit Of You" - Not uncommonly for this album, side two begins with another sidestep into new territory with Michael's first foray into disco. It's got almost everything it needs to become a classic - a beat that won't quit, a memorable chorus ("just a little bit of you everyday is all I need to keep the doctor away"), a complex web of complimentary melodies... but Michael seems to be holding back a bit. This song had the potential to reach its peak if MJ just pushed himself to the limit and really belted out the lyrics, but he seems far too cautious of the higher notes.

7) "You Are There" - Someone, make them put that sitar away! It's getting old! Looking beyond that, the first line alone ("you are there, like the laughter of a child") is enough to give this track a warm sense of familiarity. The music is a little overpowering compared to Michael's gentle, rippling voice, but when he lets loose on the choruses and follows the melody to its unexpected high notes, he wins the battle. After the restraint noticeable on the previous track, it's wonderful to hear him open up every time he hits the word 'somewhere.' This pleasant little love song would make a fine lullaby, I think.

8) "Dapper-Dan" - "Sha la la la boom boom, I'm a dancin' man"? Okay, while "Just A Little Bit Of You" was acceptable proto-disco, this one just tries much too hard to add a Seventies nightclub twist to the tried-and-true 'Bo Diddley beat'. This isn't really Michael's song, anyway, as the faceless back-up singers dominate the track, letting Michael play second fiddle to their seemingly random and painfully generic lines - "Oooh, he's sexy"?! This song also seems to set a record for how many times the phrase "do it" can be said within three minutes. File this one and forget it.

9) "Dear Michael" - Alright, so the premise of this song is fairly straightforward; a fan is in love with Michael Jackson, and has written to him 'a hundred times.' As he relates the fan's pleas of undying love (surely something familiar to him by 1975, having been in the Jackson 5 for six years), one expects the words 'restraining order' to show up... but incredibly, Michael loves her back, and wants to meet the girl in the pictures he keeps receiving. Oh, I know this song was written to touch the hearts and appease the dreams of all the girls crying over Michael's photos, and it's a harmless, short song, but knowing his experiences after reaching mega-stardom, it just sat uneasily with me. That's not the song's fault, it's just my own feelings. Not a terrible track by any means, just slightly shudder worthy.

10) "I'll Come Home To You" - Oh no, not one of those spoken bits! While his ability to read a spoken passage still hasn't improved since 1972, this track soon shifts in a much better direction, becoming sort of an updated "I'll Be There." His smooth vocals blend beautifully with the backing vocalists, creating an attractive mesh that makes the bittersweet nature of the lyrics completely believeable. A little weightless and too repetitive for its own good (something that seems awfully common on these early tracks), but not a bad way to end what Michael thought was to be his last Motown release.

While I probably haven't heard the last of high-pitched young Michael given the ramshackle nature of the next two albums I need to review, this album was certainly a welcome change in a lot of areas. Michael's voice is very close to what we came to know and love from his Epic Records classics, and stylistically, he's moving in directions much different than the bland, all-too-similar R&B tracks of the previous albums. The only truly unlistenable song on the album is "Dapper-Dan"; the rest serves, on the whole, as a suitable transition between 'Music & Me' and 'Off The Wall.' Not a bad 'finale', if you can call it that considering what dirty tricks Motown still had up its sleeve. (7 / 10)

Reviewing Michael Jackson (Part 3)

2009-07-22T23:15:00.000-07:00

MUSIC & ME

Motown, 1973

1) "With A Child's Heart" - WHOA! What happened to your voice, Mike?! It's dropped considerably since 'Ben', but it still sounds smooth and flawless. Though the song most likely had a different meaning at the time, being sung by someone whose heart had been forced away from childhood, this really foreshadows the personality that Michael would adapt become later in life, and define his motives - the purity and strength of childhood. Not at all a bad start to the album, and rather pleasant.

2) "Up Again" - Though a flaw is quickly evident in the mix (Michael's voice is a bit too quiet, and at times becomes buried under the backing vocals), he doesn't fail to impress, seamlessly sliding from note to note and stepping with ease through a tricky and clever melody. Yes, it's another stereotypical Motown love song, but it has a faintly distinct top 40 air about it that should've made it a radio staple - proof that while obscure and uncomfortably uneven, Michael's early albums do have a few gems worth digging out.

3) "All The Things You Are" - The bass-and-strings intro immediately makes this song sound like a Temptations classic, an illusion shattered when Michael enters for the first time, at which point the track suddenly takes on the appearance of an enthusiastic and powerful Stevie Wonder tune. A great "get up and dance" track... and damn, extra credit needs to go to whoever is working that tambourine off in the right channel.

4) "Happy" - 'Sadness has been as close as my next of kin'... another mournful-sounding track that seems to predict Michael's future, as he pleads with happiness and love to stay in his life in order to push sorrow and loneliness away. The power evident in this song makes one realize that it could only have been sung by someone who truly lived its lyrics; a depressing thought, considering Michael was only 15 at the time. A worthwhile tear-jerker.

5) "Too Young" - This song is ushered in by a dramatic, theatrical orchestra and piano, soon accompanied by a high voice that seems to have returned to its 'Ben' pitch. Lyric-wise, "Too Young" is a fairly simple tale of young love, backed by music that seems ready to explode into something grander - which it does, about halfway through, putting Michael aside for a hoarde of more mature vocalists. It is obvious that this Nat King Cole cover was destined to be part of a 1920's musical, with its delicate piano breaks and shifting intensity. It accomplishes this mood beautifully, from its start until its last loud high note. A great way to end the first side.

6) "Doggin' Around" - The second half of the album begins with a pure slice of Fifties-styled soul, with our hero unexpectedly alternating between gently whispering the lyrics and nearly screaming them at an impressively ear-splitting pitch. Ironically, however, most of the force that carries this song through its satisfying entirety does *not* come from Michael, but from a a strong and confident arrangement (love that piano that sticks out every now and then) and gospel-esque backing vocals.

7) "Johnny Raven" - Right away, this track suffers from the same problem that troubled "What Goes Around Comes Around" in that it is immediately identifiable as fitting into a genre it wasn't meant for. This time, this sounds like the theme from a black action movie, with much of the song sounding like a close cousin of "Shaft." This doesn't completely ruin the song however, as it's still an undeniably catchy foot-stomper. Even still... there's no avoiding the fact that this song's clearly pushing an upcoming flick starring Michael as teenage lover/bad-ass Johnny Raven.

8) "Euphoria" - What exactly is going on here? It starts with a crazy scream and creepy, echoey music... then it turns into a Seventies porno soundtrack, over which Michael sings oddball lyrics like "E-U-P-H, O-R-I-A - that's the new word for today!" Apparently, this song is about how wonderful the word 'euphoria' is - so wonderful that when you say it, you 'don't need no pills.' I'm lost, and I don't wish to hear this song ever again... no, no I don't.

9) "Morning Glow" - Okay, the title sounds like some kind of cleaning product, and this does actually sound like a song from the commercial for such a product... but that aside, it also (appropriately enough) sounds like something that would be pleasant to hear as you wake up, with its sitar, subtle reverb, and strangely affecting melody. Actually not a bad song at all - and a welcome return to Michael's deeper voice, which has been missing from the preceding string of several obviously-older tracks.

10) "Music & Me" - And we finish with the title track.... which I may have actually heard before?! I have no idea where, but it has a striking familiarity about it. Anyway, Michael's back to his higher pitch (which actually makes the more recent "Morning Glow" stand out awkwardly on side two), pleading his love of music. Emotional, beautiful, and a wonderful way to end the album.

Of course, I could easily say that 'any album could be better than Ben', but for the most part, this album definitely deserved praise. While it's true that a couple tracks just fall flat from the start (stand up, "Johnny Raven" and, God help me, "Euphoria"), much of the material carries enough emotion and musical worth to keep the listener enthralled. Though it's a shame that many of the tracks are obviously out of date in terms of Michael's singing voice, the brief glimpses of his more mature sound promise good things to come. Certainly an all-around worthwhile entry into MJ's Motown canon. (7.5/10)

Reviewing Michael Jackson (Part 2)

2009-07-22T23:07:00.000-07:00

I'll try to get as many up as soon as possible, to catch up with my progress on the Facebook version of these. :-)

=============================================

BEN
Motown, 1972

1) "Ben" - Despite the pleasantness of this song, its reason for existing is well known as being quite bizarre: it was meant to play over the credits over "Ben," a horror film about people being eaten by rats. In fact, the original cover of this album was a quite strange picture of Michael's face looming over hundreds of rats. (Thankfully, the artwork was quickly replaced!) Weird backstory aside, this is Motown Michael at his best, showing the strengths of both his soft and loud voices. Though the cheesy, bland backing vocals spoil the song a little, the song survives with its gentle arrangement and memorable melody. Sadly, however, it proves to be too short... just as you get into it, it's over. Thus was the pop formula, I suppose? Overall though, a great start to the album.

2) "Greatest Show On Earth" - The song's premise is simple enough: love is a circus. But the song itself is far from simple, switching moods and melodies more often than "MacArthur Park." Despite the schizophrenic shifts every few lines, these only help to make the song more entertaining. Michael belts out the chorus with power, with none of the strain heard on the previous album evident. A wonderful, high-energy track that really sets the album into gear after the slow and maudlin (in a good way) title track. Unfortunately, with the uneven nature of MJ's Motown albums, it's not uncommon to shift out of gear just as quickly. And here we go...

3) "People Make The World Go 'Round" - Despite the optimistic title, the track immediately comes off as deadly serious, with its minor chords and sizzling bass. The lyrics are politically inclined (mainly pointing out the flaws in society at the time), and just sound strange coming out of someone so sheltered from the world as young Michael was. And, it must be said, that "la la la la la la" bridge is just silly. The arrangement is somewhat impressive, being well mixed and heavily layered with several listens needed to pick out all the elements; but this really isn't that great of a song. Just not Michael's typical material, and it shows.

4) "We've Got A Good Thing Going" - With this almost Jackson 5-sounding love song, the album manages to recover nicely from the heavily flawed previous track. Michael sings of eternal love over a slow but funky-nonetheless tune that'll have you dancing in your chair. The best way to sum this track up is just pure Motown soul - evident in the vocals, the swooping backing vocals, and very-Seventies-R&B arrangement. Not bad, and definitely worth a repeat listen or two.

5) "Everybody's Somebody's Fool" - Okay, how many stereotypical Motown elements can you throw into the mixture before it just all starts to sound the same? Well, the "shoo bop shoo bop" vocal line pushes this song over that line far too quickly, before it even has a chance to prove itself. By now, the chimes-and-bass arrangements are getting a little irritating, especially when one realizes this song sounds a little too much like the previous track. As much as I hate to say it as I usually compliment the songs that show off his wide range, Michael is a little irritating here, sounding either too nasal or over-exaggerating the "ooooooooooooo" sounds in words like "rule". A weak end to the first side.

6) "My Girl" - Wait, no! Slow down, that's way too damn fast for "My Girl"! Is it just me, or does this song seem to even faster as it goes? Oh, Michael puts enough effort into his slightly-hoarse vocals, but this is just NOT a good version of this song. Too many little grating instrumental elements pop in at random, the backing vocals overpower the track, the intro sounds like the music from an NES game, and it's just *too damn fast*. I was actually enthusiastic about hearing Michael take on this song, but he's buried under a hundred different elements that just make up a really poor arrangement. Far more irritating than enjoyable.

7) "What Goes Around Comes Around" - Oh Lord, listen to that intro and back-up singers! It's a Seventies sitcom theme! Emmanuel Lewis and Fred "Rerun" Berry are boppin' down the street to this thing! The change in percussion to a thumping beat at the chorus is a nice touch, but it still never really leaves "bad Seventies black sitcom" mode. Michael's voice is so high pitched here, it sounds like the song was inadvertently sped up by a key or two. Not a good song... and sadly, this album is starting to sink fast.

8) "In Our Small Way" - What, again?! This song was fine on 'Got To Be There', but there's absolutely no reason why it should've made a re-appearance. (Oddly enough, the recent 'Hello World' anthology, which compiled all six of Michael's Motown albums into one set, also repeated this song despite including 'Got To Be There' and 'Ben' on the same disc. While the rip I have from the actual 'Ben' album has nothing special about it, the 'Hello World' version tries to justify the repeat by adding five seconds to this one - consisting of nothing more than a count-in at the start from someone in the studio.)

9) "Shoo-Be-Doo-Be-Doo-Da-Day" - I believe this was a Stevie Wonder song? Sounds like it - that's definitely a Stevie Wonder melody. Even the silly chorus (sorry, Stevie) doesn't harm this great little bit of soul and funk that shuffles along with Michael giving his all - and giving us a hint of things to come, with a grunting and gasping section not unlike the famed vocal inflections of his later years. The big finale, with multiple Michaels rapidly repeating the title, takes us out of the song perfectly. Very catchy and full of enough little quirks to merit a repeat listen.

10) "You Can Cry On My Shoulder" - Alright, hopefully we get to leave this oft-troubled album in style. For a song meant to be down-trodden, this is surprisingly upbeat and catchy. I always had a theory that any song can be made better with a consistent tambourine shake, and this one's definitely not an exception to that! In fact, it's the exact element that gives the song an undeniably danceable vibe. Unfortunately, this isn't quite the superb ending an album should have (perhaps this should've been swapped with "Shoo-Be-Doo"?), and it's quite short. Decent song, but anticlimactic.

Well, I guess it's about time for me to give this album an overall rating.... I don't wish to offend the hardcore Michael fans around here, but 'Ben' is just a poor album, with very little to recommend about it. (The title track does save it somewhat, but nowhere near enough.) I suppose it may have been the rush to put out another album mere months after the last, especially given that a Jackson 5 album was also produced in the meantime - but the haste is painfully clear when a previously-released song has to be repeated. A notable weak spot in Michael's album catalog. (4 / 10)

Reviewing Michael Jackson (Part 1)

2009-07-22T21:00:00.000-07:00

Recently, I decided to pay tribute to the King of Pop on my otherwise not-very-entertaining Facebook page by holding a marathon of his entire output. For each album, I would write a song by song review. I thought I would share these with my Blogspot crowd as well.

I'll try to get these up as soon as possible, as I've done several already - all six Motown albums (including the two later cash-ins) and "Off The Wall" are complete, and I'm working on the "ET" audiobook at the moment. But for now, let's start at the beginning.

=============================================

GOT TO BE THERE
Motown, 1972

1) "Ain't No Sunshine" - From the first second, the instrumentation grabs you and pulls you into the song even before Michael's voice makes its first appearance, with a funky drum intro and searing electric guitar. Then, of course, comes Michael's voice, sounding surprisingly mature for his age; the familiarity of the voice that carried his later recordings is already noticeable. That voice moans and wails through the track, managing to give the lyrics as much emotion and power as Bill Withers' original version. The fault of the track lies, however, in the increasing layers of instrumentation and backing vocals that nearly end up burying Michael's voice by the end. Not the worst thing that could have opened the album, but it would have been much better if Michael's voice would have been allowed to take center stage.

2) "I Wanna Be Where You Are" - The one thing I noticed most about this track is that it almost seems to be in too high a key for Michael; his voice noticeably strains throughout, pushing his nasal passages to the limit to reach one high note after another at the very top of his range. Still, he manages to carry this slightly frantic, somewhat repetitive track, which again suffers from a complex musical backing that serves to overpower his voice instead of complimenting it.

3) "Girl Don't You Take Your Love From Me" - Finally, a love song where Michael first gets his chance to shine. This song immediately brought to mind Smokey Robinson's recent statement of admiration at how even at a young age, Michael was able to sing about mature romantic themes with just as much soul and emotion as an adult would. He certainly brings soul to this song, pleading with his lover not to leave. Thankfully, his voice is able to remain the centerpiece of the mix, unable to be lessened in strength by even the typical faceless Motown backing singers. That said, I could have probably done without the spoken bridge. Little Michael tended to read things like that in a somewhat unconvincing breathless tone (yes, the same tone that makes the Jackson 5's "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" an unwelcome addition to Christmastime radio), and it just doesn't work.

4) "In Our Small Way" - After three tracks requiring him to push the volume of his voice to the limit, Michael gets a chance to sing a gentle song, with a melody that gives it a pleasantly childlike tone. Simple and lovely, with our hero singing reassuredly that he may not be able to change the world at large, but he can still make a difference in his own small way. Despite its slight nature, it almost manages to come across as anthemic... perhaps serving as a very early glimpse at the side of Michael that would later deliver songs like "Heal The World" so successfully.

5) "Got To Be There" - The gentleness continues into the album's title track. Michael manages to handle his vocals on this track with extreme confidence, moving across tricky chord changes and searing high notes with ease. His vocals are also double-tracked, which lend an extra ounce of power. Overall, a pleasing and memorable end to the first half of the album, wrapping up a string of five serious songs before allowing the mood to get lighter for the next track.

6) "Rockin' Robin" - To some, Michael's take on this lighthearted tune may seem almost oxymoronic given his strength in carrying more mature material, but this cover managed to become one of young Michael's best-known recordings, and for good reason. While showing the same signs of strain evident in "I Wanna Be Where You Are", the performance turns out otherwise flawless, especially considering the high belting pitch required for its entirety. It needs to be said that, despite its place as a beloved oldie, "Rockin' Robin" really is a ridiculously silly song, and a cover version could manage to drive that point home to a painful extent, whether unintentional or intentional (as Spinal Tap's off-the-wall heavy metal cover did), but Michael's version just... works. Being sung by a pre-teen helped a bit.

7) "Wings Of My Love" - We go back into "love songs" mode in an almost Fifties-sounding song appropriate for a slow dance. And, unfortunately, the lyrics are cheesy enough to suit such a style ("We've got rainbows yet to find, and we'll find them all in time" stuck out the most...) What the song lacks in lyrics, however, it makes up in its lush orchestration and soulful vocals. The backing vocals actually help to enhance the beauty of the track, instead of distracting our attention away from Michael.

8) "Maria (You Were The Only One)" - The intro, with its unpredictable and silly-sounding percussion, shows lack of promise for what's to come; but that changes once the song truly kicks into gear. This song of lost love is haunting, with Michael's confident cries perfectly complimented by subtle but effective stabs of electric guitar and tasteful strings. The unexpected change of tempo for the ending gives the forelorn song a needed burst of energy and helps carry it safely to its close... but when it's over, you realize just how lacking in substance the song was, with much of its lyrics seeming to consist of the word 'Maria'. Not terrible, but not necessarily a highlight of the album, either. A bit too schizophrenic for its own good.

9) "Love Is Here and Now You're Gone" - Having had his career launched by Diana Ross, it's only natural that Michael should tackle a Supremes cover; and his prepubescent self handles the female vocals with perfect strength and confidence. The instrumentation of this track is also particularly ear-catching, with a funky bassline that grabs your attention each time it appears. The only real flaw to the song, as with "Girl Don't Take Your Love From Me," lies in the spoken sections... there's just something about the way he reads those that strikes me as awkward and almost overenthusiastic.

10) "You've Got a Friend" - The album wraps up with another cover, and quite a good one at that. Seeing this title in the tracklist immediately drew expectations of a carbon copy of Carole King and James Taylor's versions, but Michael's slow groove variation proved to be completely unique and irresistably catchy. The harmonious chorus here is as smooth and sweet as Michael gets on this LP, and the soulful female backing vocals give the entire track a cliched but nonetheless pleasant "Motown" touch. A wonderful finale to a promising but slightly uneven first album, appropriately taking us out of the disc with an epic, repetitive final chorus.

While it's not really fair to call 'Got To Be There' a debut album for Michael, as he had already spent the previous three years rising to superstardom as the frontman for the Jackson 5, it certainly is a bold and surprisingly solid first solo outing. While it does have its numerous flaws, the power of this album is unmistakable each and every time Michael sings. Definitely not a bad start to a legacy. (7.5 / 10)

Protecting young actresses online - an idea.

2009-06-30T21:43:00.000-07:00

I've tossed this around in my head for a while, and I've started putting serious consideration into it...

A while back, as a favor to a friend online who used to run the primary fan-site for the actress Julianna Mauriello (who, until recently, was underage), I made an effort to have any potentially slanderous material about her removed from the Internet. Despite being a fairly inexperienced teenage actress who still attended a regular New York high school and who wasn't quite at "celebrity" status, the Internet decided to react to her overall harmless TV presence in horrific ways, not only sharing her personal information on suspicious websites but creating a number of obscene materials that would surely have destroyed her career and reputation in the wrong hands. My friend got much of this removed, but I was inspired to take action as well, forcing much of the remainder offline by repeatedly contacting (and sometimes reporting) the host sites.

However, I came to realize while doing this that Julianna's treatment online is nothing out of the ordinary, as other young actresses such as Dakota Fanning seem to have garnered the same sort of unsavory "fanbase". Therefore, I think action should be taken, before one of these actresses is confronted face to face by an Internet creep and ends up in harm's way. I feared for quite a while that this would happen to Julianna (especially after she allegedly received disturbing personal threats from her online "fans"), but thankfully, this doesn't seem to have ever occurred.

I'm putting serious consideration into starting a website for this - a sort of coalition to raise awareness of how these actresses are treated, and to encourage the removal of any material or users from the Internet that could potentially destroy their career or terrorize their personal lives. Dealing with fame at a young age is hard enough... realizing that Internet weirdos are watching your every move and going out of their way to reshape your image as that of a mere physical object makes that a hell of a lot more difficult.

Though they may be more well known than a lot of us, they should have just as much right to live normal lives as anyone else their age. We just need to make sure that right is given to them.

(D/L) The Beatles - "Hot As Sun: Special Bogus Edition"

2009-06-10T19:58:00.001-07:00

Okay, I'll bite....

Part 1: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=7B56XHTV
Part 2: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=WTEQ09RV

Photos (courtesy of BeatleBren from Bootleg Zone):
The whole package laid out
Tray image, showing a faked EMI tape box
The liner notes, admitting the fakery in the content

Since it was asked for, here is the 'Special Bogus Edition' of the Beatles' alleged lost 1969 album, "Hot As Sun" - which seems to never have existed outside of a phony article printed in a 1970 issue of Rolling Stone. Purported to be a very, very embryonic "Abbey Road", Rolling Stone detailed twelve tantalyzing tracks, some of which were already heard by that point, but some of which may have never existed to begin with. In 2005, a Japanese online CD store called JunkHeadz compiled their own 'Special Bogus Edition' of this album, attempting to recreate it using Rolling Stone's tracklist, as well as a number of other songs they felt could have been "rejected" from the album. The result, dodgy as it is, is heard here.

Not a good album by any means, I'm posting it here for curiosity's sake. I'm actually working on my own reconstruction, basing it on JunkHeadz's tracklist, but including a far superior set of tracks, quite different from what is heard on this disc. But that is not completed yet. (Don't worry, I'll post it here when it's done.) For now, however...

Here's the tracks on the JunkHeadz version, so you're warned in advance...

(The original Rolling Stone tracklist)
01) MAXWELL'S SILVER HAMMER - The outtake from Anthology 3. On the rip of the HAS disc that was sent to me, the first drum beat was cropped off. I repaired that.
02) DON'T LET ME DOWN - Multiple versions from the Get Back sessions.
03) HOT AS SUN - The only circulating Beatles version of this early McCartney composition. This is a sloppy take from the Get Back sessions, with Paul mumbling some sort of lyric.
04) JUNK - A very, very brief version from the Get Back sessions, with John and Paul singing the lyrics in mock-French. (Why wouldn't JunkHeadz just use the damn demo version?!)
05) POLYTHENE PAM - The lone attempt from the Get Back sessions. Very sloppy, but intriguing during the moments when John is able to remember the song.
06) OCTOPUS'S GARDEN - Anthology 3. Again, I repaired the cropped intro.
07) I SHOULD LIKE TO LIVE UP A TREE - No Beatles song ever existed... this was a poor guess at the title of what was actually "Octopus's Garden", as stated in a music mag before the release of Abbey Road. For this album, however, JunkHeadz used an appropriate GB-era improv resembling "One After 909." I upgraded this track using Purple Chick's "A/B Road", as the HAS copy was very bad quality.
08) ZERO IS JUST ANOTHER EVEN NUMBER - The liner notes of HAS tell the listener to "pretend" that this song exists, as JunkHeadz obviously wasn't willing to even try faking it. A useless track. (I should point out that MY version of the album does have an actual "Zero..." song, but I refuse to discuss what exactly it is at the moment. :-P)
09) WHAT'S THE NEW MARY JANE - As if this song couldn't get any worse, here's an Abbey Road-era version, with John and Yoko (and either Harrison or Mal Evans) adding an extra layer of screams and chaos. Just painful. As I understand it, this piece o' shit almost appeared in AR in place of "She's So Heavy".
10) DIRTY OLD MAN - Rolling Stone's title for what was actually "Mean Mr. Mustard." Heard here is one of the Get Back-era attempts, followed by, for some reason, the officially released version.
11) PROUD AS YOU ARE - Another phony title... to fill the gap, JunkHeadz offers us the entirety of Paul's "Song Of Love"/"As Clear As A Bell" improvs from the Get Back sessions.
12) WATCHING RAINBOWS - Oh my God, an actual unreleased Beatles song! No fakery!

(The "Hot As Sun Rejects")
13) PORTRAIT OF MY LOVE - What the hell?? Allegedly, the Beatles recorded this song in mid-1969... but since that doesn't seem to exist, here's Matt Monro's original.
14) MY KIND OF GIRL - Another Matt Monro track that the Beatles probably never covered. Tacked on the end are snippets of Paul's "Oo You" - JunkHeadz was apparently trying to show the similarities in its lyrics with Monro's song. They had a point, oddly enough.
15) SUICIDE - No idea what this is doing here, as I don't think the Beatles ever considered recording this. This Paul composition is heard here in two forms - a brief version from the Get Back sessions, then a hissy but wonderful mid-Seventies demo with Paul on piano. A version of this (as yet uncirculated) was recorded for "McCartney", but unused, save for a brief snippet at the end of (surely enough) 'Hot As Sun'/'Glasses'. Great song, but with disturbingly grim lyrics about an abusive relationship. This was written with Sinatra in mind... Frank refused to sing it.
16) YOU KNOW MY NAME - Not the typical single version, or even an extended version, but a short rendition from the Get Back sessions, with John on electric piano.
17) BECAUSE - Just a brief version played by John on acoustic guitar. Strangely, JunkHeadz stuck his "Happiness Is A Warm Gun"-esque musical doodle from the Bed-In onto this track as well.
18) ACROSS THE UNIVERSE - What IS this?? This seems to be some sort of acetate mix, resembling the 'wildlife version', with a heavy delay on John's vocals. JunkHeadz felt it necessary for some reason to fade this out midway through...
19) LULLABY FOR A LAZY DAY - This is a song by Grapefruit, a band that John discovered, and not a Beatles track. (Yoko mistakenly applied for its copyright, however.) We hear a poor quality demo first, followed by what very much seems to be the MP3 of this track posted on the long dead 'Cheatles' website, sped up to make the vocalist sound like John.
20) HAVE YOU HEARD THE WORD? - Again, not the Beatles, and another mistaken Yoko copyright. This is by 'The Fut', a group consisting of Maurice Gibb, Steve Kipner, Steve Groves, and Billy Lawrie. Most likely due to the disc's lack of space (too many multiple versions of tracks?), JunkHeadz just cut right to the last verse of this song. Their copy was horrendous quality; I mimicked their strange edit using the best known copy, commercially released on a Bee Gees rarities compilation.
21) MADMAN - Yes, this is a legitimate unreleased Beatles song, and not a bad one at that, from the Get Back sessions. (And hey, it's the only Beatles song with "shit" in the lyrics!) Whereas just one version would suffice, JunkHeadz again decided to present multiple takes on one track.
22) ONE AFTER 909 - Which they do here as well. Why is this even included??
23) OH! I HAD A DREAM - The disc ends on a loooong, rambling GB-era jam with Billy Preston (who is the source of the odd title). This repetitive instrumental noticeably contains bits and pieces of what would become "I Want You (She's So Heavy)".

The cover of the disc also noticed three tracks from the 'Hot As Sun era' that allegedly weren't available for inclusion - FOUR NIGHTS IN MOSCOW, SWINGING DAYS, and JUST DANCING AROUND. Someone didn't do their research... while the last two may not exist, 'Moscow' most certainly does. Probably correctly spelled "Four KNIGHTS...", this was a working title of Ringo's Beatles-biography-in-song, "Early 1970."

Saturday Night Live's 35th Anniversary - an educated guess

2009-05-20T23:43:00.000-07:00

Though nothing has been said about it yet, something will inevitably happen in October or November of this year: Saturday Night Live's 35th Anniversary Special, following the 15th in 1989 and the 25th in 1999. Much has changed since the last special - Will Ferrell and Cheri Oteri are no longer representatives of "current SNL", Jimmy Fallon went from featured player to cast member to alumni to talk show host, another former cast member passed away, the show began airing in HD, and the TV Funhouse segments disappeared in favor of the SNL Digital Shorts.

Since we still have a few months, I thought I would take this opportunity to make educated predictions about what exactly we'll be seeing in a 35th Anniversary Special...

* The show will be at LEAST three hours long, with a number of excessive commercial breaks
* Monologue by Tom Hanks again (he's done the previous two)
* Monologue and/or performance by Justin Timberlake, who either references "Dick In A Box" or sings a variation of "bring it on in to Omeletteville"
* SNL Digital Shorts montage, including (edited for prime time) "BLEEP In A Box", "Lazy Sunday", "MacGruber", and "BLEEP In My Pants"
* A handful of past hosts and musical guests introducing montages and kissing Lorne's ass for cheap applause, including Steve Martin, whose contributions to SNL are no longer considered relevant, having turned himself into nothing more than "that 'hamburger' guy"
* 70's montage including Mighty Mouse, The Wolverines, Mr. Bill, Cheeseburger, Land Shark, Judy Miller throwing herself into a door, Samurai Deli, and the same clip of Chevy calling Richard Pryor the n-word that's been in both previous specials and every single 'Best of the Classic Years' video
* Rehashed tributes to Gilda Radner and John Belushi
* Early 80's montage that skips the struggling seasons and focuses entirely on 1982-1985, with most clips featuring either Eddie Murphy or the 1984-85 cast (expect to see Synchronized Swimming, Christopher Guest saying "chocolate babies", Mr. Robinson saying "WHO IS IT?!", Buckwheat singing "Fee Tines A Mady", Fernando saying "you look marvelous", Ed Grimley excited over meeting Pat Sajak, possibly a brief clip of "I'm Gumby, dammit", and Tim Kazurinsky being hugged by a chimp)
* A shot of the audience in which Denny Dillon, Gail Matthius and Gilbert Gottfried are visible, just happy to be there and not at all surprised that none of their material has been shown
* Late 80's montage including the Master Thespian saying "acting", Lovitz telling Hartman he stinks, Dana singing about chopping broccoli, and no footage whatsoever of 1985-86
* Early 90's montage including Canteen Boy being groped by Alec Baldwin, Wayne and Garth meeting Madonna, some Operaman clips, Farley eating French fries and shouting at Spade
* Rehashed tributes to Phil Hartman and Chris Farley
* Late 90's montage including Mango, Mary Katherine Gallagher, the Cheerleaders, the Ambiguously Gay Duo, and, you guessed it, Schwetty Balls
* 2000's montage centering entirely around Kristen Wiig, except for a clip of The Barry Gibb Talk Show
* A title card that briefly mentions Charles Rocket's death, and no mention at all of the deaths of Danitra Vance and Michael O'Donoghue
* Sappy slow-motion tribute to the now-retired Don Pardo

That just about covers it. See you in October, suckers! :-P

Dedicated to the Butterfly

2009-05-03T22:52:00.000-07:00

If you own at least one Insane Clown Posse CD, you will have probably noticed the strange liner note mentioning how the CD is "dedicated to the Butterfly." If you're a *true* ICP fan (and not, like, one of those people who bought "The Great Milenko" just because all the other kids at school had it), you most likely know what the meaning of this ever-present dedication is; but for those that don't...

It stems from a traumatic event in Violent J's childhood. One day, J and his brother spotted the most beautiful butterfly they had ever seen. They placed it in a jar, intending to set it free the next day after spending the night admiring its beauty. However, when they awoke the next morning, the butterfly was dead - an image that has haunted J ever since. So, it became a tradition to dedicate each of ICP's releases to 'the Butterfly' - J's way of apologizing to the creature he feels he unfairly robbed of life.

I've come to believe that everyone has their own Butterfly... in other words, I believe that inside every single person lies the scarring memory of a small, otherwise insignificant event that managed to leave a lasting negative impression.

I definitely know mine; several years ago, we had a number of contractors replace the siding on our house. One of them discovered a nest of baby bunnies in our front yard that we hadn't noticed. For whatever reason, the bunnies started dying while the contractors were there; before it was too late, my mother decided to try and rescue the last remaining baby. It was very small, enough to fit in the palm of your hand. We made a little makeshift home for it (I think it was a basket, but I can't remember for sure), and named it Momo. The basket was sitting on top of our stereo, which was a horrible idea on someone's part, because Momo jumped out at one point, falling about four feet.

Over the next day, we realized that he must've been gravely injured from the fall; he was no longer very active, and was becoming increasingly cold to the touch. My mother and I rushed to the pet store to buy a sort of small baby bottle so that she could feed him in an effort to nurse him back to health. After she tried for quite some time, she and my dad decided to let him rest while they went grocery shopping. I went with them, because I couldn't bear to be home alone with the bunny if it died. It did, of course, during the time we were at the store.

For whatever reason, this struck a horrendous chord inside me... for someone who usually took the deaths of our pets fairly well, I was extremely upset. The night it happened, I couldn't get to sleep, because I cried for ages, to the point where my mom asked me what the big deal was. To this day, I have no answer for that question. I suppose I just took a lot of pity on this small, defenseless animal, especially after knowing that the rest of his family had died over the last couple days.

So, I guess that Momo was my Butterfly. What most people would look at as a small, insignificant event had a large emotional impact on me that I still can't explain. Just as Violent J hopes that he'll someday be able to face the Butterfly once more in the afterlife, perhaps deep inside of me is the hope that someday in the afterlife, I will see Momo, grown and healthy; and I will be able to apologize for not preventing the abrupt, avoidable end to his short life.

Is anyone else willing to share the story of their own Butterfly?

"Nightflight To Venus" - a musical butchery?

2009-05-01T11:25:00.000-07:00

I've come to realize over the course of time that mentioning Boney M. in America doesn't mean a whole lot to people. I was originally introduced to them after receiving a CD of megamixes, one of which blended a dozen or so Boney M. tunes, all of which I'd just assumed were hits here at some point... not true, apparently. (They're mainly known here as "whatever band that was that did a disco version of 'Mary's Boy Child'.")

A handful of their biggest hits ("Rasputin", "Painter Man", "Rivers of Babylon") stemmed from the same LP - 1978's "Nightflight To Venus". For years, all I had of this album was a very poor MP3 copy that I found on Usenet at some point, apparently ripped from the CD. It wasn't until I read a review recently, however, that I found my copy to be incomplete - previous editions were quite different.

Browsing through Wikipedia's pages about Boney M.'s albums, I came to realize that they were apparently *very* anal retentive about their material, issuing several different versions of each album. "Nightflight To Venus" was no exception - the original pressing hailed from Germany, where the group had the most popularity; and this now extremely rare version offered the most material. Over the course of the following three pressings, several songs became shorter and shorter, for reasons I'm unaware of. The worst casualty was the album's opening 13-minute medley of "Nightflight To Venus" and "Rasputin", which was eventually chopped down to nearly half its original length by the time of the 4th pressing - unfortunately, the pressing that formed the basis of the CD.

While the hit "Rasputin" mainly lost a handful of small musical passages with no lyrical changes, the title track was shuffled and hacked several times into a mere collection of edits and brief chunks. Based heavily around Cozy Powell's hit "Dance with the Devil", "Nightflight To Venus" was a drum-heavy intro, with a robotic-voiced tour guide describing the listener's flight to Venus aboard the Starship Boney M. Throughout the course of the seven minute track, he pointed out Moon City ("a boomtown if ever there was"), and detailed the process of making Venus inhabitable to humans. Great concept... though unfortunately, Boney M. seemed to disagree, as much of his dialogue was removed by the final pressing.

Thankfully, there exists a torrent (link below) that compiles variations from the four pressings of the album into a handy 2-CD set. I took the time recently to compare the four different edits of the title track, detailed below... so if you have one of the later pressings or the commercial CD, you may be surprised at how much you're missing... (Note that the changes are not merely lyrical, as the musical mix varied from pressing to pressing as well.)

=================================================

White text denotes lyrics standard to all pressings.
Pink lyrics were exclusive to the 1st pressing (7:11).
Green lyrics appeared in both the 1st and 2nd (5:53) pressings, but were later removed.
Blue lyrics appeared in the 1st, 2nd and 3rd (4:58) pressings, but were removed for the 4th/CD (4:47) pressing.
Gold lyrics appeared in the 1st, 3rd and 4th/CD pressings, but not the 2nd.
Purple lyrics appeared in the 2nd, 3rd and 4th/CD pressings, but not the 1st.

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard the starship Boney M. for our first passenger flight to Venus.
Ready for countdown.
Ten. (Nightflight to Venus...)
Nine.
Eight.
Seven.
Six. (Nightflight to Venus...)
Five.
Four.
Three.
Two. (Nightflight to Venus...)
One.
Ignition.
Lift-off."

Nightflight to Venus
Way out there in space
Nightflight to Venus
Our new favorite place
Nightflight to Venus
We got the all-clear [OR] All systems are go
Nightflight to Venus
The moment is here [OR] The sky is a-glow
[The verse appears twice in the first pressing only - all other pressings replace the
original latter half with the second half of the otherwise unused second verse.]

(Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!)
[This chant stands alone on pressings 1 and 2, but is mixed under the following
tour guide speech on 3 and 4. Oddly, pressing 2 is missing eight "hey"s.]

Nightflight to Venus!
Nightflight to Venus!
[As the placement of the chant differed, these sung lines appeared before the tour
guide's speech on pressings 1 and 2, but after the speech on 3 and 4.]

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have had a successful take-off on this first nightflight to Venus. Our flying time will be eight hours. You'll be travelling at a speed of 2,183 miles per second - that is, seven and one half million miles per hour. The distance from mother Earth to Venus is 60 million miles at this time."

"To your left, you can see the mountains of the Moon; and right in the center, under a huge plastic bubble, Moon City - a boomtown if ever there was one, because of the huge gold and diamond veins. As for Venus, it took almost ninety years to cool down the planet from its 500 degrees to the current pleasant 75 degrees, and to transform the atmosphere to make it inhabitable for Earth people."

Nightflight to Venus
Way out there in space
Nightflight to Venus
Our new favorite place
Nightflight to Venus
All systems are go
Nightflight to Venus
The sky is a-glow
[This verse went through a few changes - originally, it appeared in full, before losing
its last four lines for pressing 2; pressings 3 and 4 remove this verse completely. As
previously mentioned, the last four lines replaced those of the first verse in pressings 2-4.]

"Captain - unidentified object at eight o'clock. Two million miles away."
"Stand by for emergency maneuver."
"Object coming closer with the speed of light. We have eight more seconds. Object coming closer. We have five more seconds."
"Changing course by 4.6 degrees."
"Order executed."
"That was a close one, ladies and gentlemen. A meteor just passed us on its way to infinity. Well, you can see, even in space, traffic is getting heavier all the time."

"Ladies and gentlemen, in a few minutes, we are going to be landing on Venus. Push the button on your left side. The safety mechanism will do the rest for you. We hope you enjoyed the world's first nightflight to Venus. Have a good time there."

[At this point on all versions, the looped drum beat serves as a transition into "Rasputin,"
eventually accelerating to that song's slightly faster tempo.]

=================================================

Well, that should cover it; incidentally, an extremely truncated 1:30 edit of "Nightflight" (missing ALL vocal sections) was used as an intro for the 12" single of "Rasputin".

As for the torrent mentioned above, it can be downloaded from the Pirate Bay:
http://thepiratebay.org/torrent/3868953/Boney_M._-_Nightflight_To_Venus_Collection_(1978__2CD)

For fans of the album, especially those disappointed by the recent remastered edition (which STILL used the butchered 4th pressing versions), this is essential, first presenting the ultimate cut of the album compiled from several different sources, followed by numerous other variations. Dig that 'marching band trumpets' version of "Rasputin"! :-P

Calling Ann Risley!

2009-04-26T22:38:00.000-07:00

Since I realized that, unlike my blogs on other sites, these ones are here for all the world to see, I wanted to transmit a message that hopefully will reach its recipient someday...

Ann Risley, where are you?

I wanted to write this for a while, because in the many years I've spent researching SNL, I've come to the conclusion that if any major castmember has been horribly overlooked, it's Ann Risley.

Hired as part of the unfortunate 1980 cast, Ann's time on "Saturday Night Live" was cut short after only twelve episodes when, during the transition to Dick Ebersol's reign as executive producer, she was replaced by then-current "SCTV" cast member Robin Duke. Sadly, as all twelve of her episodes fell under NBC's lame idea to limit the rerun exposure of episodes that fell below SNL's ever-changing quality standards, Ann's work went unnoticed by most fans who didn't see the shows when they aired live. Even her lone photo in the "SNL: The First Twenty Years" book got cropped off the page... respectful network they are, huh?

The truth is, like several other cast members from that era, Ann showed a lot of potential on the show. Not only was she easily one the best looking women in SNL's history, but she showed split-second comedic timing in the very few sketches were she was given a chance to shine. A good example is "The Toni Tennille Show," from the episode hosted by Ellen Burstyn. This was probably the only sketch were Ann herself had the floor, without being weighed down by other cast members; and her performance is like clockwork. At every cue to do or say something funny, she is right on the mark. It's unfortunate that executive producer Jean Doumanian somehow failed to notice this, often wedging Ann into miscast characters or background roles.

Well, I certainly did notice, and I hope that others reading this will be inspired to track down her episodes and appreciate her work as well. Unfortunately, after SNL, she doesn't seem to have appeared on screen many more times. She currently runs an acting school in Tucson, now going under the name of Anna Risley; and apparently, she doesn't look too fondly upon her brief stint in the late night limelight. I think it's time to change that, and finally give her the credit she deserves.

So, wherever you are, Miss Risley... thank you for brightening those twelve dreary episodes with your talent. You deserved more than what you got from that show, and I hope that fan appreciation will allow you to have a better outlook on the time you spent there.

This Old Song?

2009-04-26T21:54:00.000-07:00

I came across this today, and couldn't believe it... the pleasant little instrumental I knew for years as the (former) theme of "This Old House" is actually a Fats Waller recording from the Thirties - AND it has lyrics!

Damn...

Andy Kaufman strikes again?

2009-04-16T18:29:00.000-07:00

Just spotted this on Yahoo...

http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/?rn=4226712&cl=13013043&src=news

California's mysterious ex-school board member Steve Rocco faces up to six months in jail for stealing a ketchup bottle from the school. Are you aware of who they may actually be locking up?

Hint: He died 25 years ago.

For those unaware of Rocco's back story, he emerged out of the blue and ran for a California school board, managing to win despite never making a public appearance. He proved himself to be a nuisance at meetings, being loud, sarcastic, and relentlessly insulting towards his fellow board members. Oh yeah, and he also began a website - http://www.andykaufmanlives.com.

Since his strange emergence, talk began to circulate that Rocco, about whom no background information has been found to this day, was in fact an alter-ego of Andy Kaufman. Not only did online registries show Rocco as the creator of this controversial site that cryptically claimed Kaufman to be alive, but Rocco publicly admitted to its creation.

The name of the registrar was then changed to Stephen Maddox, allegedly the name of a character from an old film about a man who faked his own death. The mysterious "Maddox" began claiming that he himself was Andy Kaufman, living comfortably and privately under a pseudonym. Stephen/Andy *also* claimed that, like Foreign Man and Tony Clifton, Steve Rocco was just another of his characters. (Fans have noted Rocco's facial resemblance to Kaufman, and in a discussion about the topic on The Overnightscape, an online radio show, it was mentioned by a long-time follower of Andy's supposed death hoax that Rocco appeared sans his trademark sunglasses on public access TV in the mid-Nineties, and bore a striking resemblance to Kaufman.)

So is the jailbound Rocco in fact Andy Kaufman, alive and well and stealing ketchup? Only time will tell. If Maddox and Rocco are the same person, then surely, the often updated Andy Kaufman Lives will sit dormant throughout Rocco's up-to-six-month sentence. Then again... perhaps this ridiculous ketchup controversy is just another genius Kaufman prank??

Rocky Horror - a movie of many faces!

2009-04-12T20:47:00.001-07:00

I just posted about this on IMDB, and thought I would elaborate on it here... unbeknownst to most viewers, there are WAY too many variations on "The Rocky Horror Picture Show", putting it on par with the ever-changing cuts of "Caligula." For you anal retentive collectors, don't worry - many of the various permutations are viewable on the DVD.

The question remains, however... which of these do you consider to be the *ultimate* version?

1a) Stereo UK version - 100 minute cut, containing "Super Heroes." Songs have been remixed/altered from their original forms. [DVD - UK version + 5.1 audio]

1b) Mono UK version - 100 minute cut, containing "Super Heroes." Songs are in their original forms, and noticeably different from the stereo version. "Time Warp" has more voices in the chorus, "Touch Me" has echo, "Floor Show" has Rocky's actual singing voice, Janet's "Floor Show" verse is a different vocal take, etc..... [DVD - UK version + mono]

2a) Stereo US version - 98 minute cut, lacking "Super Heroes." Most common version released on VHS, and also the basis for US TV edits. Songs are in their remixed/altered forms. [DVD - US version + 5.1 audio]

2b) "Mono US version" - 98 minute cut, lacking "Super Heroes." Songs are unremixed or alternate takes. Though possible to create on the DVD, I'm very doubtful that an actual mono print was ever shown in American theaters; I believe that, until the DVD, the mono soundtrack was only ever paired with the longer print. [DVD - US version + mono]

3) Bastardized US version - A sad attempt to create a 'happy ending'. Not only is "Super Heroes" missing, but "Science Fiction Reprise" has been replaced with "The Time Warp." While not included in full on the DVD, the redubbed US ending was included on disc 2 of the 25th Anniversary set.

4) Misprint version - Not sure about the origin of this version... this print mistakenly matched the audio from the US ending with the video of the UK ending, meaning that while "Super Heroes" footage is seen, the edited version is heard. This bizarre ending is also included on disc 2 of the 25th Anniversary set... sadly, without any further information detailing why it exists.

5a) Easter Egg stereo UK version
5b) Easter Egg mono UK version
5c) Easter Egg stereo US version
5d) Easter Egg mono US version
These four variations all revolve around a hidden feature on the DVD, allowing whatever variation chosen by the viewer to also include the first several scenes in black and white, switching permanently to color at the first verse of "Time Warp." This concept was originally mentioned in the screenplay... though, it should be noted, NOT exactly how it appeared on the DVD. The switch to color was originally intended for the start of "Sweet Transvestite."

Not to mention, a couple fan-created variations exist as well.

* Artificially extended versions - Though this was almost assuredly never officially compiled by Fox, fans have chosen at various times since its original release on the 20th anniversary VHS to splice "Once In A While" back into the movie. While there is no set-in-stone version like this, the various fan-created extended cuts are most likely near-identical, and most likely all use the UK version in order to contain the most content.

* Alternate "Science Fiction" versions - Again, while no official version was created by 20th Century Fox, some fans have opted to replace the lips intro with a montage of sci-fi film clips, as per the original shooting script. There is no set-in-stone version like this either, and all compilations seem to vary in some way.

Of course, there have been countless butchered versions aired on American TV, but those probably don't bear thinking about.

To All the Friends I've Lost Before (a poem)

2009-03-08T12:29:00.000-07:00

To all the friends I've lost before
Whose faces grace me nevermore
How could we smile so many days
And then just go our separate ways
And throw out all the gifts we gave
That we both swore we'd always save?

To all the friends I left behind
There were so many different kinds
Some always made their care so clear
So when they ached, I was always near
Some I met by luck, by chance
Some loved to write, some loved to dance

Some moved off to another place
Some left regrets too hard to face
Some knew me as their one true friend
Some I wish that I could hug again
Some I couldn't give what they asked
And our differences soon came unmasked

Now so many of them have gone
But my heart just can't move on
For in my mind, I see their faces
And remember each of their embraces
I wish I could, just for a while
Go back to when the tears were smiles

The photos and letters, I still hold close
From those that I cared for the most
I look at each and think so long
About where things had gone so wrong
For sure, amongst the many flaws
Were cracks that I myself had caused

To all the friends that said goodbye
Deep in my heart, they'll never die
For I still pray that with each friend
Some day I'll finally make amends
They'll give their warmth back to the heart
That shattered when we had to part.

-SW

So, it's apparently my birthday...

2009-02-26T06:23:00.000-08:00

Today, I'm 22. I feel old. Especially since I just realized all that I've lived through so far. Some of which I'm ashamed to have witnessed...

* Both Timothy Dalton and Pierce Brosnan's James Bond careers
* The Spice Girls
* New Kids On The Block (y'know, before Donnie Wahlberg turned cool and starred in "Saw")
* The entire Jay and Silent Bob series
* The cancellation, 16-year hiatus, and reboot of "Doctor Who" (I think I managed to live through all of Sylvester McCoy's tenure, which makes me feel REALLY old)
* N*Sync
* Hanson
* The life and death of the Super Nintendo, Game Boy, Sega Genesis, Nintendo 64, Nintendo Gamecube, Sega Saturn, Playstation 1, original XBox, Sega Dreamcast, Atari Lynx, Game Gear, etcetera, etcetera...
* For that matter, the massive popularity, popularity slump, and dissolution of Sega, and the unforeseen passing of Sonic The Hedgehog into Nintendo's hands
* The Simpsons (INCLUDING the Tracey Ullman shorts!)
* The career of Chris Farley
* Two cancellations of "Family Guy"
* Beanie Babies
* Virtual pets
* Pokemon
* Power Rangers

The most disturbing fact is that I suffered through all of the NINETIES, and made it out alive. My word.

"The Addams Family" - greatest video game ever?

2009-02-21T21:30:00.001-08:00

Did you ever have a video game that you became so addicted to that no matter how many years passed since you first played it, you just couldn't let it go? I have one. "The Addams Family" for Genesis. And I say the Genesis one specifically, because the other versions of the same game just don't compare. (More on those later.)

I'm not sure how I got into this game - it probably caught my eye during a trip to Giant Eagle, as I remember renting it a ton. I've never actually *liked* the Addams Family movies or TV shows, but the vast, easy to explore world and the curiosity of where the next secret area may be hiding kept me endlessly entertained. I even remember writing a little storybook about it in first grade. (Wonder if I still have that somewhere, lame as it was...)

That's not to say that this was the only game I became mindlessly addicted to... but the other ones lost my interest after a while.* (I don't see myself playing "Forsaken" again anytime soon... but you know, on the other hand, that sounds tempting - I haven't played that in years!) I kept playing "The Addams Family" both on the Genesis itself and, eventually, on a Genesis emulator. Now, fifteen years later, I'm still finding stuff tucked away in there that I never knew about. And because the game *is* so vast and the levels are so varied, I never get tired of seeing them.

(* I should stop for a moment here, because I just remembered another extremely addictive game that I still play - "Toejam & Earl: Panic On Funkotron." The original "TJ&E" sucked in my opinion, but the sequel is one of the absolute best platformers for the Genesis. Shame no one ever seems to know about it.)

Being such a big fan of the game, I've been eager to try out the non-Genesis versions. The Game Boy and NES versions (both retitled "Pugsley's Scavenger Hunt" for some reason - and having no relation to the SNES game of that title) are both atrocious. the NES version especially. The graphics and music are extremely minimal, and several areas have been removed. The SNES version, on the other hand, is worth a look. It easily tops the Genesis version in terms of both graphics and music, using the system's capabilities to give the game a dark, moody, echoey atmosphere compared to the brighter Sega version; but of course, there are trade-offs. The gameplay is more frustrating, particularly the more difficult Wacky Scientist boss and the almost inevitable constant slamming of Gomez's head off the ceiling spikes in the freezer. I also don't find the Crypt levels as attractive on the SNES either; the backgrounds on the Genesis were more colorful and interesting compared to the blander, red-tinted backgrounds here. (On a final note, the game was also released for the Amiga, but I never played that version. From what I've seen, though, it's graphically bland and slow.)

Without cheats, I've gotten my completion time down to around 46 minutes; I'd be curious to see what other people have done, because I'm sure you could easily bounce from enemy to enemy and be done with an area in seconds if you had the practice. I find this to be the most efficient route to take, on the Genesis at least (since the harder SNES Wacky Scientist can be frustrating with only a couple hearts):

When starting at the Addams Residence, go immediately through the door into the Hall of Stairs.
Before doing *anything* else, go through the secret door on the bottom left of the Hall of Stairs, and navigate your way to The 1-Up Room. (It's the upper door in The Cloak Room.) You'll score about 25 1-Ups at once, which makes the game incredibly easy. Then, go back to the Hall of Stairs and start the journey proper...
1) The Big Tree - First heart. (Incidentally, the bird boss doesn't crap at you in the SNES version... dammit Nintendo!)
2) The Games Room - Save Pugsley from the Wacky Scientist. Remember, there's a hidden shortcut above the door at the end of the first level.
3) The Conservatory - In the first level, press the switch so you can get into the walled-off door. In the next area, when you see a door on a platform above you, use the bird to jump up there. You can get the second heart from the Centipedes.
4) The Crypt - After the heart, make your way through the Monster Garden and keep progressing through the Conservatory levels. You'll be in the Graveyard shortly - follow it to the Crypt and save Wednesday from the Ghastly Goblin.
5) Portrait Gallery / The Library - Fairly easy; four hearts should be enough. Save Fester from the Witch.
6) The Kitchen / The Freezer - Go to the left upon entering the Kitchen; you'll find the freezer through the Pantry. You'll find the last heart guarded by the Snowman.
7) The Kitchen / Granny's Stove - Now for the most frustrating part of the game. This is to the right in the kitchen; you'll need to find a switch to gain entry to the interior of Granny's stove. The areas inside are vast, but here's a very helpful tip - there's a secret tunnel above the exit to The Oven that will allow you skip several levels. You need to jump in from the ramp. (If you can't seem to get in, go back and hit the switch - it may be blocked.) At the end, you'll save Granny from the Fire Dragon.
8) The Music Room - Now, you can go through the middle door in the Hall, because Lurch unblocks the path beyond once all family members are safe. Move forward into the last set of levels.
9) The Chain Room / The Catacombs / Addams Vault - Navigating your way through the final areas shouldn't be hard; just make sure, in the chain areas, to avoid going down into the Pirahna Tank. At the very end, you'll face the Nasty Judge and free Morticia.

Alright, well, I'm off to look for cheat-free speed-runs. I need some pointers...

(Images from dotsis.com and coolrom.com.)

Rest in peace, "Late Night"

2009-02-20T22:57:00.000-08:00

It's 1:58 AM, and eighteen minutes ago, "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" ended its sixteen season run. As a constant staple of my 'past my bedtime' viewing for the past decade, I can honestly say that it will be missed. Yes, Conan is just moving to "The Tonight Show" in June, but it just won't be the same as seeing Conan and the Max Weinberg Seven in that tiny New York studio each night after Jay Leno.

"The Tonight Show" is the big time - the one that people who don't want to stay up *too* late watch. So what will Conan have to leave behind? He already announced that the Masturbating Bear is being retired, which isn't a loss... but I somehow feel that the charm and spontaneity of "Late Night" is not going to make the trip to Burbank. "The Tonight Show" is too classy for its host to take a random audience member on a tour of the building, and steal snacks from the cafeteria for the rest of the audience. You won't see the host, during a writer's strike, take a cameraman through a crawlspace in the studio just to see what's in there, then let the audience dare him into eating a five year old sandwich. At least, I truly don't think you will.

I believe that, despite Conan being its second host, "Late Night" died tonight. Tuning in on March 2nd to see "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon" is going to be like a longtime "Saturday Night Live" viewer watching the season premiere in November 1980. It's supposedly the same show that we know and love, but the familiar faces are gone, and the new ones are paltry replacements. Mark my words; everything that made "Late Night with Conan" a classic will be giggled and mugged away by Jimmy Fallon.

So until June, I'll be waiting anxiously for Conan to return to my TV screen, with hopes that he'll transplant everything that endeared his audience to him into "The Tonight Show"; but I can also assure that from now on, my TV will no longer be tuned to NBC at 12:35 AM. Without seeing a single episode of the new "Late Night," I already know it just won't be worth it.

I dream of Jigsaw.... THANKS, MOM.

2009-02-20T11:54:00.000-08:00

Yeah, it finally happened. I finally got the sign that I've seen the "Saw" franchise too much. I had a dream about it.

I was in some warehouse full of traps... I wasn't actually in any of the traps, but other people were. Yes, the creepy man himself was there (somehow *not* dead - I assume my dream took place before Saw 3) and... selling DVD's of his own movie series. Yeah, I didn't get that either. Anyway, the dream ended with me asking Jigsaw if I could have a "Saw" themed birthday party. Man, that'd be sweet... I could just be all like, "I wanna play a game." And weird people out.

But anyway, I'm placing the blame for this bizarre dream all on my mom, without whom I never would have seen those movies to begin with.

A "Sgt. Pepper" addendum

2009-02-20T11:47:00.000-08:00

Just thought I'd mention this as a follow-up to my previous post....

I went to Borders yesterday seeing if I could get "Sgt. Pepper" on DVD for cheap. I couldn't find the musicals section, so I used their computer. When you select a movie on there, it brings up a paragraph summarizing the movie. Here's what got me - their 'summary' of THIS particular movie was basically, in quite a few more words, "This movie sucks, don't buy this. We're not even gonna describe the plot. It sucks that badly."

Geez people! Let it go!